This Heart of Mine

by Brenda Novak

  Lizzie’s voice rang out loud and clear. “Oh, yeah? We’ll see how much!”

  “You’re just afraid of losing her,” Riley retorted. “She’s the only one who’s shown you any kindness, and you don’t want to be left alone again.”

  “Now you’re a fucking shrink?” Lizzie fired back.

  “I don’t have to be a shrink to see you’re scared shitless of just about everything,” he said. “But don’t let those fears ruin your daughter’s life, too. That’s all I ask. She deserves more than that.”

  “Does that mean she deserves you?”

  “Whatever I can give her.”

  “Oh, and any woman would be so lucky to have that.”

  He didn’t make a rejoinder. Although clearly unhappy with their exchange, he walked back to Phoenix and insisted on checking out her trailer, as he had once before, to make sure Buddy hadn’t done anything in her absence.

  “Tell Jacob I said hello,” she said when he was finished and stood at her door. She knew her son had gotten home because he’d called them while they were driving back.

  Riley stared down at her. “I know you love me, so quit pretending you don’t,” he said, then swept her into his arms and kissed her. “Tonight’s going to suck without you,” he said, giving in to the more exuberant and boyish side of his personality.

  “I’d come over if I could, but I’m afraid it would totally freak Jake out if I stayed the night,” she told him. She suspected it would freak out everyone else, too—except his close friends, who already knew they were together.

  “He’s probably guessed that we’ve been to bed. It didn’t take your mother long to figure it out. And I told him things went well between us at the cabin.”

  “Things went well? That means we’ve been to bed? Is that some kind of guy code?” she said with a laugh.

  “He doesn’t want the details. Like you said, that would only creep him out.”

  “I’m afraid it’ll be too weird for him to see us as...more than friends.”

  “He acts as if he likes the idea, but...some of that might be because he wants me to protect you.”

  She shook her head. “That’s exactly what I don’t want—for you, or him, to make enemies when you’ve always been so well loved.”

  “I won’t be picking the fights.”

  The memory of him and Buddy hitting each other in that bathroom turned her stomach. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t fight.”

  “Stop worrying. You try to carry the whole world on your shoulders. I’ll see you tomorrow when I pick you up for Jake’s game.”

  She braced one hand on the lintel and held the door with the other. “I can’t go to the game!”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s at home?”

  “You love seeing him play and you have every right to be there.”

  “That could cause Whiskey Creek’s first riot, especially if any of the Mansfields come. And they could do that in some misguided attempt to defend their turf. Now that they’re all fired up about finding Penny and they’re so certain she’ll confirm my guilt, who knows how far they might take it?”

  He shrugged. “Kyle will be there to help me. Maybe I’ll get Noah and Ted to come, too.”

  “Riley?”

  He’d turned to go, but paused to look at her. “What is it?”

  “I do love you.”

  A tender smile curved his lips. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” And he walked back to kiss her again.

  25

  His mother frowned when she opened the door to see him standing on her stoop. He would’ve walked in, but the door was locked—and at ten on a Sunday, he could see why they’d think they were in for the night.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. “You don’t look happy.”

  He opened the screen. “I’m not.”

  She stepped aside as he entered the house. His childhood home was well built and well maintained. He’d done most of the repairs on it himself, at least over the past fifteen years, and that included reroofing. He’d also remodeled the kitchen and both bathrooms, helped his father chop down some diseased trees in the backyard and put up shelving in the garage. So his parents’ three-bedroom rambler was updated but not particularly large or ostentatious.

  He could hear the TV in the living room, where he’d find his dad in his favorite recliner.

  “Do I want to ask what’s wrong?” His mother went to get the cookie jar. Since he was a kid, he’d gone to that ceramic monkey almost first thing whenever he came into the house, so she was familiar with the routine.

  “Maybe not,” he said. “Because I’m going to need you to fix it.”

  She removed the monkey’s head and tilted the jar in his direction. She kept his favorite oatmeal scotchies on hand for him and Jake, but for the first time since he could remember, he refused them.

  “Now I have no doubt that this is a serious problem.” Although she was mostly joking, there was a vein of seriousness in her voice. She put the cookie jar on the kitchen table. “So what is it I’m supposed to fix? Will I have any choice in the matter?”

  “Not if you love me,” he told her.

  The TV went on pause. “Hey, who was at the door?” his father called.

  “It’s me, Dad.” Riley led his mother into the living room.

  “What timing. You’ve got to see this,” his father said, and rewound part of the program he’d been watching.

  Riley marveled at ESPN’s Top Ten Plays—especially a half-court buzzer beater in professional basketball. But then he asked his father to turn it off.

  “Why?” he asked in surprise. “What’s going on?”

  “I want to talk to you and Mom.”

  The TV went off as requested, and Riley took the love seat while his mother perched on the edge of the sofa. “Tell me this has nothing to do with Phoenix,” she said. “Because I’d do anything I can for you. But there’s nothing I can do to make that right.”

  “There’s a lot you can do,” he responded.

  “So it is Phoenix that’s brought you here so late? Riley, there’ve been some developments over the past few days that you need to be aware of—”

  “Let me guess,” he cut in, “you and Corinne have found Penny Sawyer.”

  Her eyes widened. “I had nothing to do with it, but Corinne has found her, yes. How’d you hear?”

  “Buddy told Jacob Saturday morning, and Jacob called me while I was at the cabin.”

  “So that’s what has you so upset?” she asked. “Corinne just wants to have a meeting where we can all hear what Penny has to say.”

  “And the point of that is...?”

  “She’s worried about us, trying to do us a favor. No one has more to lose than we do if Phoenix isn’t what she’s pretending to be.”

  “Pretending?” He shook his head. “Never mind. We know what Penny’s going to say, so what’s the point?”

  “The fact that she’s standing by her story after seventeen years lends even more legitimacy to her statement,” his mother said.

  “So Corinne told you she is standing by her story.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that might add legitimacy for you,” he argued. “To me, it simply indicates what I already knew—she doesn’t want to be blamed.”

  “We should at least listen to her. If she’s lying, maybe we’ll be able to tell from her facial expression or her manner.”

  Helen looked to Tom for support.

  “We should at least listen to her,” he confirmed.

  “She was the only other person in the car, Riley,” his mother went on. “The only other person who can tell us what happened. I realize Phoenix seems nice these days, but—” she made a gesture to keep him quiet “—just go with me on this for a minute. What if she’s a fraud? What if she did mean to kill Lori?”

  “I don’t believe that for a minute.”

  “But what if...?”

  “Lori’s gone, Mom. We can’t bring her back.”

&
nbsp; “I couldn’t agree with you more!”

  “So what good will it do to continue persecuting Phoenix?”

  “No one’s persecuting anyone. But do you really want Jacob to embrace an individual like that as a mother?”

  Riley had been embracing Phoenix in more literal ways, which his parents would soon learn. Admitting his romantic interest right now would only work against him, however. They’d be convinced his judgment was too clouded for him to see her clearly. “Penny can’t tell the truth, Mom. Not unless she wants the Mansfields and everyone else to hate her the way they’ve hated Phoenix.”

  “Penny doesn’t even live here anymore. Why would she care about that?”

  “Because that anger could lead to prosecution if they go to the police, and they probably would.”

  “Good Lord, do you hear yourself? You’re accusing Penny of something almost as terrible as hitting Lori in the first place. What kind of person blames someone else for such a horrendous incident?”

  “It happens, Mom. All the time. It’s good ol’ self-preservation at work.”

  She scooted forward. “I still think we should listen to what Penny has to say. If you’re afraid to do that much, it tells me you just don’t want to see the truth.”

  He swallowed a sigh. He was frustrated, but he could see why his mother believed what she did. He could see why the Mansfields and everyone else did, too. That had been the problem all along. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense for Penny to do what she’d done. “What type of person is Penny now?” he asked.

  “I have no idea. Like I told you, I had nothing to do with looking her up. The day you got into that fight with Buddy, Corinne hired a private investigator to find Penny. That’s about all I know.”

  If Penny was going to add to Phoenix’s grief, he was glad he hadn’t bothered paying to track her down.

  “So...will you hear Penny out or not?” she asked.

  Riley couldn’t very well refuse. His mother was right—it would only make him look like he was resisting the truth, and that wouldn’t help him convince anyone of anything. “Fine. I’ll listen to what she says. But I want two things in return.”

  “And they are...?”

  “I want the PI’s contact information. If Corinne can do a little research before that meeting, I should have the same right. And I want Phoenix to be invited. She should have the chance to defend herself.”

  “I can get you the PI’s information easily enough. Corinne forwarded me one of his emails. But there’s no way she’ll ever allow Phoenix inside her home.”

  “Then we do it elsewhere. I’d offer my place, but I’d rather not worry about Jake walking into the middle of it.”

  “Why can’t we do it here?” his father asked.

  His mother pursed her lips. “I guess we could.”

  “Then it’s solved,” Riley said. “When will Penny be here?”

  “Corinne’s still making the arrangements. I’ll let you know at Jacob’s game tomorrow.”

  That meant he needed to get to work. “Then forward me that private investigator’s email tonight.”

  “I’ll go do it right now.”

  “And just so you know, Phoenix will also be at Jacob’s game.”

  “She’s been there before,” his father pointed out. “We’ll just ignore her,” he added for Helen’s sake.

  “But this time she’ll be with me,” Riley said.

  Helen got to her feet. “Riley, please hold off being with her in public. Just...give it a week. Wait until we’ve talked to Penny.”

  “I’ve already told Phoenix I’ll pick her up.”

  His mother exchanged a concerned look with his father. “Son...” she started.

  “Don’t interfere,” Riley broke in. “Jake wants her there.”

  “Fine,” she said. “But I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  * * *

  “So?”

  Phoenix glanced up from where she was stirring oatmeal on the stove. “So what?” she repeated, but there was no mystery as to where her mother hoped to take this conversation. Although Lizzie would never admit it, she was dying to learn the details of Phoenix’s cabin trip, especially after what Riley had said to her last night.

  “Was it worth it?” Lizzie asked.

  “Worth what?”

  Lizzie rolled her eyes. “What do you think?”

  “I had a great time,” she said.

  “With Riley.”

  Phoenix lowered the heat. “Yes, with Riley.”

  Her mother hesitated for a moment. Then she said, “How long do you expect it to last?”

  “I couldn’t tell you,” she replied. “I can’t predict the future, and neither can you. So don’t throw any more dire warnings at me. I’m just taking it one day at a time.”

  “You think he’s going to carry you away from all of this?” She gestured at their surroundings, but Phoenix knew she meant the entire property. “Is that the dream?”

  “No! I’m not trying to get him to do anything for me. I love him, okay? Maybe it’ll work out for me, and maybe it won’t, but I seem to have the most stubborn heart in history, because I can’t stop loving him.”

  “He and his folks don’t like me,” she mused. “They’ll make you ashamed of your own family.”

  “I can’t speak for them, but...he’s not that way.”

  “Bullshit!” Lizzie barked out a laugh. “You’ll see. If you start going with him, it won’t be long before you won’t even give me the time of day.”

  Her mother was acting belligerent again, but there was an underlying note of petulance that allowed Phoenix to recognize the fear that inspired it. Lizzie believed that Riley would try to shut her out of Phoenix’s life, so she was trying to get rid of him first.

  Once Phoenix realized that, the impulse to snap back at her mother disappeared. Turning off the stove so the oatmeal would cool a bit, she walked over to sit down across from Lizzie.

  “What are you doing?” Her mother nodded at the pan that held her breakfast as if she couldn’t understand why Phoenix wasn’t dishing it up. “What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Because I want to make sure I have your attention.”

  “You had my attention before. Wasn’t I talking to you?”

  “You were, but you weren’t making much sense. I won’t abandon you, regardless of what happens. Do you understand? I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere. Not even if I get back with Riley.” She wasn’t convinced that would happen, anyway, wasn’t sure where the experience they’d shared at Lake Melones would lead. “Not even if I move away from Whiskey Creek at some point. I will always be your daughter and I will always do whatever I can to love and help you. It may not be everything you’d like me to do,” she clarified, “but I won’t turn my back on you the way my brothers have.”

  Lines appeared in Lizzie’s forehead as she feigned a “what are you talking about?” expression. “I’m not afraid of that. I don’t care if you do abandon me,” she snapped. But those words were such a transparent lie Phoenix couldn’t take her seriously.

  She bit the inside of her cheek so she wouldn’t smile. “Well, you’re never getting rid of me, whether you want to or not,” she said, and noticed how much nicer her mother became after that.

  * * *

  Phoenix was nervous, but she didn’t want Riley to know exactly how nervous. Once he picked her up, she acted as if going to a home game wasn’t any different from attending an away game.

  “I hope Jake does well,” she said.

  Riley slung one arm over the steering wheel. “He will. He’s on a roll.”

  She wiped her palms on her shorts. Then she rummaged in her purse for some lip gloss. She’d wanted to bake more cookies for the team but, after being gone all weekend, there’d been no time. She’d been too busy trying to catch up on her bracelet orders.

  “You okay?” Riley asked, glancing over at her.

  “Of course,” she said with a smile.

&
nbsp; “My parents will be there, but don’t worry about that.”

  Don’t worry about it? Her stomach burned from the acid caused by her anxiety. “Okay. But...do they know I’ll be there?”

  “Yes. I told them, so...they won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

  Just being around them made her uncomfortable, but even if Helen and Tom glared daggers at her, she’d smile in return or simply avert her eyes. She didn’t want Riley to get into another argument with his folks, didn’t want to come between him and his family. Costing him some of the most important relationships in his life wouldn’t be an act of love. That would be pure selfishness, and she knew it. “I’ll be fine.”

  He turned down the radio. “It’s going to be okay. Trust me.”

  She let him take her hand. “When’s Penny coming to town? Have you heard?”

  “According to what my mom told me on the phone this morning, she’ll be here Saturday.”

  “That soon?”

  “Yeah. They’re pressing her to come as quickly as possible.”

  “Before I can get my hooks into you,” she murmured.

  “Except it’s too late for that,” he teased. When she didn’t react, he sobered. “My mother has asked that I hear Penny out, and I said I would.”

  Phoenix’s breath caught in her throat. “You did? Why?”

  “Because it could be important, give us a chance to present our own case.”

  “Our case?”

  “I was going to tell you that next. You’ll be there. My mother has agreed to include you.”

  Phoenix had reconciled herself to the fact that she’d likely never see Penny again, so she wasn’t sure how she felt about coming face-to-face with her. The mere thought of Penny evoked anger, the old anger—and the futility of that anger, which was worse. It had always been difficult to get beyond the injustice she’d been dealt, and now that she was home, she had to confront Penny’s lies all over again? “What have they promised her?” she asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “She can’t want to come back here. If I’d lied like she did, I’d never want to see this place again.”