Remember Me (Men of Honor Series Book 1)

by Lara Van Hulzen

  She took off into the house and up the stairs before he realized he hadn’t taken a breath since she opened the door. Running a hand across his beard, he forced himself to face the water again. Oh yeah, it would take every ounce of self- control not to fall for Tess.

  ***

  “I was mortified!” Tess said through the dressing room wall. She was trying on her bridesmaid dress while Emma had her gown altered.

  “It wasn’t that big a deal.” Emma’s attempt to encourage her fell flat.

  Tess came out of the dressing room, picked up the skirt of her apricot-colored gown, and plopped down in a chair. Her finger wrapped around a small ribbon hanging from the bodice. Horrified when Emma first told her the color of the dress, Tess thought she might need to find a new best friend, but Emma said it would look great and she was right. Emma stood on a pedestal in front of what seemed liked twenty mirrors, while two women fussed around her and stuck pins in every part of the dress.

  “I opened the door in nothing but a T-shirt, Em.”

  “Oh please, he’s seen you like that before. And in that exact T-shirt, right?”

  “Yes. But Emma, you know we never slept together. We were waiting for our wedding night.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Didn’t you say you wore it just to hang out in or after you went surfing? For crying out loud, Tess, you wear less when you surf. That T-shirt covers more than a bathing suit top and board shorts.” Emma eyed her in the mirror, her glare all but forcing Tess to look her in the eye.

  “Fine. You’re right,” she conceded. “But that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.”

  Emma laughed. “Yes, it does. You’re just wigged out because he’s back and he’s nice to you and, might I say, even better looking in person than in the pictures you’ve shown me.” She winked.

  Tess sat up in her chair. “Hey, now. You’re about to be married. You’re standing there in your wedding dress even. Don’t go dissin’ Mike,” she teased. “You’ve got quite a looker on your hands as well. And a doctor to boot!”

  “Oh, please. You know how much I love Mike. I’m just saying, as your friend, you had a mighty handsome one, and if he is back, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.” She shrugged, causing one of the seamstresses to stop and give her the evil eye.

  “You must stop moving, ma’am.”

  “Sorry,” Emma whispered as she stifled a giggle.

  Tess sat back in her chair again. Maybe Emma was right. Maybe she needed to be open to the idea of letting Ben back into her life. When she saw him standing on her deck, his beard trimmed like it used to be, memories invaded, and for a moment, she wanted it all back. She wanted him back. But what if she did let him in her life and he never remembered? She would have to tell him at some point, and then he might never forgive her. Or she could give him her heart again, only to have him remember and leave her once more.

  ***

  The two couples sat at a table outside a local pizza joint, Lenny’s Place. A soft breeze caressed Tess’s face as she and Mike and Emma told Ben the story of how they met. Since she knew the tale by heart, she took the time to observe tourists coming and going from the little seaside shops. Families packed up their gear from the beach to head back to their cars. She loved the little beach town, and as much as she missed her family in San Diego, knew that a smaller community like this was more her speed. Her eyes wandered to Ben, who was listening to Mike and Emma and laughing at all the right places in the story. Could he ever be happy here? He loved a big city. Initially, he was offered a police job in a small town like this but turned it down because he knew there’d be more action in a big place.

  His eyes moved to hers, causing goose bumps to form on her arms.

  “Are you cold?”

  “No.” Her voice sounded lame.

  “So you guys met at church,” he said, turning his attention back to Mike and Emma. “That’s nice.” He took a bite of pizza then wiped his mouth with a napkin.

  “Do you go to church?” Emma started to put a piece of pizza crust in her mouth but stopped halfway. “Sorry. Stupid question. I keep forgetting about the whole, not-having-your-memory thing.”

  He smiled. “It’s okay.”

  “You should come with us tomorrow.” Mike looked from Ben to Tess. “Tess goes to the same church.”

  Tess’s pulse quickened. Having him hang out with her and her friends was tough enough to get used to, but she wasn’t ready for all the questions that would come if she showed up at church with him.

  She relaxed when Ben said, “That’s nice, thank you. But I think I’ll spend some time down at the police station trying to see if I can find some help with any information on who I am.”

  Tess fought back tears over Ben searching for answers when all she had to do was tell him. She couldn’t handle it. He had to know the truth. She was just opening her mouth to speak when Emma cut her off.

  “Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Tess in the bridesmaid’s dress I chose?”

  Tess’s eyes got wide and she leaned forward to grab for Emma’s iPhone, which she now extended toward the guys. In a swift move, Emma pulled it away and said, “Excuse me, my dear friend, but it is my wedding and my choice to show whoever I want whatever pictures I want.”

  “Hmph. I didn’t realize you’d turned into bridezilla all of a sudden.” Tess leaned back in her chair, accepting her fate. “But you’re in those pictures too. Mike can’t see your dress until the wedding day.”

  Pulling her hand back, Emma frowned. “You’ve got a point there.” Her face brightened. “But Ben can see them, right?”

  Tess glared at her friend, hoping the guys wouldn’t see, but Emma was so engrossed in handing over her phone to Ben she didn’t notice.

  Finding himself in the middle of a somewhat mellow catfight, Ben looked unsure of what to do. He looked to Mike for help.

  Mike just laughed and said, “Go ahead. If she wants to show you pictures, that’s fine with me.”

  Ben wiped his hands on his napkin and reached out for the phone, careful not to turn the screen towards Mike, who took a sip of his soda and grinned at Emma. Tess shook her head. Man, the guy had it bad. A part of her was jealous, though. Ben used to look at her the same way.

  Ben focused on the pictures and smiled. “You both look beautiful.” Then his smile faded, and Tess leaned forward to touch his arm.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  He looked into her eyes and said, “I remember.”

  Chapter 5

  Ben looked at the photo on the phone screen. Tess’s sea-green eyes stared back at him, her smile bright. She and Emma had their arms around one another, Emma’s face glimmering with bridal excitement. A vision flashed before him of a woman in a similar dress. It was blue, and her hair was twisted up in some kind of knot with wisps of curls dangling around her face. She was breathtaking.

  He looked up to see three faces staring at him in anticipation.

  “You remember?” Mike asked.

  He looked at Tess. She blinked. Tears threatened to fall. Why would his remembering make her sad? Her hand on his arm caused a wave of warmth to run through him.

  He shook his head and closed his eyes. “I don’t know…” He opened his eyes and looked again at the photo. Nothing happened. He didn’t see anything. The image was gone.

  “Did the picture trigger something?” Emma asked. She took the phone back.

  “Maybe. It was weird, though. It felt like a memory. It was of a blond woman in a blue dress with her hair up, like at a dressy event. Her face was unclear.” He looked at Tess again. So many images… thoughts swam through his brain, but he just couldn’t grab one and hold onto it.

  He noticed Tess had gone pale and sat back in her chair again just staring at him. He ran his hands through his hair and then rubbed his face. He felt so much better with his beard shorter, like it was meant to be that way. Is that how he always wore it? He clenched his jaw at the frustration of not knowing.

&
nbsp; Mike put a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” But he knew his voice betrayed him.

  Tess’s silence only seemed to add to his angst. He pushed his chair back and stood. “I think I’ll go for a walk. I need to think.”

  “Want me to go with you?” Mike offered.

  “No, thanks. I’ll just walk down to the pier and back. You guys finish your dinner. I’m not hungry anymore.”

  He left the table without looking back.

  ***

  The tears that had threatened to fall broke through Tess’s resolve and slid down her cheeks.

  “Do you think you should go after him?” Emma asked, still gripping her phone.

  “No. Give him some time alone. It hasn’t been that long since his accident,

  and he’s got a lot to deal with.” Mike. Always the voice of reason.

  “I should tell him.” Tess wiped her face with a napkin.

  “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” Mike said.

  She looked at him, doing nothing to hide her shock. “Why? Weren’t you just sitting here when he recalled just one image of me and how much that shook him up? He remembered me at my sister’s wedding just over a year ago. He was with me. I can’t just sit here and watch him suffer.”

  “Look, T, we don’t even know if your telling him the truth would cause him to remember.”

  His words knocked her head clear.

  Emma chimed in. “That’s a good point. You could tell him everything, Tess, and he might still not remember. Then he just has your story to go on and what if he didn’t believe you? Wow, what a mess.”

  “Tell me about it.” Tess took another napkin and blew her nose. “The officer at the hospital said the rental car company will call back and give them the name on his driver’s license. He’ll know soon enough. I guess I’ll decide what to do from there. Look, I’m gonna just walk home. I need some time to myself.”

  “Are you sure?” Emma put a gentle hand on her arm.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” She stood to leave.

  “Just check in when you get back so we know you’re okay.”

  “Sure.” She couldn’t help but smile at her friends’ concern for her. Turning to Emma she asked, “Would you take my purse back for me? I’ll probably run most of the way.”

  Emma nodded. Tess grabbed her ID and bank card from her wallet and then handed Emma her purse. “I’ll pay for pizza next time, okay?”

  “No worries. Take your time.” Mike’s smile never failed to reassure her that things would be fine. Although she couldn’t imagine how this time. Emma was right. What a mess.

  “Love you guys.”

  She left the restaurant with the echo of “Love you too” in her ears.

  ***

  The rhythm of her feet hitting the pavement brought the calm Tess sought, the focus she sorely needed. Having run track in high school, she ran to stay in shape. It kept her grounded, centered. Fortunately, she’d dressed in shorts, a T-shirt, and running shoes for dinner. Somewhere in her subconscious she must’ve known she’d need to run by the time the day was over.

  She ran along the coastline, her mind trying to organize her thoughts. As she sorted out her thoughts and feelings, she found herself handing each one to God, asking him to help her arrange things in her life in a way that made sense to her. Give her clarity. Her life had been finally moving towards order, something she could understand. Now it was back to chaos.

  Turning right where the line of homes began along the sand, she decided to finish down by the water. Running in sand challenged her legs and she wanted that kind of push through the last half mile or so. Maybe the physical pain would take her mind off her emotional pain, if only for a brief moment. But then, as she spotted her back deck in the distance and noticed Ben standing there alone, looking out at the water, she knew it wouldn’t. Her heart hurt, and she had no idea how to fix it.

  Her lungs burned as she took the last few steps toward her house. Placing one hand on her hip, she walked up to the deck stairs, guiding her breathing back down to normal.

  “That’s impressive,” Ben said, smiling down at her from the railing.

  Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Her mind couldn’t get past his smile, or that twinkle in his eyes. She leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees, using the excuse to catch her breath as a reason to not look at him. And to keep her legs from shaking.

  “What’s impressive?” she said between breaths.

  “You ran all the way from dinner, and after eating pizza, no less. That would cause me to lose it.”

  “Well, I only picked at a salad, so don’t be too impressed.” She stood up again and looked toward the water.

  He laughed. “Have you always liked to run?”

  Having him ask her questions he would normally know the answer to felt weird. Like playing some sort of game show with him.

  “Yes. Pretty much. It helps me clear my head.”

  “Hmm. Sounds like I should try it sometime.”

  She had to fight the urge to remind him that he used to run all the time. One of the many ways he stayed in shape for his job. Instead, she said, “I think you’d like it.”

  Her breathing now under control, Tess climbed the steps and settled into a chair on her side of the deck. Ben turned and faced her, eyeing the chair that sat on the other side of a small table. She leaned her head toward it and said, “You want to join me?”

  “I would love to.”

  He sat down and stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossing his feet at the ankles. His feet were bare, sandy. His boots sat near Mike’s back door.

  “Did you go for a walk?”

  He noticed her eyes were on his feet and said, “Oh. Yeah. I decided to go down and feel the water. It felt good.”

  Turning toward the waves, she smiled. “You think so? Most people need a wet suit to be out in it. Otherwise, they get too cold.” Ben hated wet suits. He liked the feel of the water on his skin. He said the cold woke him up, made him feel more alive. She laughed. Some of their friends called him an adrenaline junkie. Always in need of a rush of some kind. He wasn’t. He was just…Ben.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing. I was just thinking about a…friend of mine. Someone who loved to surf and didn’t mind the cold.”

  “I like him already.” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, his hands clasped over his stomach.

  She couldn’t help but smile at the irony. “Do you like to surf?”

  He opened one eye and looked at her, a smirk on his handsome face.

  “Right. Sorry. Do you think you would like surfing?”

  He closed his eye again. “I don’t know. It sounds cool, though.”

  “Want to try it?”

  He sat up and looked at her. “Sure.”

  “Okay, tomorrow morning then. Meet me out here around seven.”

  “What about church?”

  She looked out toward the water again. “I believe we meet God in places that aren’t always buildings. For me, sometimes church is out there.” She motioned to the water with her chin. Turning back to him, she said, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my church.”

  He gave a nod of understanding. His eyes met hers and she saw a flicker of the Ben she knew. The one who did understand. The one who knew her better than she knew herself.

  She crossed one leg over the other, causing her bankcard to dig into her leg. “Oh, hey. I got you something.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out some bills. Reaching across the small table between them, she handed them to Ben.

  “What’s this?” His face was cautious.

  “I stopped by the bank and got you some cash.”

  The color drained from his face. The relaxed look disappeared. “I can’t take your money, Tess.” He tried to hand it back.

  “Think of it as a loan. You can pay me back later.” He wasn’t going to back down easy. She put her hand on his arm and gently pushed it b
ack into his lap. “Ben, you have no money and no ID right now. You know it’ll make you uncomfortable for us to always shell out whenever you need something. This way you have a way to pay yourself.”

  “But I’m not paying for anything myself. This is still your money.” His voice was tense, but she could tell he was softening to the idea.

  “In a way, that’s true. But I know you’ll pay me back at some point, and it will help you get through for right now.”

  He stared at the money in his hand, his elbows now resting on his knees. He looked so defeated and sad.

  She stood in front of him and pulled him to his feet and into a hug. At first, he was stiff, his arms tense against her shoulders. Her arms wrapped around his waist. Breathing in the scent of him caused a wave of memories she wasn’t prepared for, and she was afraid her knees might turn to jelly.

  His arms softened and wrapped around her, accepting her embrace. Holding her up, enveloping her in the safety she’d always known with Ben. Her brain battled her heart. It felt so good to be held by him again. But it wasn’t really him. This man holding her knew nothing of their history. If he did, would he even be here?

  She patted him and stepped back, her hands on his biceps. “It’s going to be okay. I don’t know how, but it will.”

  “Thank you. For everything.” He nodded and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

  God help her, she fought the urge to faint.

  “You really are an angel.”

  She needed to go inside, get away from this scene before she did something stupid. “No, I’m your…friend.” She looked down and laughed. “A sweaty friend who really needs to shower and get some sleep.”

  Her attempt to lighten the mood worked. He stepped back and agreed with her. “Yeah. You’ve had quite a day. And I guess so have I.” He rubbed his beard.

  She opened her patio door. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Goodnight, Tess.”

  His voice whispered in her ear all evening until she fell into a deep sleep.