Gumbo

by Tiana Laveen

  She was so innocent. The girl could break down a U.S. history lesson in a nanosecond. She could read and comprehend college-level books since she’d been a little girl, but at times she seemed a little naïve when it came to sexual matters, as if she’d never had sex education at all.

  “I… I don’t know. I just didn’t expect that. I mean, I figured I’d spot a little but this looks like when I first got my period and slept through it without a pad on. It’s like a crime scene.”

  “It’s cool… it’s not a problem, okay? It doesn’t bother me. I’ll take care of it.”

  She nodded and slowly stood up. He knew she was more than likely a bit swollen, and perhaps would be walking funny. “Go on and uh, go to the bathroom, clean up. I’ll get these sheets off here, put clean ones on… then I’ll get dressed and walk you home, all right?”

  She tossed on the borrowed t-shirt and her biker shorts, tucked her underwear under her arm, and headed out of his room. He turned the music up and made haste clearing up the mess. When she returned, her hair was combed and her clothes were back on … well, except she wore his mom’s shirt. Judging by her expression, she seemed happy.

  “I hope Grandmama is still asleep. She probably is. She usually doesn’t wake up until six. I can’t believe how late it is, Tony.”

  He looked at the time; it was almost four in the morning.

  “Yeah, I better get you home. I’ll shower when I get back.” He put on his clothes, grabbed his keys, and took her by the hand to lead her out of the bedroom. Minutes later, they were at her front door, whispering and smiling at one another. “Go to sleep.” He smacked her ass then gave her a quick peck.

  “I am. I’m tired. I love you, Tony.”

  “I love you too, baby. See you later, all right? Maybe later on today even, we’ll see.” He kissed her again then quickly made his way down the porch steps. When he got back across the street to his house, he felt eyes on him. He turned and she was still standing there, staring at him. He waved, blew her a kiss. She blew one back, and he caught it and smiled. Once inside his home, he locked the door. As he headed into the kitchen to get something to drink, he practically jumped out of his skin.

  “Finally got it!” Dante cackled.

  His brother stood in the dark with only his boxers on.

  “You scared the shit outta me, Dante! Shit!” Tony flung open the refrigerator door, lighting the way.

  “Oh, sorry little Bro. I heard her loud and clear. You were really giving it to her. Good job, man! Finally busted that cherry!”

  Tony felt his cheeks warm as he grinned and Dante gave him a high five. He surveyed his choices, then pulled out an ice cold bottle of generic brand coke. He removed the top and began to chug it.

  “What are you doing in here in the dark?” he asked the guy between gulps.

  “You two woke me up, then I realized I was thirsty.” His brother shrugged. The refrigerator light fell on his gangly frame. “Hey, uh, do you have like ten bucks I can borrow? I get paid next week.”

  Tony’s heart sank. “Yeah… I’ll give it to you in a second.”

  “Thanks… thanks, man. So uh, everything okay? Was it what you hoped for?”

  “Yeah… yeah, it was cool.”

  Dante nodded. “Well, good. All right then, I’m going back to bed. If I fall asleep, you can leave the money on my dresser.”

  “Okay.” Dante turned and left.

  Tony stood there, the refrigerator door still hanging open, holding that now almost empty bottle of soda. He could faintly hear the music playing out of his room. Stevie B.s, ‘Spring Love’…

  Closing the refrigerator, he drained his bottle and tossed it in the trashcan. He got a whiff of Cassidy’s perfume on his body…

  And then he smiled.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  The Root of all Evil

  …A couple months later

  “I can’t control that, but I have to do what I have to do.” With a huff, Mom rummaged through her disorganized closet, jamming her hand in all of her jacket pockets trying to scrounge up spare change, a dollar bill here or there.

  “How can they cut your hours in half though? You were the best receptionist they had.” Tony simply couldn’t wrap his brain around this crazy news. How was this even remotely possible? What sort of company gives someone a raise one month, then does a punk move like this thirty days later?

  “Tony, they’re downsizing.” She shook her head sadly. “Wasn’t anyone’s fault. I’m one of the lucky ones. A lot of people lost their jobs altogether.” She grinned when she found a few quarters, then tossed them onto her bed. “So, I’ll go crawlin’ back to my old part time job I gave up and see if they’ll let me get back on.” She shrugged. “Two part time jobs is better than none at all. At least I left there on good terms.”

  “What about Juan, huh? He’s your man right?”

  “Oh Tony, don’t start.” Mom rolled her eyes as she examined a rusted penny.

  “Don’t start? I’m not starting anything. It’s a normal question. Isn’t a man supposed to help his old lady out in times of need? Shit, I’m about to be eighteen and I do more for Cassidy than Juan does for you. That’s fuckin’ sad!” he yelled, no longer concerned about talking nicely and being a gentleman about the matter.

  Mom sucked her teeth. “Juan doesn’t have any damn money, Tony. He helps me as much as he can. You don’t like him anyway. You’re just looking for an excuse to talk bad about him. Even if he was rich, you and Dante would crucify him first chance ya got!” She began to pull out her dresser drawers and give the same treatment to her jeans’ pockets. Perhaps a forgotten treasure had gotten past her.

  “Bullshit. If he was helpin’ ya I’d have a lot less to say… at least then he’d be good for something! You deserve better, Mom. You wouldn’t hear another peep outta me if he was a decent guy. All he does is come around here and bum off ya. He even ate our leftovers from Grandmama the other night. Didn’t ask; just went in the fridge and helped his fuckin’ self! Geesh! You’re blind. Can’t cha see he’s just usin’ ya?” He stormed out the bedroom, heading towards the kitchen.

  “Oh yeah?! Well, what about Dante?” Mom hollered. He paused and turned around.

  “What about Dante?”

  “He isn’t exactly a fan of Juan’s, but he’s startin’ to come around.” Tony inched back towards her, confusion setting in.

  “What do ya mean he’s starting to come around?” Mom smiled smugly and put her hand on her hip.

  “Juan took him to the doctor the other day and they had a good conversation from what I understand.”

  Tony couldn’t believe his damn ears. His heart began to pound in his chest and he looked at his mother through slits for eyes… then he laughed. He tilted his head back and burst into a fit of giggles as the insanity within him burst free.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You… you really don’t know, do you?! Mom, Dante is a fuckin’ drug addict!”

  Mom’s eyes grew large and she placed her hand across her chest, as if she were shocked beyond belief. “No, he isn’t! He’s sick!”

  “He’s sick all right. Dope sick!”

  “Why in the hell would you say such a thing?!”

  “Because it’s true and I am tired of coverin’ for him and you walkin’ around in the land of denial with your blinders on, bumping into mountains and thinkin’ they’re big ass diamonds! Jesus Christ, Ma! He’s got a fuckin’ low white cell count because he smokes crack! He can’t keep any weight on because of that and Juan sells weed, all right? He probably gave him some, tryna get all buddy buddy with him. Dante could be bought with a joint, two Tootsie Rolls and a counterfeit ten dollar bill right about now.”

  “Tony, you say some of the most wicked, evil shit sometimes!”

  “Sometimes the truth is wicked and evil. I don’t have any control over that. Dante would sell you into White slavery if it meant he could get another fuckin’ hit! As soon as you leave the house, he’ll be tryna
go through your shit and find something to sell. Why do you think I have a lock on my bedroom door now and I keep my wallet in that little safe in my room when I sleep? If I don’t, Dante will smoke everything up!”

  “What an ugly thing to say! Now I’ve had it! You’re lying and it needs to stop!”

  “I am? Why have you had to buy three fuckin’ toasters, huh? Who tha hell has to keep replacin’ somethin’ that makes crispy bread ’cause the other ones keep mysteriously disappearing?! Where do you think they’re going? Toaster heaven?! He was too weak to get the damn TV outta here, or that woulda been gone, too! Your fancy white plates disappeared, your favorite necklace, too. He was snoopin’ around tryna get my car keys; I had to bust him up. He probably would’ve sold my ride for twenty bucks if he’d gotten his hands on them! He stole my cassette collection when I was at school. That’s why we got into it last month. He gave me that music I treasured, now all my shit is gone! Ya remember, right? It was when you asked about that bruise on my face and his fuckin’ busted lip!”

  “You two got physical again?”

  “Ya damn straight! I did it. I fucked him up because he won’t fuckin’ stop! I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT! I’m sick of everybody’s shit!”

  Mom’s eyes glossed over, then she turned away and tried to close her door, but he wedged his foot between it and the frame. He towered over the woman, feeling a mixture of pity and rage. “No way! You don’t get to run from this like ya do from everything else. That’s all you and Dante do is run!”

  “I guess you’re better than us, huh? You’re just like your father, thinking you always know best when you don’t know anything at all! You’re not even yourself anymore!” Mom’s voice rattled. “Look at your hair, the clothes you wear? The music you listen to! You’re like those—”

  “Those Black kids I hang with…” Their eyes locked, and silence stretched between them. A horrible silence, one that would change their relationship indefinitely. Finally, he broke the spell. “Yeah, Ma, I hang with the Black kids. They’re the only ones around, the only ones that fuckin’ care about me! Maize, Cassidy, and Grandmama are the only fuckin’ people I can talk to because you’re rarely home and when you are, you’re jammed so far up Juan’s ass you can taste his beans ’nd rice!”

  “Tony! I am warning you!”

  “Wake up! There’s a war goin’ on under your own fuckin’ roof and you’ve been asleep the entire time!”

  She pulled on the door, forcing him to have to move his leg before his damn ankle broke in two. As he stepped back, she slammed it shut then locked it. Moments later, he could hear her sobbing…

  He took several deep breaths, went to grab his car keys from the bedroom, then headed across the street. Cassidy might not be home, but he prayed she was…

  Someone had to talk him off the ledge…

  Cassidy ran her hand along her knee as the swaying palm trees turned into blurs. Just minutes before, Tony was banging on the door telling her to go take a ride with him…

  Since he climbed in the car and started the engine, he hadn’t said much else. ‘Hey Ladies’ by the Beastie Boys was playing on full blast.

  “Tony, what’s goin’ on?” She turned towards him and turned off the music. He kept his eyes on the road, breathing hard, his nostrils flaring. She placed her hand on his wrist and he jerked. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, then he began to slow down.

  “Dante is a fuckin’ crackhead.”

  “I know, well, I figured. I wasn’t completely sure, but almost sure.”

  He threw her a brief glance before turning his attention back on the road. “How’d you know?”

  She lowered her head and started to fidget with her hangnails. Her hands were in bad need of a home manicure.

  “He’s too skinny… he coughs a lot… his eyes… he can’t keep a job.” She shrugged. “He’s not the same guy I met two years ago. He’s so much different. He used to be nice and talkative, now he barely speaks. You told me you guys got into it, but didn’t tell me what it was about. I put two and two together. The last time I was over there, he asked me if he could borrow five dollars and asked that I not tell you.”

  Tony inhaled big and loud, as if it took all of him to gather his strength to not turn that car around and go pummel Dante into the ground after such a revelation.

  “Did you give it to him?”

  She hesitated for a spell. “Yes…”

  Tony took a while to speak again. “I’ve tried to encourage him to get help, Cass. He won’t. It’s bad… he’s going to die if something isn’t done. I’m… I’m losin’ my brother! I’m losin’ my best friend!” For the first time since she’d been with Tony, she watched him cry, and cry hard. His bottom lip was shaking like a child’s.

  Her heart broke. She rubbed on his back, trying to give comfort to a man who was falling apart right before her eyes.

  “Baby, pull over… come on, pull over.” She pointed to the side of the road.

  Moments later, they were parked, and all that could be heard was this deep, broken sobbing. She also broke down, and when he looked up at her and smiled, it was one of the saddest smiles she’d ever seen. His gorgeous dimples were in full view, but the tears just kept pouring.

  “I can’t help him. I’VE TRIED! Ya gotta believe me, Cass! I tried everything!”

  She leaned over, pulled him into her arms and squeezed.

  “Baby! Shhh! It’s okay! One thing you gotta understand, Tony, is that you can’t do nothin’ ’bout this. I know too many people just like Dante. They gotta do it themselves. They gotta want it for themselves! It’s a powerful drug, makes people do and say thangs that ain’t like them… turns them into puppets, and monsters, too. This shit has ruined my neighborhood. It’s like, every other house on tha street got somebody strung out, or they know somebody strung out. It’s an epidemic.”

  He slowly pulled away and flopped back onto the driver’s seat. Taking a few deep breaths, he began to speak to her again… She was relieved to hear his voice, so glad he didn’t shut down once the emotions became too great.

  “Me and uh, me and Mom just got into it real bad today.”

  “About Dante?”

  “Yeah.” He swallowed as he looked straight ahead, resting his long fingers on the steering wheel. “She uh… she was clueless.” He shook his head, then laughed dismally. “What kinda mother has a kid that is strung out, on and off, for over a year, and doesn’t know?! He’s under her fuckin’ roof!”

  He sat up like an erupting volcano and begun to violently pound the steering wheel with his fist. Cassidy pulled back, her heart racing. He turned towards her.

  “Cass, what kinda parent sticks their head so far in the fuckin’ sand that they bring them to one of the hottest states for drug sales in the country, sees one of ’er kids fallin’ apart, and believes his bullshit about bein’ sick?! Did she ever think, ‘Well, why tha fuck is my previously healthy kid sick all the fuckin’ time, huh?! What are those fuckin’ scars on his body?! Why’s he always stealin’?! Why isn’t he keepin’ a job or in college by now, huh?! WHY! WHY! WHY!’ You don’t even see him half the time and you knew! I am tired of this shit… I’m tired, Cass!”

  He cradled his head in both hands and she reached out to hug him tight.

  She offered no words… what could she say?

  Her boyfriend, the love of her life, was living a nightmare. All she could do was love him through it, and be there when he woke up…

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Survive the Test of Time…

  …One month later

  Tony flung his book bag on the kitchen counter and sighed with relief. He’d made a couple runs for Fred after school and he was exhausted. It was terribly hot outside, so much that his shirt was sticking to his chest.

  At least the runs were easy today. I was in and out.

  Cassidy rode shotgun. She’d insisted on coming to see what it was like. Luckily, he didn’t have any weed or alcohol to deliver on this particular drop
off or he wouldn’t have heard the end of it.

  At the sink, he scrubbed his fingers with a bar of Zest soap that lay on an old, hard dish towel. After rinsing and drying off his hands, he pulled out a carton of milk from the refrigerator. He filled a glass to the brim and took a large gulp.

  “Shit!” He spat the milk, realizing it was spoiled. “Ugh… gross.” He gagged, the rancid taste still lingering on his pallet. Dumping the rest of the carton down the sink, he washed out his glass and tried again, this time reaching for a ginger ale.

  He wasn’t a big fan of the beverage, but his thirst let him know it needed to be quenched. He stood looking out the kitchen window where he could see part of Cassidy’s house. He fell into a daydream as he drank, up to the very last drop.

  He went on to sort the mail, then ran across some old envelopes shoved under a bunch of magazines and flyers.

  “Overdue… overdue… last notice… final warning…” He read through all the bills that Mom hadn’t paid. There was one for her car payment—she’d just purchased a Lincoln a few months back. He’d told her he could help get her something cheaper, but Juan had talked her into it…

  He set that bill to the side and looked at the water bill, the electric bill, and her two credit cards.

  Mom, shit…

  Her hours being cut had really done a number. She’d already been living from pay check to pay check before then. He slid his wallet out of his pocket and flipped through it.

  “I only have thirty dollars, but that’s better than nothing.” He picked up the smallest invoice that was about $45.00, paperclipped the cash to it, and made his way to his mother’s bedroom to set it on her dresser.

  “What tha fuck are you doin’, Dante?!”

  His brother was in her closet going through her small collection of purses, each of them turned inside out. The fucker sat on his hands and knees, looking like some wide-eyed, bony goblin.