by Tiana Laveen
She swallowed a hearty dose of guilt, then shoved it out of her mind and tossed on a smile as she took hold of someone else’s hand and thanked them, while they bowed in return.
“Cassidy Macklin… wow.”
She wasn’t prepared.
Though she’d somehow convinced herself it wasn’t Tony, she couldn’t deny it now that he stood before her, solid, tall, full grown like a Southern Live Oak.
“I hate that we’re seeing each other under these conditions.”
His voice was deeper now… much deeper. The New Jersey accent was a bit less pronounced, but definitely still there, only his tone had become slower and steadier.
“Tony?” she said in almost a whisper as he wrapped his hand tight around hers, never breaking their gaze. Her breath hitched and she felt a bit dizzy; it was like looking into the eyes of the ghost of love’s past.
“Yeah.” He offered a half smile, the gold teeth in his mouth now gone, his grip on her growing warm and firm. “It’s me, Cass. I uh…” He looked towards the casket and swallowed, then turned back to her. “I found out about Grandmama passing the day it happened. I knew she’d been ill and I had called her a couple of times but she said she was getting better.” He hung his head, but not before she witnessed the tears welling in the man’s eyes. “Guess… I guess God had other plans, huh?” He blinked his pain away, but his sad smile remained.
“It looks that way.”
I never knew he’d recently called her! Grandmama never said anything to me about it…
“So, uh, I hear you’re still in California. That’s what Grandmama said the last time I spoke to her. And of course, it’s in the obituary, too.” He flashed a smile. “How is that goin’?”
“It’s going great.” She forced a smile. “I started my magazine, Onyx. It’s online as well… Business is going well.”
“Wow!” He chuckled. “I always knew you had it in you. That’s amazing news.”
She nodded, hating how her stomach churned as she watched him slowly lick his lower lip.
Her heart beat a wild rhythm as she found herself unable to look away. If she were the superstitious sort, she’d swear she smelled Grandmama’s perfume at that moment… as if the woman stood near, smiling at them both. It seemed like he didn’t want to step away, either.
“I don’t want to hold up the line but, uh, do you mind getting together later before I head back to New Jersey? That’s where I live now. I’m back home.” Oh… he’s gone…“Maybe tomorrow mornin’ for breakfast?”
“Oh, well, that’s very nice of you to ask but actually I have a lot to do, Tony. I mean you wouldn’t believe the—”
“I promise I won’t keep you long, Cass. Come on, we haven’t seen each other since I was eighteen. I’d like to catch up with you before taking off.” He cocked his head to the side and smiled at her.
There’s that damn smile. It was my weakness when I was a gullible kid… and it’s just the same, hasn’t changed… kind with a healthy dose of cocky. And those damn deep dimples!
“Oh, all right.” She sighed and crossed her arms. “That sounds just fine.”
Tony whipped out his phone. “So what’s your number, Angel Eyes?”
She hadn’t heard that nickname in years.
“310-472-5572.”
Tony made quick work of saving the information.
“Got it. 310… that’s Los Angeles… City of Angels, see?” He smirked. “You were made to live there.”
She kept a stern face, refusing to fall into his trap of flirtations and fuckery.
I see you are still smooth, but I’m not a silly teenager anymore, Tony…
He nodded as if he’d heard her thoughts! Then, without warning, he leaned in close and gathered her into his arms. Her body shuddered as the warmth of his muscular frame consumed her. His cologne was musky and fragrant, sexy but not overpowering.
“I loved her, Cassidy. She was my grandmother, too.” He cradled the back of her head like a baby. Something about his touch, his voice, all the memories came rushing back.
Caught off guard, she found herself crying on his shoulder. The grief crept up on her and strangled her resolve, leaving her gasping for breath, wanting to escape this nightmare. He gripped her all the harder. Some of her best memories with Grandmama had been created alongside this boy, after all… now a full-grown man…
With his arm wrapped tight around her waist, he brought his lips to her ear and whispered softly, “I’m going to miss Grandmama, baby. How could I not? She gave me three gifts on a consistent basis. Food, love, and you…” And then he walked off.
The crowd of people swallowed him up while she stood aghast. Just then, a slender woman wearing a large black hat approached her and began to tell her about God’s love and Ms. Betty’s apple cobblers and strawberry pies. She smiled as she tried hard to listen, but her thoughts were still on Tony. The scent of his cologne lingered in the air like invisible birds flapping their wings. And her heart broke once again as she recalled all too well the terrible pain he’d caused her, at a time in her life when it had seemed to take forever for her to move on.
‘Come on now, baby, you gotta let that go…’ Grandmama had said a few years back. ‘You two were young… Tony did a terrible thing, but he loved his friend and wasn’t thinkin’ straight! Tony loves hard, you know that! That was in the heat of the moment. You can’t hold his feet to the fire for somethin’ he’d done at the age of eighteen…’
That voice mingled with her inner thoughts now, but she refused to give it all another second.
I don’t have time for this shit, especially not Tony…
I’m vulnerable right now… Yeah, we were kids, so there’s no need to revisit it or even rehash it. Why in the hell did I agree to have breakfast with him in the first place?! I’ve got business to take care of, some loose ends of Grandmama’s that need tying, then I need to get back to L.A., back to my life…
She got a whiff of the man once again… Aromatic, sensual…
I hope he doesn’t call. He paid his respects; that’s enough. Tony Romano, you’ve caused me enough distress to last a lifetime…
She turned towards the now closed casket and her heart pounded painfully in her chest.
Grandmama, I love you. I’m going to do right by your wishes, and then I am getting on that plane and never coming back…
…The next day
Tony looked at himself in the large dresser mirror.
The steam from the shower made the hotel room hotter than hell, but he didn’t feel like complaining to maintenance about the temperature again—this would be the third time. He combed his hair, noting his need for a shave, but he didn’t have much time to get ready. Putting the comb down, he rubbed ointment on his arms and chest. He’d just had three tattoos done and he was taking special care to ensure they healed properly. His upper body was now his personal canvas, a map of his life, trials, and tribulations.
Standing in only his black boxer-briefs, he deliberated on what to wear. I didn’t bring a lot with me… poor planning on my part, I guess.
Sliding on the white t-shirt he had tossed on the dresser, he walked to his suitcase, which was propped on the luggage rack. Sifting through it, he pulled out a pair of jeans and socks. Once fully dressed, he wore his thin gold chain with a small crucifix pendant. He picked up his cellphone, muted the television that was broadcasting the local news, and sat down on the edge of the bed. The phone rang a few times, then Cassidy answered.
“Hello?”
“Cass, it’s Tony. So, uh, I’m just following up, you know, to go out this morning. Where do you want—”
“Um, Tony, I am really tired. It was a long day yesterday. There was a big dinner after the burial, speeches, things like that, and then I had to go over to Grandmama’s house last night and begin to go through all of that stuff. She’s got documents I need to find and—”
“I can help you. You shouldn’t be doing that all by yourself anyway.”
&nbs
p; She huffed. “I can handle it. Some of the information is personal and I don’t want just anybody up in there going through it.”
“I’m not just anybody…”
There was a long silence. “Thank you for the offer, Tony, but I’ve got it. Despite the circumstances, it was nice seeing you. You seem to be doing well.”
“I’m doing okay… things could be worse, things could be better. I’ve been out for two years… somewhat still getting my bearings.” He cleared his throat. “Ya know, Cassidy, we’ll probably never see each other again after today. Regardless of what happened way back then, we cared about one another… and I never stopped caring about you. I know you’re avoiding me, I know you have your reasons as to why you don’t want me to come, but I think for both of our sakes, it would be beneficial.”
“Still the snake oil salesman, I see.”
He chortled and shook his head.
“I can count on one hand how many times I lied to you, Cass. Now with other people? That’s a different story, but I was almost always upfront and honest with you… never sold you snake oil, never sold you anything but tried to give you the world ’cause you deserved it.”
He hung his head as memories of them at a county fair one spring day came to mind. Commemorations of how happy she’d been when he won her a big stuffed Scooby-Doo.
“You’re, uh, you’re right, Tony. I shouldn’t have said that.” She sighed. “I’m just saying things, emotions all over the place. Life’s a little surreal, you know? I can’t believe she’s gone.”
“That’s understandable. Grief is real. Sometimes, with rare people like Grandmama, we think they’re gonna live forever. I’m happy I knew her. She changed my life.” He reached down and nervously scratched his ankle, the memories far too overwhelming. “So.” He took a deep breath. “Is it still a no? Breakfast?” He waited an eternity for a reply.
“I just think it would be awkward and distracting, Tony.”
“Let me come over for just ten minutes then… no restaurant. Just let me say goodbye to you.”
“Okay…”
“Where are you right now?”
“In my hotel room but I am going to head out to Grandmama’s house soon.”
“All right, I’ll meet you over there in an hour.”
“Okay.” And then she disconnected the call.
Tony tossed his phone on the bed and fell back on the comforter, his hands clasped behind his head. Up until that point, he hadn’t been certain how he was going to feel when he saw her again, but when he’d seen her get out of the limousine to enter the church for the funeral, it was as if time had stood still. The same feelings of love, if not greater, that he’d had for her back when they were seventeen and eighteen came rushing back—as if it had never stopped, rested, died. Right there, outside that church, those emotions resurfaced like a sleeping giant. He’d stood in the distance with his arms crossed, watching her; while some became instantly star struck by her presence, he realized he was simply still in love, not just with the girl from Belle Glade, Florida, but with the woman from the City of Angels…
“I’mma be over there tomorrow,” Danica explained over the phone. “And I apologize again for being late for the funeral! At least I got to see you at the dinner last night. Damn airlines! See? I told Kevin not to take Southwest!”
Cassidy laughed and shook her head. She cradled her cellphone close to her ear while she folded up a stack of Grandmama’s handkerchiefs that she’d kept in a little wicker bin in her bedroom closet.
“I told you it was all right. It wasn’t your fault.” Danica had been living in Texas for the past five years with her husband Kevin and her two boys. “I have something to tell you. You won’t believe who I saw at the funeral yesterday.”
“Who? Trey? I wish a mothafucka would! He knew not to let me see his ass! He got some nerve comin’ down here after he—”
“No, no, not Trey,” Cassidy said. “I didn’t even tell him Grandmama died. We don’t talk. Well, I don’t take his calls I should say.” The last thing Cassidy wanted to see was her damn ex-husband. “Tony…”
“Giiiiirl! You lyin’! Montana?! Scarface?! Tha damn Italian Godfather! My White brotha from anotha motha?!”
“Yes!” Cassidy grinned at Danica’s antics as she placed one pile of handkerchiefs off to the side and began a new stack.
“He been outta prison for a while now, right?”
“He said two years. He stays in Jersey now… moved back home I guess after he was released.”
“Are his mama and brother back in Jersey, too?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “My guess is yes, but I haven’t confirmed it. He’s on his way over to say goodbye.”
Danica was silent for a spell… so unlike her. “Y’all ’bout tuh fuck.”
“DANICA! No, we are not! Where do you even get this shit?” Cassidy chuckled.
“Okay, riddle me this and then I’ll figure out if what I say holds water… Numba one, is he still cute? And don’t lie!”
“He’s okay…”
“Lies!”
Cassidy burst out laughing again. “Fine! Yes, yes! He is very attractive.”
“Is he still tall?”
“Does prison make someone shrink? What kinda question is that?”
“I’m tryna make a point here! Good lookin’ and tall… And he came all the way from New fuckin’ Jersey to pay his respects to Grandmama? Oh heffa, yeah… y’all gone be fuckin’ and if it ain’t today, it’ll be tomorrow. Mark my words.”
“Your mind is always in the gutter! That man might be married or have a girlfriend. He probably isn’t even thinking about that!” Cassidy knew that was a damn lie. The way he’d held her at the funeral said it all…
“Gutterville or not, the truth is tha truth. I wanna see him before he goes. When is he headed out?”
“I think later on today but I need to confirm that.”
“If he is stayin’ in town a day or two more, tell him I wanna see him and give him a hug before he leaves.”
“Okay, I will.”
“Tony… my God. Blast from the past… I’ve never forgotten about him, Cassidy. He was a real mothafucka… in a good way. Him and Maize was one of a kind, two peas in a pod. That was his boy. They was so tight, thick as thieves. Remember when he, E.T., Maize, and T.J. was runnin’ from that ol’ lady wit’ the pistol?!”
Cassidy burst out laughing and fell back onto Grandmama’s bed.
“Oh my God, yes! E.T.s crazy ass had gone in her yard and stole those boxes of cookies she had on her porch. Those fools were egging him on. When she saw them out in the street helpin’ him carry the sweets, she grabbed her gun and came out in tha street wit’ nothing but her bra and panties on, wavin’ that pistol! Her wig was half off her head!” Both of them were losing their breath, cracking up so hard. “Maize said Tony looked back and screamed like a girl, said she was gainin’ on ’em! Said her titties were hangin’ out, that they were real long like socks! Tony said he almost fainted when she shot it in the air!” Cassidy could barely breathe now and Danica didn’t seem to be faring any better. “She yelled at Tony, said, ‘Yo’ tall, White lanky ass can’t be mistaken! You look like a long piece of milky bird shit fallin’ outta a dove’s ass!’”
“We was up the street like it was some damn relay race, tellin’ ’em to come on. We could hear Tony and Maize screamin’ from all the way down the street. They sounded like six-year-olds! Wailin’ like they was on fire!” Cassidy had tears coming down her face now, the hearty belly laugh doing honor to a memory she’d long forgotten, one that showed her spirit a damn good time. “When they got to Grandmama’s house, they all busted in the door and almost locked us out; they outran us. Tony come screamin’, ‘Grandmama! Grandmama! Some old hag is chasin’ us wit’ a gun and her goodies hangin’ out!’ Grandmama say, ‘I’m an old hag too so watch yo’ mouth!’ She said she was gonna put ’em all back outside and let Ms. Geraldine have at ’em!”
Cassid
y was now rolling around on the bed and Danica fell into a terrible coughing spell from being so worked up. After a while, the woman settled down, but still couldn’t shake the giggles.
“Oh shit… we had so much funny shit like that happen. I… I miss Maize, Cass.”
Cassidy’s smile slowly faded away.
“I do too, I still think about him from time to time.”
“Cass, I’ll never forget how Tony looked when he was holdin’ him in his arms that night. It gave me chills. I had nightmares that night about it, too. You can’t ever unsee something like that. Tony’s heart broke that night. He and Maize… they were just so close.”
Cassidy set the handkerchiefs aside for a spell to compose herself. Suddenly, she could see the red ambulance lights all over again, hear Tony screaming… Everyone was looking at him, pity in their eyes. It had been one of the saddest scenes she’d seen in her entire life, and she’d seen a lot…
“Danica…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m afraid to see him.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know… I mean, I saw him at the funeral, but now, it’ll be just me and him, in this same house where we shared so much time together. It just… feels strange. He’ll be over here any minute, and a part of me wants to hop in my rental car and speed away, turn off my phone and go someplace he can’t find me.”
“Maybe it’s ’cause he brings back so many memories, you know? Some bad, some good? I think when things like this happen, it is a sign. Don’t fight this; it might be destiny, like Grandmama bringin’ y’all back together again.”
“Danica, don’t start that supernatural shit you into now.” Cassidy got to her feet and went back to folding the handkerchiefs. “I get so tired of hearin’ about tarot cards, sage, astrology and all that crap.”
“Cassidy, I’m serious. Think about it. You ain’t seen him in over twelve years. They say, in numerology, 12 is 1+2 which equals 3. Three is a number of growth, wholeness, and completion. For love, it means someone crossed over and brought two spirits together. So, even if you remove all that out of the equation, just look at the facts. When you do see him again, it’s ’cause he came to Grandmama’s funeral and now he comin’ over there to talk to you ’fore he goes. Don’t nobody do nothin’ like that unless you the itch that he just couldn’t scratch. He ain’t never got over you, girl. He ain’t done wit’ you yet.”