Finding Faith

by Ysabel Wilde

  Copyright © 2013 Ysabel Wilde

  Cover by Indie Pixel Studio

  Interior Design by Angela McLaurin of Fictional Formats

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. Except for the use of quotes in reviews, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher. This Ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and may not be re-sold or given away to others. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author. The author acknowledges the copyrighted credit to Shutterstock, Igorsky, and Forewer.

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  About the Author

  Being this is my very first novel it goes out to several people. The first is to the John in my life, my husband. When he’s not working putting himself out there to help others, he has to listen to the incessant clicking of keys next to his resting head into the early morning hours. He does it with only a minimum of grumbles and I love him for it.

  Staci, you refuse to read the book because erotica embarrasses you, yet you still encourage me as you laugh. Joy, you have been one of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. Every time you told me what part you were at and what was your favorite scene I would smile. Words can’t express how thankful I am to have been friends with both of you for so long.

  Kim, my editor, I don’t know how you still have all your hair after all the fixes you had to make. Even though this isn’t your genre of choice, I’m happy you still enjoyed it.

  Finally, this goes out to a very special group of ladies in my life, my book club. Not just any book club, a special one that only those in it are lucky enough to understand. We bonded over one book in a forum and it’s been us ever since. Each of you brings something special to our group and to me.

  Sabine, you’re always quick to tell me to knock it off, which I need. You say you’re not nice, but I know different.

  Karleigh, I love our conversations when you ask me if we’re talking about John and Faith like they’re real. I say yes and we keep going.

  Diana, you are so full of energy I can feel it through my screen, and you’re always ready to point out things to get me ahead and help me.

  Fiona, I love when you’re saying good morning to me from Ireland when I haven’t been to bed yet, and when you interpret phrases for us.

  Stacie you are last, but certainly not least. You are optimistic, feisty, and a no nonsense kind of girl like myself. Keep the wine flowing for me.

  The feedback and encouragement you girls have given me is worth its weight in gold. I owe all of you the most thanks for telling me I could do this. Without every single one of you this wouldn’t be happening.

  “I have to do it, Hope. I can’t stay here anymore,” Faith spoke gently as if her sister was a fragile piece of glass ready to break from a strong wind. She leaned over and wiped a stray tear from her small shadow’s red-rimmed eye.

  Both girls sat cross-legged on her white eyelet covered bed in the childhood bedroom Faith shared with her sister Joy. Faith soaked up every last detail of the room, burning it into her memory, knowing this was the last time she would see it.

  She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. The smell of summer flowers swirled in the air, instantly calming her. Faith always felt happier in the summer so she tried to keep it going throughout the year, filling her room with blooms even in the dead of winter. With a few more deep breaths, she let the scent fill her head, allowing it to plant a seed of possibilities instead of regrets.

  Her younger sister, Hope, sat curled up with eyes so red and swollen they had become slits. They were usually wide and sweet, but only able to gape across the suitcase now. Faith knew Hope was holding back her own emotions, not wanting to upset Faith about how she felt about the choice. Hope was still making small gasping sounds, trying to hold in her heartache as her chest shuddered with the chore. Faith felt guilty for being the cause of her sister’s pain and she didn’t want to leave Hope with that as her last feeling of the sister that promised to always be there for her and lied.

  Both girls were surrounded by white floral print wallpaper that Faith and Joy had picked out with their dad for a birthday too many years ago to remember which, a happier time in Faith’s life. She wished she could still be that naïve little girl with only thoughts of fairy tales.

  Faith’s other sister, Joy, refused to sit and watch what was happening and would only come into the room to get something, adamant on not looking in the direction of the scene that was unfolding between her other two siblings.

  The visits Joy made to find random objects were getting more frequent. She would stand at their dresser, scanning the space for nothing in particular.

  Faith asked, “Is this how we’re going to leave things, Joy? It’s not you I have the problem with.”

  A sigh came from deep in her chest as she let her shoulders slump forward, letting the strain reveal itself for the first time.

  “Whatever, Faith, you’re a big girl now. You can do whatever you want,” Joy snapped, her chin jutting out in anger.

  Hope could only watch. If she tried to speak nothing would come out, and her older sisters wouldn’t listen to her anyway. Faith had been fighting with her mom for so long now that Hope knew this was a long time coming.

  “I just think it’s pretty lousy that you’re not going to tell John about what you’re doing. Mom I get, you’re pissed at her. But, John? What did he do to deserve this?” Joy shook her head in obvious disgust at her sister.

  “He’ll get over me. He’s been siding with her,” Faith said, turning her eyes away from the mirror image of herself.

  They had never been apart, not even for a day. Knowing it would be a long time until she would see the same long, black hair styled exactly like hers, crystal blue eyes that could read the other’s thoughts, and lips that looked like they were constantly pouting made her stomach churn.

  Joy’s eyes were frantically darting around the dresser, hoping something would appear for her to grab so she could dash out like a scared rabbit.

  “That’s because he loves you, Faith. He wants you to stay like we do. That’s the only reason he’s taking her side,” Joy replied as she kept scanning the nearly bare dresser for something, anything that would let her leave the discussion she didn’t want to have.

  Faith knew her twin was close to breaking.

  Sliding off the bed, Faith dipped around Joy to grab some tops out of a drawer that Joy was standing in front of. Not that she was planning on taking the tops, she was going to start fresh in every aspect, but it was an excuse to get closer to her sister.

  With a free hand, Faith turned her sister to face her. Joy’s body spun, but she refused to turn her face away from the dresser.

  A sniffle came out of Joy, who was older by five minutes, but by the way she acted you would think five years.

  With the same hand Faith had turned her with, she turned Joy’s face and saw the tears welling up in her sister’s eyes. Faith discarded the tops to the ground and replaced them with her sister and said to both girls, “I’m
not leaving you guys. Believe me, its better this way.”

  As she strangled Joy with a hug, Faith made eye contact with Hope, who was still on the bed with tears streaming down her cheeks, her chest heaving to the point that Faith thought she was going to hyperventilate.

  As tears flowed freely now from the other girls in the room, drowning Faith in their sorrow, she felt the need to explain for what seemed the thousandth time.

  “I can’t stand the suffocation anymore. She won’t let us live our own lives. Any decision I make is wrong. You’re the good one. I’ve always come in second in her mind.”

  Her tone was laced with misery and her eyes solidified that feeling. The shine that usually sparkled freely in crystal blue pools was dulled with her reality.

  Faith didn’t want to tell her sisters the real reason. All she could hope was that her moving out would make her mom get her act together. The only solace Faith had was knowing her sisters were old enough to take care of themselves, if need be, and would soon follow behind her.

  “Can’t you wait for me? That was always our plan. We were all going to live together when we were able to. The Three Musketeers, remember?” A shadow of a smile crept onto Joy’s face at the memory.

  “No, you’ll have to meet me,” replied Faith, shaking her head emphatically. “I’ll make sure I get us a nice place and when you’re done with school you can come. You have to finish. Promise me!”

  Faith’s phone beeped before Joy could answer her.

  “Listen, I’m sure that’s John. I was supposed to meet him fifteen minutes ago. You know how he worries about me.”

  “What are you going to tell him?” Hope managed to squeak out with a trembling voice.

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to figure it out as I go. He doesn’t plan to leave this place anyway. He’s even told me he’s going to work with his dad on their farm, so it’s got to end,” Faith said, sucking in a deep breath to keep from cracking.

  Finding her way to a tattered wooden bookcase, she took the two books she knew would give her solace, reminding her of the people she loved the most in her life. Once she tucked the book about small women and another about a knight into a beat-up brown suitcase she was sure wouldn’t be missed, she walked out the door.

  Seven years later...

  The stench of alcohol from drunks mixed with the lemon scented odor from the antiseptic cleaner of the hospital was giving me a headache.

  I was leaning across a counter with my head buried in my folded arms.

  “I swear to God, Grace, if I have to help one more boozer up off our table tonight I’m going to scream, and when you get off shift you’ll be visiting me down in psych.”

  I picked my head up long enough to shoot daggers from my clear blue eyes into the back of my best friend’s head, as if the way the night was turning out was her fault.

  Grace trotted over to the film processor, trading a can of the sour disinfectant spray she’d used to try to rid the stink of a truck driver’s smelly feet for her films.

  She looked more like a beach bunny from California with her blonde hair, tan skin, big boobs and never-ending legs than an X-ray tech from a broken home in Detroit.

  “Hey, I’m not telling them to pinch your ass every time you turn around. Can I help it if they think it’s cute? Take it up with them, don’t go yelling at me,” Grace said holding her hands up defensively, still focused on the X-ray she was checking.

  Grace knew what look she was getting from me and could only chuckle. We had instantly become friends the first night I started working with her, bonding over our horrible family lives.

  Still ignoring the glares, Grace said, “Guess I’ll go wipe down the table before the ER brings over our next patient.”

  Once she got all the way into the adjoining room to make sure she was a safe distance away, she added, “It was a bar fight and he lost. They want to see how mangled his face is. It was over a girl.”

  I could hear the smile in Grace’s voice from the last bit of information she shared, knowing what kind of reaction it would elicit from me.

  Without fail the mumbling of curse words floated from where I stood in our work area, causing a chuckle to float from Grace in the adjoining room.

  It was nights like tonight that I regretted leaving my pleasant, quiet town in Iowa to come to a big city like Chicago. I had felt so unwanted by my parents, mainly my mother. I blamed my father by association. I had to get out. A person can only handle so much.

  The animosity had gotten so bad with my mother I had started to feel like everyone was against me, including my longtime boyfriend. It was like there was a Faith-doesn’t-know-shit club and everyone was quickly becoming part of it. Of course there was no real club, I had only created it in my head. People told me I couldn’t leave, that I would regret it. Namely, my sisters and boyfriend.

  Instead of living with a blind eye to my mother and going with the most likely option, I tried to prove a point. With no warning, I packed a bag and moved away from everything and everyone I loved to reinvent myself. My sisters were the only ones who knew the night I left that I wouldn’t be back.

  I have days that I wonder how my life would have turned out if I’d stayed and dealt with the issues. They’re very rare, but they do happen. I question whether the plans I had made with my sisters would have actually happened? Would we have stayed close? I guess now we’ll never know.

  The days I think about my life with my ex-boyfriend aren’t as rare, unfortunately. What would my life have been like if I had married him? Not that he asked, but we were serious, and the idea popped into my head more than once. What girl doesn’t think about it? Unbeknownst to him, what was supposed to just be a romantic night turned out to be our last one together. We had the most amazing sex, and that was exactly how I always wanted to remember him, my knight.

  For the most part, I was happy with the new life I had created, but I always had a nagging feeling in my stomach that seemed to be growing bigger as the days passed.

  Under circumstances that had been swirling around me as of late, tonight was one of many nights that I wished I could go back in time. Maybe if I had put myself in my sisters’ shoes, then I’d still have them in my life now.

  A sudden shiver ran from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, reminding me that getting my old life back wasn’t an option, and I quickly dismissed the thought like I had so many other times before.

  Glancing up I saw a chilling reminder. I was confronted with the dark, menacing stare of the one other person in my life who could make me feel like nothing but a piece of trash. Dr. Brad Price was tall, lean, all muscle and my most recent ex-boyfriend. His short, messy hair was as dark as midnight, with eyes that matched. A thin, sharp nose and a jaw that could cut glass helped define everything. His features were set against smooth, pale skin, making women’s heads turn because of the stark contrast.

  We stood in silence staring at one another. If my feet weren’t glued to the ancient floor in fear I would have run. He always had that effect on me when he gave that look. His anger usually resulted from not getting what he wanted. While together I tried my damnedest to stay as far away from that emotion as possible.

  “Aren’t you going to say hi?” Brad asked, his eyes penetrating me.

  Running my tongue over dry teeth chattering behind my lips I squeaked out, “What do you want?” I could hear how pathetic I sounded.

  Brad stepped up, taking a piece of hair that had fallen out of my pony and tucking it behind my ear. “What are you going to tell them?” he asked gently, but his eyes were burning into my face while he waited for my response.

  “I don’t know, Brad,” I said, staring off to the far corner of the room. Where the hell was Grace when I needed her?

  A quick, sinister laugh slipped out between Brad’s curled lips when he said, “Faith, you know what you’re going to say. Everyone already thinks you did it. Who knows, maybe I’ll even be willing to take you back when it is all over.”
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  I couldn’t respond because my tongue had joined my feet.

  “If you had listened to me in the first place you wouldn’t even be in this mess,” he continued casually. “That was always your problem, questioning everything. Is it my fault everybody who works here can see you for what you are?”

  Yes, it was. He started the nasty rumors, and being who he is around here the wagon filled up fast.

  Tears burned my eyes as they welled up, fighting to come out. How much more of this was I going to have to endure? Surely, I’d end up in a corner if he continued. My hands began to tremble, and I stuck them in my pockets to hide the reaction. But he didn’t miss a thing. His black eyes gleamed, causing me to brace myself for what would come next.

  Before I could bring myself down anymore, Grace reappeared in the doorway with a tall, lanky officer at her side. His duty belt hung heavy around his slim waist, looking like it would pull him down if one more bullet was stored inside.

  The disheveled dishwater blonde hair complemented his washed out green eyes, giving the impression that he had just woken up instead of having been working most of the night. His baby face was one any mom would trust, and any woman would want to pinch.

  Their heads whipped between Brad and me before Grace said in an acid tone, “Can I help you, Doctor?” Her eyes becoming slits as she watched us with suspicion.

  With his eyes locked on me Brad said, “No thank you, Grace.” Breaking our connection he turned to Grace and Mike with a sweet smile on his face and finished, “I need to get back to taking care of the patients.”

  He tossed a casual wave in their direction while sauntering out of the department as if he’d just come in to give a friendly hello.

  Once Brad was out of view two pairs of concerned eyes were on me, waiting for the breakdown I fought with every fiber to hold back. I would not let them feel bad for me.

  If I didn’t get my mind off of what happened I would become a worthless shell of a human and I couldn’t do that to Grace.