Finding Faith

by Ysabel Wilde

  “Of course I did. You deserve better than this, and one day I want to give it to you, but I hope that tonight this will do. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to have you.”

  My stomach hurt, like a vice was squeezing it, with the thought of what I was going to do soon. This wasn’t the reaction I thought she would give, so I was thrown off. I let go of her waist and wrapped her hand in mine and led her to the blanket.

  As I reached the edge of the blanket I was met with resistance. Faith stood still, taking in every corner one at a time, her face still blank. I let go of her and sat in the center of the blanket, opening my arms and legs for her to come cuddle with me. It felt like an eternity for her to look at me and see what I was silently asking.

  Like a switch, Faith’s expressionless face smiled. She hopped over to me and plopped herself directly in the center of my legs, leaning up against me, letting out a sigh of contentment.

  She turned her head up and put a quick kiss on my jaw. “Thank you, this is exactly how I want to remember tonight.” Then she placed another kiss in the same sensitive spot, making me groan.

  My cock was already twitching away from the first sight of her. I ate her up, wrapping her up completely with all of my limbs, resting my head on her shoulder, burying my nose in her hair. “You had me worried for a second,” I whispered in her ear. My heart leapt back into my throat as I felt the box digging into my hip.

  I planted an open kiss under her ear where I knew she went crazy and felt her tense up under my touch. “We’re okay, right?” I asked, placing another kiss under the last. “You seem a little tense.”

  Faith tilted her head, giving me easier access to her throat, but also letting her see me out of the corner of her eye. “No, John, it’s great. Really,” she said softly.

  I made a trail of kisses leading to the curve of her shoulder before saying, “Then what’s wrong? Something doesn’t feel right, Faith.” I put another kiss on her shoulder. “You can tell me anything. Don’t you trust me?”

  “John, you’re one of the only people I do trust. I just want you to make love to me. Please.”

  “There’s no rush. I want tonight to be special.

  Did you get to see everything?” I looked around and then back at her. “Do you want some champagne?”

  Faith shook her head, her eyes heavy with lust. That was all I needed. My mouth was on hers before she could take another breath.

  My stiff cock pushed against her mound through her thin dress as I pulled the straps down to free her breasts. My mouth moved down, covering the exposed puckering nipple, engulfing it with the heat of my mouth as I suckled to make it tighter.

  I rolled and pinched the opposite nipple as I continued to tease the first with my mouth. Faith let a purr escape her throat, her body going completely slack in my hands.

  The free hand went up her dress and found drenched panties. “Faith, I don’t think I’ve ever felt you this wet before. Shit, it’s making me harder. I didn’t even know that was possible.”

  With one tug I ripped off her panties, her arousal hitting my nose. “God, Faith, Do you have any idea how hard I’m trying to control myself right now?” I shoved her panties in my pocket for safe keeping next to the box.

  Her smell drove me insane. I ground my stone hard cock that was still hiding behind my jeans against her heat. Instead of relieving me of my pain it made me cringe more.

  Faith could only shake her head and moan. I had never been like this with her before and she was completely lost to me. Her eyes were glued to mine, telling me something but I couldn’t figure out what. She reached a hungry hand between us and rubbed my cock. With the attention she gave me and the surge of emotions I felt for her I was ready to come.

  I went back to the burning slit between her legs and inserted first one finger, massaging her inside until she let out another purr. To make her nice and soaked, I inserted another finger and found her sensitive spot, rubbing. I wanted to drive her mad, adding my thumb in circular motions to her clit as I finger fucked her. She started to clench my fingers with her pussy, arching her back up involuntarily.

  She screamed out, “Yes, yes, yes. More, more,” her words coming between pants. I kept up my relentless attack until I could feel her squirt on my finger, her come dripping down onto my hand.

  I didn’t want her to forget this night as long as we lived. I knew I wouldn’t.

  “Ouch. John, something’s poking me.”

  “How could it not, you’re so damn sexy. That was such a turn on. I don’t know how I didn’t come just by watching,” I said, with a smug chuckle.

  “No, John. It’s in your pocket. What is it?”

  I had gotten so swept up in Faith I forgot about the ring I was planning to give her. I had meant to do that first.

  “Don’t worry about that. It’s for you, but I can give it to you later.” I hiked up her dress as I descended, meeting the top of her curls that I loved. Like two magnets pulled to each other, I sucked in her clit.

  I licked her from top to bottom making her wetter than she already was.

  “John, please I need you in me.”

  “I know, baby, you’ll get it, trust me.” I was answered back with a hand full of my hair being pulled eagerly.

  A burning filled where she tugged and it got me excited, making me want to pleasure her even more.

  Once I drove her to the verge again, I undid my pants and slid the entire length of my cock deep inside her. With slow, steady thrusts, I worked her until she was scratching at my back, pulling my hair, screaming like a wild animal. “Harder, John, faster. I don’t want to forget this. Please,” she screeched out as I pounded into her again and again, bringing us both to climax.

  “Faith, I love you,” I groaned out as my hot cum spurted inside her. I buried my head deep into her neck and breathed in the smell of her, me, us.

  We both lay in silence, trying to catch our breath. I rolled onto my back taking her with me.

  Had it always been like this, or was it because tonight would be special? I was trying to remember. Another gust of wind blew, causing the sweat on my skin to form goose bumps.

  I helped Faith fix her dress, making sure not to touch bruises I noticed forming on her ribs. Damn, girls played hard. Once we had our clothes back in place, I got up to get us a drink.

  “You sure earned this, sweetheart,” I said, opening the bottle like a pro, not spilling a drop. It only took me ten bottles and a couple hundred dollars to make it look that easy.

  Faith was sitting curled up with her legs bent to her chest, her head resting on her knees, watching me. She could watch me for days. She would tell me she loved the way I moved so deliberate.

  “No, I didn’t. You did everything,” she said, with a dreamy voice.

  “Umm, wrong. Do you want to see the blood on my back? Will that be enough proof? I didn’t realize I had my own kitty, meow. I can only hope you’ll grow up to be my cougar.” I lifted an eyebrow, giving her a wink.

  Faith smiled, shaking her head at me. I could always make her laugh.

  “Faith, you look pale. Are you feeling all right,” my joking, disappeared. I put the back of my hand to her forehead. “You feel fine. What is it?” I rested my hand on her bare shoulder and bent down to look her in the eyes. She looked away.

  Faith was rubbing her hands on her sundress. Before I could ask her about it, she jumped up. “I can’t stay, John, I need to go.” She looked around like she was forgetting something.”

  “What?”

  “John, I have to go. I love you for doing this for me.” The color in her face was slowly draining.

  “You can’t leave yet, we have to talk. I have to ask you something really important.” I couldn’t let her leave yet. I hadn’t done what I needed to do. A surge of panic steamrolled over me. I knew I had to persuade her to stay longer, but how?

  “We haven’t had a chance to really say hi yet. You haven’t had any champagne. I wanted to make tonight special.” I tri
ed not to let my hysteria show, but I doubted I was successful. It was like Godzilla stepping on your home hysteria.

  “Making me gush like a faucet wasn’t saying hi? I would hate to see what would happen if you said good-bye,” Faith said. Her eyes bugged out for a split second and then she looked around, almost as anxious as I felt. She was raking her hands through her raven hair, fidgeting with her hands, unable to hold still. Her eyes were shining, ready to break down into tears. She didn’t notice my turmoil. I must have been hiding mine better.

  “I like to think of it more as a handshake,” I said, with a weak chuckle, wanting to lighten our moods.

  Faith’s coloring quickly turned pasty. I went to her, pinning her arms to her sides to keep her near me, but it didn’t stop her from looking everywhere else except at me.

  “Faith, calm down. Do you not feel well, is that it?” I had to make a conscious effort to not squeeze so tight. I didn’t want to hurt her. Faith only nodded her head, taking a big gulp.

  I didn’t want her to associate her marriage proposal with being sick. To be honest, I was feeling unsure about doing it now too. I wished I could have kept my dick in my pants long enough to have asked her when she had first gotten here and then made love to her.

  When she asked me so desperately I couldn’t deny her and, truthfully, I didn’t want to. I never denied Faith. I liked seeing her happy, even if it meant we did what she wanted, when she wanted.

  “Let me pack all this up and get it in your car. Then I’ll drive you back home.” I let go of her and turned so I could pick everything up.

  “No, John, I need to go before I get sick. I don’t want you seeing me this way,” Faith said, her voice sounding farther away with each word that came out.

  When I spun back to her she was running to her car. “Faith, wait, don’t leave. I’ll take care of you.” I chased after her, but she must have run when I turned because I couldn’t catch up.

  “Don’t worry, John. I’ll call you if I can.”

  She got in her car, stuck her head out of the open window, blew me a kiss and then she was gone.

  For her to say she wasn’t deserving enough to be with me boggled my mind. All the years we had dated I felt it was me who wasn’t worthy.

  What happened to her? I decided I needed to find out. Blessed to find her again, one way or another I was going to get Faith back.

  I hadn’t made it very far into her place, but from the looks of it she lived alone. Last I knew her sisters were going to move in with her. They were inseparable. I let my relationship with them end because I couldn’t handle seeing Faith every time I looked at Joy. Not only did I lose my first and only love, but I also lost others I considered family.

  Faith’s relationship with George piqued my interest. If George and Faith were serious he never did make it known, and Faith sure didn’t say anything while she and I were doing whatever that was we were doing. Working with George for twenty-four hours at a time let me get to know the guy pretty well. So well I knew not to make chili if I wanted a peaceful night.

  Come to think of it, nothing jumped out as any male spending much time with Faith. I would have left things everywhere to mark my territory and stake my claim. A pair of boxers under a cushion, a love note about the great sex on a Post-It on the fridge. Another note about how hot she was on the bathroom mirror, or maybe the album I put together of us on that lonely bookcase. Basically, I would leave anything lying around that would make a strange guy uncomfortable. If I knew I could get away with it, I would mark things like a dog and Faith would be the first one.

  By the time I set foot into my condo on Michigan Avenue, I was drained. This place was the only luxury I allowed myself to splurge on with the money I had been left. The only reason I had ended up buying something so extravagant was because everything else I looked at was a pit.

  I glanced around noticing how much it shouted typical bachelor pad compared to Faith’s small place.

  In the dining room, instead of a table, I had a pool table that was centered between a wall of windows and a solid wall that had a dart board on it. One of the corners was taken up with a keg orator for when I hosted sports parties.

  I had a media room on the opposite end of the condo. Who has a media room? This guy, that’s who. I wasn’t looking for it but it was part of the layout, so who am I to argue? On the longest wall opposite the door of that room hung an eighty-inch flat-screen with a chocolate microfiber sectional directly in front.

  A burst of loneliness hit me knowing she was so close and wasn’t here with me where she should be.

  Between taming my hard on and my temper, I couldn’t handle anymore. I dragged my lead-filled legs over to the fridge. Relieved that I still had a supply of beer from when the guys came over I snagged one. Before taking a chug I put the cold bottle against my still very present bulge to see if that would shock it into submission, it didn’t help.

  Not wanting to go any further, I collapsed on the bourbon colored leather couch in the living room, staring out at the lake. I felt as if I had just gotten hit head on by a truck. A very attractive truck named Faith.

  Tired of shifting around dealing with what was quickly becoming blue balls, I finished the beer while deciding how I should handle the situation.

  The thoughts of Faith that kept reeling in my mind, past and present, is what was prolonging my torture. Instead of ignoring it hoping the pain would go away on its own, I decided to take it into my own hands, literally. I toyed with the idea to jerk myself off while I sat here, but with how much pent up desire I had it would be messy, and I did need a shower, so I figured I’d take care of two birds with one stone. Painfully, I pulled myself up, hobbling to the bathroom undoing my pants as I went, wanting to get a head start on feeling better. I wasted no time in rubbing the throbbing cock, imagining my hand was Faith’s wrapped around me. I already felt the relief with each stroke. I couldn’t wait to get in the shower.

  By the time I managed to crawl out of bed the next day it was almost noon. I was balancing a bowl of cereal that had marshmallows floating around in it, about to take a bite, when the intercom buzzed.

  “Yo, bro, let me in. I got beer,” Luke drawled. He was downstairs ready to watch the Bears game.

  This year would be one of the hardest for me in a long time. Faith always spent Thanksgiving with my family. When I had neither, I started my own tradition of football to escape the sorrow even though it wasn’t nearly the same. This year, since Luke didn’t have family close either, we decided to spend Thanksgiving Day doing what I usually did alone, watching football.

  Faith wasn’t with me so it still sucked like it did every year. The worst part this time being she was so close yet so far away.

  I took a quick look at all the empty beer bottles that were sitting on the counter and thought about tossing them out and then decided who really cared.

  I waited in the doorway. When Luke said he had beer that meant he had no free hands, and I didn’t feel like having a permanent hole in my door from his foot.

  The elevator opened revealing my friend just like I thought. He had three cases of beer stacked one on top of the other, carrying them with ease. The only part of him that could be seen was the top of his disheveled blonde head and his dark blue eyes peeking over the top box. The man really was a beast.

  He was tall and lean, but he had muscle that he kept hidden, it wasn’t about bulk for him.

  The most intimidating facet of him, some would say, was his complete tattooed sleeves.

  “What the hell, Luke! We’re not having a party.”

  “I wanted to make sure we had enough in case anyone else decides to come over.” Luke dropped the cases next to the fridge. When he turned around he saw all the empty bottles sitting next to the sink.

  “Looks like you already had a party. Did you forget my invitation?”

  “I didn’t have a party,” I grumbled, walking past him and collapsing on the couch. My head flopped backwards in pain. It’s been
years since I had a hangover and now I realized how much I didn’t miss them.

  “I saw you chasing Faith out of the bar last night. Then not long after Mike and Grace left. George was pissed by the way. It was awesome,” Luke smirked.

  “You know Faith?” I managed to pick my head up long enough to look at Luke.

  “Yeah, I know Faith.” Luke put the beer he brought away and grabbed the last cold one sitting on the shelf, then he joined me on the couch. “So tell me again how you didn’t have a party if all you guys drank that?” Luke asked.

  “I drank that.” I waved a lazy hand in the general direction, keeping my eyes closed. The sun that shone in reminded me of how stupid I had been. Not only was I feeling lousy, but also guilty. The last thing I felt like doing was explaining my past to Luke. The guy was a walking hard on. The only consolation I had to drinking that much was I woke up alone, unlike all the other times.

  “There’s at least a case of beer there. I’ve never even seen you drink two in a single hour much less an entire case in a night.” He ran a hand through his messy hair, not making it look any different.

  “So how do you know Faith?” A sharp pain shot across my forehead as I said her name. I wanted to get Luke to stop grilling me about the beer. So, like distracting a kitten with some catnip, I waved Luke’s own addictive treat, women.

  “We’re friends. I met her at the hospital. Did you get a piece of ass or what? I really want to date her, but she won’t give me the time of day.”

  After taking a drink he mumbled behind the bottle, “I knew we shouldn’t have nicknamed you Killer, dammit.”

  Luke hopped off the couch and strode over to the balcony doors, peering out into the calm city. “Damn, you’re one lucky bastard. What a view.” He took a long swig of his beer as he surveyed the landscape. “I bet you get to see hundreds of topless girls out on the boats during the summer.” He shook his head and came back to the couch.

  “Yeah, lucky bastard, tThat’s me,” I said vacantly, watching him through heavy lids. What I wouldn’t give everyday to be unlucky and have my parents.