Dean's List

by Stacy Claflin

  Dean laughed loudly as he finished up some story about a friend from work. Lydia smiled and said something to sound engaged. She watched him, conflicted. On one hand, she saw the man she had fallen in love with so long ago. It felt like decades, but they hadn't reached their seven-year itch yet. On the other hand, she also saw the man who had refused to touch her for so long. But given Lydia's recent findings, that was probably a good thing.

  She didn't want to be involved with a serial killer, but getting away was the tricky part. If she initiated a divorce, she risked his wrath. The last thing she wanted was to end up on a clipping under their floorboards. If she left before saying anything, she would always have to look over her shoulder. One thing she had learned from her years of marriage….

  No one crossed Dean Harris.

  Discussion

  Cara sat down on the couch next to Ethan. He glanced her way, not taking his attention off the show and then scooted over away from her.

  "Why do you find me so repulsive?" asked Cara, frowning.

  Ethan picked up the remote from the cushion and turned the TV off. "Do you think I'm stupid, Cara?"

  Cara's heart dropped into her stomach. "What do you mean, hon?" She forced a smile.

  He narrowed his eyes. "You never told me the results of our fertility testing."

  She stared at him. He couldn't know. He just couldn't.

  Ethan continued, "I've been waiting for you to come clean."

  Cara's heart pounded so loud it sounded like it was in her ears.

  "You're planning on pretending we can be a happy family—with someone else's baby."

  "I…I…what are you talking about?"

  "You're going to play dumb, even now?" Ethan's face grew red and his spit landed on her face.

  "What are you talking about?" Cara snapped. "I'm not playing."

  He laughed.

  "You know what I mean." She folded her arms.

  "Whose baby is it?" Ethan narrowed his eyes.

  "Ethan, it's yours…ours. We're going to be a family."

  "I'm not an idiot, Cara."

  "I never said you were."

  "Then have enough respect for me to tell the truth." He stepped closer, furrowing his eyebrows.

  "We're a family. You, me, and the baby."

  "Oh, stop. We both know someone else fathered the baby. I have proof."

  "You…you…can't…how?" Cara sputtered.

  Ethan's eyebrows came together. "I've left the chatty Cara speechless? That's a first." He shook his head. "I knew the fertility results were due, so I called the clinic from work. Imagine my surprise to find out that you'd known for weeks. I actually gave you the benefit of the doubt. I thought you were in so much pain that you couldn't bring yourself to say it."

  "I was," Cara whispered.

  "Right." Ethan sat up straight. "That's why a week later you came to me with your pregnancy results. I have zero chance of having a child naturally." His voice cracked. "None, Cara!"

  She stared at him.

  "But you knew that already—you knew before I did. If you had your way, I still wouldn't know, would I?"

  "Ethan, I—"

  "Did you know they have procedures that could've helped us have kids, even though my sperm count is so low?" His eyes shone with tears. "You didn't have to jump in bed with the first guy you saw—or were you already seeing him?"

  "No. It's not like that, Ethan. I've always been true to you."

  He stared at her bulging belly and laughed. "Right. I can see that. Some other man's baby is in you."

  "I wasn't trying to cheat on you."

  "How did it happen?" Ethan's lips formed a straight line and he stared into her eyes.

  Cara took a deep breath. "I didn't mean for it to happen. When I found out, you were at work. I ran to talk to one of my friends." Cara looked away, considering her words carefully. Then she decided just to spit it out. "She wasn't home, but her husband was…and when it was over, I couldn't believe what I'd just done."

  "Right."

  "It's true."

  "Oh?" he asked. "Your clothes just happened to come off, and he accidentally knocked you up?"

  "I didn't mean for it to happen."

  "Yet you let it happen, anyway. Who is the father?"

  Cara looked away, tears blurring her vision.

  "Who is it?" shouted Ethan.

  "Does it matter? We can still be a family. Think of it as an adoption, only without the paperwork."

  "Have you lost your mind?"

  "Of course not. We're married, and legally, the child is yours."

  "Who's the father?" Ethan demanded.

  "You are."

  "Cara, you're the most annoying, lying sack of—"

  "It's Dean."

  Ethan swore. "Dean? Your best friend's husband? Have you told Lydia?"

  Cara blinked tears onto her face and then shook her head.

  "Does Dean know it's his? Or was it a one-time thing, and you've been lying to everyone involved?"

  "He knows."

  "Really?" Ethan grabbed some of his hair and pulled it tight into his fist. "So his friendliness at the meeting was a lie. He knew he'd betrayed our friendship, and he acted like nothing was wrong. Does he plan on raising it?"

  "No." More tears fell.

  Ethan punched the arm of the couch. "You really thought this would work? You lying about the father?"

  "I thought it could work. You'll be a great father."

  He stared at her, and Cara could feel the fury. She had never seen him so upset before. "Are you still seeing him?"

  Cara couldn't find the words. They were stuck in her throat.

  "Answer me!"

  Cara jumped. "The man who's only home a few days a month?"

  Ethan's nostrils flared. "That's not an answer to my question. Have you seen him since that one time?"

  "Obviously when I told him about the baby."

  "You slept with him then, too?" Ethan exclaimed.

  "That's not what I meant."

  "It's what I meant. Have you slept with him since the night of conception? Answer me."

  Cara looked down at her freshly manicured nails. More tears escaped as she nodded.

  "Look at me and answer!"

  A large lump in Cara's throat nearly choked her. She looked at Ethan. "Yes. It happened again."

  Ethan shook his head, his face reddening. "You know, if it was just that one time…I could see trying to make it work. Maybe. But you've been back with him? How dare you tell me it was a mistake when you've been with him since then?"

  "Because you're disgusted by me!" she shouted.

  He grabbed her arm. "That's where you're mistaken. I've been disgusted by knowing you're carrying another man's baby. I was hoping you'd talk to me about it, but instead you've been acting like nothing's wrong. We're through, Cara."

  "What? No. You can't do this."

  "I can't do this?" he yelled, standing. "And why not, exactly? I work sixty-plus hours a week so you can stay home and pamper yourself. You play with the other spoiled housewives all day while I work myself to the bone. Believe it or not, I've always been fine with that. I take my role as provider seriously, but when you step out on me like that—repeatedly—I won't stand for it. You need to find someplace else to live."

  "What?" Cara felt cold and began shivering. "You can't do this to me. Where will I go?"

  "You should have thought about that before you started a relationship with your best friend's husband. Maybe Lydia will let you stay at her place. Should I call her?"

  Cara jumped up. "You wouldn't."

  "No. You're right. I'll leave that to you. You'd better start packing. I need to contact my attorney."

  "But you—"

  "Don't worry. You'll be more than fairly compensated. I don't want a huge court battle. I'll give you more than you ever would be granted by a court so long as you don't hire your own attorney and fight me. Then I won't give you a thing more than I'm required to."

 
Cara stared at him, the weight of everything nearly crushing her.

  "Despite all this, Cara, I still love you. I really wanted you to say that it was a one-time thing and that you regretted it with your whole heart. That's what I hoped you would say…and I hoped you would say it without me asking." He walked away.

  "When are you kicking me out?"

  Ethan turned around. "I'm not cruel. You can stay in one of the guest rooms for tonight at least, but you need to think seriously about where you're going after this." He turned around and left the room. Cara could hear him dialing his cell phone.

  She sat on the couch and sobbed into her hands. Why had she been so stupid to think she could pull it off? Ethan was right. She had betrayed the ones she loved most. Cara had convinced herself that Lydia wouldn't care—and maybe she wouldn't, but if Cara had been so sure, why had she gone out of her way to keep it hidden from her? Because it would hurt Lydia…or because Cara was afraid one of her best friends would hate her?

  They had grown so close when Lydia had been seeing her mystery man. Cara knew it was Chad Mercer. She had figured it out just watching Lydia at the HOA meetings. Though she tried to be discreet, Lydia watched him like a lost puppy. Cara could see it in her eyes: Chad was the one who had Lydia's heart.

  Her lips quivered. Looking at him, she realized how much she loved him and didn't want to lose him. She stood up. "Ethan, I was stupid. I never should've let it happen, not even once. No matter how much I was upset about us not being able to have a baby. Please, can we work this out?"

  "How many times, Cara?" Ethan asked.

  Cara looked away, unable to speak.

  "You can't even tell me?"

  "It's not like I kept count," she whispered.

  "So many times you can't even remember?" He punched a wall.

  "I thought you hated me. I promise never to see him again. Please. Let's work this out."

  Sadness covered his face, replacing the look of rage. "I wish I could say yes, but I can't trust you. Without trust, what are we left with?"

  "I can go into counseling. I can change." Cara ran over to him and clung to him. "I'll do anything, Ethan. I was stupid. Do you hear me? Stupid. I was wrong. I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you. No matter what you say, I'll do it. I don't care how humiliating it is. I'll publicly apologize. Whatever you want."

  He kissed the top of her head. "Begging isn't pretty, Cara. It doesn't suit you."

  She looked into his eyes. "I don't care. I can't lose you."

  "You should have thought about that all those times you slept with Dean."

  "I'll cut it off with him. I promise to never speak to him, or even look at him ever again. You have my word."

  "Cut it off? It's serious enough for you to use that phrase?"

  "No. That's not what I meant. I just—"

  "Cara, stop while you're ahead."

  "Ahead? Ahead of what?" She looked around in desperation, trying to find something to say to convince him to give it another chance.

  "I'm leaving your infidelity out of the divorce proceedings. Remember the prenuptial agreement my parents insisted we sign?"

  A horrible sound escaped Cara's throat. She'd forgotten all about the prenup. It felt as though the world was going to crush her.

  "How are you going to explain…?" She looked down at her stomach.

  "Simple. I won't mention it. I know you're not going to come after me for any kind of support. A simple blood test would prevent me from any responsibility. That's only if my medical records don't—"

  "Okay. Please stop. I get it."

  "You really should get packing. You've got twenty-four hours to figure something out."

  Cara stepped back, defeated. "I'm basically walking away with my clothes and jewelry, and that's it?"

  "I told you I'm going to give you more than the courts would. I'll put your car in your name, but you'll be responsible for the payments now." He pointed to the kitchen table. "Your grandparents gave us the kitchen set. You can take it. That lamp by the TV, I know how much you love it. It's yours."

  "But your mom picked it out for us."

  Ethan looked into her eyes and took her hand. His eyes shone with tears. "As heartbroken as I am, I still want you to be happy. The last thing I could wish on you would be anything ill. I just can't be married to you any longer. I'm sorry, Cara. I really hoped you'd come to me and admit your one-time mistake so we could work through this."

  "But we can make this work. I'll stop seeing Dean—I mean, I won't ever look at him again. You know what I mean. Like I said, I'll do anything you want."

  "I said I don't want you to beg." He wiped tears away from his eyes. "This kills me, Cara. I really wanted to grow old with you. But I can't ever move past this. Not an intentional affair."

  Cara's eyes widened. "It wasn't an affair, Ethan. It was a mistake."

  He shook he his head, his entire body shaking. "Not when it happened that many times and you use phrases like 'cut it off.' I wish this could be repaired."

  "It can't."

  He shook his head and then cleared his throat. "You need to move out, Cara."

  "Aren't you afraid of what people will think? You kicking your pregnant wife out?"

  He raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you won't allow anyone to think anything like that."

  Cara shook her head. "No."

  "You'd better get packing. I'll hire someone for the bigger stuff. You'll need help unloading it wherever you go."

  "How can I find someplace in just a day?"

  "You're resourceful. I'm sure you can do it." He walked away, dialing his phone again.

  "Wait!"

  He turned around and looked at her.

  "How am I going to pay for a place to live? No one is going to hire me. Not after they take one look at me."

  "I'll take care of your first month. Give you a chance to get on your feet. Or you can always move in with your mom. She always says she never sees you enough."

  "I'd rather live in an apartment."

  "Suit yourself." He held up his phone, still looking deflated, and showed her the time. "Moving closer to twenty-three hours."

  Cara looked around. The house felt like it was suffocating her. It was her home—she had thought she would grow old there. Now she had less than a day to figure out where she was going to move. She would never again see the inside of the walls. She looked around. Her touch was everywhere. Ethan didn't care about decorating. She had picked out nearly everything in sight, but only a small percentage of it would be hers. And if she tried to fight him, even less would be.

  Countdown

  Sweat broke out on Cara's forehead. It was past two in the morning, but she didn't know by how much. The last time she'd looked at the clock it was just after, but that felt like hours ago. She slid another book into the box. Another piece of her life packed away.

  Her lower back ached, but there was no time to worry about that. Anything left in the house after the twenty-four hour mark would stay. Why had she slept with Dean when she had signed a prenuptial agreement? Probably because she had forgotten all about it. Ethan had never once mentioned it since they signed it, and even then he had been so nonchalant about it.

  Cara was a true rags-to-riches story, and that was why his parents—mostly his mother—had insisted on the agreement. If she had come from a world of private schools and golf lessons, that wretched woman probably wouldn't have said a word about it. But because she hadn't come from wealth, and because that shrew had nagged her son into a prenup, Cara now had no leg to stand on.

  That was one thing she recalled from the paperwork. If she slept with anyone else, she would lose everything gained from marriage, only walking away with what she had brought in. Ethan was being much kinder than he needed to be. Cara knew that much. She also knew he had probably spoken the truth—if she had been with Dean only the first time, he would have given it a chance.

  A pain shot through her belly, so she sat down on the nearest chair. She was pushing
herself too far, but what other choice did she have? She wasn't going to get an extra minute to pack, and she still had no idea where she was going. A small moving truck was scheduled to arrive, but there was no destination.

  Her stomach squeezed. Maybe she needed a little sleep. The last thing she needed was to send herself into premature labor. It was way too early, and she would lose the baby for sure. That little person nestled beneath her ribs was all she had left in the world. A tear slid down her face, and she wiped it away.

  Cara left the box where it was and headed for the nearest guest room. She needed to rest. She set the alarm on her cell phone as she walked. The pains in her stomach and the ache in her back continued, but she thought they were easing up. It was hard to tell.

  Maybe, just maybe, Ethan would give Cara some more time if she was having pregnancy-related problems. He was mad, but not cruel.

  She slid into the bed, surprised at how comfortable it was. They hadn't put much thought into the guest furniture, or at least she hadn't. Ethan might have. Cara was realizing just how thoughtful he really was. That was something she hadn't paid attention to in a long time.

  Cara found a semi-comfortable position and closed her eyes. Her mind raced, not allowing her tired body to sleep. She put her hands on her stomach and tried not to think about anything.

  Would she still be able to be friends with Bri, Savannah, and Lydia? With Lydia, that would depend on a lot of things. She might be furious at Cara. Lydia had wanted to have a baby with Dean so badly, but then she fell in love with Chad, so it was possible she didn't care about Dean anymore. Cara had a hard time believing their lovebird show at the HOA meeting.

  Lydia had been acting strange, but then why would she have been holding Dean's hand at the meeting?

  Cara had had mixed feelings about seeing them together. At first she'd been upset, but then she thought it would be good for her friend, even if it meant Dean had to cut things off with her.

  Now Cara didn't know what she wanted from Dean. Did she want to see if he would raise the baby with her? If she did that, she could kiss her friendship with Lydia goodbye. Even if Lydia didn't care about Dean, it would just be too awkward. Bri might also be mad at her. She was close to Lydia and wasn't happy about Dean being the dad, but she couldn't say anything due to Cara knowing her secret.