Crossing the Ice

by Jennifer Comeaux

  “Being with your family is important. Going with this girl to the wedding of people you barely know isn’t.”

  “Courtney.” Josh’s voice was so soft I had to strain to hear. “Her name is Courtney.”

  “I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but she’s not more important than your family.”

  “She’s very important.”

  I rested my head against the cinder block wall and shut my eyes. I could picture the confrontation between Josh and his dad from the shortness in their tones. I imagined Mr. Tucker’s imposing figure in his long black coat and Josh’s blue eyes flashing with irritation.

  “It’ll be good for you to be away from her tonight. You need to start putting some distance between you. This relationship can’t continue once you’re in school. You won’t have time for it.”

  “I’ll make time.”

  “You need to be focused on school, not worrying about a girl on the other side of the country. The sooner you end this, the better.”

  “I don’t want to end it.” Josh’s soft voice grew harder every time he spoke.

  “Trust me on this. You’re going to be apart for years. I have a lot more life experience than you, and situations like yours have a slim chance of surviving.”

  Josh was either quiet or speaking so low I couldn’t hear. He might’ve been thinking about the odds of us surviving. I’d been thinking about it so much lately that I’d even done an internet search for “percentage of long-distance relationships that fail.” The surveys hadn’t seemed very reliable.

  I heard Josh talking, and I angled my ear closer to the doorway.

  “…know what we’re doing.”

  The swinging door from the lobby to the rink squeaked, so I guessed Josh had walked out on his dad. I waited in the office and didn’t go back into the rink until I was sure Mr. Tucker was no longer in the lobby.

  Josh came out of the locker room, shrugging on his jacket, and he marched straight toward me. “What time should we leave for Boston?”

  I cocked my head to one side. “We talked about this. You have to stay here.”

  “I don’t want to stay here. I want to be with you.”

  “I want to be with you, too, but you rarely see your parents.”

  “I can see them when I move home. Tonight should be our night.” He took one of my hands between both of his. “I want to dance with you and laugh with you and celebrate what’s been the best year of my life. And I want to kiss you like a boss at midnight.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Arguing with him was nearly impossible with his sparkling eyes promising me so much, but I couldn’t forget what Mr. Tucker had said. He’d actually made a valid point. I had to start getting used to Josh not being at my side.

  “Please just do this for me,” I said. “It’s the right thing—”

  “Do I get an introduction?” Mr. Tucker asked behind me.

  I slowly turned and slipped my hand from Josh’s. He hesitated and then said, “Court, this is my dad.”

  “Hi, Mr. Tucker.” I stuck out my hand and he shook it, unlike his wife had done.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Courtney.”

  He examined me just as closely as Mrs. Tucker had, but I didn’t see the same repulsion in his eyes. Perhaps he didn’t hate me personally as Mrs. Tucker did. He just hated the idea of Josh dating anyone.

  “I was um… I was getting ready to tell Josh that I’m going to miss him tonight, but I hope he has a great time at the party,” I said.

  Josh shot me a look that said, You’re selling me out?

  “The Chatham Bars Inn is beautiful,” I rambled. “You picked the perfect place for the occasion.”

  “I’m sorry you can’t join us,” Mr. Tucker said.

  Right. Because you weren’t just telling Josh to dump me ASAP. But I didn’t expect a Hollywood lawyer to be short on bullshit skills.

  “I should get going.” I looked up at Josh. “I have to pick up my check at the restaurant.”

  “I hear you’re a bartender there,” Mr. Tucker said.

  “Yes. Did you know Josh plays the piano there?”

  Mr. Tucker angled his chin slightly upward. “No, I didn’t. It’s good you’re staying sharp. You can always entertain clients at parties.”

  Irritation itched my tongue. Of course Mr. Tucker would bring the focus back to Josh’s future as a lawyer. Did he even appreciate how gifted his son was?

  “He has enough talent to be one of those clients,” I said.

  Josh fidgeted next to me, and Mr. Tucker treated me to a half-annoyed, half-amused smirk. There I went again — jamming my foot firmly into my mouth.

  “I’m sure he could be, but that’s never been his path,” Mr. Tucker said.

  “Because you don’t want it to be,” I said.

  My foot was all the way down my throat now.

  “Josh understands the importance of our family business, his legacy. Perhaps he hasn’t explained it well enough.”

  I took a deep inhale before I blurted out anything more inflammatory.

  Josh slipped his arm around my waist. “Court needs to go, so I’m going to walk her out.”

  He nudged me toward the locker room, and I threw a token “Happy New Year” to Mr. Tucker over my shoulder. I quickly grabbed my bag and my jacket, and neither Josh nor I said anything until we reached the snow-covered parking lot.

  “You shouldn’t have brought all that up,” Josh said. “It’s between me and my dad.”

  It was the first time he’d sounded annoyed with me, and it caught me a bit off guard. “I’m sorry. I just… I thought an outside voice might make him think.”

  Josh leaned against my car and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. He stayed quiet, toeing the slush on the pavement with his sneaker.

  “Have you ever felt like you were at the bottom of a huge hole?” he finally said. “In so deep that there’s no way out?”

  I touched his face with my gloved hands. “You’re not stuck. You can get out.”

  “What if I’m not sure I want to? I’ve known all my life what my future is, and in many ways it’s frustrating, but it’s also… it’s also safe. I know exactly what to expect.”

  “You have to decide if safe will make you happy.” My breath puffed in the air as I spoke.

  He pulled me closer. “You make me happy.”

  I locked my gaze on him and held it steady. “Then don’t leave me.”

  We stood in silence, speaking only with our eyes. The conflict in his slowly softened, replaced by brightness.

  “Come with me to L.A.,” he said “I can help you with the money—”

  I broke away from him. “No way. I would never take your money.”

  “It can be a loan. I have a trust fund and—”

  “No. Absolutely not.”

  “You let Mrs. Cassar pay for your dress.”

  “Only because she wouldn’t give in. That was just a one-time very generous gift. I’m not going to mooch off my rich boyfriend so I can live in California.”

  How could he even suggest such a thing? I would never want to feel dependent on him in that way. My parents would be appalled, and if his parents found out, they’d have me labeled as a gold digger faster than a jet could take me to L.A.

  “It wouldn’t be like that.” He reached out to me, but I unlocked the car and opened the door.

  “Don’t leave mad.” He boxed me inside the door. “I don’t want the last time I see you this year to be a fight.”

  “You should’ve thought of that before you offered to play Pretty Woman with me.”

  “That’s not what was I doing. You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

  “You’re throwing around trust funds. That sounds pretty serious.”

  I ducked into the driver’s seat, and he held onto the door so I couldn’t close it. “Come on, Court. Don’t go like this.”

  “Please let go.” I jerked the handle.

  He watched me with pleading eyes before slowly
stepping away from the car. I drove out of the lot and turned up the radio to beyond ear-splitting level.

  I was upset he thought I’d even consider taking his money, but it was more than that. It was the realization that he didn’t want to give up his safe future even when he had the ability to go anywhere and do anything. Even when it could mean the end of us.

  ****

  All around me there was merriment. People dancing. People drinking. People prematurely blowing on the noisemakers we were supposed to save for midnight. The Wharf Room at the Boston Harbor Hotel had been transformed into party central with Aubrey and Chris at the middle of it, leading the dancing. But nothing was holding my attention as much as my phone. I’d reread the texts a hundred times since I’d received them hours ago, debating how and when I wanted to reply.

  Josh: I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted.

  Josh: All I was thinking about was finding a way for you to come home with me.

  I put the phone on the small round table where I sat. I was the only current occupant since Mark and his girlfriend were dancing, and Liza was helping Em chase down the little bride and groom, Quinn and Alex. Seeing them in their miniature wedding dress and tuxedo had been one of the highlights of the evening.

  I toyed with the pendant around my neck and thought about when Josh had given me the tiny ruby slippers on Christmas. He’d been so excited watching me open the box, and when he’d put the necklace on me, the tickle of his fingertips had made all the hairs on my body stand up.

  My hand closed around the pendant, and I squeezed it in my fist. If only it had magical powers like its larger version in the movie. In my dream world I’d be able to touch the slippers and transport myself across the country. Then Josh and I could see each other any time we wanted.

  I missed him so much, and we hadn’t even been apart a whole day. I’d become too accustomed to seeing him every night. Was this how I would feel all the time once we were on opposite coasts? Would there be a constant ache in my chest that couldn’t be soothed?

  “Hey, Mopey Face,” Mark said as he approached the table. “Come dance with me.”

  “Where’s Zoe?”

  “She ran into a friend from high school.” He held out his hand.

  I glanced at my phone, lingering on the blank reply space, and then dropped it into my silver clutch. Mark led me onto the crowded dance floor, and we found a spot beside Em’s parents who gave us warm smiles. The DJ was playing “The Way You Look Tonight,” and all the older guests had flocked to the large dance space in the center of the room.

  Mark put his hands on my waist, and I set mine on his shoulders. We swayed back and forth robotically until Mark leaned in to talk over the music.

  “I’m guessing you’re depressed because Josh isn’t here.”

  “That’s part of it.”

  “What’s the other part?”

  I brushed a speck of lint from his black jacket. “I just keep thinking that this is how it’s going to be all the time once he leaves. He won’t always be able to fly in for big events, and he won’t be able to do the little stuff either, like going to a movie or dinner or just hanging out. Our relationship is going to be all video chatting and texting. And depending on what I do about grad school, we could be apart a long, long time.”

  “Do you think you can handle that? Being in a relationship with someone you hardly ever see? It didn’t work out so well with Kyle.”

  “Josh would never cheat on me. That I know. But what I don’t know is if we can survive being away from each other for that long.”

  Mark’s forehead wrinkled, and I recognized his deep-in-thought look. “Maybe you can try it the next few weeks and see how it goes.”

  “Try what?”

  “Not seeing each other. You’re way too preoccupied with all this, and I need your head in the game, Court. Why don’t you take a break from each other? Obviously, you’ll see him at the rink, but otherwise give yourself some space.”

  That sounded like the argument Mr. Tucker had made to Josh. Put some distance between you.

  “You think not spending time with Josh the next few weeks will help me figure out if I want to do the long-distance thing?” I said.

  “Maybe. It’ll definitely help you get into competitive mode, which is the number one most important thing right now.”

  I raised one eyebrow. “I don’t know if I can trust your opinion. You’re just trying to get me away from Josh before nationals.”

  “That’s true. But I do care about you, and I don’t wanna see you hurt by another long-distance relationship that falls apart.”

  The concern on his face was genuine. My feet stopped swaying, and I hugged him tight. Tighter than I usually hugged him. The idea of taking a break from Josh made my heart hurt. But Mark was right. I had to get my head straight before nationals, and every time I was with Josh I rode a roller coaster of emotions. Blissfully happy to be with him one minute and then deeply sad over his impending departure the next.

  I looked over Mark’s shoulder, and my emotions shot upward as did my pulse. Josh stood at the entrance of the ballroom. He wore a dark gray suit with a blue tie, and his hands were stuck in his pockets as he nervously scanned the room.

  “He’s here,” I said.

  Mark turned, and I wound my way through the dancing couples to reach the door. Josh saw me break through the crowd, and he took a few steps in my direction but waited for me to go to him.

  “You left the party?” I shouted over the music.

  “I had to see you.” He came closer and bent his head so he didn’t have to yell. “I should’ve looked at it from both sides and realized how my suggestion made you feel.”

  “I may have overreacted a little.”

  “Can we just forget I mentioned it?”

  True remorse colored his eyes, which looked darker paired with his indigo tie. God, he was beautiful. Inside and out.

  “I’m really glad you’re here,” I said.

  His face lightened into a smile, and he gently rubbed my shoulders, warming me all over. His gaze dipped to my sleeveless green dress, and he wrapped me in an embrace.

  “You look incredible,” he said.

  I smiled. “The necklace goes great with my dress.”

  He touched the pendant, and his fingers brushed my sweetheart neckline. It set off another rush of conflicting emotions — from the thrill of feeling Josh’s electric touch to the sadness of knowing I wouldn’t be experiencing it much longer.

  “Hey, Josh!” Liza waved and then grabbed my elbow. “Court, Aubrey’s about to throw the bouquet.”

  “Oh, uh… I think I’ll pass.” I was quite content where I was.

  “You have to come. ALL single ladies.” She pulled on my arm.

  “Alright, alright.” I gave Josh a soft peck on the lips. “I’ll be back.”

  Liza dragged me onto the dance floor, and Quinn raced to stand between us. I moved behind her to shield her from the tipsy bachelorettes bringing up the rear of the group. I’d seen some scrums break out during the bouquet toss, and I didn’t want her getting trampled.

  Aubrey stood a few feet away, and I marveled for the tenth time that night how gorgeous she looked in her elegant cream-colored dress. It had a simple halter neckline and hugged her slim body — very chic just like her. I hoped to look just as stylish at my wedding someday.

  A picture of Josh and me standing at the altar popped into my head, and I didn’t realize the bouquet was flying right at me until Liza’s arm shot out in front of me. She caught it before I even had time to react.

  “I got it!” She jumped up and down and waved the cluster of red roses.

  Sergei came over and patted her head. “You’re not getting married for at least twenty years.”

  “Daadd.”

  All the single guys replaced us on the polished wood floor, and I looked around for Josh and found him talking to the DJ. A loud “Whoo!” came from the jumble of gu
ys, and Mark proudly held up the garter. Zoe sped across the room and practically tackled him with a hug.

  Josh walked toward me with a smile, and I asked, “What were you up to?”

  He took my hand. “Dance with me.”

  “I don’t hear any music.”

  He twirled me around, and my short bubble skirt flared. “Give it a second.”

  Sure enough, music filled the airy room once again, and I knew the song right away — Eva Cassidy’s soulful rendition of “Over the Rainbow.”

  “It’s Thursday night, so I had to find a way for you to hear your song,” Josh said.

  I touched my cheek to his and breathed in his sweet cologne. How was I going to let him go? He’d stolen such a large part of my heart. I needed to see his crinkly-eyed smile every day, hear his soft, sexy voice saying my name. I cinched my arms around his neck, wishing that was all I had to do keep him from leaving me.

  When my song ended a party anthem began, and I reluctantly disentangled myself from our embrace. Chris and Aubrey danced into the space beside us, and Chris slapped Josh’s back and shook his hand.

  “Glad you could make it,” he said.

  “Congratulations,” Josh said. “Court’s told me so many stories about you guys that I feel like I grew up with you, too.”

  “I don’t know what she told you, but I was always perfectly behaved,” Aubrey said.

  “Did she tell you she had a huge crush on me and wrote me a poem once?” Chris grinned.

  I punched his arm. “I thought we were never going to speak of that again.”

  “I remember that!” Aubrey laughed. “It was such a sweet poem.”

  “I was twelve,” I explained to Josh.

  “I was honored to be your crush.” Chris slung his arm around me. “Josh, you better treat her right.”

  “Don’t worry. I know just how special she is.” His eyes shone at me.

  Josh and I left the growing craziness on the dance floor and drifted over to one of the large windows overlooking the harbor. He returned me to the warmth of his arms, and we watched a few early fireworks glittering in the distance.

  “How come you haven’t written me any poems?” he asked with a grin.