Snow Angel

by Ronica Black

  She saw a woman she thought she’d left long behind.

  “I can’t. Not now.” But her reflection didn’t change. It held firm. There would be no denying her heart. A man couldn’t chase it away. A job couldn’t keep it at bay. When she felt for a woman, there was no stopping it.

  “But I’ve done so well,” she pleaded with herself. But this was real and it was happening. And she knew what she had to do.

  “I have to get out of here.”

  She left the bathroom without drying her face. Lincoln lifted his head as she opened the closet and began pulling on layers of clothes.

  “I have to go.”

  She pulled on a ski suit over her clothes. She sat and pulled on thick wool socks. She found a drawer of gloves and hats. When she was ready, she crossed to the bed and kissed Lincoln. Then she opened the door carefully. She eased down the hallway, ears piqued for noise. When she was halfway to the living room she heard something. She stopped and listened closely. It was coming from the room on her right. Without a sound, she approached and peeked through the partially closed door. Maggie was sitting at a large antique desk, typing on a laptop. Her fingers moved so deftly, so quickly, Ellie could tell she’d been doing it for years.

  Ellie watched her mumble to herself as she worked. Sometimes she would pause and look out the window at the bright white. Then she’d continue unabated for long stretches of time. Ellie desperately wanted to know what she was writing. If she was really Abigail Forrester. But now she knew she’d never know. She took in her form, her working hands. Long, lean fingers, strong hands and arms. She studied the strength in her shoulders, the strong angle of her jawline. The way her thick hair sometimes fell over her eyes, causing her to run her hands through it, setting the sunlight off in the highlights. Ellie wanted to run her hands through it. Brush it away from her piercing eyes. She wanted to touch her olive skin and gently run a thumb over her full lips. She wanted to kiss that mouth as it opened with a moan of pleasure.

  Ellie almost made a noise of desire herself. Quickly, she backed away from the door and continued on her quest. She had to leave and now.

  She found her way to the door, through the mud room. There she found snow boots, several pairs. She sat on the bench and pulled on a pair. They were too big, but they would do. Then she stood and slid into a thick coat. She zipped it up and made sure her gloves and hat were on snugly. Then she eyed the snowshoes. She grabbed a pair and looked back. Lincoln was staring at her.

  “Sorry, boy.” She unlocked the door and pulled. The porch was clear, but the steps were covered. There was a shovel to dig, but she didn’t have time, and she was afraid Maggie would hear the noise. She turned, hearing a scratching. It was Lincoln. He was pawing at the door. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

  She blew a kiss to him and carefully made her way to the steps. She calmed her nerves as best she could and breathed in the cold. She took a high step into the snow and half walked, half slid down the stairs.

  When she reached the bottom, she stilled and calmed her racing heart. The cold brought back the SUV, and she nearly panicked. She knew she shouldn’t be out, but she had to try. Frank’s wasn’t far and the weather was okay at the moment. If she could just get there she’d be fine. She stepped into the snowshoes, fastened them, and headed toward Frank’s. Walking was awkward at first, but soon she had it down and she moved as quickly as she could.

  She kept to what looked like a path covered in fresh snow. She knew Maggie would easily find her, but she feared walking off into the woods. She’d experienced freezing to near death and she feared a similar experience.

  “Then what the hell am I doing out here?”

  She kept pushing, hoping her shot in the dark would pay off. She just had to get there before Maggie noticed she was gone.

  If she made it to Frank’s she could prove she was fine. She’d find the hidden key, go inside, and build a fire in the large wood stove. Frank’s cabin wasn’t as large or as nice as Maggie’s, but Ellie could manage. She just had to hold out hope that she could make it and that Maggie would keep her location secret.

  Maggie didn’t seem the type to sell her out. She seemed to believe her when she said she didn’t want anything from her. As the biting cold attacked, she thought maybe she could’ve tried to trust her.

  “It wasn’t her I was worried about.” She struggled for breath as she spoke. The wind was picking up and the sun covered with clouds. Her legs burned, almost as badly as her lungs. The elevation was taking its toll. And Frank’s cabin was higher up on the mountain. She stopped and looked up. She still couldn’t see his place. She could’ve sworn it was closer. She’d always been able to see Maggie’s roof from Frank’s porch, and she’d always admired the house and wondered who’d lived in it. So where was Frank’s? She bent and tried to catch her breath. She had to make it. Had to.

  She looked at the sky and saw the clouds growing stronger. Snow began to fall as she blinked up at it.

  Shit.

  She had to move.

  She continued on, everything in her screaming for mercy. Her hands trembled, not with cold but with weakness. She hadn’t finished her breakfast, and she wasn’t fully recovered.

  Shit.

  What was she thinking?

  Her knees felt like Jell-O, and it was getting more and more difficult to step out of the holes she was creating.

  She stepped and thought of Maggie’s face. She stepped again and got lost in her fiery eyes. She fell forward and thought of her smile, her full mouth and her wavy dark hair.

  “Have to keep going.”

  She tried to push herself up, but she sank in the snow. She wasn’t going to make it, but she couldn’t survive Maggie either.

  “Oh, God.” She rolled onto her back and closed her eyes as the snow assaulted her. She let it fall. Just let it fall, fall, fall.

  She was too weak to make it back. Too weak to go on. Maggie. She curled onto her side. She wanted Maggie. She couldn’t fight it. She wanted her.

  “Oh, God.” She was so weak she smiled up into the snow. It didn’t matter now. She could admit it.

  “I want her.”

  She laughed. Hysterical. She was hysterical. She closed her eyes again and heard a noise in the distance. It was constant, humming. She was too tired to care. She began to shiver and she wanted desperately to stop feeling. The cold was too fierce. The world growing hazy. The white just blurred into oblivion. She lay back and closed her eyes. It felt so good, so safe, so peaceful.

  “Ellie!” a voice called as if at the end of a tunnel. An engine hummed. She opened her eyes and saw the snowmobile stop alongside her. Maggie jumped off, tearing off her goggles to kneel next to her.

  “Ellie, Jesus Christ.”

  Ellie focused on her face, and she tried to reach out and touch her. “Maggie.”

  “Are you hurt?” Maggie was scanning her with wild eyes. “You’re cold again. Come on.” Maggie lifted her with what seemed like great ease. Ellie melted into her, nuzzling her neck.

  “Can you ride?”

  Maggie sat her on the machine and the vibration reawakened Ellie’s senses. She nodded. Maggie removed her snowshoes and climbed on. Then she turned and sped off, and Ellie was once again helpless, leaning into her, embracing her as best she could. She thought about fighting it, but she was too tired and the press of Maggie’s strong body felt...right.

  They rode in silence, and Ellie was cold and tired from her trek. She was surprised at how far she had gotten. Maggie had had to come quite a ways to get her.

  They slowed as they came upon the cabin and Maggie parked near the house where she had last time. She killed the engine, tossed the snowshoes aside, and climbed off.

  “You okay?” She offered her hand. Her face was red with wind and cold, and Ellie realized she hadn’t worn her goggles on the way back.

  Ellie took her hand, but she felt ashamed. She’d done something really stupid. Again. And now Maggie had had to come rescue her once again.


  Maggie gripped her hand and helped her stand. She hugged her close as they headed up the steps. Ellie nearly collapsed when she entered the mudroom and felt the warmth of the house. She steadied herself against the wall as Maggie knelt to remove both their boots and then stood and removed their jackets.

  “Let’s get you warm.” Maggie pulled her close and led her into the master bedroom. She eased her onto the bed and unzipped her snowsuit.

  “I tried to get to Frank’s,” Ellie said as Maggie gently unclothed her.

  “I know.”

  “I thought I could make it. I really did.”

  Maggie helped her stand. Her eyes had calmed, but they still showed concern. “I need to take this off. You’re soaking wet.”

  Ellie nodded and tried to do it herself, but her hands were shaking too badly. Maggie stilled her with her own hand. “Let me.” Maggie pulled it downward. Ellie held her shoulders as she stepped out of it.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Maggie looked into her eyes, searching. But instead of speaking, she pulled back the covers and helped her lie down. Then she took off her winter gear and crawled into bed next to her. Ellie jumped a little with surprise, but Maggie only pulled her closer, breathing onto her neck.

  “Our body heat will warm you up.”

  Ellie couldn’t believe it was happening. Maggie was holding her in her arms. And she felt so damn good. So damned hot. Ellie whimpered with pleasure and snuggled in closer. Maggie’s neck was damp with sweat and Ellie wanted to taste it. She wanted to straddle her leg and press her own between Maggie’s. But she lay very still, praying Maggie couldn’t feel her racing heart.

  “Why did you go?” Maggie asked.

  Ellie closed her eyes, wondering why the hell she did go. It had been to run from Maggie, but now she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else. She was there in her arms and it felt so wonderful.

  “I know you said you wanted to get to Frank’s, but why? Why leave like that? Why put yourself in danger?”

  Ellie blinked at her forwardness. She was thankful she couldn’t see her face because she knew the truth would’ve given her away.

  “I—”

  “If it’s me I can make myself scarce.”

  “No.” Ellie pushed out a panicked breath. The heat between them was building, and Ellie was beginning to swoon.

  “Did I say something to upset you?”

  “No.” Ellie couldn’t take it anymore. She had to move or she would burst with desire. “I just needed to be alone.”

  Maggie relaxed her grip. She didn’t speak for a moment. “I can leave you alone.” Maggie began to move away, but Ellie gripped her arm.

  “No. Don’t.” Her heart pounded as Maggie met her eyes.

  “But you just said—”

  Ellie struggled for words. “I don’t mean you. Not you.”

  Maggie was searching her face. “I don’t understand.”

  Ellie trembled but not from the cold. She was warm now. Hot. Her blood beat flush against her skin. Maggie’s mouth called to her. Beckoned her. She couldn’t keep it inside any longer.

  “I don’t want you to leave me alone.”

  Maggie swallowed and her pulse jumped in her neck. “Okay.”

  A tear slipped down Ellie’s face, and she hated herself for that. She hated that she cried when she hurt. “I want the whole world to leave me alone...but not you.”

  Maggie reached out and thumbed away the tear. The touch caused Ellie to breathe in a shaky breath.

  “Then why did you leave?”

  “Because.”

  Maggie looked at her so full of innocence and vulnerability it nearly crushed her heart. Another tear came and then another. Her throat tightened and burned.

  “Because I want you. And that absolutely terrifies me.”

  Ellie shook all over, trying to contain her emotions. She hadn’t said those words in twenty years. Hadn’t felt like this in twenty years. And it was all rushing back to her in an instant. She closed her eyes, unable to take Maggie’s reaction. She couldn’t look at her now, not with her whole heart exposed. She’d be able to see everything.

  She felt Maggie breathe, long and slow. She felt her heart beat strong beneath her forearm. And then with another long breath, she felt her tremble.

  Ellie opened her eyes. Maggie was looking at her with what Ellie recognized as sheer desire. Another long breath and then the look was gone, lost in the abyss of sadness. Now there was fear. Panic. A hurriedly built wall. Ellie knew that look, that feeling of falling too fast without knowing if there was a net. She held Maggie tighter as she felt her pull away.

  “I need to go make an early dinner. You need something warm.”

  Ellie let her move but gripped her arm. “I—”

  “No, please,” Maggie said, unable to hold her gaze. “You don’t have to say anything.”

  “I do.”

  “Come out when you feel rested. Dinner will be in about an hour.”

  “Maggie. I’m sorry.”

  Maggie stilled, letting her hands fall along her sides. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

  “I think I do.”

  “You don’t.”

  She left the room without another word, leaving Ellie alone in the bed.

  Chapter Eleven

  Maggie tried to steel herself against the kitchen counter, but she was failing miserably. Her body still trembled and her skin burned with yearning. She’d been so close to kissing her. A mere heartbeat away. But reason had overcome her. Ellie was famous, fleeing, and fleeting. Maggie couldn’t have a whirlwind romance with her. She’d be gone in days, if not sooner. And then what? No, Maggie couldn’t afford to do that to herself. She didn’t believe in one-night stands. She didn’t understand how people did. To open yourself up like that and then close off again as if it meant nothing.

  No, it wasn’t for her.

  She pushed off from the counter and busied herself making dinner. All the while replaying what had happened. Her heart still raced and her body thrummed, so she opened her favorite Joseph Phelps Cabernet Sauvignon, poured some into a glass, and took a few hearty sips. Then she turned on the stereo and found Julie London on her playlist. She warmed from the wine and began to relax.

  Her thoughts, though, remained on Ellie, and she decided she’d make Ellie’s stay as nice as possible and then she’d wave good-bye and try to forget her.

  She considered this as she began to make the turkey chili. Forgetting Ellie would be impossible. She was kidding herself to think otherwise. But she had to try. She scraped the onions off the cutting board and into the pan. Then she started in on the peppers, chopping and then sliding them into the pan where she stirred.

  She stopped and trembled again as she remembered Ellie’s words. “I want you.”

  She’d been so serious, so vulnerable. Maggie knew she probably didn’t speak the words often. She’d been too emotional. She’d even trekked through the snow to avoid having to say them. Maybe Ellie really was lonely, just like she was. Purposely but unavoidably so.

  Maggie finished cooking the peppers and onions and poured them into the waiting pot. She stirred the contents while adjusting the burner. Then she added the stewed tomatoes and kidney beans. She sipped her wine as she busied herself browning the ground turkey, adding chili seasoning with a little water.

  When that was finished, she added it to the pot, gave it all a good stir, adjusted the burner again, and covered it with the lid.

  “Smells nice.”

  Maggie turned to find Ellie freshly showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and one of Maggie’s sweaters. It was baggy on her slight frame, but the sight moved Maggie all the same.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” Ellie said, fingering the sweater.

  “Not at all.” Maggie was already flushing a little from the wine, but she felt herself heat more at seeing Ellie in her sweater.

  Ellie motioned toward the pot. “What are you making?”

  “Turkey chili.”
Maggie poured herself more wine and then held up a glass toward Ellie. “Cabernet?”

  Ellie approached. “Please.”

  Maggie poured her some and then smiled, but she was still nervous as hell. She reminded herself to breathe deeply, but she was afraid she’d grow dizzy and fall over. Instead she held on to the counter, afraid to be anywhere near Ellie for fear of taking her in her arms and carrying her off to the bedroom.

  “I’m starved,” Ellie said as she took a long sip. “Do you mind if I go check out the loft?”

  Maggie almost said sure, but then she remembered her awards and other items she kept up there. Her secret would be out. But she’d already told Ellie she could go.

  “Of course not.”

  Ellie smiled. “Thanks.” She left her wine and crossed the living room to the back stairs. She wound her way up and disappeared.

  Maggie took her glass and went to sit by the fire. Her whole world was getting shaken, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. More importantly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to do anything about it.

  Lincoln trotted into the room and then climbed the back stairs to follow Ellie. Maggie raised her glass to him, laughed a little, and then sat back to relax. She decided to let her world spin around her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ellie stopped and stared once she reached the upper floor. The loft was vast and roomy with large horizontal windows showing the snowfall. Bookshelves lined the walls, and as she flipped the light switch, green bank lamps kissed the corners with light. She walked around in awe, trying and failing to guess how many books Maggie had in the library. Lincoln soon joined her, and he ran to a corner leather chair and curled up into a ball on the cushion.

  Ellie ran her fingertips along the spines shelf after shelf. She was expecting to find mostly fiction, like in her own library, a collection of what she’d already read, but instead she found knowledge at every turn. Books on anatomy, science, forensics, psychology, bioarchaeology, genetics, environment, governments, history, physics, and a whole shelf dedicated to the Victorian era. Next to that was a case of old books. Poe, Dickens, Bronte, Collins, Hardy, Wilde, and more. She knew without opening the case that they were collector’s items and very valuable.