Veteran Dreams (Forever Young Series)

by Cherron Riser

  It wasn’t what Lita had thought to hear. Kammy’s voice didn’t carry its usually perkiness. Before, she had always sounded optimistic and happy. Now, she sounded defeated. It worried Lita that this trip to the hospital was only a steppingstone to something much worse. “You can get better. You just have to want to get better.”

  “I have no reason to get better. We are almost thirty. You and Regan have great careers. Y’alls lives are awesome, and here I am still mooching off my parents. I can’t hold down a job. All I get are loser boyfriends or half-ass one-night stands. My life sucks, and it is so bad now that I can’t fix it.” Kammy protested, finally turning to look at Lita. “I have tried. I wanted to try. But I can’t. I suck as a person. I suck as a human being. So, I might as well just be done with it. At least I will feel good as I go.”

  “You don’t mean that,” Lita whispered, moving in closer.

  “So, what if I do. You ran away. Hell, you wanted to run away further. You don’t care what happens down here. The only time you visit is when something is going on. There is no reason for you to even be here. Go back to your life up there and pretend I don’t exist like you always do,” Kammy sneered, flinging her hand out to push at Lita, who was just far enough away to not be hit.

  “You know what, maybe you are right. Maybe I did leave, and that is part of why I do have a good life. You are the one who chose to fuck everything up when you had the opportunity to do something great with your life, and then you blame everyone else for doing good. You fucked up, Kammy, not me. It isn’t my fault you are stuck here in this dead-end town that has nothing to offer. Regan got lucky, but ninety percent of the people in this place don’t make much money and don’t do much. It is a sleepy slow town for a reason. If you wanted to do something with your life, you needed to do something. But no. You wanted someone else to make your life for you. You wanted someone to pay your way and make the magic happen. Well, that isn’t how life works. If you want a good life, then you have to work for it. I gave you two thousand dollars, and your solution was to squander it on drugs instead of using it to make your life better. So, fuck you and your judgment. You had your chance more than once. You mom got you a job at the hospital, you decided to fuck guys in the bathroom. Regan got you a job working in the office, you decided to be late every day and come in looking like trash. How the hell did you think you were going to get anything done with your life if you never tried. I’m over it. You don’t want me here, fine. I won’t be here.” It hurt. Lita could admit it, but in that moment, she was too angry to let it bother her.

  Instead, she walked out of the room, storming down the hall like a bull toward a red cape, in search of Alex so they could get out of there. If she never saw that stupid sleepy town again, it would be too soon. Of course, she would see it again. Her family lived there, so did Regan, but she needed out of it for a while.

  Alex was in the cafeteria drinking a coffee and eating a muffin. If she hadn’t been fuming mad, it would have looked tasty. Instead, all she saw was more time it would take for them to leave. “We need to go.”

  “Umm, okay. What happened?” Alex asked, trying to wrap up what was left of his muffin.

  “I just can’t. I am not going to sit around and listen to someone act like I am this horrible person because I did something with my life. It isn’t right, and I am not going to do it,” Lita answered. Alex gave her a confused look, but she would have to explain later. There was not enough rational thought in her head to explain presently.

  Alex did the best he could to pack up so the two of them could get out of the hospital. Lita didn’t stop to say goodbye to any of Kammy’s family. No, she just left. There was nothing left to say or do. Kammy didn’t want her around, and she had never really seen eye to eye with Kammy’s family, so it was time for her to be done with it. There might come a time in the future when that would change, but it would be down the road, much further down the road.

  It wasn’t until they had been on the road for a while before Alex tried to find out what had happened. “Look, I know it isn’t really any of my business, but what happened back there. You were in such a hurry to leave and so angry.” He tried to keep his tone calm and cool.

  Even with the steady rhythm of the road, Lita hadn’t been able to calm down. She was angry in a way she hadn’t been in years, maybe even more than a decade. For a moment there, she swore she saw red. “She…she acted like I don’t care and I had no right to be upset with her. It is like she just wanted to roll over and give up.”

  “Maybe she does,” Alex whispered.

  Alex probably didn’t mean to come off sounding heartless, but Lita was too upset and angry to ignore his words. “What’s that supposed to mean? She can’t just give up on life. I care about her, and I refuse to believe that she wanted to just give up.” Lita wanted to fight about it. For some reason, it was easier than the pain of believing her friend wanted to give up on life.

  “I wasn’t trying to imply that. I mean, I just know what it’s like to feel that way. Lita, I was in that position before. Feeling helpless. You start to push everyone away because then it is easier.” He didn’t raise his voice. It wasn’t even like the tension they had on the way down from Birmingham. There was true concern and emotion in his voice. Something which bled real and whole from his voice. Lita hadn’t known about that aspect of his past though it made sense. It was a bit shocking and made her feel like a bit of an ass for being so angry.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” It probably wasn’t enough, but she honestly had no idea what to say to him at that point.

  “You didn't know, and I understand. You care about your friend, and the idea of her being in such a horrific place is difficult. No one wants to hear someone they love and care about is feeling something so dark and empty, but it happens, and getting angry doesn’t help. I don’t mind you getting angry with me, but maybe calm down and then stay in touch with her. Don’t let her have a reason to believe she has been abandoned and can give up.” Alex reached over and squeezed her hand with his. It was a wonderful sensation and had her smiling a little.

  An intense sensation of calm washed over her for the first time since getting to the hospital earlier that day. Now that she was feeling better, she was starting to feel hungry. They waited until they had been on the road for a while before grabbing some food. She needed to get back to Birmingham in order to face work, something she was not looking forward to, but being late would not help matters.

  Chapter 26

  “I should fire you for what happened Friday. I have no idea what got into you, but you nearly blew the whole account.” Mrs. McDowell paced around her office. She hadn’t been able to sit down since Lita got in there. “You are just lucky that your paperwork was on point, or we would have surely lost the whole deal. I can’t believe it! What the hell happened?”

  “I’m so sorry. My best friend was in the hospital, and I had found out she had taken a turn for the worse right before the meeting. I know I shouldn’t have let it get to me, but… I’m sorry. I swear. I will do everything I can to make it better.” Lita had never been one to beg, but this account was supposed to catapult her to the next level. Now it sounded like she was barely holding on to her job.

  “Our personal lives are always going to have ups and downs. I am sorry about your friend, but you have to learn to put your game face on when it is required. You have to learn to separate the two, or you are never going to make it” the older woman glared, finally standing behind her desk. “I want you to take the rest of the day off. Figure yourself out, and come back ready to work hard and like the woman I know you can be.”

  Lita couldn’t believe she was being told to leave. It seemed crazy, especially since she had the entire weekend to work everything out. Now, she was being told to leave again. Not wanting to make things worse, she left with polite acknowledgment, then grabbed her purse, and left. Oliver was waiting to ask questions, but she didn’t so much as even glance back at him. S
he was pretty sure she was already the office joke after she had screwed up the presentation Friday.

  For several moments, she sat in her car, staring out of the windshield, wondering where everything had gone wrong in her life. Everything had been going great. She had a wonderful job; things were on the up and up… weren’t they? So why did it feel like everything had been thrown so turbulently out of control? Seemed like since she had gone to the reunion everything had changed.

  Part of her wanted to cry, but crying never solved anything. Instead, she shook her head, started the car, and headed for her apartment. A part of her wanted to reach out to Alex, tell him what happened, and ask for comfort, but that also seemed so foreign to her. No, she needed a little bit of normal and independence, so she didn’t feel like she was turning into something she wasn’t. Alex being in her life was part of the problem. He had come in and changed everything. For years, ten years, she had been strong and independent. Now, it felt like she was spending every moment relying on some man to come save her. It just wasn’t right or natural.

  By the time she got to her apartment, she was no longer sad or upset; she was just downright angry. Rage was coursing through her. All this had happened because of that stupid reunion. She went down there and hung out with a bunch of people who hadn’t cared about her in high school and hadn’t thought about her since. Then she got mixed up with a guy who made her feel all warm and squishy again thinking about old schoolgirl emotions, and now her life was falling apart.

  Letting rage fuel her, she blared loud heavy metal and danced around her apartment in an old Judas Priest T-shirt and panties, feeling like a person she hadn’t been in a long time. Lita sang and danced, letting the world fade away and the realm of music take over. It was where she felt most at peace.

  It was interrupted by the knocking on her door. Trying to compose herself, she was finger-combing her hair as she walked to the door. She was sure she still looked like a wild mess by the time she got there, but at least everything was kind of put back in place. On the other side of the door was Alex with a curious look on his face.

  “Hey, I have been trying to reach you for hours. You didn’t call me at lunch, so I called your friend Oliver, and he told me you got sent home. Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asked, waiting to be let into the apartment.

  “I, umm, well, I was a bit frustrated and just needed some time to myself. I didn’t realize that much time had passed.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but Lita didn’t want to hurt Alex’s feelings by telling him she was starting to feel like their relationship was out of control.

  Alex gave her a concerned look, the wheels behind his eyes turning, calculating her answer. “You have been acting strange since Friday. I know things didn’t go well, but I wish you wouldn’t just push me out because of it.”

  “I’m not pushing you out. I just, I needed some time to myself to think. Look, how about we go out and just do something fun tonight. I’ll even brush my hair.” Lita stepped out of the way so Alex could wheel into the door. She was still feeling off about their relationship and life in general, but she also didn’t want him to feel bad. She did care about him. She just also wanted to feel like herself again.

  “Well, I was actually hoping I could take you to this open mic night I had heard about. I know you haven’t been feeling great about your music, but you used to sing all the time. I really think that if you got up there again you would shine. It would be great for you.” Alex gave her that sexy smile he always did when he was trying to convince her of something. It was a wicked look, and one she often caved to.

  She looked down at her wild appearance, knowing her hair was a mess and she looked like she was ready for a rock-n-roll pajama party, but when she looked back up, she was smiling. The music had done the trick, and she was starting to feel a lot better. “Okay, I can do that. But let me get ready. Maybe we go out to dinner or something first?”

  That devilish smile only grew with his win, and he nodded to her. “Yeah, we will get some dinner and then head over. Make sure you get your guitar. We want to get there early enough to sign you up but not too early.”

  Lita giggled a bit then headed for the back of the house. Looking in the mirror, she saw just how wild she looked. Her hair was a mess of frizzy waves, and her makeup was smudged; however, she decided to use that to her advantage. After all, she had showered that morning, so there was no need for another one. Grabbing some spray gel, she spritzed her hair and crimped it with her hand, taming the frizz but enhancing the waves. Then she added on more eyeliner and touched up some of the smudges until she looked more dark and brooding. Next, she added a bright red lipstick, giving a nice pop to the rest of her dark makeup.

  Once she was dressed, she headed back out to where Alex was relaxing and messing around on his phone. He was good about waiting for her. The look he gave her, however, seemed to say the wait was worth it. “You know, when you dress like that and go out, I bet no one thinks you work in an office all day for a living. I swear, you are hot. Did you always look this good?”

  He also knew how to make her blush, which she instantly did. Swatting in his general direction, she went and got a drink for the two of them and sat down. They hadn’t fully decided their plans, and she didn’t want to just rush out of the door. “I showed a picture to Oliver once, and he thought it was my Halloween costume.”

  “Oliver is a nit with half the time and is after your job. Don’t listen to him. He rather stirs the gossip pot and make you feel bad than say anything nice.” Alex leaned over as far as he could to give her a kiss, and Lita met him halfway, giving him her cheek. She had put far too much time into her makeup to mess it up with making out.

  “So, where did we want to go tonight? I know you mentioned a place for open mic, and I will need time to tune my guitar, but we need to eat and everything first.” Taking a seat next to him. She loved the way he looked at her when she got dressed up. She didn’t have to fit into a box for him but being with him seemed to be making a mess of everything else in her life. Shaking her head, she tried not to let her conflicting emotions mess with her night.

  “I’m open to anything, so long as I get to see you sing.” Lita shook her head at his gushy flirting. Sometimes, he was that way. Laying it on thick just to make her blush, and she always did. That was exactly what happened too. Her face lit up like a Christmas light, and she did all she could to hide it, and when that didn’t work, and the smugness of his victory started to spread over his lips, she swatted him.

  Not wanting to eat anything too heavy, she suggested a cafe she knew was near where she would be performing. They served a lot of salads and lighter meat options. Things she could eat and not feel bloated after. Singing on a full stomach was never easy to do. On top of that, the cafe had a nice outdoor sitting area where she could tune her guitar and get things ready. It had been far too long time since she had sung on her own and doing so had her a little terrified. Alex liked to push her, and she understood why, but it didn’t make it easy to jump off the cliffs he led her to.

  Chapter 27

  By the time they made it to the club, Alex was pretty sure Lita was starting to turn green. He wasn’t sure what it was about singing that made her so nervous now. She was incredible and always made the audience beg for more. However, when she was getting ready for the show, she looked like she was getting ready to fall over. Her turn would be coming up shortly, and she had already moved closer to the stage so to avoid tripping over people on her way there. Lita hated to look like a fool in front of people.

  The person before her was a younger man with a deep country tone. He sung sad songs which her mellow and had the audience a little tuned out. Not because he wasn’t talented, but more because they had heard it all before. There was nothing special about him, not like with Lita. Alex had every confidence that when Lita got on the stage, people would come alive again.

  It wasn’t long before her name was being called and she was walking toward the microphone in that su
re, confident way she always did. Even with her toad-like coloring, she held herself high. People around him didn’t seem to notice how freaked out she seemed to be. No, they noticed she looked nothing like any of the other performers who had graced the stage that night. She wasn’t country down home goodness. Lita was rock-and-roll heartbreak, and it exuded from her with every move of her body. She was special. She was different, and it had garnered the attention of everyone in the room.

  Lita had noticed it as well. She plugged in her guitar and looked out at the audience, seeing all eyes on her, and he saw the shock washing over her like ice when you had a fever. For a moment, she stood still, her chest didn’t move, and he knew she wasn’t breathing. No, she was just standing there, waiting for something to happen. There was an almost painful electricity in the room as people waited with her, wanting to know what she had in store for them. People were growing impatient, and Alex was starting to wonder what he had done. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this.

  It was reaching the point where she was taking too long, and then she struck the chords of her guitar, and the room filled with sound. She took a moment to play, letting the music speak for her while she desperately tried to gain control of her nerves. No one else could tell, but Alex could. He sat there, staring at her, watching her look down at her guitar, as her fingers flew over it, but not looking up at the audience. She had gone from not breathing at all to breathing too much. Her chest rose and fell in rapid succession. As much as Alex wanted to run to her, the room was too crowded for his chair to get through easily. Stupid chair.

  When she tried to sing, though, nothing came out. The crowd once again started to grow restless. Some people started to turn away and talk among themselves, having lost all interest in Lita. Looking back to his girl, he saw her try to start singing again. This time, she did. Words started to flow, but her confidence just wasn’t there. She was afraid, and it came out in the vibrations of her voice. Its broke Alex’s heart, because he knew he had pushed her.