Bulletproof

by Melissa Pearl

  “I can’t...” I swallowed. “I don’t know if I can handle everything...work, Sean, now Jody. It’s too much.”

  “What happened today? You’re usually stronger than this. You look like you’re ready to fall apart.”

  My chuckle was dry and brittle. “Everything around me is falling apart, I can barely keep myself together...and now I have to play mother again.”

  “You can do this, Morgan.” Ella’s quiet voice was firm. “But maybe it’s a case of prioritizing. If you can’t handle it all, then something needs to give.” She pursed her lips and looked over her shoulder at my bed. “And we both know that thing can’t be Jody.”

  I slumped back onto the couch, wanting to scream. Instead, I bit my bottom lip and stared at the ceiling until I could find my voice again.

  “Rhonda told me today that people want Sean and Ashlee together. She took such delight in telling me. I wanted to punch her.”

  “You have to tell Sean.”

  “What difference will it make? He’s not going to do anything. He’s not gonna fight for me.”

  “Then it’s time to start fighting for yourself. If Sean’s not going to do it, then you shouldn’t be with him.”

  I looked across at her, anguish swirling inside me like a tornado.

  “You don’t want to end up like I did.” Her face scrunched with sadness. “In a relationship that was slowly killing me. If I hadn’t met Cole...” She shook her head.

  “But I love him.”

  Ella smiled. “Sean loves you too; he just needs a really big wake-up call. You deserve someone who is going to lay everything on the line for you, and if he’s not willing to do that, then there’s someone out there who will.”

  “What if there never is?” Fear clutched at me, restricting my airways.

  “Then you’re gonna be fine on your own. You’re bulletproof, remember?”

  I shook my head with a scoffing laugh.

  “Yes, you are.” She shuffled toward me and squeezed my arm again. “You are gonna walk in there tomorrow, and you are gonna tell Sean that unless he’s willing to fight for you, you can’t stay together, and then you’re gonna go to your boss and you’re gonna look him in the eye and say...”

  “Say what...?”

  “I’m bulletproof,” Ella sang in a whisper, her voice traveling over the chorus of “Titanium.” The words rained over me. I knew Ella was singing them to make me feel strong, like I could take on anything, but I didn’t feel it.

  “And when you’re done saying that...” Ella licked her lip. “You’re gonna...you’re gonna give him the finger and say, ‘I deserve respect and since you seem incapable of giving that to me, I quit.’ And then flip him the bird one more time as you walk out the door.”

  I chuckled, but the laughter faded quickly. “And then what am I going to do? I’ll be single and jobless.”

  “Yeah, I know...it’s a whole new world full of possibilities.” Ella’s smile was sweet and full of hope.

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed it back, like it was somehow a lifeline.

  Was she right? Could I do this?

  Once again, I glanced over at my sleeping sister.

  Yes, I could. I had to.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  SEAN

  I slept badly. I couldn’t stop tossing and turning, invisible demons haunting my sleep. Work had been a killer the day before, but in the end we’d nailed the scene and all left on a high. I wanted to head to Morgan’s place and share my elation, but I didn’t want to wake her.

  She had me worried. She hadn’t been herself this week, and her voice on the phone was near lifeless, none of the cheeky spark I loved.

  Pulling my car into the lot, I was pleased to see hers parked in its usual space. I raced into the building, hoping to steal her into a quiet corner for a quick kiss. It felt wrong starting my day without one.

  Heading to my dressing room, I kept my eyes out for her, but she wasn’t around. I opened the door and my sigh morphed into a smile when I spotted her perched on the edge of the armchair.

  “Hey, baby.”

  My smile faded.

  She looked tired, frazzled. What the hell had Travis done to her now?

  I held out my hand, ready to pull her into a hug, but she didn’t take it. My stomach curdled, disquiet shimmering down my spine. Her pale brown eyes wouldn’t meet mine, and I somehow knew what was coming.

  My defenses kicked in before I could stop them, my jaw clenching tight as I stepped back from her.

  “What’s up?”

  “Jody’s pregnant.” She ran tight fingers through her hair, which was never down at work. “She was sitting on my doorstep yesterday, sobbing her heart out. She’s been kicked out of school until after the baby’s born.”

  I crouched down in front of her, my heart aching as I took in her wooden voice. Gently touching her face, I tried to get her to look at me. Eventually our eyes connected, and the sadness swimming in her gaze hurt. There were no tears, just a deep sorrow and tired resignation.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “She’s staying with me, doesn’t want to tell Dad. I don’t know...I...” She sighed. “I don’t know if I’ve got the energy to look after her.”

  “You can do it.”

  “Yeah.” Morgan sat back. “That’s what everyone keeps telling me. ‘You’re strong, Morgan. You’re so good at looking after people. You can do it. You can do it, Morgan. Nothing beats you!’” She spat out the last few words.

  I was waiting for her back to go straight, for that ping in her shoulders, but she stayed slumped in the chair, and all I could think to do was caress her face with my thumb.

  “I can’t do it, Sean. I can’t look after her and put up with Travis. I can’t keep giving out everything to everyone.” She sniffed. “When’s it my turn to be taken care of? When’s someone going to look after me?”

  “I’m looking after you, baby.”

  “Are you?” Her eyes snapped toward me. “Because it doesn’t always feel like it.”

  I frowned, dropping my hands from her face.

  “Work’s still hell for me, Sean. Are you ever going to stand up and say anything?”

  “You know I can’t. I could lose my job.”

  “But it’s okay for me to lose mine?” She shot out of the seat, nearly pushing me to the floor.

  I caught myself and slowly stood. “Come on, Morgan. It’s different and you know it. This could ruin my entire career.”

  She flicked her hand at me. “That asshole cannot ruin your career. I don’t care how much power he has in this industry. You have power, too.” She clicked her tongue and then mumbled, “You’re just afraid to use it.”

  I shook my head, ignoring her statement. She was wrong. I might be Sean Jaxon, but compared to Travis McKinnon, I was a nobody.

  “Look, I hate that he’s doing this to you. Just quit, get another a job.”

  “Yeah, because that’s so easy!” She scoffed.

  I crossed my arms, hating her venom. “Well, what do you want me to do?”

  “I need you to fight for me, Sean. I need my boyfriend to stand up to the asshole who is treating me like total shit and tell him to back the fuck off.” She huffed.

  “You’re asking me to put everything on the line. I can’t risk—”

  “Yes, you can. You just won’t.” She pointed her long finger at me.

  “I’m not just doing this for me. He said he’d make your life hell.”

  “He’s already making my life hell!” Her voice pitched high. “I am so sick of looking after everybody else. Fighting to make sure everyone is okay and no one will fight for me. When’s it my turn?”

  “Come on, Morgan, you’re overreacting.”

  “Am I?” Her face washed with something I didn’t understand. She pinched her chin and sucked in a ragged breath. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

  “So, you’ll quit?” I hated that idea, but if it was what she needed, then I’d support her. S
ure, I wouldn’t get to see her as much, but as long as she was happy.

  She tsked, her jaw working to the side. “Yeah, I’ll quit.”

  I stepped toward her, my arms outstretched for a hug. As soon as I had her in my arms, I’d tell her we could walk down together. I’d be waiting in the wings to comfort her as soon as she’d told Travis.

  But I stopped.

  Morgan gently slid off the ring I’d given her and held it out to me.

  “If I walk out that door, I’m not just walking away from the job,” she whispered. “This ring means nothing if you’re not willing to stand up for me.”

  “What are you doing?” I frowned, refusing to reach out for it. “Don’t do this.”

  She remained firm, her stance unyielding. “I never wanted to be the kind of girl to give a guy an ultimatum. I always thought that was weak and manipulative, but...” She shrugged. “It doesn’t seem to matter how much I love you. This can’t work. Until you’re ready to stand up for me, I can’t be with you. I know you love me, Sean, but I need you to prove it, and you’re not willing to do that right now.”

  I couldn’t help a surge of anger. She was just walking away from us? She was willing to give up on everything, because I wouldn’t throw away my career? That was insane and totally unreasonable.

  My arms remained firmly crossed against my chest. With a heavy sigh, she placed the ring on the table.

  “Goodbye, Sean,” she whispered, her body gently brushing past me as she walked out the door.

  I didn’t turn to watch her leave. My eyes were locked on the wall in front of me, my body frozen by a mix of anger, disbelief, and heartache.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  MORGAN

  My feet were filled with concrete, but I forced them to walk away from Sean. I could actually feel chunks of my heart crumbling away. My lips trembled as I swallowed back the sob that yearned to break free. I wouldn’t let it. I couldn’t. Crying never achieved anything.

  Strains of Ashlee’s singing reached me from one of the studios. She was belting out “Break Free” by Ariana Grande. How appropriate.

  Straightening my back, I turned into the office.

  “Where the fuck have you been?” Travis flicked his hand at me and then started rattling off a list of things he needed done two hours ago.

  Pressing my lips together, I waited until there was a break in his stream of demands.

  “I quit.”

  He froze, mid arm wave, and slowly turned to face me. “Excuse me?”

  I shrugged. “You won. I can’t do this anymore; you’re killing me. I’ve never had to deal with such a jackass before, and I thought I was strong enough to do it, but I’m obviously not.”

  Snatching my bag from the little nook it lived in, I rested it on my shoulder and looked at him one final time...and felt nothing. There was nothing left to feel. I was numb. I had to be.

  I pulled his wretched phone from my pocket and tossed it to him before marching out the door, leaving a symphony of cusses in my wake. He barked Lisa’s name a few times, but I switched off to the sound, keeping my eyes to the floor.

  I didn’t feel free or relieved; I felt like someone had tied a ball and chain around my ankles and thrown me into a river.

  Tears burned my eye sockets, but I wouldn’t let them fall. I kept my stance straight, my body rigid all the way to my car. I couldn’t fall apart. There was too much to do. I had Jody to think about now.

  With a sharp sniff, I revved the engine and screamed out of the lot, forcing my mind to focus on my kid sister and not the guy who’d just let me walk out of his dressing room.

  “Red” by Taylor Swift was on the radio, torturing me the whole way home. I didn’t have the heart to change stations. Instead I let the words sink into me while I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing. My knuckles were white, my fingers cramping by the time I pulled into my street.

  Turning off the engine, I leaned my head against the wheel.

  “You can do this, Morgan. You have to. There’s no other choice. Jody needs you right now.”

  I kept whispering the words to myself, pulling on all the strength and determination I’d had to employ eight years ago. I couldn’t fall apart then; I couldn’t now.

  My phone tinkled loudly. I wanted to ignore it but felt guilted into at least checking the caller ID.

  Isabella.

  My thumb hovered over the accept call sign for three rings before I let out a sigh and pushed it.

  “Hi.”

  “Oh my gosh, what just happened? Travis went psycho after you left. Threw a coffee mug against the wall and nearly hit me in the head. I just happened to be walking past his little tantrum.”

  I rubbed my eyes, wanting to apologize, but also not. It wasn’t my fault he had a temper.

  “Why’d you quit?”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, good point.” Isabella snickered. “Aw, man. I’m gonna miss you!”

  I smiled. It was weak, but there. I was going to miss her too.

  “You and Sean will still come out with Dean and me though, right?”

  “Actually, Sean and I are on break now too.”

  “What?”

  I bit my lip against her shock, needing that stinging pain to stop myself from crying.

  “It’s just what I need right now. I have a lot going on, and I’m struggling to cope. I really need to leave Superstar behind me, you know?”

  She gasped. “That doesn’t include me, does it?”

  A breathy chuckle rattled out of my mouth. “As long as you promise never to talk about Sean or Travis...or actually anything to do with the show.”

  “Huh, that might be a little challenging. The show is basically my life.”

  “I know how all-consuming it can be...and my demands are unfair, so let’s just not talk about Sean,” my voice wavered, “and we’ll be cool.”

  My comment was met with a beat of silent sympathy that I could almost feel through the phone.

  “I don’t know all the details, but I can guess why you’re doing this and you know what? It just makes me admire you more. You’re the strongest woman I know, Morgan. Stand your ground, sweetie...and I’m here in whatever capacity you need.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  “I’ll call you again soon, okay?”

  “Yeah.” Hanging up, I drew in a quick breath, trying to pull myself together.

  Slowly releasing the air in my lungs, I shouldered my door open and ran into the house, pasting on a smile as I walked in.

  Jody was sitting cross-legged on my bed, playing something on the iPad. She looked pale and tired, her eyes still puffy from all the crying she’d done the night before.

  “Hey.” My voice sounded deep and hollow. I cleared my throat and threw my purse onto the kitchen counter. “Okay, so that’s done.”

  With a gentle smile, Jody quit out of her game and made a move toward me.

  I stepped back, raising my hands and shaking my head. She paused on the edge of the bed, trying to read me. I lifted my chin and crossed my arms.

  That was when her face folded, creasing with a sympathy that could have snapped my heart in two.

  My head shake was short and sharp. I locked my jaw and looked away from her, busying myself by grabbing a pen and my notebook out of my bag.

  “Okay, let’s get you organized.”

  “Morgan.”

  I ignored her soft tone.

  “I’ll call and make a doctor’s appointment in just a minute. We also need to look into the whole adoption thing. I don’t know anything about that, but I’m sure there’s some stuff online that will lead us in the right direction.” I avoided her gaze. “You also need to ring Arizona and arrange to have your stuff sent back here. I know they’ve said you can come back in the fall, but I doubt they’re gonna store your stuff. We may as well have it here.” I tapped my pen against the pad and steeled myself for what was about to come. “And, um...oh yeah, we need to tell Dad.�
��

  Jody gasped, all sympathy for me flying out the window. “No! I thought we’d discussed that.”

  “No, we hadn’t. You just told me that you want to hide this. I think that’s the wrong decision.”

  “I can’t. Morgan, I can’t!” Her voice wobbled, tears popping onto her lashes. “He’ll be so...I’m his little princess. I’m his sunshine. I don’t do this kind of stuff. I don’t screw up this bad.”

  I sighed. “But you did, Jody, and now you have to live with the consequences of that. He loves you. He’s not going to kick your butt.”

  “I know, but he’ll be disappointed and that’s almost worse.”

  I clicked my tongue. The pen in my hand sounded like gunfire as I tapped it over the pad. My body wanted to move in fast-forward. It always did this when I was stressed. I usually went out and released all the tension with a heated one-night stand, but the thought of doing that now made me want to throw up. I couldn’t even imagine anyone else’s hands roaming my body. A pain rocketed through my chest as if my heart was actually weeping. I pressed my fingers into my sternum and reached for the phone to make Jody a doctor’s appointment. I just had to keep moving, that was the only way I’d survive this.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  MORGAN

  “I can’t believe I have to do this every month.” Jody fingered the Band-Aid on the inside of her elbow.

  “They need to make sure your blood work is good. It’s for the baby. You may not be keeping it, but you want it to be healthy, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, yeah, of course.” Jody’s lips pressed into a thin line.

  She’d been eerily quiet at the doctor’s office. I’d basically had to do all the talking for her, unless I didn’t know the answer. All her replies were soft mumbles that were nearly impossible to hear. I wanted to scream and slap her face at one point, but thankfully the doctor’s gentle coaxing finally wooed her. She opened up a little near the end.

  I glanced at her in the passenger seat. She looked pale.

  Biting my lips together, I reminded myself that she needed my support, not judgment.