by Sarah Gay
14
The setting sun reflected off the rearview mirror, piercing through Zee’s sunglasses as he and Tori curved up the canyon interstate toward her home. He reached up and pressed the button to raise the mirror slightly, preventing the potent rays from blinding him into an accident.
He kept his gaze forward, allowing Tori’s eyes to study his profile. Was she as attracted to him as he was to her? Not possible. He had to figure something out to get his impulses under control. His thoughts, that she so eagerly wanted to explore, needed to be refocused.
“How’s my make-up holding up?” he questioned.
“Perfect. Thank you for leaving it on for Ethan and Gussie. Is it starting to stiffen, like a clay face mask?”
“Does a clay face mask feel like all the blood is being sucked out of your skin, and if you were to smile, then all that dried blood would crumble into millions of pieces?”
“I guess.”
“Then, yes, it feels like a clay face mask.”
“Are you into those post-apocalyptic zombie shows?”
“You’re not?” he said, displaying offense.
She laughed. He still had it. He could make her laugh. But could he make her want to be more than best platonic friends? That remained to be seen.
The sun had completely set before they turned up Tori’s driveway.
“Thanks for getting me home in time to put Ethan down. If he’s not asleep by nine thirty, he has a difficult time getting up for school. It’s like waking a sleeping bear.”
“I can see why you’d steer clear of having a bear to breakfast. But seriously, Ethan’s a great kid. You’ve done a fine job raising him.”
“Thanks, he loves playing basketball with you. Oh…I forgot, he wanted you to come in and shoot a few hoops with him tonight. Would that be okay?”
Zee gazed down at his legs. If he ran on a basketball court right now he’d look like an inebriated chicken. His overworked muscles were starting to feel the pain of his climb.
Tori shuffled in her seat. “It’s okay. I know it’s been a long day. You don’t need to come in.”
“Are you kidding? I’d love to. I just paused to think of a good game plan.”
Her face warmed like an angel, smiling that same smile she’d given him in the lodge, but this time he had to refrain from laughing because she resembled a hissing cat. His energy level went from two to two thousand. He suddenly had the stamina to climb that cliff face again. He was more than hooked on this girl. She could ask him to steal the crown jewels with that smile, and he’d be on the next plane to London.
They entered the house to the scent of sweetened vanilla and the smooth, jazzy tunes of Harry Connick Jr.
“Mom!” Ethan bounced down the hall to them. “What the heck! That’s awesome.”
Tori took a bow. “Do I look like Midnight?”
“Zach’s cat? Almost. Midnight’s white. Maybe when you’re old, you’ll look like Midnight.”
“Let’s hope I don’t have long, white whiskers coming out of my chin,” she said, tickling her chin with her fingertips.
“Gross, Mom.” Ethan scrunched up his nose. “Don’t say stuff like that.”
“Welcome back.” Gussie walked into the room with a smile. “Smells like fun in here.”
“Smells like more than fun to me.” Tori tickled Ethan. “What is that deliciousness in the air?”
“Gussie and I made chocolate chip cookies,” Ethan said with excitement. “You guys want some?”
Tori turned to Zee. “Cookies?”
“Only if it’ll help my game, because I’m ready to rock that court.”
“Sweet!” Ethan ran down the hall. “I’ll go get my ball.”
A few minutes later, after several painful runs up and down the court, Zee inched over and leaned his shoulder against the glossy-white gymnasium wall.
Ethan looked over at him with concern. “You okay, Zee?”
“Can you keep a secret?”
“No.” Ethan crossed his arms and leaned back into the gym wall next to Zee. “We don’t tell secrets in my family. We tell surprises. My mom says that sometimes bad people try to get you to keep secrets, but secrets are meant to hide bad things, and surprises are things we’re excited to share later.”
Zee’s throat went dry. “Smart mom. This is not so much a secret, or a surprise. It’s more like.” He paused as he looked to the ceiling for answers. “I don’t want your mom to think that I’m weak.”
“Not possible.” Ethan patted Zee’s arm with understanding. “She thinks you rock.”
“Really? She told you that?”
“She didn’t have to tell me. She’s happy. I’ve never seen her happy like this.”
Ethan’s optimism was contagious. Zee suddenly found a new determination to win Tori over. He finally had a real chance. “You think she’s happy around me?”
“Yeah.” Ethan shrugged. “Why would she think you’re weak?”
“Do you know how to make your muscles stronger?”
“No,” Ethan responded, leaning in with the apparent curiosity.
“When you push your muscles really hard, they tear. Then they heal even stronger and bigger.”
“I get it. So, my mom’s and my hearts are stronger and bigger now after my dad died.”
“Exactly.” Zee bit his lip, holding back his emotions. He had an unfortunate propensity for tears. “You and your mom have the strongest hearts of anyone I’ve met. That’s why I like you.”
Ethan nodded his head. “It might be time for us to have the talk then.”
“What talk?”
“When I told Gussie that I wanted to make Lily happy, she said we needed to have the talk.”
“Um, I think I’ve been given that talk.” How could a little kid make a grown man feel so uncomfortable? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? “I’m good.”
“If you’re going to date my mom, you need to know that a woman doesn’t want to be objectified.”
“Objectified?” Zee croaked out.
“To feel like an object.”
“I know what it means.” Sweat started to form on Zee’s forehead. “Where are your mom and Gussie right now?”
“They’re taking off the cat make-up and talking. It could take hours.”
“Really, hours?”
“Have you heard of the word, pornography, Zee?”
“Yes. But I’m feeling uncomfortable right now.”
“I did too. It’s normal to feel that way. At least that’s what Gussie told me. She said we’re an open family.”
“I’d say.”
“But she told me it’s very important to have the tools to fight pornography addiction.”
“I see.” Zee nodded.
“First. When you see pornography, you say out loud, this is pornography, and it’s bad. That tells your growing brain it’s bad.”
“My brain’s still growing? That’s a positive thought.”
“I know you’re uncomfortable, but this is important,” Ethan scolded.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be a better listener.”
“Thank you,” Ethan said with complete sincerity. “Now, when you see pornography, and you will, it’s everywhere, you need to turn off your computer or device, and sing a song.”
“What kind of song?”
“Any song. I sing one about Jesus.”
“Good idea. Thanks for the advice.”
Ethan blinked his eyes as he nodded his head. “You’re welcome. There’s one more thing.”
Zee sighed. “Go ahead.”
“Gussie told me that if I’m thinking about Lily’s body, and not her—”
Zee’s palms started to sweat. “Whoa, slow down.”
“Do you want to date my mom or not?” Ethan said with rising impatience in his voice.
“I do.” Zee took in a deep breath. “I’m calm now and ready to listen.”
“Good. When you feel that way, you need to look her in the face and try to imagine wh
at she’s thinking and feeling. Works like a charm.”
“Works like a charm…for you?”
“Sort of. I really don’t think about Lily like that right now, but Gussie said one day I will, and this will work like a charm.”
Zee shook his head in awe. “You know what, Ethan? I think you actually taught me something today.”
“Happy to help. So, what’s wrong with your legs?”
“There’s something wrong with Zee’s legs?” Tori questioned, strolling across the gym, and looking amazing in her sweats.
Ethan turned to him. “Face, Zee. Face.”
“Was I that obvious?”
Ethan gave him an incredulous look.
“I’ll try.” Zee sighed. “And If I start crying while I walk, pretend like we’re talking about a really sad story.”
“No one answered me,” Tori said with a hint of annoyance. “What’s up with your legs? Did you pull a muscle doing a layup?”
“Come clean with her, Zee,” Ethan said, walking away. “She doesn’t get mad.”
Tori rested her hand on her hip and tapped her foot. She was mesmerizing. His focus went to her face, as Ethan had suggested. It didn’t take him long to figure out what she was thinking, or feeling.
“You ever try the bench press at the gym, where you keep adding weights to show off for your friends?”
She shook her head.
“You feel your chest muscles ripping to shreds, but for some stupid reason you keep adding more and more weights on?”
“No clue.”
Zee motioned to his legs. “I think I ripped every muscle in my legs today on that climb.”
“Zee! I had no idea,” she said, taking his arm and draping it around her shoulder. “Let me help you to the couch. I’ll remove your make-up and load you up with ibuprofen.”
“Never had anyone offer to remove my make-up before.”
“There’s another first for today.” She smiled.
“And hopefully,” Zee laughed, “never a second.”
As he nestled into her side, his pride disintegrated. He didn’t put much weight on her, not wanting to smash her into the ground. Tori’s hair tickled his nose with a sweet floral scent, warming his chest. Why had he waited so long to acknowledge his pain? Never in his life had he felt the lovesick flying in the cloud feeling, until now.
She left him on her pillowy, white couch and went to retrieve her make-up removal supplies. When she returned, her soft touch sent him even farther into the atmosphere.
He was suddenly grateful for the hour-long make-up application, because it seemed to take almost as long to remove. The house was quiet, with Ethan now asleep, and Gussie gone.
He was falling hard and needed to see if dating her was even a possibility. They sat in silence, inches apart, as she caressed his face. Tori might have seen it as cleaning, but, to him, any touch from her was a caress. The answer finally came to him.
Zee gave her a pat on her knee. “How do you celebrate Christmas?”
“You’re thinking about Christmas? Spring is barely knocking at our door.”
“I love Christmas.” Zee reached for Tori’s knee, but changed his course, grabbing the decorative pillow at his side instead. “How do you celebrate it?”
“Well, we go to a tree farm, where we take a sleigh ride to a grove, pick out a tree, and then enjoy a cup of hot cocoa.”
“Sounds fun. I usually just get one from the grocery store.”
“Are you kidding me?” Tori stopped momentarily from removing his make-up, speaking her surprise with her hands. “Never!”
Zee made a mental note that tree shopping was important to her. “What else?”
“Then Jim and Ethan would set up the tree, and string it up with colorful lights while I baked cookies.”
Zee noticed that Tori was beginning to speak of her holiday traditions in the past tense.
She continued, “Then we ate our cookies and watched our yearly movies.” Tori turned to face the corner of the living room and raised her chin. “That’s where it’s always been.” Her voice broke. “Except for that first year, after Jim passed. I didn’t buy a tree that year.”
Zee took her hand in his. “I’m sorry, Tori. Holidays must be difficult.”
“Not difficult, crushing.”
“I wish I could take away the pain I see in your eyes. I saw something similar in my grandmother.”
“Did she have a young family as well, when she lost your grandfather?”
“He wasn’t my grandfather. I’d visit my grandparents often over the holidays. One Christmas, I was setting up a train set around the tree. My grandfather was a few feet away, reading the paper in his plush recliner, when my grandmother came and sat next to me on the carpet. She told me a heartbreaking story. Can I share it with you?”
Tori nodded.
“As she helped me snap together the train set, she explained how she was in love once, before my grandpa.”
“I feel her pain already.”
Zee took in a deep breath. “Grandmother’s slow tears turned into heavy rains as she explained to me how she’d fallen madly in love with a young man. She agreed to marry him, but the engagement was cut short when he died in a horrific train accident.”
“Your poor grandmother.” Tori rested her hand over Zee’s.
“During that entire conversation, my grandfather kept his face in the paper. He’d been married to my grandmother for over fifty years, and they’d raised seven children, when she told me that story. He married my grandmother knowing that she loved that other young man. He knew she’d always mourn him. But that didn’t stop my grandpa from loving her, and always striving to make her happy.”
“What a sad story.” Tori sighed.
Zee brushed the tips of Tori’s hair. “I like to think of it as a story of true love.”
“Zee?”
His blood rushed. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry, but it just hit me how exhausted I am,” she said, rising from the couch. “Thanks for a wonderful day.”
It didn’t work. Defeat stunk. Zee was ready to crawl inside his shell, but, like Annie noted, he was a slug. He’d have to wear the painful rejection on his bare chest. He’d get to the ocean and drown out her memory. He slowly rose to his feet, gingerly testing how his legs would hold up. Thank goodness for drugs. The ibuprofen had kicked in, allowing him to stand and walk without too much pain.
“After speaking with Annie today, I’ve decided to wrap up filming over the next two days, then head down to Costa Rica to help with the preparations for their wedding.”
“Really? I was hoping we could do another day of firsts before you left,” she said, running her fingers down his arm and smiling softly. “Today was incredible.”
Were all men this confused by women? Zee acknowledged his own stupidity and naivety in allowing continued hope, but he refused to let her go. He clung to the unlikely prospect of winning her.
“How about making more firsts, you and Ethan?”
Her face brightened. “What are you asking?”
“Come down to Costa Rica for the wedding as my guests. Annie had mentioned that she’d love for you to be there. Think about it; your first visit to Costa Rica, and your first-time surfing.”
“We’re going to Costa Rica!” Ethan yelled from the hall. “That’s awesome!”
“No secrets in our house.” Tori looked at Zee and laughed. “I guess we’re coming to Costa Rica. You really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into here.”
Zee smiled. “I’d sure like to find out.”
15
The warm, humid air rested on Tori’s cheeks. She cracked the window and lifted her arms up over her head, allowing the circulating air in the car to cool her perspiration. The long, droopy travel day was at a close. Ethan had snuggled in at her side, and was now asleep. His head bobbed with every bump in the road. Tori looked down and smiled at her little pecking chicken, and curled her hand behind his head to steady the bobbin
g.
Zee had arranged for them to stay at his sister’s hotel, located off the white sand beaches of Playa Flamingo on the western coast. Tori had researched the hotel online. It was a posh, five-star resort with luxury amenities.
It had been almost two weeks since she’d seen him. The thought of walking with Zee along the beach in the morning sent Tori’s body into panic palpitations. She needed sleep, and a de-traveling shower—a purifying shower that removed all the noxious nastiness of airports, planes, and public taxis from her skin.
Could she continue to keep her blossoming affection for Zee unpublished? The refugees at the garden were well-aware of her affection. She’d recklessly given that one away. There was a sense of comfort knowing that at least Anita knew of her admiration for Zee. The question remained: How did he feel about her?
Tori received mixed messages from him, as if he had a hot/cold button. When she told him that she was only able to offer him friendship, he seemed eager for the association, then as if he wanted more, then as if he didn’t. She hadn’t let Zee in, but nor could she let him go. How could she protect herself from an imminent and painful separation?
The hotel taxi pulled into a half-mile-long, cobblestone driveway, lined with young palm trees and hanging streetlights. The shimmering hotel at the end of the drive lit the early morning moonless sky.
“Hey, buddy, we’re here.” Tori spoke softly, as she gently rubbed Ethan’s arms to wake him.
“Awesome. Can I get in the ocean?”
“Yeah, right.” Tori laughed. “Do you see how dark it is outside?”
Ethan rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Gimme a sec.”
As the car came to a smooth stop, the passenger car door opened. Tori recoiled as a long arm reached into their space.
“You made it.” Zee’s voice sent Tori into a giggling frenzy.
“You scared me,” she said, taking his hand. Embracing her impulse, she lifted his velvety hand to her cheek. It was smoother than she’d remembered.
His grip remained steady as he assisted her from the car. “Sorry.”
“How are you still awake?” Tori questioned. “It’s four o’clock in the morning.”