The Rise of Emery James

by Scott, Shae

  My libido couldn’t care less about what’s appropriate. It’s been sadly neglected and having someone like Cole around all the time has it going against all reason. Even a simple crush is like poking a hibernated bear. One I’m not ready to wake and unleash on the world.

  I’d nearly forgotten what it was like to feel the stirrings of desire.

  When things fell apart with Gabe I had to work hard to shove aside my desires and needs. There are only so many times that a girl can be turned away or rejected before she just stops trying. Eventually I had stopped trying. It hurt too much to put myself on the line in an attempt to seduce him only to be told he wasn't in the mood.

  What he'd meant was he wasn't in the mood for me. I was the trophy. The piece of the puzzle that showcased him as the stable family man. I was simply the placeholder. It left him free to fill his needs with other women.

  I'd called him out on it once. Only once. He'd been so nonchalant about the whole thing. He told me I was imagining things and that, regardless, it wasn't my place to question what he did. After all, hadn't he given me the big house and the fancy car? Hadn't he taken me away from the small, hillbilly town and moved me up in the world? He told me to appreciate it and let him be.

  He'd turned and left me standing in the kitchen lost and defeated. I didn't even cry. I was too shocked, too floored by his reaction. It was at that moment that I had realized that I was married to a stranger. It was the first moment I had felt trapped. I gave up and I closed myself off from the hurt of his rejection. Ignore and survive – my ever present motto.

  One that doesn’t seem to be working anymore.

  I shake the memory away as I throw some of the extra throw pillows onto a nearby chair. Why do I have so many pillows?

  I glance up when I hear the knock on the front door. I can't fight the smile that finds me knowing he’s at my door. I try not give into it completely, but having him around makes me happy.

  When I open the door he's waiting with a box of pizza and a handful of movies. "I brought entertainment," he smiles.

  "I hope you didn't bring all blow them up movies," I say, taking the pizza box from him as he follows me inside.

  "I compromised with stupid humor and a scary movie. . .you know in case you want to snuggle close so I can protect you."

  "Do I look like the kind of girl who gets scared by a movie?" I challenge. Fact is, he knows that I do.

  "Here's hoping." He's teasing me, but his words leave a charge in the air. One that we are becoming pros at ignoring. Flashes of memory hit and I catch myself wondering what it would be like if I'd come back here under different circumstances. Or even what would have happened if I had never left.

  No.

  Don’t go there, Emery.

  He doesn't even detour to the kitchen these days. He takes the pizza box straight to the den and sets it on the coffee table. I grab the paper plates, a roll of paper towels and a couple of drinks and follow him. It doesn't bother me as much now, to let go of the perfect hostess routine. At least not with him. He just makes himself at home here anyway.

  He's already putting a disc into the player. "I chose funny. I like you smiling," he winks.

  He takes his place on the couch beside me and hands me over some pizza. I catch myself just watching him, the familiarity of his actions reminding me how far I've come since I came back home. Even baby steps start to add up.

  I chew my pizza and settle in to the soft cushions of the couch with Journey curled up between Cole and me. Two pieces of my new family. Life is constantly changing – It’s time I learn to roll with the punches.

  Emery

  DAD LOVES WHEEL of Fortune. For as long as I can remember he has parked himself in his chair every night after dinner to watch. He rarely turns the volume on, instead, he watches in silence as the people spin the wheel and Vanna turns the letters.

  Every now and again you'll hear him mumble his guess to the puzzle. It's a scene I've watched countless times and as I come out of the kitchen after putting the leftovers away I smile at the fact that nothing has changed.

  I take a seat on the couch next to his chair and watch the spin of the wheel.

  Knowing that I missed so many of these simple moments makes me sad. We haven’t talked about it, but I know we both regret the years that we’ve been apart. I watch him from the corner of my eye, taking in his features. The years haven’t changed him much, but when I think about how they’ve changed me I wonder if maybe he’s hiding his own truth.

  As easy as things have been between us I know I owe him an apology. I’ve been chewing on it since the moment he found me in my kitchen. I have so much to atone for. I fear my words won’t be enough.

  One day I’ll find the courage to try.

  "What's on your mind, baby girl?" he asks, his eyes still on the television.

  I glance over at him. "What do you mean?" I ask surprised.

  "Just a feeling," he says quietly, not wanting to push, but letting me know that he's ready to listen to anything I want to say.

  Maybe the time is now.

  I swallow hard, as instant emotion tightens my throat. His question has unleashed all of the guilt that I carry. This man deserves so much more than I’ve given him. The truth has haunted me. I want to make it right; I just don’t know how.

  He can see the struggle. He knows me too well and can see through my protective shield with ease. I want to let it all go. But how do you start that conversation? How do you apologize for something so big? I don't deserve his forgiveness, even though it's clear that I've had it all along.

  I take a deep breath and let the words spill out into the silence, "I'm sorry for leaving you, Daddy." I sag against the couch cushions now that they are free. His gaze snaps to mine in surprise and it makes me wonder what it was he thought I was going to say.

  After a beat he is out of his chair and joining me on the couch, his show forgotten. "Emery," he starts, as tears well in my eyes, set free by my long overdue confession. "What are you talking about?"

  I shake my head, refusing to let him let me off of the hook by feigning ignorance. "You know what I'm talking about. I've been horrible to you. I turned my back on our family and just ran away. I let you deal with everything on your own and I never even asked how you were managing it. I've been selfish and I'm sorry." The words tumble out faster than I can say them, the tears falling fast after them.

  Dad takes my hands into his and gives them a gentle squeeze. "Emery, we each have our own path to take. They aren't always easy. Don’t carry this burden. I’m fine. We’re fine. We’re more than fine. Of course I missed you like crazy when you were gone. You're my little girl. You always will be, but all that matters to me is that you are here now," he assures me.

  I shake my head, refusing his dismissal of my actions. "But I just left you. I didn't come home. Not even when Nana passed away. I didn't come back for either of you," I choke out through a sob. The guilt is so heavy and finally saying the words out loud makes the pain feel a thousand times sharper.

  "We all deal with pain in our own way. Who am I to judge you for yours? You forget that I know you with my whole heart, Emery. No matter where you are, or where you run, I know you. You can't lose me."

  I can barely see his face through my tears, so I give in to the need to collapse against him and just break. I release it all in the safety of his arms and I cry for everything. Every doubt, every wrong decision. Every single thing I've been hiding from. He doesn't have to say anything, his hand on my back and his quiet strength sooth me as I purge away the mountain that has kept me from living fully from the moment I left.

  I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve his love, but feeling the strength of it at this moment breathes life into me. I want to believe that I’m worthy of it. . .or that one day I will be. Knowing he loves me, that none of that has faded gives me hope that eventually we’ll heal completely. I make a silent vow to make it happen, to never hurt him this way again. I make a silent promise to work
hard to make sure he gets his daughter back.

  All of her.

  Cole

  AS I DRIVE TO EMERY'S house early Saturday evening I can't help but chuckle out loud as I think about my plan for the night. I've gotten into the habit of ambushing her. Whether it is showing up at her door with dinner or stopping by her new desk at the office to take her to lunch, I rarely ask her in advance. Maybe it's wrong, but I don't mean to be disrespectful. I've just realized it works out better for her if she doesn't have too much time to think about it beforehand.

  Tonight definitely fits into that category. If she knew where I planned on taking her she'd probably run to her room and lock herself inside. But I think she needs a push. Lots of them. I've seen the difference in her with each little step forward she takes. I want her to keep making them. Even the ones she's not sure she's ready for.

  I just hope I don't end up looking like a jackass this time.

  I take the stairs two at a time up her porch and knock loudly against the old wood door. The paint is peeling and I make a mental note to come and put a fresh coat on it soon.

  "What are you doing here?" she asks, smiling when she answers. She's wearing a pair of black leggings and an oversized gray t-shirt. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun and she looks amazing. I smirk, unable to stop myself.

  "I'm kidnapping you," I tell her.

  "Kidnapping me? Why? Where?"

  "You are full of questions. You don't get to ask questions when you are being kidnapped. You just have to do what I say when I say it," I tease.

  She crosses her arms across her chest and tries to look fierce and stubborn, but her small smile gives her away. "What kind of girl just gives in to a kidnapper?"

  "Well, you don't have to give in. I could literally throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here. But I was going to be nice and let you change." I lean against the door, trying to look bored.

  "Change? Change into what?" she asks suspiciously.

  "What did I say about questions?" I shake my head and she laughs.

  "You're not going to tell me where we are going?" she asks. I smile at her frustration.

  "I'm not."

  I wave her into the house and follow behind her. "Then how am I supposed to know what to change into?" she asks stubbornly as she starts up the stairs towards her room.

  "Wear something pretty," I suggest.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" she huffs.

  "Questions," I remind her.

  She huffs again and stomps up the stairs. I love pushing her buttons.

  "Wear your boots," I call up after her as she runs up the stairs. She stops at the top and looks down at me.

  "What do you have up your sleeve, Cole Bennett?" she asks. I love the little furrow between her eyebrows that appears when she's trying to figure something out. Especially when she is trying to figure me out.

  "Maybe wear one of those little sundresses you used to like too," I offer. She watches me for a beat longer before shaking her head and disappearing out of sight.

  I know we've been going down memory lane a lot lately, but I'm still a little nervous about tonight. It could go really well, or it could backfire on me in an instant. I'm really hoping I'm not way off the mark with this. I wander into the living room and pace back and forth. She's really put her stamp on this house. She got rid of the stuffy furniture that was here when she first arrived and replaced it with an oversize sectional with big cushions and some soft fabric that she called by some fancy name.

  It fits the place better. It fits her better.

  "Okay I'm ready." Her footsteps bound down the hall and a moment later she turns the corner wearing a red sundress with a pair of black cowboy boots. Shit. I should tell her what to wear more often. "Is this okay?" she asks.

  "Spin around?" She gives me that you've got to be kidding me look and I spin my finger to demonstrate my instruction. "Spin."

  She huffs, but smiles as she does a slow twirl.

  "This will work nicely," I say, stepping closer to her. I kiss the top of her head, "You look beautiful." She gives me a shy smile and I tuck it away in my pocket with the other smiles she's offered me.

  "So are you going to tell me where we're going yet?" she asks.

  "Nope."

  "Nope? Seriously, Cole? What's with you and all of your secret destinations?"

  I pull her towards the door as I answer, "Well, you tend to tell me no when I give you the full story. This saves me the work of having to convince you to go."

  She laughs quietly and again I want to take the sound and store it away like some precious gift. Each smile, each bit of laughter has me searching for a way to make it happen again.

  The Lodge isn't far from her house. I know she'll figure it out pretty quickly, especially since I put her in a dress and boots. I keep stealing glances at her, waiting for it all to click, nervous for her reaction. Chances are she'll flip out on me and tell me to turn around and take her home. I've been trying to prepare myself for that, but I'm hoping for the best.

  "Cole," she says quietly as I make the final turn. I can tell that she knows. "Are we going to The Lodge?"

  "I'm taking you dancing," I confirm. I watch her twist her hands in her lap. I hold my breath, but continue towards the large metal building at the end of the road. The Lodge has dancing every Saturday night. But it's not just any dance hall. You have to be a member and typically, you also have to be retired. Or at least it feels that way. Emery's Nana used to come here every weekend. She grew up dancing and always said that just because she got older didn't mean she had to give up what she loved. Emery and I used to come with her at least once a month. We'd learned all the old country dances and could two step and line dance with the best of them. Nana loved that we came out with her. She was so proud to show us off. The old men would take turns spinning Emery around the floor and Nana would teach me every step she knew.

  The fact that The Lodge and all of the people there are tied to Nana meant those memories could be too much for her, but after talking about Nana the other day I think it will be good for her. She needs to remember her and the good memories so that she can let go of some of the guilt she keeps holding on to.

  "At The Lodge?" she asks again, her voice shaking just a little.

  "I know it might be weird, but I think it will be good for us to go. Besides, I haven’t used my membership in a very long time."

  "I don't know, Cole. I haven't been back here since Nana -"

  I pull into the parking lot, find a space and then reach over and take her hand. "I think Nana would love that we are here, remembering her," I say. She looks like she's ready to bolt from the car. "I got you," I say quietly. She holds my gaze and I wait. Finally, she gives me a small nod. I watch as she straightens her posture. Almost like she's preparing to go into battle. In a way I guess that she is.

  I exit the car and round the front to open her door. She gives me a smile when she takes my hand. She really is completely stunning. Her nerves have colored her cheeks a soft pink and it's all I can do not to pull her to me and kiss her senseless.

  "Think you can remember the steps?" I tease, trying to calm her jitters.

  Her eyebrow shoots up at my challenge. "Don't get too cocky there, Bennett. You're forgetting that I'm the one in this duo with the natural talent. I don't forget."

  I laugh as I lead her to the door. "We'll see."

  Mr. Toumbs and his wife Betty are manning the table and taking the cover. Betty's eyes light up at the sight of us and she jumps from her seat to embrace us both.

  "Oh my goodness! Frank! Look who is here. I can't believe it. Just look at you two. You look stunning." She makes Emery do a spin and I smile as I pull out my wallet and hand Frank our cover. He gives me a nod and a smirk. He's always been a cool cat. Silent and suave. I bet he was trouble in his younger days.

  "You don't mind if we crash this dance party tonight do you?" I ask as Betty gives Emery another hug. For a moment I wonder if all of the attention is to
o much, but then I catch her big smile and the way it lights up her face, turning her eyes into diamonds, and I know that bringing her here was the right call.

  "It's just so good to see you," Betty beams up at Emery. "I have missed seeing you two around here."

  "It's good to see you too. Looks like the same crowd," Emery smiles as she glances around the room at the sea of dancing denim and cowboy flannel spinning beneath the lights. The sound of Don Williams has me tapping my foot without even realizing it.

  "Pretty much. Maybe even a few new faces. I'm sure you can teach them a thing or two," Frank winks.

  "Well, if Betty lets me I'll make sure to save one of my dances for you," Emery winks back and they both laugh.

  "I'll be sure and take you up on that, pretty girl," he smiles easily and I whisk Emery into the main room before he can steal my date all together. It's crowded, but mostly filled with familiar faces. It takes us a long time to even reach a table because we are stopped every few feet.

  "How about I grab us a drink?" I ask as I let her get settled at a table tucked in the corner. She smiles up at me gratefully and nods as two of Nana's friends make a beeline for her. I pause to make sure she's okay by herself, but she falls into conversation with them easily. And for a moment I swear I'm looking at the Emery James of six years ago. And I want to freeze the moment and keep her just like this, without the constant etch of worry in her brow or the slight tension that she carries in her shoulders. After all, that's what this is all about.

  I grab a beer for me and a Lodge margarita for Emery. We used to laugh about the margarita's that got served up at The Lodge when we were kids because they always came with three olives. We weren't old enough to drink legally back then, but we knew that was weird. I used to tease Emery and tell her I was going to bring her here on her 21st birthday and get her drunk on margarita olives.

  Unfortunately, she belonged to someone else that day.

  I make my way back to her and slide the drink across the table. She laughs loudly and covers her mouth as her shoulders shake. "Olives! Awesome."