Here For You

by Denise Muniz

  Placing more pancakes on the table, Samantha said, “Well, time is running out soon, lady.” She looked toward Paul. “Chew your food, boy.”

  “Sorry, ma’am,” he tried saying with a full mouth.

  I couldn’t help but giggle, shaking my head. “I know, I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” I didn’t want to look at her because maybe she would be disappointed in me. Not something I could handle. I guess with her being the closest thing I had to a mother meant that I didn’t want to let her down.

  Which I felt like I was doing.

  She sat down at the table. “And speaking of something to figure out. James…” He looked up to her with food in his mouth. “Your dad said he has been trying to call you but all he gets is your voicemail.”

  His dad had been trying to call him? Why didn’t he say anything to me?

  The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. “That’s good, right?”

  For as long as we had been friends, James wanted a real answer as to why his dad left. How could he leave his son and wife behind, not lifting a finger to help, leaving James and his mom to bring home the bacon? James would work odd jobs while his mother worked doubles. It’s putting it lightly if I said that James hated him.

  But at the sound of my words he stared at me, scrunching his eyebrows together. “Good? Really, Becca?” he bit.

  I guess not.

  “James, just talk to him once,” his mother begged.

  “The answer is no and I’m not talking about it anymore,” he argued and that was that. We didn’t discuss it for the rest of brunch. Things were on edge after that tense discussion. I wanted to talk to him about it but I didn’t want to upset him further, so I finished my food, kissed Samantha on the cheek, and hugged James and Paul before leaving for work.

  Whenever it was time for James to leave I was always emotional, although I never cried in front of him. Or at least, I tried not to. I think if I had done that he would feel horrible about leaving this town, about leaving me. I understood why he left; he needed a new change from what he knew, from what had always been around him.

  I wasn’t complaining though. That was how it always was and always would be, but when James was here at least I had someone else to talk to and understood me. My dad didn’t want to listen about my stupid crap, although he was still the first person I’d go to about boys. He didn’t seem to mind listening to me but sometimes I guess I wished my mother was around for those talks. I tried to go to James once and he wanted to kill the guy. That’s why I was lucky to have Emma in my life as well. But what would happen when she leaves after she graduates?

  James does give the best, biggest hugs ever. That was our thing, always. Whenever we saw each other, or left each other, we would give one another a bear hug. His were always so much stronger than mine, but I liked to believe mine meant more.

  *

  “Earth to Becca, are you listening to me?” Emma’s squeaky voice interrupted my thoughts. We were at Starbucks, both of us studying for one of our exams, but she’d invited me here because she had an announcement to make. So I agreed. I had a date with Grey later so being here gave me time to study and hear her announcement. I just hoped it wasn’t something like “I’m pregnant” because I’d have flipped my shit. I mean, if she were pregnant that would mean that she’d cheated on Richard. “Are you daydreaming, woman?” she asked.

  I took a sip of my cappuccino – it was the only thing I’d buy in this place. Too overpriced for me. “I’m not daydreaming, dumbass, I was just thinking.”

  She waved her hand to dismiss my comment. “Yeah, whatever. Who were you daydreaming about, Grey or James?” she said, batting her lashes.

  I wasn’t even going to bother answering her question, but I did, because the way she was looking at me was driving me nuts. “None! I was thinking about these exams I have to do,” I lied, pointing toward the books and papers on the table.

  “Yeah, right.” I knew she wouldn’t take my answer but she didn’t need to know my every thought. Besides, I was thinking about these exams, a little. I mean, when I was done I’d only have a certificate in the medical filing field. Woohoo. Something fun.

  NOT.

  But there was nothing to really do in this town. I mean, the only reason I was finishing school, or even considering it, was because of my father. Education was a big thing for him. For me, not so much. So I just really wanted to make him proud when I walked down the aisle for my certificate, even if it wasn’t one of those big deal master degrees.

  As I flipped through the pages of my book Emma grabbed my hand, almost knocking my cappuccino to the floor. “What the hell, Emma?” I cried. I grabbed a napkin to clean the slight spill on my fingers.

  “Here,” she said a little too excited as she handed me an envelope.

  I look at her with my most confused face before grabbing the envelope. As I inspected it I could see it was blank, but as I lifted it above my head toward the light there was paper inside.

  “Would you stop and just open it,” she commanded, almost jumping out of her seat. I had to hurry before she flipped her shit. I slid my finger to gently open the envelope, since I didn’t know if she wanted it back once I saw whatever it was she wanted me to see. There was a single, folded white paper in there that I pulled out. Before I opened it I looked at her and she was beaming. I mean, her smile could light up a damn stadium. I was still praying it wasn’t a pregnancy test. I slowly opened the letter to see the writing:

  Dear Emma,

  Congratulations, you have been conditionally accepted into the Early Childhood Care & Education program at the…

  I immediately looked up to her with a smile. To be honest I was a little lost. Here I was trying to study for one of my exams and she’d gotten accepted into the early childhood program at the school of her choosing. She’d told me to come here so that she could let me know that she’d been accepted? She was leaving. Another person in my life that was leaving me. I should have been happy for her, right? So why was I so upset? There, in my hand, was the paper letting me know that she was no longer going to be around this time next year, that she had bigger, better things planned for her future. I swore, I thought about all that in about two seconds flat, because when I looked back at her she seemed a bit confused at my reaction. I placed the letter on the table and stood up.

  “Congratulations, Emma!” I screamed so loud, I knew all of Starbucks could hear me. “My best friend here just got accepted to a university!” I announced. Everybody in the place started to clap for her. In my normal state of mind I would’ve been so afraid to do that, but her confused look made me want to. I didn’t want her to know that I was lonely. This shouldn’t have been about me. This was about her. I gave her a huge hug and a kiss right on the forehead, telling her, “I’m so happy for you, babes.”

  She returned my hug, nice and tight. “Thank you, Becca.”

  I finally sat down to breathe, processing what it was that I had just done. “You deserve it, Emma.”

  “Thank you, thank you! But enough about me, I’m blushing too hard,” she said, touching her red cheeks. She had a wonderful glow to her. “Aren’t you going on a date tonight?” she asked, rolling her eyes. Leave it to her to change the subject.

  But she was correct. Grey had set up a date for the both of us tonight. With my school and work and his job it’d been a little hard for us to get together and spend some time alone lately. Time alone with Grey was perfect time.

  “Why do you say it like that?” I asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

  “Ugh, I can’t stand his boring ass. I don’t know why you’re still with him.” Emma had a big problem with Grey. He was boring, apparently. She was so lucky she was my friend. “You know how I feel about him,” she continued. “Now, James I’ll take any day.” She lightly bit her pointing finger. Horn dog.

  “Seriously, Emma, we are not going there,” I scolded her. Whenever we had a conversation about Grey she always had
to involve James in it. She would swear on her life that James and I were meant to be together because people can’t be close like us with nothing happening.

  She took a small sip of her nasty ass ice coffee. Why do people put ice in their coffee? It’s supposed to be hot. Yuck! “You know it’s the truth,” she mumbled.

  I just nodded my head so she would drop it, but then I heard my phone ring. Grey’s ringtone, which was some stupid song he’d paid for and programmed onto my phone. It was a weird country song and I hated when it played because it was totally not my taste, but he liked it so whatever.

  “Don’t answer that, Becca,” Emma warned me. Have I mentioned how much she can’t stand Grey?

  “Whatever,” I mouthed before answering the phone. “Hey, Grey.”

  I couldn’t help but smile when I heard him. “Hey, baby. What are you doing?” he asked me, but his voice sounded a little…off.

  “I’m just here at Starbucks with Emma, waiting for later. I did tell you I took the day off right?” I looked toward Emma and she had her finger in her mouth as though she was going to puke. I placed the phone on my shoulder so he can’t hear me say, “Would you stop!” I lightly tapped her shoulder and laughed.

  “Yes you told me, but that’s what I want to talk to you about,” Grey said. The smile dropped from my face, making Emma lean into me. I didn’t like where this was going. “I have a huge thing at work due tomorrow. It’s a pretty big case for me, so I need to go over all the information they just planted on my desk.”

  “That’s it?” I fake laughed. My heart sank a little. For Grey, his career as an attorney was his life. It’s what he dedicated his life to and he’d gotten to the top after only being there for over a year. For only being twenty-six, he had accomplished so much in so little time. Granted, he got help from his father, but nonetheless, he was there and doing what he wanted to do.

  I still didn’t know what I wanted in life, let alone what I wanted to be when I grew up and I was getting ready to turn twenty-two.

  “Well…” he continued. Shit, I spoke too soon, here comes the bad news. “I have to cancel on our date for tonight. I know we had this planned for a while but this just came up out of the blue. And everything has to be reviewed and ready by tomorrow.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Should I have said that I bought a brand new, blue, cute dress with black shoes? Should I scream and tell him what a fucking jackass he was? Make him feel bad…

  Nope, I was an idiot. I looked at Emma before I spoke. “It’s okay. I understand this is very important for you. We can always do it another time.” Emma’s jaw dropped open.

  “Sweetie pie, you’re the best. I knew you would understand.” I could tell he was smiling from the other end. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, baby. Thank you so much.”

  “Bye and good luck.” I ended the call and threw my phone into my bag.

  “Did that fucker just cancel on your date?” Emma asked. She didn’t have to guess…she knew. Actually, she called it last week when I told her about the date. Grey always had to do something with work, and lately it was a lot more. “You see, if that was James he would’ve said ‘screw work I’m taking my sexy ass girlfriend out.’” There she goes with James again.

  But that would never happen because James wasn’t like that and we aren’t together. “It’s…whatever.” I started to mindlessly flip the pages in my book. I couldn’t believe he’d cancelled again. That was twice in two weeks, and I had really been looking forward to this outing.

  “It’s whatever, my ass! You fucking bought brand new clothes and shoes. You see that’s exactly why I say he’s an asshole with a capital A,” Emma shouted. When she got excited she tended to yell.

  “Shhhhhhhh!” I told her, looking around to see people watching us like we were nuts.

  “You know what? You’re coming out with me tonight. We’re going to go shopping and dan…” I cut her off before she could finish.

  “I don’t think so. It’s okay, really. Besides, I haven’t been spending too much down time with my pops, so that’s what I want to do tonight.” A huge smile formed on my face. I missed my dad, which was weird because we lived in the same house. But I had the same problem as Grey; I worked a lot and with school, sometimes it was impossible to sit and enjoy time with him. I had to earn enough for his medicine and the bills, which meant I barely got to see much of him, let alone spend time with him. So, thank you, Grey, for that, because I would be spending time with the best man in the world. My father. Crazy the way things worked out.

  My father was a very important person in my life. When I was just a few months old my mother walked out on him. Usually mothers take their children with them, but not mine. She left me behind too. She just up and left a man who had never had to care for a child on his own before. A man who had no idea what he was doing. Now that I thought about it, I felt bad for him. He must’ve given up so much for me and probably still was.

  Times were tough when I was little, not because he was a bad father but because he had to work twice as hard to put a roof over our head and food in our bellies. There were times when I didn’t want to stay at the babysitter’s house because she was a mean old lady who didn’t let me do anything. I was so angry with my dad for leaving me there, but now I know why he had to. We didn’t have family where we were, no aunts, no uncles, no one to take care of me, so my dad did what he had to do. He would tell me how sometimes I used to hide every time he had to go to work. I couldn’t believe I was so afraid of that old hag.

  We moved a total of five times and always to a different state because one always got tougher than the previous one as time passed. We also always had to find the cheapest place to go. I never really minded until I got older and started to make friends. Leaving them was always the hardest part.

  I would always look up to my Dad because of everything he went through to keep a roof over our heads. All of that hard work eventually paid off when he was finally was able to save enough for a place of our own. No more renting or staying with other people. It was ours and just perfect for us.

  As I pulled up with my old ass red Corolla to our little blue house with crabgrass and dead flowers in the front yard, I appreciated everything this man had done for me. It was because of him that I wanted to do something with my life, although I was clueless about the specifics. Because of him I wanted to graduate so he could see me walk down some type of aisle with a ‘sort of’ degree in my hands even though it would be a certificate.

  I was only going to a two year community college studying for a certificate in medical assisting, nothing serious. My grades weren’t all that great in high school. I was always too worried about the people and things around me rather than schoolwork. I learned after I graduated that people could kiss my ass. I didn’t have to impress anybody. Some might’ve thought I was a bookworm or teacher’s pet, but I was the total opposite. My grades sucked, but I knew I wasn’t leaving my dad so I didn’t care about college too much back then.

  He got into an accident at work about a year ago that left him disabled and unable to do his job. He almost lost his leg. So every month he receives a disability check, which helps a lot. He did everything for me, and now it was time for me to return the favor.

  I picked up the red box movie I’d got at the store where I got my beer. The only beer in the fridge was Blue Moon and that shit tasted like soap. So I had to pick up some Coronas for myself. I passed my father’s pickup truck, which he only used to go to and from the hospital for his regular checkups. He had diabetes so for him to get checked regularly was a must since the man hated to listen to his doctor. I offered to drive him but he was an independent, stubborn guy that refused my offer of help. Crazy old man.

  As I entered the house I took in my dad’s smell. I couldn’t really pinpoint what it was but it smelt like…home. He was my home. He was everything and I would do anything for him. If I had to give my life for him I would in a heartbeat.

  “Becca, is th
at you?” I heard him ask. He must have been in the living room, sitting on his big, comfy recliner. I bought him that one day when he was eyeing it at Ikea. He said I didn’t have to, but when I came home with it he was thrilled. Now he couldn’t part with the thing.

  I kicked the door shut with my foot and headed into the kitchen. “Yeah, dad, it’s me.” I had to shout a little; the kitchen wasn’t far from the living room but with the TV on you could barely hear a thing. I swore it was like he was going deaf. Who puts their TV on the highest volume setting anyways?

  I placed my Coronas in the fridge, grabbing one Blue Moon that was already in there for my dad. I really didn’t know how he could drink that stuff, it was disgusting.

  Yuck.

  Picking up the red box movie from the table, I made my way to him. He was reclined all the way back, with his feet in the air. I couldn’t help but giggle. He moved his head so he was looking toward me. I handed him the beer but he shook his head so I placed it on the coffee table.

  I sat down on the sofa, relaxing as best as I could. “What are you watching?” I asked, glancing at the TV. It looked like some horrible kung fu movie. The kind where the lips keep moving when nobody is talking. How the heck could anyone sit through this? It was stupid.

  But he didn’t answer my question. Instead, he asked, “What’s that in your hand?”

  I lifted my beer. “Corona.” I knew he wasn’t talking about that but I couldn’t pass up a sarcastic remark.

  My dad was a big guy. I don’t mean fat or anything, but he had a slight beer belly. Not like those guys who look like they are carrying a child but the kind of belly where you can tell its owner has had a few beers in his time. My dad was fifty-six but his hair was almost completely white; he blamed it on his side of the family. We had the same button nose and full lips. I’m guessing I got my 5’3 height from someone else because he was well over six foot. He was my teddy bear.