Here For You

by Denise Muniz

  “That obvious, huh?” she chuckled. “We hooked up a while back, nothing serious.”

  “Huh.” Not something I wanted to know, but I asked so that’s what I got. “What did you want to tell me?” I didn’t want to continue this conversation but I needed something to take my mind off of Becca. I wondered how she was doing in there. I wished I was holding her.

  A couple of minutes passed and she hadn’t spoken a word. Turning my head to her, I saw her fumbling with her fingers. “Juliana?”

  She looked up at me. “Umm… this is such a bad time, but…I’m…” She was biting her lip.

  Lifting myself from the wall, I stood next to her. “Yeah?” Would she just spit it out already?

  “I’m pregnant.”

  BECCA

  Cold.

  That’s all I felt as I stood by the door. I’d been in here for a few minutes and my feet wouldn’t move forward. I knew my dad’s…body…was right under the covers but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do this. I turned around to leave but paused. I had to do this. So instead of walking forward, I walked backwards to him until the back of my legs hit the table. Closing my eyes, I turned around, placing my hand on him. I could feel my body shake.

  That single touch was all it took for me to open my eyes. He didn’t grab my hand, he didn’t move. He didn’t do…anything. My dad was…

  I could taste the bile that was trying to rise to my mouth. I swallowed hard, feeling the acid go down slowly as I peeled the blanket away from his body. Immediately, the tears came crashing down my face. They bled off my face and onto his hands. I couldn’t take it, and before I could think, I launched my body over him, hugging him as hard as I could.

  Why?!

  I kept hearing my screams as I placed my ear against his chest. No heartbeat. Why… I heard my voice say as it bounced off the walls of this room. You were supposed to be with me for a little while longer! But you couldn’t do that, right? You had to leave me…what was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to go on?

  I just stayed there, trying to hear his heartbeat. Trying so damn hard. As a little girl, I used to jump next to him whenever I saw him on the sofa. I would ask him a million questions about what he was watching before snuggling close. One of my favorite places was in my dad’s arm. He was my personal teddy bear and I loved everything about him. Whenever we snuggled, he held me so close to him that my cheeks would be pressed against his chest. My ears would reach his center and all I would hear was the thump-thump-thump-thump and it was that sound that would put me to sleep. But now, as I laid my ear upon his chest, I heard nothing. I felt nothing. Because the man I loved with all that I was had become…nothing.

  I couldn’t help but think that maybe he had called me when I was upstairs. Did I not pay attention to him at all? Maybe I could’ve spent a little more time with him instead of going out. I was so pissed about my mom, and him not telling me, but if I could just take the day that I hid upstairs and be with him, I would.

  I could barely breathe from all the crying. My knees felt like spaghetti as I held on tight, never wanting to let go, but eventually, somehow, I stood up. And I just looked at him. He was white as snow with his hands crossed over his stomach. His eyes were closed and there was not a single expression on his face. His lashes didn’t twitch, his lips didn’t frown. I remembered how whenever he would look at me he would always smile, even when I had done something bad. I’d never see that smile again. I reached my hand over him and touched his cheek, brushing it with the back of my hand.

  Leaning close to him, I pressed my lips on his forehead, kissing the cold stone-like skin. “I love you, Daddy. You are always and forever in my heart. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you here. I love you so much.” I had created a small puddle of tears next to his ear on the silver table. “You’re my forever.”

  I walked back and just looked. He seemed peaceful and I only prayed that he left in peace. That he left with everything off of his chest. I backed up against the door, slipping down to the freezing floor. Bunching my legs together, I placed my chin on my knees and cried. I cried for him. I cried for the years that I wouldn’t have with him. I cried for the years I’d had with him. I cried because I loved him.

  I cried because…he was gone and I’d never get him back.

  Chapter - 18

  becca

  James decided to come back and stay here for a little longer than what he’d originally planned. I was happy that he’d decided that because I needed him here. I needed him with me, someone to cry on and grieve with. James informed me that it would be okay for him to be here with me, that his job was secure and Jim fully understood. They’d hired a manager so he was able to help Jim with the things that James was unable to do at that moment.

  I couldn’t believe it had been two weeks since my dad had passed. Not a day went by where I stopped thinking about him and what had happened that day. I thought life, in some sick and twisted way, would be okay once he was gone. I mean, I knew he was going, so I should’ve been prepared, right? But when it happened it was like the life that was once mine was no more. The soul inside me had vanished and there was just an empty black hole filled with grief and sadness. James being there at least helped me not to close myself off. Which was all I wanted to do. He and his mother made all the calls and set everything up for my father’s funeral. They knew how hard it was on me and I was very appreciative for what they had done. I hated to think about that day and how everyone was toward me. I was hurt and sad, not a fucking puppy.

  Even as James wrapped me in his arms as we lay in my bed. He’d been acting weird for a little while, but I hadn’t acted on it. I was sure he was feeling the effects of my father’s passing as well. I mean, he was always there when we were just friends, so in a way, I would have guessed my dad was like a father figure for him. Almost like his mother was a mom for me.

  His hands were going up and down my back with his fingertips sending a wave of goosebumps over my body. “How are you doing?” he asked, a little hesitant.

  Lifting my head a little, I saw him looking at me with a weak smile. I knew he was worried about me. “I’m hanging in there. Thank you again for staying here with me. I know you have to leave soon.” I didn’t want to think about it, but it was something I was going to have to deal with.

  He sat up, bringing me up with him. “Hey, don’t worry about that, okay? I’m here right now and that’s what matters.” He didn’t seem as confident as he once was.

  Sitting Indian style, I played with my fingers. “Can I ask you something?” I wanted to know what was wrong with him. I knew there was something wrong with him.

  “Yeah, of course, anything.” He leaned into me, giving me his undivided attention.

  As I was about to open my mouth the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone. Emma had left last week so I knew it wasn’t her and I doubted it was Samantha. James had asked her to call him if she needed him. Samantha had been an angel during this time, but her loving and kindness was too much for me. I wanted it, but I didn’t at the same time.

  So James told her in a nice way that he would be with me until he had to go and if she needed anything to call him first.

  We got off the bed together, but before we left the room he touched my cheeks, kissing the tip of my nose. “Hold that thought, okay?”

  I nodded and we walked downstairs. James went to the kitchen as I opened the door. Standing in the doorway was Grey, with blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He was a little wet from the rain that had taken us by surprise, since it had been sunny skies all round earlier. But the weather was like my emotions, so I took it happily.

  “Hey, Becca, sorry about just showing up. I just wanted to see how you’re doing is all.” He had a small smile on his face. I just wished everyone would act normal around me.

  I opened the door wide to invite him in. “I’m doing okay, thanks.”

  Closing the door, I walked to the kitchen and locked eyes with James for a split second before
he looked behind me to Grey. He gave him a nod with his chin then made his way to me. “Be nice,” I told him.

  “I’m always nice,” he said, sitting at the table with a glass of water in his hands.

  I was just about to sit down when there was another knock on the door. James was about to get up, but I held his shoulder to let him know I’d get it. My eyes told him to be nice again, which made him smile, showcasing those dimples that I loved so much.

  When I opened the door this time there was a woman. She looked very familiar. I knew I’d seen her before, but where? As my brain was trying to figure it out she just stood there, looking beautiful. Things started to click. I was pretty sure she was at the hospital when my dad was…there…but why was she here?

  “May I help you?” I asked her.

  She tried to peak inside my house before she answered, “Is James here?” She finally looked at me.

  I opened the door to invite her in as well. Apparently James knew who she was so I was sure it was okay for her to come in too. My mind was still trying to remember where it was I’d seen her. I knew it was before the hospital, but I couldn’t think right then. When I entered the kitchen both men looked my way then immediately stood up when they saw her.

  “What are you doing here?” both Grey and James said at the same time.

  I turned around to face her, but she just stood there looking at both men. She knew both of them? “I’m sorry, who are you?”

  She looked from the guys to me. “I’m Juliana.”

  Juliana? OMG…Juliana.

  I quickly turned to Grey…“This is the girl?” I asked him, confused.

  He just looked at me and he knew what I was talking about. This was the chick that he had told me about the day that my dad went into hospital. This was the Juliana that he had cheated on me with. Moving my head from him to James, I saw that he was still looking at her. He looked nervous. How did James know her? Black hair, beautiful body, looking like a model…Wait… This was the chick that was in his bed that day I drove there after my dad had been admitted to hospital and I’d received the devastating news of his pending death. But…

  I turned from the guys to her again. “You know both of them?”

  She nodded. “Yes, I do, as well as you.” She looked a little smug before shrugging it off. “I want to say I’m sorry about your father. I couldn’t tell you that day.”

  I looked back to James, leaving Grey to quiver like a scared puppy. I’d deal with him later, although I didn’t think there was something to deal with. Grey and I weren’t together anymore. But to know that somehow the two men in my life were connected to this chick was shocking. James moved from the table to where Juliana and I were standing.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked her like I wasn’t standing between them.

  I placed my hand on his chest to make him look at me. “She was your girlfriend, right?” I asked him, swallowing a lump that was stuck in my throat.

  His eyes pleaded with me to talk to about this later, but that was not going to happen. “Yes. Ex-girlfriend,” he answered.

  “Why was she at your house the day of my dad…” I still couldn’t say it. It was like my mouth didn’t want to say the word. He looked down fast, averting his eyes from me. “James?”

  He looked past me to her again. “Why are you here?”

  I was looking back and forth between the two, trying to figure it out. Was she the reason why James had been acting so…different?

  “You haven’t answered my texts and you haven’t picked up when I’ve called.” She’d been trying to call him and text him while he was here with me? “I wouldn’t have to be here if you had just talked to me.”

  “I told you I was busy.” His jaw tensed. He was pissed that she was in the middle of my kitchen. I could see the veins and the movement of his jaw as he ground his teeth. He was trying not to explode.

  “Well, I had to tell you the news from the doctors,” she fired back.

  “And you came to my girlfriend’s house to tell me this shit?! Get out!” he yelled.

  What the hell was going on?

  I put my hands up. “Just stop!” James looked at me, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets. “What is going on here?”

  “She’s the one, Becca,” Grey said from nowhere. “But I haven’t seen her since the hospital, and before that since that time. I’m sorry. Juliana is the girl who I cheated on you with.” I couldn’t believe he’d just said that. “And I regret every moment of that.”

  Juliana gasped. Apparently she didn’t know it was me. If she had then maybe she wouldn’t have shown up out of the blue. I gave Grey a weak smile, letting him know that it was okay. I had a much bigger issue to deal with.

  “I should get going,” he walked to me and kissed my cheek in front of James, who was fuming now. “Happy you’re doing better. Bye, Juliana. Bye, James.” He was smart. He knew he had to leave before shit blew up. I wished I could have done the same. I watched him leave.

  “You whore,” James said to Juliana.

  “James!” I scolded him. How could he say that? He’d dated her himself.

  “Yeah, you’re one to talk. Did you even tell her?” she asked, pointing to me.

  I was so confused.

  JAMES

  Everything was going good, then Juliana appeared in Becca’s kitchen like they were old friends. Why was she here? I didn’t want her here! She shouldn’t be here! I told her I would talk with her once I got back home. I got the few text messages she’d sent me about going to the doctors, but I was so occupied with what I was dealing with, with Becca, that I only vaguely remembered what they’d said. I just wanted her to go before everything spun out of control.

  I couldn’t believe I just called her a whore. I didn’t even know that Grey had cheated on Becca, and of all people, with the woman that stood in front of us. I just wished she would go and disappear from my life. It was all a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened that night.

  “Yeah, you’re one to talk. Did you even tell her?” she asked, pointing to Becca.

  I ran my hands through my hair. Of course I didn’t tell her. I was going to tell her that night, right before all of this shit happened.

  “Tell me what?” Becca asked. I knew she was looking at me, more like staring at me, but I couldn’t look at her. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes when I had to tell her. I wanted this to be private.

  Now it would be anything but.

  “You didn’t?” Juliana said, her voice filled with shock.

  “Would someone please tell me what…what don’t I know?” Becca pleaded.

  My heart broke into a million pieces. How could I do this to her? After everything that had happened to her. She was grieving and now this shit? I was such a fucking asshole. I should’ve told her as soon as I found out, even if it wasn’t the best time. I’d been walking around with this in my heart, in my head, for over two weeks now. When I finally laid eyes on her light blue shiners they were pained and filled with unshed tears. I couldn’t do this.

  I was just about to open my mouth when Juliana beat me to it. “I told James I was pregnant that day at the hospital.”

  I never took my eyes away from Becca. Her hand immediately covered her mouth. Unshed tears came out with a hard blink. She was shaking her head back and forth, not wanting to believe that this woman, in her house, was pregnant with my child and I’d known for the past two weeks. Hurt, heartbreak, every fucking bad feeling in the world was etched into her eyes and it broke me. It completely shattered me, and I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to piece myself back together if given a lifetime to do it.

  “Becca…” I whispered. I tried to touch her shoulder but she backed away. Another piece of me completely lost to the darkness. She didn’t want me to touch her. “I…” Fuck. What was I supposed to say? There was nothing I could say. So I took out my anger on the person who had just ruined my life. “You bitch.”

  Juliana bit her lip. �
��Yeah well, if you just answered your phone you would know that I’m not pregnant. The test was false.”

  What!?

  She’d told Becca that for nothing! She revealed something that was going to tear us apart for nothing. She wasn’t pregnant and she had still said that!

  “You didn’t have to say anything then!” I said, stepping closer to her.

  She backed up. “What did you want me to do? You didn’t answer your phone or my texts. I thought this was good news and I wanted to tell you in private but seeing as though you didn’t give a shit when I told you I might be pregnant I didn’t give a shit just now. Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m not pregnant?” She pinned her hands on the wall behind her. There was no place for her to go.

  Leaning in close to her face so that she heard every word, I spoke slowly. “Get the fuck out of this house. Out of my life. Out of everything that has anything to do with me. Delete my number and I never, ever want to see you again. I’m happy you’re not pregnant. Now I don’t have to deal with you anymore.”

  She looked hurt and I didn’t care. At that moment I just want her gone. She shimmied herself away from where I had her captured, dipping under my arms. Placing a hand on Becca’s shoulder, she mumbled a sorry and left. I didn’t want to turn around to see Becca. I knew she would be in the same state she was in a few minutes ago. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I took a deep breath and faced her.

  “I…don’t…” I started to say, then she held her hands up to tell me to stop. I did, immediately.

  “You lied to me,” she said, talking to the floor. “How could you not tell me something like this? She could’ve been pregnant with your child.”

  “Yeah, but she’s not.”

  She just shook her head. “That doesn’t matter. Were you going to tell me?” Her voice was weak, sadness on top of grief.

  Slouching my shoulders, I told her the truth. “Yes, I was going to tell you tonight. I didn’t want to leave here without you knowing.”

  She looked up to face me. “Why didn’t you tell me before this? Why did you let it get to this?” She was pissed, no, pissed was an understatement. She was livid.