Dahlia's Music

by Caitlyn Quirk

  That evening, James came back to the room to find her lucid for the first time in weeks. Matty had intercepted him earlier to tell him that Dahlia was refusing to take the medicine, and had begun the questions they knew would come sooner or later. Since Matty’s answers had not satisfied her, she was determined to ask them of him.

  Her resolve, however, weakened when he came in the room. The drug-induced haze through which she had seen him the last few days was gone, and his brilliant blue eyes looking at her made her feel self-conscious – lying in bed as she was in her shift. The covers were drawn up to her armpits, but she still felt very exposed in front of this handsome young man who was, by all accounts, now her husband.

  James flashed her a genuine smile at seeing her look up at him, and he went immediately to the bed and sat down gingerly. He took her hand and kissed it. “It’s good to see you again. I missed those beautiful eyes. How do you feel?”

  “Better, I think. As long as I don’t move,” she smiled.

  “You needn’t move a finger. Matty and I promised your father you’d be well-looked after. Are you warm enough?”

  “Yes. I’m fine.”

  “Matty tells me you are ready to be weaned off the laudanum. That means you are starting to heal. I do wish you’d take it at night, though, so you can sleep peacefully.”

  The constant pain she had felt all day made her glad of his suggestion. She had started to regret her earlier refusal of the medicine. She nodded, and murmured her consent.

  “Good,” James said, reaching for the spoon.

  “Not yet,” Dahlia started. James looked hesitant, but sat down again. He knew she would ask him about why she was here, and he hoped he would deliver his contrived explanations in a credible way.

  “Mr. Kent,” she started. “You know I don’t remember certain things – because of the fall. I hope you won’t be offended by my questions.”

  James smiled what he hoped was his most engaging smile. “I shall only be offended if you keep calling me Mr. Kent when we are alone, Mrs. Kent.”

  Dahlia blushed. She had examined the beautiful ring on her finger earlier, but she could remember nothing of how it got there. She could not get used to the fact that the young man sitting on her bed was her husband.

  “Sorry, James.”

  “That’s better.”

  She thought about how to phrase her questions. James was not looking at her or addressing her in any way that would belie he begrudged their marriage or had felt forced into it. “I need you to pretend that I am a stranger asking you how you proposed to your wife,” she said tentatively. “I feel rather awful that I don’t remember the most important events of a girl’s life. The last time I remember seeing you was at Lady Sweet’s funeral.”

  The smile on James’ face eased slightly. “I would rather that you could forget the distress of that gathering, Dahlia.” He gently stoked her unbruised cheek with his hand. “But my marriage proposal,” his face brightened slightly. “That I can recreate for you again and again – as long as you promise to always have the same answer!”

  This made Dahlia laugh, but the action immediately caused her to wince with pain. “Don’t make me laugh!” she gasped. “Not yet anyway.”

  “I had spoken with your father about my intentions back in the spring,” he started, surprising Dahlia. He saw the look on her face. “He and I had a chat after the Roma fair – before I returned to London. I knew I wanted you to be my wife after that disturbingly wonderful kiss in the barn.” He watched her blush. “At least you remember that.”

  “Yes,” she admitted, smiling at the memory. “That I remember.”

  “Steven and Maripaz had announced they would be married, and your brother asked if I would return for the wedding. It did not feel right that I not speak with your father if I was going to be staying in his house, so close to his daughter for whom I had such – strong – feelings.” This much was the absolute truth. He remembered that sleepless night he spent wishing Dahlia would come to his room and fearing her father would burst in to kill him if he found out. He took the first opportunity the next day to speak with Peter Talbot privately to declare his intentions towards Dahlia. Their conversation hadn’t stopped his longing, but he felt better about being a guest in the Squire’s house after that.

  “I did not intend that we would be married this year,” he continued, preempting Dahlia’s next question. “But circumstances in my own family here prompted me to return to Scotland. I did not know when I would return to England, so I asked your father for permission to marry you so you could come away with me.”

  “And, he said yes?” Dahlia couldn’t believe her father would agree. Eventually, perhaps, but at just fifteen?

  “Well, you helped convince him,” James lied.

  Dahlia blushed again as she tried to imagine herself pleading with her father to let her…run away…to Scotland. No, she couldn’t imagine it.

  James saw her brow furrow and knew she wasn’t buying his story. He took her hand again. “I meant simply that you told him you did want to marry me. You were a little hesitant to leave Talbot Hall, but the thought of going to live in a castle was intriguing to you.”

  Dahlia remembered her conversation with Lady Sweet, and how she had been impressed with the fact that James’ family had a castle. James saw the furrow disappear between Dahlia’s eyes. He needed to keep his deceptions more in keeping with what he knew of her personality for her to believe him.

  “Everything was a little bit hurried,” James went on, sticking closer to the truth. “But we needed to reach the Highlands before the snows. Nobody saw any reason to wait. You wanted to take one more ride on Talisman before our trip.” He knew that was something she would believe.

  Dahlia looked away. “That’s when I had the fall,” she said, thinking aloud. She looked back at James. “I’m sorry.”

  “Nonsense. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

  “But because of the fall, I don’t remember anything. Not your proposal, not the wedding, not the…” she was going to say the wedding night.

  “You don’t need to remember. Just get better, and we’ll do everything all over again,” James smiled. “We’d agreed to have another ceremony here in Scotland in any event – for my family.”

  Mollified by his words regarding their hasty marriage, a new line of questioning rushed to the forefront of Dahlia‘s mind. “What happened to your family that you needed to leave your studies in London?”

  James had anticipated this and, prior to arriving, did not have a good answer. He had seen in the last few days, however, a very truthful reason for his return. The castle was in dire straits, with entire portions now in ruins due to his family’s inability to keep up the maintenance of the massive structure. “My mother’s family has been trying to manage the estate for generations. Rather unsuccessfully, I have to add. Things have fallen into disrepair and the main part of the keep is in great need of architectural renovation. My grandfather doesn’t have the funds to hire an architect and pay for the repairs. I offered to come and evaluate the house, prepare some plans, and manage the reconstruction.” James didn’t elaborate further. He hadn’t known about the state of the keep, but the assessment he gave Dahlia now was accurate according to his walks through the estate with his grandfather over the past couple of days.

  “My mother and siblings have moved here from Glasgow, too. They are eager to meet you. Since you are feeling better, I thought I’d introduce my mother to you tomorrow.”

  Dahlia looked up. She hadn’t even thought of meeting James’ family. Her thoughts – disjointed as they had been over the last few days – had focused on her own immediate situation. Now she saw a bigger view of what her new life entailed…and it frightened her. Meeting his mother, all his brothers and sisters and extended family. How would she remember them all? Would they like her?

  “Dahlia?”

  “Yes. Yes, of course I’d like to meet your mother,” she said quickly, coming back fro
m her reverie.

  “Good.” He smiled genuinely then, confident the two women would get along famously.

  A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. James got up to answer it and found Matty waiting on the other side of the threshold. Dahlia noted the familiar way they greeted each other. Dahlia had tried never to treat Matty like the maid servant she was hired to be, but she felt a pang of jealousy that the two should share an intimacy of any sort that she had not yet achieved with her husband. From her point of view, James was still a familiar stranger.

  “Good evening, Miss,” Matty greeted her cheerfully. “I wanted to check to see if you needed anything before I retire.”

  “No, I am fine, Matty.”

  “Dahlia agreed she is up to meeting my mother tomorrow, Matty. Perhaps you could assist her in the morning,” James asked.

  Matty looked genuinely pleased. “Of course! Oh, I’m so glad to hear you are feeling better. I wager you’ll like Mrs. Kent very much, Miss Dahlia,” she said in her singsong way. “I’d say she’s a cross between Lady Sweet – God rest her soul,” she said crossing herself. “And Miss McElroy! The elegance of the one and the strength of the other. Which is a good thing given your brothers and sisters,” she said, turning to James.

  Once again, Dahlia felt left out. Matty had a head start on meeting her new relatives and getting to know the rhythm of castle life. All she had done was lay about in bed, oblivious to where she was or why she was there. She couldn’t fault Matty for the situation, however, and meant to use the time with her the next morning to get as much information as she could.

  A second thought also crossed Dahlia’s mind upon hearing Matty’s description of James’ mother: how interesting her music must be. Try as she could, however, she could hear nothing in her mind. Not when she thought of her father or brothers, or when she looked at Matty and James. Both were as flat as the paper dolls she cut out and played with as a child without the musical accompaniment that had always sprang up in her mind upon seeing them. She had thought at first it was due to the laudanum, but she had taken none all day and still she heard nothing. It was disconcerting to say the least.

  Matty gave her a dose of the medicine and then bid them both good-night. James had seen the shadow fall over Dahlia’s face. When they were alone, he questioned her about it.

  “Nothing,” she said at first, but James sat resolutely on the bed and stared at her.

  “I know you a little better than you may think, Dahlia, having observed you quite intently on every possible occasion.”

  “It’s just that, well, I don’t hear any music…in my head. Since the accident, it’s just not there. It’s as if a part of me is missing, like sitting next to a fire but feeling no heat from it. You look at the fire and know there should be a comforting warmth, but there is only cold air. It is…frightening for me.”

  James nodded his head slowly. “You were unconscious for a long time, Dahlia. Dr. Chase said there are many things we do not know about injuries to the head and each person reacts differently.” He took her hand and held it gently between his own. The warmth of his hands was comforting. “Give it some time. We don’t expect your broken bones to heal overnight; we shouldn’t anticipate something as complex as your mind to heal any faster.” He smoothed a hand tenderly over her head. “In the meantime,” he smiled. “You’ll have to carry on like the rest of us mere mortals. Now get some sleep.”

  He kissed her hand, and blew out the candle.

  -----

  Dahlia woke to find James already gone from the room. Matty brought her tea and dressed her hair. As the two worked to make Dahlia ready for her interview with her new mother-in-law, she queried Matty incessantly about the extended family that inhabited the castle.

  “James’ brothers and sisters: Jesus.”

  “Matty!”

  “No,” she said laughing. “That wasn’t a blasphemy, but a mnemonic device. That’s a means of ‘remembering something based on the first letters of the words,’” she quoted. “J – E – S – U – S are the letters of the five children. James, Elspeth, Steven, Ursula, Seanna.”

  Dahlia chuckled. “It seems James’ parents had a sense of humor.”

  “From what I’ve seen, they’d have needed it! Elspeth is as charming as her older brother and bestows her charms with every boy in sight. From what I’ve heard, half the young men in the county are in love with her and she will not commit to any of them. Keeps them all on a leash, she does, like little puppies eager to please her. Steven is your age and is all about hunting and athletics. He’s always out and about and comes back to the keep every night with mud everywhere and leaves in his hair. Couldn’t care less about all the girls who adore him. Ursula is the studious one – like our Michael. The bookworm. Seanna is still just a little girl.”.

  “And their mother? What is Mrs. Kent like?”

  “Mrs. Kent is a handsome woman, but you can tell she has lived a hard life since her husband died. I think it was a very good thing for her to come to the castle with her children. Looking after them is now shared among her extended family. She doesn’t have to do it all alone now.”

  “And, does she seem upset by my marriage to her son?”

  “Upset?” asked Matty, turning away from Dahlia to return the brush to the dresser. “Why would she be upset?”

  “Well, because she wasn’t even at the wedding. James said we would perform the ceremony again here since his family couldn’t attend. Everything happened so quickly…” her voice trailed off.

  Matty took a deep breath and turned back to Dahlia. “Of course she’s not upset,” she replied, trying to force confidence into her words. “James had obviously been writing to her about you for some time, from what she said. I think she is as nervous about meeting you as you are about meeting her!”

  “Really?” Dahlia’s face brightened. Hearing this made her feel like they would be on more equal footing at their introduction.

  “Yes, and she should be here shortly,” Matty said, looking at the clock on the mantle.

  Dahlia turned quickly to view the time and gasped with pain at the sudden movement. Matty ran to her side. “Are you alright?”

  Dahlia nodded, trying to catch her breath. “Please, bring me the mirror.”

  Matty sat back, but did not get the mirror. Dahlia repeated the question, thinking she had not heard her.

  “I…no, Miss,” she said tentatively.

  “Why ever not?”

  Matty stood up and backed away from the bed, looking at her feet.

  “Matty? The mirror?”

  Matty slowly shook her head. Dahlia felt a fleeting moment of anger, replaced quickly by apprehension as it dawned on her there must be a very compelling reason her maid and friend would refuse her. She slowly raised a hand to her face. “How bad is it?” she whispered, fingering her flesh tentatively. “Tell me.”

  “It’s, eh…well, it’s greatly improved, Miss.”

  “Then why won’t you hand me the mirror?” Dahlia felt like crying.

  “We thought it would be a bit of a shock for you,” Matty said honestly. James had begged her not to let Dahlia see her reflection for as long as possible.

  “It’ll be a greater shock for Mrs. Kent!” Dahlia countered.

  “Well, she did see you the night you arrived.”

  A knock at the door interrupted their exchange. Dahlia felt panicked. Matty felt relieved she would not have to get the mirror for Dahlia.

  Chapter 64

  Annabelle MacFarlain Kent arrived as scheduled at the room where her new daughter-in-law was housed. She waited at the door a moment to collect herself before knocking. There had been great speculation at the keep of her arrival after so many years away, then even more when it was announced that her eldest son was returning from England with a new and very young wife. The fact that the girl had arrived at night and had not been seen since flamed the fires of rumors about her, despite the story that had been repeated countless times by her and
her son. The three had stayed up till the early hours the night James arrived to synchronize the tale they would tell to explain his arrival and unexpected marriage. By the end of the next day, however, Anna already felt sorry for the young bride. On top of the horrifying events that had actually befallen her, the provincial group of families at the castle seemed intent on believing their own renditions of why Dahlia and James had come to Scotland. “Stopped on the way to visit Graetna Green” was already a joke running rampant through the ranks, followed closely – in whispers – that Dahlia was being hidden until new clothes could be made for her to hide an already bulging belly.

  Anna was ashamed her own relations would think so ill of her son that he would elope after impregnating a girl. After fuming to her father, which he calmly let her do till it was out of her system, she was able to accept his wisdom that it was not so much her son they were impugning but Dahlia. She was the outlander, the outsider, and that was reason enough for mistrust by Highland folk. He also cautioned her not to refute too strongly the possibility of Dahlia’s pregnancy as this was one of the very reasons she had been brought to Scotland to save her reputation in Cirencester. Only time would tell the outcome of her attack, and the validity of the timing of any forthcoming birth.

  Anna had watched the pain and struggle of her eldest son after the death of her husband. Her natural inclination to protect and defend him extended quite naturally to the young girl for whom he felt so strongly as to marry because of the awful events that had befallen her. She hoped what her son felt for Dahlia was indeed love instead of just sympathy but, regardless, she felt a pride in her son for taking such decisive action to help the young woman. She would do everything in her power to support his decision, his marriage, and his young bride.

  She knocked on the door and waited. She heard a muted screech from inside. The young Irish woman opened the door looking wan. She bobbed a curtsy and stepped aside for Anna to pass. Once inside the room, Matty stepped out and closed the door behind her.