ReclaimedSurrender
Page 3
Even now her heart ached recalling the expression on his face. The bleakness in his eyes. This wasn’t the first time she’d tried to understand what she’d seen there. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.
She sighed and growled, “You should have pulled the naked card before it came to this. Now you have nothing and his deck is stacked.”
Six long months ago. That was the last time they’d had sex of any kind. And with each passing week the distance between them broadened and the elephant in the room gained weight until she had no choice but to emotionally remove herself from it and keep busy. Yet, thinking about Rene’s words, his demeanor and the look she recognized as fury on his face when he had laid down the law last night? She knew she’d have no space from him the second she got out of this bed until his week and this exercise was over. Rene had always made it clear he wanted more from her than mere sexual submission and possibly there was a time when she might have given him what he wanted, but—
Buzz.
She sat up and grabbed her cell phone. Rene… Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she braced herself because, freaking hell, she wasn’t even out of bed yet and already it started? She read,
I want you to bring a change of clothes to the office with you. Something dressy to wear out after work. Keep your phone with you. I’ll text you throughout the day. R.
She didn’t doubt it.
Her phone buzzed again.
I also left instructions for you taped on the guest bath mirror. R.
“Crap.” She dropped the phone and fell back against the pillows. She’d intended to wallow is some self-pity. Do a little bit of “oh woe is me” before “woe” really was her, but oddly enough the only thing that stuck out in her mind was that she’d rather have to deal with Rene and his dominance than face Michael today at work after what he’d pulled. She stared at the ceiling. No, she’d deal with Michael on her own. She still wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. Ever since she’d confided in him six months ago he was different toward her. More aggressive in an odd way. She’d thought he’d taken up the role of surrogate big brother, but there was nothing brotherly about the kiss he planted on her when they were away in Chicago. She still couldn’t believe it.
Shooting a sidelong glance at her phone, she winced. She had bigger problems than a misguided coworker. She thought about Rene and automatically shivered. Bigger and problem didn’t even tip the scale when it came to her deliciously domineering husband.
Three minutes later Alexis collected the note and reluctantly read the instructions. Two sentences in and that familiar exhilaration bloomed in the pit of her stomach and fluttered in tingly waves between her legs.
Starting at eleven o’clock this morning, I want you to text me once every hour until five o’clock. I expect you to describe in fifty words or less something I’ve done to you in the past that has turned you on. I want more than just kisses and cuddles, Alexis, because we both know what a dirty girl you are.
She sucked in a breath, reading the last bit again, and looked at herself in the mirror. “Damn it.” One handwritten note from him and she was right back into the thick of it. Well, if her glassy eyes and flushed cheeks were any indication.
I want you to go back to the beginning of our relationship and tell me when you first connected your special preferences with mine. I want the truth, Alexis. I’ll know if you’re holding back. I always know when you’re holding back, don’t I? Please me. Every hour on the hour and don’t be late. No more than fifty words. I’ll be counting.
R.
A few hours later Alexis was knee-deep in paperwork and, damn it all to hell, she couldn’t put thoughts of Rene aside for even a moment to be productive with anything in front of her. If she and Michael were going to get this stuff off to Texas today she needed some help from him. So, even though he was the last person in the world she wanted to face right now, she made the trek to his office.
“Good morning, Jennifer, is he in?”
“Mr. Kavanagh has been in and gone. He did leave you this.”
Alexis carefully unfolded the paper. She wasn’t sure what to expect after what happened over the weekend. With an inner cringe she read his note and breathed easier.
Al,
I got the quote to Salenger. Filed those invoices with the finance department and banged out the estimates to the Telcon brothers (the others will be done by early afternoon). I need you to do those acquisitions we talked about and I’ll need those numbers on my desk before the two o’clock deadline.
M.
I need… An image of Michael bending over her muttering those exact words shot through her brain and sank to her stomach until a wave of nausea roiled and churned.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded, realizing she’d been standing in front of Jennifer’s desk staring down at the note for far too long. “Yes, sure, I’m fine.”
Turning, she walked away and decided she was far from fine. Because even though she’d told Michael she’d forget about what he did, that she’d consider it a bout of temporary insanity on his part, brought on by her unwisely confiding in him, she couldn’t push aside the image of him kissing her. Nor could she blot out the echo of the words he’d spoken before he swooped down and took what wasn’t offered to him.
I need a woman like you.
When he pulled her against him she hadn’t participated. She’d been too shocked to do more than blink in stunned disbelief. When he’d finally released her, he didn’t say anything else. He just turned and walked off.
Now today he was leaving notes, as if nothing had happened? Crapatola. She had enough problems to deal with, she didn’t need this. She crumpled and tossed the paper into the stainless can under her desk. Collapsing in her chair, she let the guilt rise up and strangle her. If she hadn’t unloaded on him about her relationship troubles after dinner that night, maybe he wouldn’t have—
Her phone buzzed and she jumped. She knew it was Rene. She was tempted not to look, but she’d promised him she’d see her way through the week. Now, more than ever, she was prepared to do it.
Get a bottle of water and go down to the north end of the atrium for thirty minutes. Sit in the sun and relax.
She stared down at his instructions. Relax? There was no relaxing in her current state of mind. Her cell went off again.
Alexis?
Oh for crying out loud. She answered, “’K.”
Ten minutes later she seated herself in one of the puffy leather chairs that were nicely heated by the sun streaming through the glass-domed ceiling in the atrium when she heard it. A deep and familiar laughter. That was Michael, she was sure of it. Was he purposely avoiding her? Hiding out down here? Strangely that gave her a little comfort. She took a sip of water and leaned back in the chair, listening to the distant exchange of voices. It sounded like a crowd had gathered. Not that she could see them through the foliage wall.
Taking another sip, she sighed and rolled her shoulders. As the tension began to ease, she closed her eyes and relaxed just as Rene had instructed.
Rene.
She concentrated on him and thought about his other instructions. Warmed by the sunshine, she leaned back, sinking deeper into the couch and mulled over what she could text to him about the beginning of their relationship.
The first thing that came to her was the movie theater. She tried to envision that night. To recall the power of it. So innocent now that she was able to view it through the distance of their rawer experiences together. Even still, when the images began to surface she thrilled with the brief but poignant chills that zipped through her.
They’d sat side by side in the theater that night. He’d let her pick the movie. In the beginning, Rene was careful to let things evolve at her pace and this was right at their very beginning, only their fifth date. It was a time when she did nothing but think about him every minute of the day. Watch her phone and wait for him to call and later lie in bed alone and imagine him touching her. Even now she could practi
cally smell his cologne. That unique blend that he’d let her pick out for him on their third date, which turned out to be the exclusive scent he wore during their intimate sessions. At the time, she hadn’t known how solidly she’d connect with it or how much it would come to mean to her. How she’d crave it. Thinking about it now made her restless.
With a deep breath she focused on the two of them in the movie theater that night.
“Are you comfortable, Alexis?” he’d asked in that authoritative tone of his. The one that made her insides melt and her heart race under her rib cage.
“Yes.” She remembered she’d leaned toward him, until her shoulder was pressed against his biceps. “Are you?”
He never answered. He just pushed his elbow out at an angle, wordlessly directing her to slide her arm around his. When she had he’d readjusted until she was captured and happy. Not wanting that moment to end because she was sure that it didn’t get better than that, but Rene blew that position out the water a few minutes later when he’d dropped his big hand to her knee and squeezed her as if he knew all her secrets. The very idea had sent blazing shots of electric tingles up her thigh, through her skin and penetrated muscles deep into her core. That was the first time she’d felt anything in that part of her body without actual physical stimulation being applied and the realization had made her jerk. She probably would have made some excuse for the sudden movement if Rene hadn’t reacted.
That was the first time he’d put his hand under her chin. The first time he’d drawn her gaze up to meet his. The first time he’d looked into her eyes and whispered a command that made her lightheaded and breathless. “Open your legs for me.”
That was it. He told her to do it and she did it and from that moment on her life was never the same.
Too bad it hadn’t stayed that way.
By the time her thirty minutes was up she was ready to face the numerous problems scattered on her desk. She also had a clear idea of what she was going to send in her text to Rene at eleven.
At eleven on the dot she typed it.
Our fifth date in the movie theater you leaned over and whispered to me to open my legs. I did and you put your hand on my thigh so that your fingers curled between my legs and you kept that solid hold of me for the rest of the movie.
She sent that text and tried to concentrate on work, but if she thought it was tough before it was even tougher now. She kept recalling that night in the theater. When Rene’s quiet command had washed over her in a heated rush. It was the first time any man had been bold enough to order her to do something like that and she’d liked it. Hell, she’d loved it and from that one small exchange a whole new and exciting world opened up to her. She often wondered how he’d known this about her. Whenever she asked him, he was always evasive and noncommittal and she’d put it down to a lucky shot in the dark…but was it? She didn’t have much time to ponder because she needed to stay on task and work out her next text to him. What happened after the night in the theater…?
She remembered feeling as if she were floating on a cloud of heightened sexual awareness. Buoyed by that small dominant claiming for two full weeks until Rene had invited her back to his condo. She’d been jittery and totally primed thinking that he was going to seduce her and maybe now she’d get to experience with him some of the fantasy stuff she’d been dreaming about. But even her fantasies had short-changed the reality.
She put her pen down on the desk and closed her eyes. Again, her first thought was that he’d smelled so good that night wearing the cologne, that she never questioned his silence. Not when they’d parked in the underground, not when they’d walked to the elevator and not when they’d gone through his door without speaking. It hadn’t been an uncomfortable silence. Quite the opposite. He seemed pleased that she hadn’t tried to fill up the solitude with chatter and gauging that to be true was probably the first time she’d consciously accepted that she liked to please him.
“Come here,” he’d said. It wasn’t exactly an order, she recalled, but neither were the words soft and inviting. They were matter-of-fact. Not strong or weak, which she’d later learn was more powerful and effective than gentle commands or firm suggestions.
He’d sat on the couch and pulled her down on his lap so she straddled his thighs, facing him. When she’d leaned in to kiss him he’d stopped her. “No.”
He never moved. He only waited for her to relax and accept his denial. When she had he’d opened her blouse and undone her bra. Lifting it out of the way so she was bared for his view. He’d done nothing more than stare at her breasts for several long moments. He didn’t touch. He didn’t talk. Which had fired all kinds of emotions inside her that night.
At first she’d been uncomfortable and wary, but the longer she stayed that way, exposed and vulnerable, the easier it was to accept. Until her fear and embarrassment had quickly been replaced by a swell of exhilaration as he’d quietly ordered, “Put your arms behind your back and grasp my knees.” When she’d complied he’d whispered, “Arch your back, Alexis. That’s good. A little more…”
No.
She shook her head and opened her eyes, effectively cutting off those heated images. Taking a cleansing breath, she looked down at the front of herself and wanted to cry. The sight of her fully erect nipples was not encouraging. He was pulling her in and she was powerless to do anything about it.
At noontime she knew what she was going to send.
The first time we went back to your condo you didn’t ask or even speak. You just pulled me onto your lap and undid my blouse. Then you played with my breasts, with your hands, until my nipples were hard and sore and I was breathless.
At quarter to one her phone buzzed. She checked the text.
Take the time for lunch. Go down to Tia’s and grab a salad. Or, if you prefer, some of your work buddies eat at Santo’s. You could join them there, but I want you to eat!
Reading the word “buddies” reminded her of other friends. His friends and the night in the maze when he’d finally given her the relief she was after. He’d let her lead the way through the manicured hedges, smiling and teasing her each time she’d made a wrong turn. She’d wanted so badly to find the center to show him she could, but it never happened. Instead after twenty minutes when she’d reached another dead end, she’d given up and asked him for his help. Instead of lording it over her, like she’d figured he would, he hauled her up for a kiss that took her breath away and made her knees weak.
Then while she’d stood there, dazed and thrilled in his arms, he’d hugged her up tight and said, “I will always help you. All you have to do is ask.”
That promise had warmed her to the core as he led her through the hedging, commenting as they’d moved. “You have a tendency to make right-hand turns. This is not the best approach when you’re trying to negotiate a labyrinth that’s purposely constructed to confuse.”
In no time at all they’d reached the center and that’s when he’d pulled her up against him. Her back was to his front as he’d held on to her tight. “I like my hands on you,” he’d said.
She’d admitted to him she liked it when he touched her.
“Tell me. Where? Where do you want my hands?”
She hadn’t known how to answer him. If she’d said on her breasts that wouldn’t have been enough, but if she’d said between her legs, it might have been too forward of her. That night she’d opted for the generic, “Anywhere.”
He’d curled down over her. “Where?” His mouth was positioned against her right ear. “Do you like this?”
His hands had made short work of her blouse. It was untucked, unbuttoned and opened by the time she’d gathered enough strength to answer, “Yes.”
“How about here?” He hadn’t wasted any time when he’d slipped his hand down the front of her linen pants and cupped her.
“Yes.”
“Closer?”
“Yes.”
“Say it.” All the while during this exchange he’d kneaded her flesh
through her undies until she was nothing but putty in his hand.
“I want you to touch me. Put your fingers on my skin.”
“Very good, Alexis.” He slid his hand inside her panties and she groaned when he ordered, “Lean into me and bring your arms up. Lock them around my neck.”
When she’d obeyed, he’d gone to work. Over and over again she’d nearly come. He’d bring her to the brink each time, and then still all movement. After the third time, she’d cried, “Please don’t stop.”
“Why?”
“I-I want to…”
“Say it.”
“To come.”
“Ask for permission.”
Maybe if he hadn’t started to move his clever hand again. Maybe if he’d remained silent and hadn’t whispered hot and encouraging words into her ear that night, she wouldn’t have done it. She wouldn’t have asked. Begged.
“May I come? Please?”
She’d barely gotten out that last word when her whole world had fallen apart in the best and most intense way possible.
At one o’clock she sent her next text to him.
The night in the garden maze. At your friend’s house, you pulled me up against you. With my back against your front you slipped your hand down my pants. When I almost came you held me off and told me to ask your permission first. I did.
That hypersexual awareness was back with a vengeance. Humming along her nerve endings and occupying her every thought. Alexis knew she shouldn’t be relishing these sensations, but she was. Hadn’t Rene laid a good foundation with her? Yes, and that was the problem. She’d loved their special relationship. She’d come to almost worship it and getting married and talking about starting a family had ruined everything. Those things were normal. She could never have normal with him when she wanted anything but that.