ReclaimedSurrender

by Riley Murphy

  “Al, I want you to come in.”

  “Have the file out and pull up the spreadsheets. I only have,” she checked the time on the dash again, “a half hour tops. I’ll get you the numbers, but you’ll have to present them whether you think they like me better or not.”

  “Fine.”

  She clicked off and ignored the worried knot in her stomach. Could she do it? Yes. If she hurried, Rene would be none the wiser. And if he found out? Well, she’d deal with that when it happened. Her phone went off and automatically she jumped, thinking it was Rene. That he’d somehow known she was planning on deviating from her list. Going against his wishes. Defying him. So when MMM… lit up her caller ID she let out a relieved breath.

  “Yes?”

  “I forgot to tell you. We need more than this fiscal year. They’re looking for the last two.”

  She shook her head. “All right. Pull up the last two and have them ready for me.”

  Silence. Boy, you’d think the guy would be a little more appreciative. But then, how would he know what kind of chance she was taking doing this for him?

  Click.

  Well, if that didn’t beat all. And here she was, risking certain punishment if she got caught. All for someone she was quickly realizing wasn’t worth the effort.

  * * * * *

  Rene played Michael’s message again.

  “Hi, Al, when you get here I…”

  Listening, he waited for it to run all the way through again before he took a deep breath and saved it. He watched the red light blink several times then decided. Alexis was making a huge mistake. This action went beyond simple defiance and warranted more than a lesson in discipline.

  He went in search of his cell phone. He had Ken’s number logged on his call display.

  “Hi, Ken, it’s Rene Tanner. How are you?”

  “Fine thanks. What can I do for you?”

  “Has my wife been by yet?”

  “Nope.”

  “I wonder if you can do me a favor.”

  “I’ll try. Shoot.”

  “When she gets there, she’s supposed to ask you questions about some of the products I bought, before she asks you for my special order. I’m wondering if you can make her wait for the order. Say, maybe an extra half hour or so? You could tell her you’re having trouble locating my stuff in the back or something.”

  “Sure. Is there a problem? Is she misbehaving?”

  “Yes. I think I told you when we talked about the list idea last week that she marches to her own drummer these days and this probably wouldn’t go over well with her.”

  Ken sighed. “As you said, first time back is always the toughest. For both parties. I know I don’t have to say it, but she needs to follow the instructions you give her on this exercise to the T. If she doesn’t, you have to hold her accountable. Otherwise it’s not just a case of not moving forward. It’s a matter of her falling back.”

  “I’ve got it covered,” Rene assured.

  Although he appreciated Ken’s input he had to remind himself that the guy was young and not in a monogamous relationship himself. A fact that clearly colored his view on certain expectations and requirements needed in a lifelong partnership. Oh he did have some fresh approach ideas that Rene liked, but some of his theories lacked the depth a Dom acquires through age and experience.

  “Good luck. No worries about delaying her. I’ll take care of it. Hey, it was nice talking with you last week. I did take your advice on the dragon tail. Good call.”

  “Great, but one more thing. Could you shoot me a text at this number?” He recited it. “I want to know the second she leaves the store.”

  “You got it.”

  Rene hung up, but before he went to get things prepared for his wife’s arrival he dialed Alex’s work number. “Yes, Michael Kavanagh please. Tell him Rene Tanner would like to speak to him.”

  * * * * *

  “So what’s your thing?”

  “I like to, um…” Alexis couldn’t believe their conversation had come to this. Never in her wildest imagination did she think she’d be talking about her particular sexual habits with Ken, the manager of The Store Of O, but here she was. “Submit.”

  He stared right at her and smiled. “I gathered that.”

  Plopping down on the stool he’d pointed to, she covertly eyed him. What was it about him that made him easy to speak with? Two minutes into her list of intimate questions about the products he carried and she’d felt right at home. Maybe it was because he talked about things in a matter-of-fact and knowledgeable way like Rene. No, that wasn’t it. He had an aura about him she was responding to on some level…like she did with Rene.

  Yet, he was so unlike Rene it wasn’t funny.

  She took in his appearance. Gee, for a bald guy who wore four-inch black platform boots, skinny jeans that barely made it to his hips and sported a nose ring, two eyebrow piercings and a collar tattoo wrapped around his neck that said sex or death, he was very manly. Manly? She critically eyed him. No, maybe purposeful, she couldn’t be sure.

  “Is your Master training you?”

  Jerking up straight, she nearly fell off the stool. Catching herself, she looked around. Thankfully the only other patrons in the store were too busy checking out the ball-gags to have heard. “He’s not my Master. He’s my husband.”

  “He can be both. Is he training you?” He leaned forward with his elbows on the counter and waited for her answer.

  She swallowed. “N-no.”

  “Ah.” He quickly stood.

  “Ah, what?”

  “You’re not sure. There must be problems.”

  Alexis’ cheeks flooded with heat and she prayed she’d be able to change the suddenly uncomfortable subject. “Hasn’t your assistant found the order yet? Surely your stock room can’t be that big? It’s been,” she glanced at her watch, “fifteen minutes.”

  It was as if she hadn’t even spoken. “You know, sometimes these relationships don’t work out.”

  “Ours did, I mean does.” He stared at her with one of those pierced brows hiked and she felt compelled to explain. “We just needed to take a break for a bit. We had a breather and now he’s um, trying to get things back on track.”

  “Just him?”

  She thought about that. It wasn’t just him, was it? Deep down if she were being truthful with herself, she wanted things back to normal between them too. Their normal, not this new normal that had somehow evolved the moment she said “I do”. “No. I want things the way they were too.”

  “What caused the funk, do you think?” She shook her head and he clarified. “When did things start to slide between you?”

  Freaking hell, would the stupid order ever be found? “Should I go see if—”

  “Usually these things happen between a Dom and his sub when there’s a power shift that comes up through regular life. Or usually the sub has trouble balancing the lifestyle with the outside world.” He spoke as if she hadn’t totally ignored his question and leaned on the counter again, twirling his pen with his fingers. “Did you get a promotion or have a kid by any chance?”

  Alexis blinked. Now the manager of the sex shop was going pseudo-psychologist on her?

  “I only ask because it’s common for a submissive who’s powerful in her everyday work life. You are. Right?”

  Alexis nodded.

  “To get overwhelmed and forget about that all-important power exchange that works for her relationship in the bedroom. You know, normal vanilla by day and BDSM by night.” He stood and waved a hand. “Don’t worry. If that’s what the problem is, it will work itself out. Trust your Dom.”

  “Normal by day and BDSM by night?” She didn’t mean to repeat his phrasing, but it was weird and liberating to hear someone else, a stranger, say the words she’d been secretly turning over in her mind for months. “You make it sound so…”

  “Normal?” He grinned. “It is. There aren’t any rules, you know. It’s whatever works for those involved.”
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  “What about when an important trust has been broken?”

  “You rebuild until it’s stronger than it was before.”

  Alexis wasn’t sure about that. “Is that even possible?”

  “Of course, if all parties are agreeable and open to the challenge. This holds true for any kind of relationship. Gay, straight, BDSM. It’s just trickier with a Dom-sub relationship though, because there’s only one person ultimately responsible.”

  Alexis didn’t like where this was going. “I’m not sure I’d agree with that.”

  “Ah,” he drew out and tapped the pen in a series of steady beats against the counter until he abruptly tossed it and it landed next to the cash register. “I can see your Dom has his hands full with you.”

  His direct stare made her blush so she was happy when, after a too-long-for-her pause, he continued. “In a real D-s relationship a submissive belongs to her Dom. He is the one expected to have all the answers and as such, he is the only one responsible for a break in a relationship. It wouldn’t matter whether his submissive went out and slept with his enemy. Because, at the end of the day, it isn’t the betrayal that cuts him deep, it’s his own failure at not having been able to prevent the situation in the first place.”

  Alexis gulped. She was sure my business partner kissed me was written all over her face.

  “Now, where a deep trust is perceived to be broken? I can only imagine that this would devastate a fully committed Dom because that would mean his honor comes into question.”

  She didn’t want to think about this too deeply. She was afraid she might find a whole pile of truth if she did. Instead she asked, “Are you speaking from experience?”

  “Yes.” There was no hesitation on his part when he said, “Shit happens. Even the best Dom is fallible and can make a mistake. Sometimes it’s beyond his control. You ever heard of Dom space?” She shook her head. “Yeah, I know subs don’t like to think about this, but it happens. It’s virtually the same thing as sub, but flipped. A Dom can get juiced in a scene and reach another plateau outside himself, like a sub, only it’s potentially dangerous because there’s no one in control. When this happens a trust or a series of them can be broken without intent.”

  Without intent. The blood drained from her face and she instantly recalled the expression on Rene’s face that night, as he stood on the stairs. No wonder she couldn’t put a name to what she’d seen there before. Never in all the years she’d known him had the even-tempered Rene ever been shocked, and that night? She now knew he’d been reeling. Not because he’d done something purposely dishonorable, but because he’d been accused of doing something dishonorable from the one person in the world who should have known better.

  “What’s the matter? You look like you’re unwell.”

  “N-no, I’m fine,” she lied. She had a sinking feeling that maybe Rene had set her up. Ken was hitting too many hot truth buttons for her liking. But then, Rene wasn’t a man to have someone else fix his problems for him. “I think you’re right about the D-s relationship being tricky. You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.” And a whole pile of things to stress over. Rene. Michael. Damn. Was she partly to blame for Michael’s behavior? Had she put herself in a position to be kissed by trusting him too much and Rene not enough?

  If Rene found out would he blame himself? Why hadn’t she told him the minute she’d walked through the door Sunday night? Because you didn’t want to make things worse.

  Ken scooped up his pen and winked at her. “I’m sure it will all work out for you.”

  Alexis nodded and didn’t say anything to that when his assistant finally showed up. The young woman had two boxes under one arm and stopped behind him. She was careful not to interrupt and seemed very content to hang back as she waited for Ken to acknowledge her. As Alexis watched, all he did was slip his arm behind his back and find the woman’s hand for a squeeze. By the bright smile on her face, anyone who didn’t know better would have thought she’d been given a million bucks.

  “I will give you a word of advice that might come in handy.”

  Alexis stood and made her way to the cash register. “Great.”

  “You might want to accept him as your Master. You’d be surprised how far this kind of ultimate acceptance can go to rebuild a committed and loving relationship.”

  Alexis swallowed. “I’ll, ah, remember that. Thanks.”

  She took the paper-wrapped packages, surprised at the weight of the smallest one, and wasted no time getting out of there. She wasn’t sure whether it was Ken’s matter-of-fact honesty or the ticking clock that made her hurry to return home. In an attempt to calm herself she concentrated on what Ken had said. Not the part about Rene, she didn’t want to think about any of that just yet. She needed to think about some of Ken’s other insight as far as the dual lifestyle went. When she did, she had to agree that it was as if she were two different people. The Alexis who worked like a fiend and was the consummate problem solver, and the other Alexis. The true Alexis. The happy and well-satisfied woman who simply enjoyed carrying out Rene’s wishes and commands for no other reason than doing so did it for her. With a sinking heart it occurred to her that Ken’s extremely valid insights were right on point. Had trying to balance that fundamental need with the escalating needs the outside world put on her screwed things up for them and emboldened her to challenge Rene’s honor the way she’d done that night?

  By the time she pulled into their driveway she was ready to leave the outside world behind and give Rene all he’d asked of her. At least for the week to see if they could repair the damage that had been done. One way or another she was sure to find answers even if they weren’t the ones she wanted to face. Because she feared she might discover she was the one at fault.

  Chapter Six

  Rene let Alexis stand in front of him with the two packages in hand. He remained distant, choosing to sit on the edge of his desk, flipping through a sports magazine as if she hadn’t already addressed him twice. He was determined to wait her out and deflate some of the nervous energy she’d brought home with her. This was to be expected, but he wanted her to tamp it down a notch or two before he began.

  After three quiet minutes she got restless. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed her shifting from one stocking foot to the other. Until she’d finally worked up the courage to ask, “Don’t you want to see them?”

  He let another minute pass and then put down the magazine and looked at her. He wanted her fully focused and able to recognize what he wanted to do, so she could respond accordingly. He wouldn’t force her to submit to him. If she did, she did so willingly and because she wanted to, not because of the exercise. He wanted this to be clear. Especially now that she’d disobeyed him. He still couldn’t believe it. There were only two other times in their relationship that he’d been forced to use corrective action. It was a matter of pride with him. The more she needed to be punished, the more he’d have to admit that he was failing her.

  He was proud of the fact his discipline training in the beginning of their relationship had worked so well and kept that count down, but now that he was faced with having to take her to task, he felt like shit because he realized he’d waited too long to deal with all this. Thank Christ he’d taken the initiative and reached out. The few hours he’d spent with Ken had helped to put the situation into perspective. The guy was better than their inept couple’s counselor as he’d pinpointed the problems and even offered viable solutions to deal with them.

  “Put the packages on the credenza.” When she’d done as he instructed and turned back, he said, “It’s almost lunchtime. You took longer than I expected. Explain why.”

  Her gaze lowered as did her voice. “Ken had trouble finding your order.”

  He was glad she eyed the floor because she wouldn’t be able to see his monumental disappointment. “Did you have trouble finding anything on the list?”

  “No.”

  “I see.” He stood and clasped his han
ds behind his back. “Get me your cell phone.”

  “Why?”

  He didn’t answer her, only stared until she rushed out of the room to do as she was told. When she returned and handed it to him he didn’t say a word. He pressed a few buttons and scrolled down her caller ID list.

  Finding what he was after, he turned the lighted screen toward her and demanded. “What is this?”

  Her face flushed deep crimson. “That’s Michael’s—”

  “I know whose number it is. What does it stand for?”

  “It was silly, we—”

  “Alexis.”

  “My man Michael— Oh!”

  She barely caught the phone when he tossed it to her. “Remove it.” She looked from him to the phone and back up at him again, shaking her head. “You don’t know how, do you?”

  “No.”

  At least he’d been right about one thing. “Give it to me and I’ll do it.”

  She didn’t hesitate. “I’m sorry. When I saw it I was going to ask him to change it, but I…”

  Rene handed it back to her after he’d deleted the MMM… and replaced it with Kavanagh, all lowercase letters. He didn’t say any more to her about it. There would be plenty of time for talk once he’d established some control.

  “Tell me. Are you mine? Yes or no?”

  She didn’t look up, only nodded.

  “Alexis, look at me.” When she did he continued. His voice was quiet and he made sure it was also inviting. “I want you to say the words, but only if you mean them. Forget the exercise. This is me and you. No one else. I’m sensitive to the situation, so I want to make certain in this moment and every moment after this one that you have given yourself freely into my care. For now, I want you to trust me. I want you to tell me that you are mine to do as I wish. If you no longer feel you can do this, I’ll understand.”

  Her lips parted and she searched his face. Her beautiful eyes uncertain and wary. That familiar expression reminded him of every struggle he’d overcome with her in their past. She was always cautious. Always careful. He loved that about her because when she did commit he knew it was with all her heart.