ReclaimedSurrender

by Riley Murphy

  He approached and she waited. Knowing any minute he’d take the crop out from where it was trapped and begin, but he didn’t. Instead he curled his hand around the nape and applied a slight, yet nice kind of pressure.

  “I like it when your hair is tied up tight as it is now. It gives me the chance to see all of you.” He examined her neck. “Every satin inch.”

  She closed her eyes and kept herself steady. Determined to remain aloof and unaffected. Now wasn’t a good time to go all soft and pliant. But she melted just the same when he leaned down close to her ear and said, “I wanted you to keep the panties on so I could pull them down before I spanked you.”

  He hooked his fingers into the elastic lace at her hip and slowly drew the tiny cover down. Delicious shivers started at her knees and rode up to her center where they spread to full-fledged desire-filled contractions.

  “And after I’m done and you’ve had some quiet time to reflect I’m going to test your limits. Would you like that?” He dragged his chin against the side of her neck and gently kissed her cheek.

  She couldn’t help her shiver. “Yes.”

  The hand at her nape moved to caress one of her shoulders, then trailed a tingly path down her spine in the lightest touch imaginable. Teasing. Easing her jumbled nerves. “I want to test your hard limits. I know you want me to. You do want me to, don’t you?”

  She could barely breathe. It had been so long and with him methodically adjusting her panties so they were halfway down between her bottom and her knees it was hard to concentrate on his words, but she did her best. “Yes.”

  “Brave girl. We’ll explore the old and the new together. First I have to do this.” He tapped her left butt cheek with his hand as he straightened and collected the crop.

  She fully expected him to prepare her for the first strike, so when it landed not only did she cry out she flinched and sucked in a gasp. “Jesus!”

  “I guess I haven’t started yet,” he said and struck her again.

  Through the stinging pain she searched for a sense of what he meant. In a panic she remembered she needed to call them out. “One!”

  “Very good. Now tell me,” he placed his hand flat between her shoulder blades and pushed down, effectively repositioning her, “why did you disobey me?”

  Alexis leaned more into the chair like he wanted. The sting was still a sharp pain reverberating in her nerve endings. “Michael needed—”

  The crop landed again and she drew air into her lungs with a hiss. “Two!”

  “Michael has no bearing in this discussion. This is between me and you. Tell me why you willfully made a choice that I did not offer you.”

  The sting from this last strike was like an ice burn. It reminded her of the time her skin was frozen with blistering cold after they’d gone skiing. The burning sensations started when she’d turned her backside to the heat of the fire and her rump began to thaw. “I was mad.”

  “Ah,” he drew out, sounding curious. He placed his hand once again between her shoulder blades. Only this time she didn’t wait until he pushed down. She automatically leaned in. If he was pleased by the action he didn’t say so. “Angry about what? Tell me.”

  The crop stuck three quick times. “Three. Four. Five!” She was tempted to squirm, but worried if she did it would hurt more. He wanted an answer? She swallowed and gathered up her strength, she’d give one. “I was afraid we’d lose an account.”

  That cut-and-dried admission stung the air between them as sharply as the crop coming down on her naked flesh had. Breathlessly she waited for him to say something. Anything. To react, even use the crop on her behind again, but he didn’t. Instead she heard his chair creak several times while he got comfortable. What was he thinking? Doing? She bit her lip and closed her eyes. She shouldn’t have said what she did when deep down she knew it wasn’t the truth.

  His chair creaked again, and instantly a mental image came to her. She saw him shifting forward in that seat. Elbows braced on his thighs and his massive shoulders hunched. He was no doubt staring at her reddened backside. Enjoying the sight. Taking in his fill of the welts he’d already put there. Just the thought he might be eyeing her gave her the wickedest thrill.

  “That’s not the reason. We’ll talk about your work later. Right now I want you to tell me the exact reason for your anger with me.”

  She opened her eyes and stared at the wall in front of her. What could she say?

  “Alexis, pay attention. Drop your shoulders and lift your ass. You know how I like you positioned.”

  She automatically did as she was told, and distracted as she was, she didn’t hear him approach.

  Smack.

  “Six!”

  “Why are you angry with me?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Smack.

  “Seven!”

  “You do. Think about it before you answer me this time.”

  Smack.

  “Eight!”

  “Tell me.”

  Her silence was greeted with another strike.

  “Nine!”

  “Focus and breathe. Suck the air to the bottom of your lungs. All the way in. Nice and slow.”

  Smack.

  “Ten!”

  “Are you going to answer my question? I want the truth. I don’t care how deep you have to reach to pull it out of yourself. I want your answer now.”

  The deeper she breathed the more collective the experience became. Those isolated burning tingles, previously concentrating themselves solely on her bottom cheeks, began to branch out. By the time she gained a good cleansing breath the swarming bee-stinging sensations flooded her whole body. They heated her up and lifted her until she found she was enjoying the pain on some level. It made her feel weightless and carefree, but she knew she wasn’t. Not yet because Rene expected his answer.

  His voice was soft and commanding. Compelling. “Focus, Alexis. Breathe through the waves. Tell me.”

  “I was mad…”

  “Yes?”

  “I was mad that it’s taken this long for you to pay attention to me.”

  She knew he was poised to land another strike, so she was somewhat surprised when he didn’t. Instead he brought two feather-stuffed pillows to her and wedged them, one on top of the other, between the chair back and her thighs and pelvis.

  “Very good,” he whispered near her ear before stepping back. The firm disciplinarian once more. “Don’t tense up. Let the pillows absorb some of the shock. Press into them when you need to.” He brushed the backs of his knuckles across her arm. “What are you holding back from me? What are you not saying?”

  The truth. But in her mind it was illogical, mean and selfish.

  He wrapped his warm palm around her nape and this time when he whispered he was right at her ear, “Say it. I know you want to.”

  “I…”

  “Say it.”

  “I’m angry because you want a child more than you want me.”

  The warmth of his breath against her lobe was gone the minute he dropped his hand and stepped back. “Is that what you think?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re wrong, Alexis.”

  She didn’t need to look at him to know he was telling her the truth. The heavy conviction in his voice spoke volumes on the subject. Still… “Even if I am wrong, that doesn’t change things. You don’t make time for me anymore. If we had a child there would be even less time between us.”

  There was a lengthy pause. Nothing but silence until he sighed.

  “Fair enough. Let’s talk about your work now. Why did you go in there? I’ve already told you, you could have chosen to defy me by going to a movie or a different store to shop for no other reason than you wanted to. I would have been equally as disappointed, but there’s a reason you made the choice you did. Think about it. Why did you choose work as the deviation to the list I gave you?”

  “I had to.”

  “That’s not an answer.” He smacked her with three successiv
e smacks.

  “Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen!” The measured strikes pulsed through her. Driving her deeper and deeper into a place that was quiet and peaceful and full of acceptance. So contrary to what was taking place between her and Rene right now.

  “Why did you have to go?”

  She found that warm and will-less place inside herself—a space that only Rene could take her to—and embraced it.

  Smack.

  “Fourteen!” Her voice was no longer her own as the steady stroke landed and vibrated through her like a building caught in an earthquake.

  “Listen to my voice, Alexis. Concentrate.”

  Smack.

  “Fifteen! Yes.”

  “You chose work and I want to—”

  Smack.

  “Sixteen!”

  “Know why.”

  Smack.

  “Seventeen!”

  “Breathe. Breathe deep three times and then tell me.”

  She gasped and took the successive breaths. “It’s all I have if—” Even in her stripped-raw and submissive state she had trouble admitting this last truth to him.

  “If what?”

  “I—” She gasped again and then moaned as his hand splayed over her backside and firmly squeezed. The unexpected sensation took her breath away. “Please.”

  “Answer me,” he insisted, squeezing again, only this time more gently.

  “Work—work is all I have if I don’t have you. I can’t lose you both.”

  He took his grip from her so suddenly she almost collapsed. “Finally the ultimate truth.”

  “Yes.”

  “Three more strikes, Alexis, and then we’re done. Don’t stiffen up.”

  She couldn’t have tensed up if she wanted to. She was as pliant as warm rubber when he took the time to reposition her. He spread her knees wider apart, pushed her shoulders down and adjusted her panties.

  “Are you ready?”

  Heated and pulsing waves of sensations thrummed to life inside her. “Yes.”

  Smack.

  “Eighteen!” She grunted and shook and when he ordered her to breathe, she did because the strike had been harder than any of the ones before. Just as she knew the next one would be harder than the last. This was another one of Rene’s rituals.

  “Did you learn a lesson today, Alexis? Do you have any newly gathered insight to share with me other than what you’ve already said?”

  Smack.

  “Nineteen! Yes.”

  “Tell me.”

  She hated this last ritual of his. Where he’d drag out the final punishing blow until she thought she’d be reduced to begging. Those two other times she’d come close. She didn’t know if she could take it this time though. Anticipating his heavier hand wielding the crop was a daunting endeavor.

  “I’ve come to see the difficulties I face trying to live as if I’m two different people and I have to keep things separate. I think that’s why our marriage is struggling.” She used Ken’s quote verbatim. “Vanilla by day and BDSM by night. It’s confusing certain issues between us.”

  His chair creaked and her heart sank. Only one more strike left and he was sitting?

  “Are you breathing slow and deep?”

  “Yes, I’m—”

  Smack!

  “Twenty!” She hadn’t heard him get up or approach, which was good because she would have stiffened at this last strike. Just like she’d known it would be, it was harder than the rest. Probably the only one to leave a lingering mark.

  “Here, let me help you.” Rene carefully removed the pillows and tossed them on the floor before he slid her panties up and adjusted them into place. He went really slow. He must have noticed her wince. Once he’d done that he took her by the arm and helped her to stand. Thankfully he waited until she was steady before he let go. “Take the crop and put it back in the nightstand. Then collect the package I left there and bring it to me.”

  She was a wreck. Her whole body felt wobbly and her nerve endings everywhere danced. She wanted to cry in the worst way, but she knew she couldn’t do that yet. She actually made it to the nightstand and didn’t know how. It was as if she were moving in slow motion, only her heart raced and her pulse jumped.

  She picked up the package and turned to see that Rene was seated on their chair waiting for her. She wanted to run to him or at least hurry and yet her feet felt as if they were weighed down with anchors. Finally she stood in front of him. She’d forgotten to hand him the package, so he took it from her and put in on the chair beside him. Then, in the slowest gesture imaginable his massive arms spread wide to welcome her within them.

  “Come here.”

  She literally fell into his embrace. She’d barely curled up against him. Barely snuggled into the warmth and comfort he provided, when the tears started.

  Chapter Seven

  “Shh.” Rene held her tight. “It’s all over and done with. You’re forgiven. You’re still my good girl.”

  Her arms locked around his neck and she nuzzled her cheek against his chest. When she spoke, her words were low and muffled, but he could make them out, “I’m sorry.”

  “I know. It’s enough. It’s all done with. You’re a brave girl. My brave girl to take your punishment so well. I love you.”

  She squeezed against him nice and tight and he sighed.

  For nearly an hour he relaxed with her in their chair. He held her close and occasionally broke the silence between them by whispering soothing words of encouragement. She was a wonder. One moment the firecracker and the next a wounded kitten. He loved this about her. Loved when she cuddled with him and tucked her head intimately under his chin as her nose pressed against his neck. At times like these he was the most content. With the lush scent of her filling him, reminding him of wild strawberries. He made no bones about it. He loved the fragrance and he told her so. He also loved how beautifully she calmed for him. She settled so pleasantly during the aftermath that it rocked him to the core. It fed a need in him. A desire to claim. Possess and own.

  Gathering her closer, he was pleased when he heard her contented sigh. It signaled that she wanted to be nowhere else but in his arms, which made him very, very happy. “Here’s my submissive girl. My sweetest heart.”

  He hooked a finger under her chin, leaning back and pulling up at the same time so he could stare into her eyes. They weren’t as glassy as they were after she’d stopped crying, which told him that she was reachable. “Are you able to listen to what I have to say or do you need more time?”

  “I’ll listen.”

  “Good.” He was mindful of her tender bottom as he adjusted her on his lap. Allowing her to straddle him so they were eye to eye. Only she kept her eyes downcast, and winced when she placed her palms to splay just over his heart. The warmth of her skin seeped through the silky cotton of his shirt. “Look at me, Alex.”

  She did and he silently groaned. He loved that her wide green eyes shimmered with a heady sense of longing. Burned with a want and a need for him. This is one of the things he missed most about her. “I want to speak with you about the confusion of this double type of lifestyle you mentioned. Do you remember what you said?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Ken and I spoke about this. He’s a nice man.”

  “Yes, yes he is.” Rene smoothed back the few stray hairs at her temple. “He was very helpful, wasn’t he?”

  “Yes.”

  He brought his hands up to the sides of her breasts and brushed his thumbs over each nipple, back and forth as he spoke. “I don’t think it’s the dual lifestyle that’s confusing you. That’s more external and you’re a smart cookie. You have that worked out for yourself. No,” he pulled each nipple forward in a gentle pinch, releasing them only to do it again, “it’s the two people inside yourself who make things difficult for you and me.” Now that he had her attention he stopped seductively playing with her and brought his hands around her hips to fully cup her bottom.

  She gasped but he didn’t let go. “Do you want
to know what I believe to be true? What my story of you is?”

  “Yes.”

  “I believe you’re a soldier, Alexis. A beautiful, warrior-princess-soldier who was born to protect herself. A woman taught to fight and be strong. Independent. Smart. You’re that woman I see in my boardroom who’s not afraid to face all those daunting three-piece-suits time and again to get your point across. You’re a challenge and you’re always ready to do battle because you can’t separate your intellect from your emotions. You’re good at deflecting so you don’t have to face that truth. You’re also good at protecting and as such you became the woman you needed to be to protect the best part of yourself. The submissive little girl within who wants to play and trust and love and be loved in return without fear.

  “You’ve done a good job, baby. You’ve been a good caretaker and I’m proud of you for doing the task so well. But now that girl is frightened. She’s scared and she should be because the warrior princess part of you has been doing her utmost to drive me away while that submissive little girl inside peeks meekly out from behind the wall of your protection and prays that I won’t leave her.”

  He paused here and allowed her to absorb what he was saying. Waiting while she searched his face and got her head around his words. He knew that she had when she bit her lip and nodded as slow, fat tears slid from her eyes. God, she’d never been more beautiful to him. The perfect time to make his vow.

  “It’s okay, baby. I want you to tell my little girl I’ll never leave her. I want you both to know she’s safe with me.” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight, stroking a hand down her naked back. Over and over again until she sank fully into his embrace. “Yes, you can relax, my warrior princess. Give up your post. I’m strong enough for both of you. I’ll be her loyal guardian and your patient but determined challenger. I vow to calmly pull down your defenses without anger or judgment to take my girl’s hand. To bring her out and be her champion as she safely explores every facet of herself. I promise.” He finished this last word with a squeeze.

  “Umm…” she purred against his neck and snuggled in deeper. “I like the story of me.”