Outlaw Hearts

by Rosanne Bittner

  Outlaw had turned out to be a good, dependable mount for this work. He’d had the animal for seven years now, and over these past two years the horse had been about the only steady thing in his life. He remembered how Lloyd had liked to sit on him. It wouldn’t be long now before he could teach the boy to ride on his own. He longed to make up for the last two years, hoped the boy had never felt abandoned. His biggest fear was losing the closeness they had once shared. He would never forgive himself if this separation had affected the boy emotionally. Over the past two years he’d had nightmares about the day of the shoot-out, how easily Lloyd or Miranda could have been killed.

  It took nearly a half hour to come in sight of the house, and he drew Outlaw to a halt when he saw a wagon far in the distance, coming down the roadway that led south out of Colorado Springs past his own spread. He told himself it could be anyone, but every time he saw a wagon coming he could not help hoping that maybe this time it would be the one carrying Jess and Miranda. He goaded Outlaw into a gentle lope, heading for the house.

  ***

  Miranda could not quite get over the splendid beauty of Colorado. If she and Jake were going to know anything close to paradise, this was it. She drank in the blue sky, the purple mountains in the distance, the lush green valley spotted with groves of aspen. To the east they had followed for part of the way a sparkling run of water Jess had called Fountain Creek. It was hard to believe that for as far as she could see to the south and east, the land belonged to Zane Parker, the man for whom Jake now worked.

  The day was pleasant, and Lloyd rode in the back of the wagon amid a pile of blankets. Miranda held Evie in her lap as the wagon bounced over the dirt road toward a beautiful log home surrounded by a split-rail fence. Wildflowers bloomed here and there in the thick green grass that surrounded the house, and a few horses grazed in a corral nearby. “What a pretty house,” she commented to Jess. “Is that where Mr. Parker lives?”

  Jess laughed. “No, ma’am. He has himself a mansion in Denver and a house a lot bigger than that one, farther south on his land. You’re lookin’ at your own home. This is Harkner land, or should I say Hayes land?”

  Miranda put a hand to her chest, gasping with disbelief. “That’s our home? Are you sure?”

  “Oh, yes, ma’am,” Jess answered, still grinning. “I figured you’d like it. So did Jake. Parker’s men helped him build it. You ain’t never seen men work so fast over the winter. Jake needed the help because of his shoulder bein’ wounded and all. It’s still a little bare inside. Jake wanted to wait and let you furnish it however you like.”

  “Oh, Jess, it’s beautiful! It’s so big!”

  “Well, Jake, he figured maybe there’d be more babies eventually, so he wanted plenty of room.”

  Pain gripped her heart at the words. There would be no more babies. Would Jake be terribly disappointed when he heard? How much difference would it make in how he felt about her? She thought she had learned to accept the fact there would be no more children, but now the ache was reawakened deep in her soul. She told herself she must not think about it now. She was here…home. That was all that should matter to either of them—just being together.

  She saw a rider then, approaching from the south, and she wondered if her heart might stop beating. She recognized Outlaw. “Jess, look! Is that Jake?”

  Jess pulled the wagon to a halt. “I believe it is.”

  “Oh, dear God,” she whispered. “I’m shaking.”

  Jess just grinned and shook his head. He took the baby from her. “Go on and get down and go out there to him. You two ought to be alone at first. I’ll drive on up to the house with the children.”

  Miranda turned to Lloyd. “You be good for Jess. Mommy will be right with you.” She climbed down, wondering if her shaking legs would continue to support her. Was this really happening, or was it all a dream? Jess drove on with the wagon, and she began walking toward where Jake had halted Outlaw and was watching them. She saw him urge the horse into a slow walk then, heading toward her.

  She hardly knew where she was, was unaware then that she had started running. Jake in turn had urged Outlaw into a faster trot, then a full run. He was farther away than she had first thought, and she realized that’s how it was in this land. Nothing was as close as one first thought. It was big country, and it fit men like Jake. The next two or three minutes it took for them to reach other seemed like forever.

  “Jake!” she called out as he came closer. In the next moment he was off his horse before the animal even came to a complete halt and she was swept into his strong arms. “Jake! Jake! Thank God!” She breathed in the scent of man and leather and fresh air as he lifted her off her feet and whirled her around.

  Jake ignored the pain in his shoulder. It hardly seemed real that he could be holding her again. Here she was, this slip of a woman he thought might not even want to come back to him, embracing him, weeping against his shoulder, obviously happy to be here in his arms. At first he just held her, unable to find his own voice.

  Now she was kissing his neck, his cheek, weeping his name. Their lips brushed, then met again in a deep, hungry kiss that told both of them nothing had changed, that each had waited for the other, that there had been no one else and never could be. He could taste the salt of her tears, his own mixed with them.

  He left her mouth and kissed her eyes, her hair. He slowly lowered her to her feet but she would not let go of him. She rested her head against his chest, and so far neither of them had even taken a good look at each other. They wanted only to hold, to touch.

  “I didn’t quite expect this,” he finally managed to say. “I wasn’t sure you’d even come.”

  “How could you think that?” Miranda finally allowed herself to move away from him. She took a handkerchief that was tucked into the sash of her dress and wiped at her eyes, and Jake wiped at his own with his shirtsleeve. He looked her over, thinking how she hadn’t changed at all. In spite of another baby, she was as slender as ever, and as far as he was concerned, she had never been more beautiful.

  “Tell me about the baby.” He sniffed and wiped at his eyes again. “I’m so damn sorry you went through another birth alone, Randy.”

  “You have a daughter, Jake. Her name is Evita. I call her Evie.”

  She watched his dark eyes, saw the love there, the surprise at what she had done. “You named her after my mother?” He reached out and touched her face. “Gracias, mi querida. We’ll have more, as many as you want. Did you see the house? It has five rooms, Randy, three bedrooms. I can add more if—”

  “No.” She turned away, and a mountain breeze blew her honey-blond hair across her shoulders. “There won’t be any more babies, Jake.”

  “What?” What was she saying? Had she decided not to come back to him after all?

  “I wasn’t going to tell you until later, but…talking about the house.” She hugged herself tightly. “I had the same problem with Evie that I had with Lloyd, only this time it was worse. Jim Henderson said the only way to save me was to…remove my uterus. That’s what holds a baby.” She pressed a hand to her stomach. “I have a scar. There won’t be any more children.”

  For a moment there was only the sound of a soft mountain breeze. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. “My God, you could have died! That’s all that matters, Randy, that you’re alive.”

  She hung her head. “I wasn’t sure—”

  He turned her and folded her into his arms again. “Thank God the man knew what to do. I’m so damn sorry, Randy. But if you think it makes any difference to me—hell, all that matters is you’re here and alive and the baby is fine.” He pulled away but kept hold of her arms. “She is all right, isn’t she?”

  “Yes. She was a year old in March, Jake. She’s beautiful, dark like Lloyd.”

  He looked her over. “You went through all that alone.” He touched her hair lovingly. “I wish I could change
it all. I should have been there. I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you, Randy.”

  “You already have, by just being here, sending for us, building this home for us. Jake, it’s so beautiful. We can be happy here.” She stepped back from him, studying him a moment. He looked more handsome than ever. There was a peaceful look about him she had not seen before. “You’re happy, aren’t you? You look good, Jake. Jess told me about your shoulder. Are you all right now?”

  God, how he loved the sight of her. How had he lived all that first part of his life without her? Why had he been so blessed when he was so undeserving? “It’s still healing, but hell, I’m used to the aches and pains. Considering what I went through the first thirty years of my life, I guess I’m lucky to be walking on my own two feet.” Their eyes met, and they both smiled. “God, you look good, Randy, prettier than ever.”

  A little older. Yes, he looked a little older, but the new lines around his eyes only made him more handsome. “I was so afraid you would decide we were better off apart. I never want us to be apart again, Jake. We belong together, no matter what happens.”

  He looked past her then at a small boy running toward them. “Daddy!” Lloyd shouted.

  Miranda smiled through tears at the look of utter worship that came into Jake’s eyes. “He remembers me?”

  “I never let him forget, Jake. We talked about you every day, prayed for you every night at bedtime. All the way here he asked if this was the day he would get to see you again.”

  Jake walked toward the boy, grabbing him up into his arms, laughing, crying. Lloyd squealed and hugged his father tightly. Jake turned to Miranda. “He got so big!”

  “Well, he’s over four years old! And he knows his numbers up to ten and all his A-B-Cs and can print his first name. And thanks to Jess he knows all the suits in a deck of cards!”

  Jake grinned, turning to kiss his son. Lloyd kissed him back and pointed to Outlaw. “Sit on your horse,” he demanded.

  Jake laughed and carried him over to the animal, plunking him in the saddle and telling him to hang on to the pommel. He turned to Miranda. “How about his last name?”

  Her own smile faded. “I never taught him that. I was waiting to find out what it would be.”

  “I’m sorry, Randy. It’s got to be Hayes now. I’ve told my boss it’s Jackson Hayes but that some call me Jake instead of Jack. Mr. Parker is a pretty fair man, a little demanding, wields his power pretty good when things call for it, but he’s been fair to me.”

  “I wanna ride the horse, Daddy.” Lloyd wiggled in the saddle, and Jake turned and put a hand behind him to make sure he didn’t fall. He looked back at Miranda.

  “We have a lot to talk about. Let’s go to the house. I want you to see it, and I want to meet my daughter.” He reached out to her. “Here. You get up on Outlaw and hang on to Lloyd. I’ll walk the horse back to the house.”

  She stepped closer, shivering at the reality that Jake was standing right in front of her. She took his hand and he drew her closer again, bending down and kissing her lightly. She rested her head against his chest for a moment. “I love you, Jake. I never stopped loving you.” She felt him tremble.

  “I almost went back, Randy. I almost said the hell with it, figured that it would be best. I hung out with men like the kind I used to be, gunned down three men who wanted to prove they were better than I was. I thought I could go back and be the old Jake, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find him. I think you killed him that day you shot me. He just slipped away and died, but I didn’t even realize it until I tried to find him again.”

  He let go of Lloyd and put his hands to her tiny waist to lift her up onto Outlaw. Miranda noticed him wince slightly when he did so, and she knew he was still in pain. She glanced at the familiar guns he wore. He was still using them to make his living, but at least it was an honest living, although she didn’t like the idea that he’d had to risk his life to earn the position of Zane Parker’s right-hand man.

  She sat sideways on the saddle and held on to Lloyd. She smiled as Jake stood back to study them.

  “That’s the prettiest sight I’ve ever set eyes on, my wife and my son.”

  “Go, Daddy, go!” Lloyd began bouncing in the saddle, and Miranda laughed, hanging on to him.

  Jake grinned, walking to take up Outlaw’s reins to lead the animal back to the house. Lloyd giggled as the horse began walking, and the sound was music to Jake’s ears. Life was going to be good now, better than it had ever been yet. He would make sure it stayed that way.

  ***

  They talked until well after midnight. Jake wanted to know all the “firsts” about his son and daughter, wanted to hear again how Lloyd asked about him every day. He told Miranda about his work, warning her that for two weeks every month he would be gone. Yes, it was dangerous at times, what with the weather and wild animals and sometimes cattle rustlers, but he argued that the pay was good and they got to live on this beautiful land and be together again.

  They went into the bedroom where they had put the children down together in a log bed Jake had made himself, with a rope spring and feather mattress. It would have to do for now until he could take her to see a Mexican carpenter in Pueblo who made beautiful furniture. Miranda was to order anything she wanted, buy whatever she liked in the way of carpets, material for curtains, and anything else she needed. Jake said he would even take her to Denver if she couldn’t find anything good enough in Pueblo.

  “We’ll have a good life here, Randy,” he told her quietly as they watched the children sleeping. He leaned over the bed, kissing each child, still overwhelmed that they were finally here, that Lloyd still adored him and that Evie had taken to him so easily. “They’re beautiful. I never thought something so sweet and innocent and good could come from me, but then I expect their goodness comes from you.”

  He straightened, and Miranda moved her arm around his waist. “It comes from you too, Jake. How many times have I told you I don’t want to hear any more of that kind of talk?”

  He turned and pulled her close. “We’d better turn in ourselves.”

  Miranda saw the question in his eyes. “I want to sleep with you, Jake. I feel like the last two years never even happened, and I have ached for you every night since you left. I don’t need to wait, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  He leaned down and captured her mouth. Now that the talking was done and the children were asleep, they could let the hot coals that had slept in their souls for all these months flare into the searing flames of passion they had forced themselves to ignore until now. His kiss felt like fire on her lips, and all her buried needs were awakened when his tongue slaked into her mouth suggestively. The kiss lingered as he picked her up in his arms and carried her into their own bedroom.

  He pressed his lips gently against her cheek as he laid her on the bed. He sat down beside her and took a deep breath. “It’s been so long,” he told her, touching her face, moving his hand down over her breast, still hidden by her dress. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  She took hold of his hand and kissed it. “You won’t hurt me, Jake. But I’m afraid for you to see my scar. And after two babies, my breasts—” She sat up beside him, looking at her lap. “I’m not quite so firm and unblemished as I was before.”

  He grinned, leaning over and kissing her deeply again, laying her back on the bed and stretching out beside her. “You don’t really think any of that matters, do you?” He touched her breasts again, kissing her neck. “You’re as beautiful as ever, but it wouldn’t matter if you’d come back fat and wrinkled.” He grinned again, biting lightly at her lips. “I need you for much more than that. You loved me when no one else did, mi querida. You saw through the beard and the long hair and the meanness and touched the man beneath all that. You are my life.”

  She closed her eyes and let him undress her, sighed deeply, first with apprehension, then
with pleasure, as he caressed her breasts, her stomach, kissed at her full nipples, trailed his tongue down over her belly and kissed at the scar that reminded them there could be no more children.

  As far as Jake was concerned, that scar was beautiful, because it meant she was alive. He had noticed how Jess had looked at her before he left them earlier in the day. Jess had spent a lot of time with Miranda. Had he fallen in love with her too? God knew the woman was easy to love, a woman a lot of men would like to call their own; but she belonged to him, and he was going to make sure she never regretted that. He adored her for her faithfulness, her trust, for the children she had given him, for the chance he had at love, at being a father and making up for his own sorry childhood.

  He moved to kiss at the love nest he had so longed to invade, and she groaned his name, reaching down to weave her hands through his hair. From then on there was no stopping either of them. He savored the taste of her, made her wild with desire.

  Miranda wondered how she had gone so long without this, and she realized it was only because there was just one man who could do these things to her, one man who could make her so bold and free. If she could not be with this man, she had no need of any other. When she was with Jake, all her womanly needs and passions came alive.

  Jake left her a moment then to remove his clothes, and she curled up to watch him, drinking in the still-hard body, the flat stomach, the magnificence that was Jake Harkner. There was another scar on his abused body, at his left shoulder, and she noticed it seemed to hurt him a little to move his arm to get his shirt off. He turned to throw his clothes on the floor, and she saw the scar left on his hip from the wound in the shoot-out at Desert. His right forearm also bore a scar from that same fateful day.