Outlaw Hearts

by Rosanne Bittner

  Lloyd slowly opened the letter, nausea gripping his stomach.

  “There’s, uh, there’s one more thing maybe you should know, before you hear it some other way,” Will told him.

  Lloyd turned dark, angry eyes to the man. “What is it?”

  Will scratched at his beard. “I hate tellin’ you these things, son, but you’ve got to know. That Gentry fella, the lieutenant, he said your pa killed his own father some years back.”

  Lloyd stared at him in wide-eyed horror. “That has to be a lie!”

  Will shook his head. “One of the men asked your ma if it was true. Your sister started cryin’, and your ma just looked him straight in the eyes and said as how he didn’t understand all of it; but she didn’t deny it.”

  Lloyd let out a gasp, turning away again, finding all of this incomprehensible. “Go away, Will,” he said quietly.

  The man reached out and patted his shoulder, then left him. Lloyd blinked back tears so he could see to read his mother’s letter. His hands trembled as he opened it. My dearest son, it read. By the time you read this letter, you will have heard the awful news that your father has been arrested. I would give anything to be there when you come home, to explain all that has happened myself but your father needs me. I have no idea how much longer I will be able to see him, talk to him, whether he will be imprisoned or executed. There is so much you need to know, and I hope that when you do know, you will find it in your heart to forgive.

  I wanted Jake to tell you everything long ago, but he was so afraid of losing your love, something he treasures beyond life. Through you, he has been able to heal terrible wounds from his own battered youth, to make up for all the love he never knew as a child. Please don’t blame your father or turn away from him in this, his hour of need. All your life he has been there for you, has loved you as much as is humanly possible.

  Please come to St. Louis. Check at Fort Lyon first to make sure we are not still there. Come as quickly as possible. There may not be much time left to see Jake once more, and he very much needs to talk to you. I need to see you too, to know that you’re going to be all right through all of this. I am so sorry you have to bear this news alone. We love you, Lloyd. Poor Evie needs her brother. Life is going to change for us, and we need to stick together. Please don’t judge your father until we have had a chance to talk.

  God be with you. We will be waiting for you in St. Louis. Love, Mother.

  He choked in a sob, wadding the letter into his fist and throwing it on the ground. He threw back his head and groaned deeply, loving his father, hating him. How could he do this? Why had he bothered to marry and have children, knowing the legacy he could one day burden them with? Why had he lied to him all these years?

  So many things made sense now—the way his father always avoided details about his past, the reason he was so good with guns, the shoot-out back in California that he had first thought was just a dream. Now he understood why his father reacted so emotionally when he shot that squatter four years ago, why he had ripped the gun from his hands. He was afraid his son would turn out just like him, would grow to enjoy killing. Was that how it had been for Jake? Did he enjoy it? His own father! How could anyone shoot his own father? How was he going to live with that kind of shame, the son of a murderer, a thief, a rapist? That was the hardest to understand. His father had never been anything but gentle and respectful of his mother and Evie, a pure gentleman to any women he met.

  Still, there was that mean streak he had seen just a couple of times. He remembered the night the man had shot up those squatters, downing them with a cold gleam in his eyes that was rare, but there, nonetheless. How many innocent people had he killed in raids and robberies? He’d been a gunrunner in the war. Maybe it was true that he was innocent of the charges he was wanted for; but that didn’t negate the fact that he had done a lot of other terrible things. That much had been admitted.

  What must Zane Parker think? That he had the potential to be just like Jake Harkner? Did he consider him a “bad seed” now? Maybe he was at that. It was already obvious Parker was going to make sure he didn’t get anywhere near Beth. He wouldn’t want her mixed up in this dirty business, and maybe the man was right. Beth was too innocent for this, too refined and well-bred. Why would she want to be married to the son of an outlaw?

  God, the ache of it! He loved her so much. She was everything to him. He’d never find another woman like Beth, never feel that way about anybody else. He suspected that if not for her father, sweet Beth would be right by his side in spite of this ugliness; but her father was going to keep her away, and right now, for her sake, maybe that was best.

  He felt as though everything his father had done had been laid on his shoulders. He never dreamed he could feel this way about the man. He had lost Beth, and it was Jake’s fault. He would probably even lose his job here at the ranch. They would lose their home. Parker wouldn’t want them there now. His mother had talked about forgiveness, but how could he feel anything but hatred? In a few short minutes his life had been shattered by a past he’d never known existed. He had trusted his father, looked up to him, held him up as a kind of hero, only to find out he was nothing more than a common, murdering outlaw who had even killed his own father!

  He stumbled to his horse. Yes, he would go to St. Louis, but not for the reasons his mother wanted. She had betrayed him too. All these years she had known! Why had she even married the man? He would go to St. Louis and get some answers. He would confront his father with all of this. Maybe, just maybe, this would all get cleared up, and he would still have a chance with Beth, if he could find her. It all depended on what happened at the trial, what was done with his father, what other ugly things would come out about the man.

  He headed his horse toward home. He would need to clean up and change, repack. It made him sick to think of going to an empty house, all the laughter and happiness and togetherness gone. There would be no more nights alone in the mountains with his father, no more hunting together, working together, sharing their feelings.

  So, now he knew why so many questions had been left unanswered. After all the years of togetherness, all the talks alone over night campfires, he realized now that his father had never really shared himself at all. It had all been a lie, an unforgivable lie.

  ***

  Beth lay curled up in bed, shivering at the news the doctor had given her. It couldn’t be possible! She had been so sure she was only sick over her separation from Lloyd. If only she could find a way to talk to him, to explain! How could she go on living without Lloyd? How could she face never seeing him again? It wasn’t fair of her father to whisk her away so quickly, not even to allow her to talk to Lloyd just once more. It wasn’t fair that Lloyd wouldn’t know she was going to have his child.

  She had been in Denver eight days, eight days that had changed her life. Aunt Trudy was being good to her, but she could feel the woman’s consternation. Why didn’t you talk to me? the woman had asked her a thousand times. I could have told you, child, that it takes only one moment of passion to become pregnant. How could you have done such a thing? You’re so terribly young and impressionable. Your father never should have allowed you to see so much of that boy. It’s obvious now that he’s from bad seed. That evil young man took advantage of your love and your trust.

  Nothing she said in Lloyd’s defense seemed to matter. She had cried and begged her father not to make her go away, but the very day the soldiers had come and said those awful things about Lloyd’s father, her own father had packed her into the carriage and whisked her off to the train at Colorado Springs and on to Aunt Trudy’s. On the train she had become violently ill, and had suffered the same sickness every day since. Her father had become so alarmed that he called in a doctor, who, after a thorough examination, asked the embarrassing question of when she had had her last period. It had been at least six weeks ago, before that first time she and Lloyd had loved each other
by Fisher’s Creek. Then came the even more embarrassing question. Had she been “indiscreet” with some young man? Her tears and her crimson face had given her away.

  She had never known such fury from her father when he found out about her and Lloyd. Even if none of this had happened with his father, the man had roared, in spite of how much I liked the boy, I would have had his hide for this! I have a feeling Jake would have too! What makes it worse is all this mess with Jake! You’re carrying the grandson of a murderer and a rapist!

  She had screamed that she did not believe that of Lloyd’s father. She had never known him to be anything but a good man, a loving father and husband. You know I’m right, Father, she had pleaded. You trusted him to run the ranch almost single-handedly for years! How can you believe all those things so easily now? What kind of friend are you to turn your back on him this way? And you know what a good person Lloyd is!

  I only know what the man is wanted for. Things like that don’t happen by accident. I’d like to stick up for the man, and I might testify on his behalf because he saved my life once. But that doesn’t mean I can let my daughter be involved in the whole sordid affair or be married to the man’s son!

  There was no arguing with her father, and now there was no denying she was pregnant with Lloyd’s child. Lloyd should know, but her father was watching every move she made. She knew Lloyd would marry her in an instant if he knew. She had never been so miserable, and she wondered how it was possible to cry so many tears.

  The door to her room opened, and she smelled the familiar cigar smoke. “Please, Father, the smoke makes me feel sicker,” she told him as he came into the room. He stepped out into the hall and put out the cigar, then came back inside, coming to sit by her side. She waited for another tirade, but her father seemed calmer now.

  “I have decided what to do,” he said, sounding heartbroken.

  Her heart pounded with dread. “I’m sorry I disappointed you, Father, but I’m not sorry for loving Lloyd.” She remained lying very still, afraid that if she moved the nausea would return.

  Zane Parker sighed deeply. “The boy took advantage of you. I don’t blame you now for any of it. I should have kept a closer eye on what was going on. I was gone too much, gave you too much freedom. It’s been hard, Beth, trying to raise you without a mother. I took it for granted that a couple of weeks every summer with your Aunt Trudy and winters at the girls’ school here in Denver would make up for it.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Something has to be done. I’ll not have this child bearing the Harkner name. I don’t even want other people to know who the real father is. I’ve already sworn the doctor and your aunt to secrecy.”

  More tears started to come. “But I have to marry Lloyd. I can’t have a baby out of wedlock.”

  “That’s right. You can’t, and I won’t even consider an abortion. Women die from such things, especially young ones. You’ll have this baby, and you’ll be a married woman when it is born. He or she will carry a reputable name and will never know he was conceived out of wedlock or carries the blood of an outlaw.”

  “I don’t understand,” she sniffled.

  The man cleared his throat. “I have a friend in Chicago, a widowed druggist. He’s thirty years old and very wealthy in his own right but also comes from a wealthy family. He owns several drugstores in Chicago. He never had any children by his first wife, but they always wanted them. You met him at the spring party. He was visiting in Denver and came to the ranch. You played the piano for him the night before the party. Do you remember? His name is David Vogel.”

  A terrible dread began to creep through her blood. “Yes,” she answered quietly. She remembered an attractive young man whose hands seemed too white and clean when he sat down beside her and joined her in a tune. He had smelled like scented perfume instead of leather and the out-of-doors. He had seemed pleasant enough, a man of moderate build who wore very expensive suits. He’d had a bright smile, a pleasant personality.

  “He’s still here in Denver, on an extended stay because of an older brother of his who is dying of some kind of cancer. I remembered he was quite infatuated with you at the party. I had a lengthy talk with him last night, and he is willing to marry you and take you back to Chicago. He will allow everyone to believe the baby is his, and he has promised not to touch you until after the baby is born, and then only when you are ready.”

  Beth slowly sat up. “You want me to marry a perfect stranger?”

  “He’s not a total stranger. He’s a very nice young man, wealthy and responsible, and, I might add, very generous to do this. Not many men will marry what they consider soiled goods.” Pain showed in his eyes. “I don’t like to put it that way, Beth, but you should know how most men look at something like this. It’s a cold fact of life, and David is being very noble. You’ll marry him, and that’s that. It sickens me that you won’t be able to attend that finishing school or travel to Europe, that you won’t be able to do any of the things I had planned for you. Maybe David can see that you take a trip to Europe after the baby is born, and he has plenty of servants, so you’ll have help with the child.”

  Beth just stared at him, feeling cold and damp and abandoned. “It’s Lloyd I should be marrying! I love Lloyd! I can’t be some other man’s wife!”

  “You have no choice. You’ve got to think about the baby now, not yourself. You’ve heard the charges against Jake. I’ve wired home, and Lloyd has left for St. Louis. God knows how long this thing will take, and if you’re going to fool people about this pregnancy, you can’t wait around. It’s important to marry as quickly as possible so people will believe the baby is David’s.”

  He leaned closer, his eyes drilling into her. “No matter what happens at Jake’s trial, Beth, the charges against him are not going to go away. They will follow him and Lloyd both wherever they go. You can’t do that to your child, nor can you take the risk of people calling him or her a bastard. The child is all that matters now. If you love the baby in your belly, you’ll do what’s best for him and forget about what you want! David is a good man. After a time you’ll appreciate what he’s done, especially when he loves that baby like his own. You’ll learn to love him and be a wife to him. That’s the way some marriages are, Beth. Not everyone marries out of childish passion, and that’s all you had with Lloyd. When you’re young, it isn’t always easy to control your emotions. Lloyd should have known what he was doing was as wrong as it could be, that you were much too young for him to be taking advantage like that.” He let out a sigh of disgust and leaned back in the chair again. “Sixteen! My God!”

  “He just loved me, Father,” she wept, lying back down. “And I love him. I can’t marry David Vogel.”

  “You have no choice. You have to do what’s right for that baby. Lloyd is going to be a very confused young man for a long time. He’s better off never knowing about the baby. Once you’re married to David, you’ve got to never say a word to anyone about the real father, never see Lloyd again.”

  “What will he think,” she sobbed, “finding out I married someone else so quickly?”

  “He’ll probably think I pushed the marriage to keep you away from him. Let him think whatever he wants. You’ll be in Chicago, away from it all.”

  Away from it all? “Don’t send me away alone married to a man I hardly know,” she begged.

  Parker moved to sit on the edge of her bed and took hold of her hands. “I trusted you, Beth. You’re my beautiful, precious, only child, and I know you think this is cruel, but I’m doing it because I love you and am trying to salvage what we can from this. I want to save your reputation and my grandchild’s name. If it will make you feel better, Aunt Trudy will go to Chicago and stay with you for a while. Would you like that?”

  Lloyd! He would be shattered. He would hate her. He would never understand this. So much of his trust in life and those he loved was surely already destroyed. The worst part
was, she knew her father was right. She had to think about the baby, give Lloyd’s son or daughter a good home, never let him suffer the ugly names people called babies sired out of wedlock.

  “Yes, I’d like Aunt Trudy to come along,” she answered in resignation. She turned away from her father. “I need to sleep. I wish I could just sleep forever, or wake up and find out none of this is true.”

  Her father touched her shoulder. “I wish it too, darling. And I’m not deserting you. As soon as possible, I’ll come to Chicago and spend some time with you, and I’ll come and stay a while when the baby is born.”

  Her throat ached with a need to cry again. “Will you love it, Father?”

  He sighed, rising and leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Of course I will. I may not approve of the father, but my daughter is the mother, and that’s all that matters. That baby has my blood too.”

  The man turned and left, furious with himself for not seeing what was going on with his daughter and Lloyd Hayes. If the boy were here now, he’d kill him! He’d do everything in his power to keep him away from Beth from now on, which meant forcing Miranda Harkner off Parker land. She would have to find a new home. He hated to do that to the woman. He actually thought her quite remarkable, but she knew the risks she was taking when she married Jake Harkner. She would just have to suffer the consequences, as would Lloyd. Beth came first.

  Twenty-seven

  Jake looked up as two deputies led Lloyd to his cell.

  “That the young one?” a prisoner across the way spoke up. “Sure looks like his pa. Hey, boy, you’ve got a pretty famous pa there, famous here in Missouri, anyway. ’Course it ain’t the nicest things in the world he’s famous for. What’s that other word? Infamous?”