Arms of an Angel

by Linda Boulanger

  “Well it’s time you quit walking in self pity and realized there are people out there that could not only love you as you are but need you as much as you need them.”

  He heard her response of exasperation and then muttering under her breath as the water ceased it’s running. He didn’t press any further as he waited. The moments ticked slowly by; him listening to the sounds of her doing all that women do to get ready. He’d missed having those sounds in his life.

  The door opened fully not giving him time to delve deeper into his own thoughts. He looked her over as she emerged. He was always, always taken with her beauty.

  “Glad you approve. Sorry I’ve got nothing country,” she said sarcastically.

  Garrett looked down at his own clothes. “And I look like a bumpkin?” he muttered as he watched her slip into calf-height high-heeled boots. “You’re the one wearing boots!”

  “Very funny!” she retorted. “You’re quite the comedian.” There was no humor in her voice. Garrett sighed and dropped his head as he followed her from the room to the front door. This was going to be a long drive.

  * * * * *

  An hour and forty minutes later they pulled to a stop outside his parent’s home. It had been a silent trip. Garrett wondered momentarily if she would even get out of the car, though his mother stepping out onto the porch garnered both of their attention. He glanced at Claire. Her stony expression had changed to fear and humility. Garrett wanted to assure her, but he knew his words would be unwelcome. Instead he got out of the car and met his mom as she came forward.

  “Hi Mom.” He kissed her cheek and she patted his.

  “It’ll be okay,” she whispered as she walked on toward the car. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  Garrett didn’t look back, turning only after he was on the porch.

  Claire took a deep breath and opened the car door as Garrett’s mom approached. She stepped out feeling completely awkward and uncomfortable in her tight fitting, low cut, designer dress, sweater, leggings, and boots. She pulled the flimsy sweater tighter about her, trying to somehow hide what lay beneath. Perhaps his mother wouldn’t see past her outer exterior, Claire thought. Though women notoriously knew what was inside.

  Margarette O’Bryan smiled a most welcoming smile at the lovely creature that stepped from her son’s car. She was every bit as beautiful as Garrett had said. Margarette took in the high-brow glamour of her clothing. Everything about her spoke of a woman of society and wealth. She looked like she might have stepped from the pages of a high dollar fashion magazine. Margarette knew it was a façade, though deep inside she was sure there was a woman every bit as beautiful that simply needed help in believing herself worthy.

  “You must be Claire.” She extended a hand to the younger woman. “Garrett sent me a text that said he’d invited you. We’re so very glad you decided to come.” She kept Claire’s hand in hers as she began the journey back to the house.

  Claire eyed Garrett as he held open the door. He smiled and shrugged. She was wondering how much about her he’d shared. God, his mother seemed so kind. Claire saw no signs of disapproval. Please, please she thought glancing up, please let her like me.

  “James?” Margarette called as they entered the house. Claire breathed in and held it for a moment, foretelling her nervousness. Ah yes, the father test. Margarette patted her hand reassuringly as an older version of Garrett entered the room carrying a rather squirmy little girl. He tickled her and smiled as he sat her down.

  “Daddy!” she shrieked in excitement as she ran to Garrett.

  He scooped her up in his arms and smothered her with kisses as she giggled.

  “How’s my girl?” he asked her as he glanced cautiously at Claire.

  “Happy,” she told him as she grasped his face in her tiny hands and rubbed noses with him. She then turned her cherubic face to Claire, “Hi!”

  “Hi,” Claire returned quietly. Garrett’s mother released her hand and nudged her gently in the direction of father and child. Margarette had carefully watched Claire’s reaction as the scene had unfolded. She knew the younger woman was shocked. She’d told Garrett he needed to tell her about Chloe but he’d insisted she just needed to see. Too many women were scared off from a man with another woman’s child. Claire, on the other hand, needed that child as much as she needed the man, if only she’d let herself realize that.

  Claire glanced at Garrett as she approached. “Daddy?” she whispered.

  He nodded. “She’s all mine,” he said. “Chloe, this is my friend, Claire,” he told the little girl. “I’ve been wanting her to meet you.”

  Chloe held out her hands for Claire to take her, which Claire did, of course.

  “Chloe.” She tried the child’s name. Chloe nodded and smiled as Claire ran a hand across her silky, blonde hair. Chloe patted Claire’s cheeks, studied her mass of dark curls then became fixated on the blue pendant around Claire’s neck.

  “Pretty… like you,” Chloe told her.

  “It matches your eyes,” Claire told her. It was obvious she was completely absorbed by the tiny figure in her arms. Garrett looked at his mother. She inclined her head toward the living room.

  “Let’s go this way,” he whispered to Claire as he took her shoulders in his hands and directed her to the other room. She didn’t resist. Chloe continued to play with her necklace.

  “Here,” Chloe said pointing to the big rug in front of the fireplace.

  “Chloe,” Garrett jumped in, “Claire may not feel comfortable on the floor…”

  “It’s okay,” Claire protested as she sat the little girl down and lowered herself to the floor beside her. Delighted, Chloe reached for her toy basket and began to share her favorites with Claire. Garrett went to sit in one of the two big chairs across the end table from his dad. James tried to ease his tension with general talk. Margarette went off to start their lunch. Garrett could hear her humming from the kitchen. He tried to concentrate on the conversation with his dad though his eyes and attention wandered constantly back to the two in front of the fireplace.

  As they played, Claire occasionally touched the tiny girl’s golden hair or ran a hand down her petite arm. Her eyes were warm. She was savoring every moment.

  Chloe returned time and again to the pendant around Claire’s neck.

  “You like that, don’t you?” a crossed-legged Claire asked the little girl who sat on her lap once again fingering the bauble.

  Chloe nodded, looked at it and then into Claire’s eyes. “Your eyes. Same too.”

  “Sometimes,” Claire agreed. “Though not as pretty as yours.” She tickled Chloe as she spoke and they both laughed. Chloe rubbed noses with her, making Claire teary eyed. Claire pulled her into a tight hug.

  “Lunch is ready,” Margarette announce from the doorway. Claire felt suddenly embarrassed. She’d been so completely mesmerized by the child she’d nearly forgotten the others. She glanced at Garrett as he came toward them and held out his hand to help her up.

  “Chloe girl, I’ll race you to the sink,” James told his granddaughter. “Let’s get washed up.” Chloe bounced up quickly and ran from the room with James in her wake.

  Claire stood before Garrett fighting back unwanted, unexplained tears. They stared at one another until he pulled her to him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered against his chest as he stroked her hair.

  “I wanted you to see her first.” He shrugged. “I guess I was afraid…” He tipped her chin up to him. “I thought if you met her… maybe you’d realize we need you.” He kissed her. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Claire. With you, as is. I think we compliment each other pretty well with what we have to offer. I think it’s a pretty good fit.” He paused for a moment. “Will you let us in?” He placed his hand over her heart. “Both of us?”

  “I wanted to let you in for a long time now. But I was so scared. You really want me… as is?”

  He nodded and smiled as his hand felt the pendant.

>   “Pretty,” he told her. “Like you.” They both laughed. He kissed her again as she hugged him tightly. “We’d better get in to lunch before they send out a search party in the form of a 2 ½ year old.”

  They walked from the room arm in arm causing both Garrett’s parents to beam in approval as they entered the kitchen.

  “Sit here, Claire,” Chloe pointed to the chair next to her. “Okay Daddy?”

  “Of course.” He pulled out the chair for Claire, then went to sit on the other side of the table, across from his two girls.

  Chloe seemed concerned as Garrett and Claire began to prepare to leave.

  “You come back?” she asked as she clung to Claire.

  “Oh yes, Chloe. I’ll be back, and soon, I hope.” She wanted to tell Chloe she hoped it wouldn’t be long before Garrett took her and Chloe to live with him as a family, but she still wasn’t certain of his exact intentions, even after all he’d tried to convey before the fireplace in his parents’ living room.

  “You sure?” Chloe questioned.

  “Cross my heart.” It was an assurance she’d received often from her own mother. Her finger caught on the pendant chain as she made the criss-cross on her chest. She sat down on the chair nearby with Chloe on her lap and removed the necklace. As she placed it around Chloe’s neck she asked her, “Will you watch this for me until I come back?”

  Chloe nodded as she fingered the bauble. “Gram! Look!” She held it up for Margarette to see.

  “Come show me, baby.” Margarette held out her hands and Chloe scurried off Claire’s lap giving Claire the opportunity to finish getting ready to leave.

  “Bye, Daddy.” Chloe kissed her dad as he hugged his mother and his child. “Call me.”

  “Every day. Just like always.”

  “Claire, thank you for coming. Our door is always open,” James told her as he helped her into the little sweater.

  “Thank you. It was my pleasure. I’ll look forward to returning.” Claire looked from James to Margarette with gratitude. She blew a kiss to Chloe as Garrett ushered her out the door.

  The couple rode in silence for about fifteen minutes before Garrett ventured a comment. “This isn’t going to be like it was on the way up, is it? That was a really long trip.”

  Claire had been staring out her widow. She turned to look at him. “How can you bear to leave her?”

  Garrett thought for a moment, trying to find the words to explain what he felt in his heart. “I love her enough to know she needs more than I alone can give her. What kind of life would that be for her with me in the city? Spending the better part of her days with a sitter of some sort so I could satisfy my desire for a few short hours with her every evening? I want her with me, Claire… but not without the right woman to share our lives. Did you hear what I said? Not just any woman - the right woman.”

  “You’re sure? You’re really sure, Garrett?” She was suddenly fearful. Her inability was still there. It hadn’t gone away. Neither had the pain embedded by the years of rejection by her father.

  He reached for her hand. “I’m satisfied with what I have, Claire. I don’t need a son to make me whole. I want a good life for Chloe. I’d like to see you as a contented part of our lives. Besides,” he gently squeezed her hand a couple of times, “I could attempt to fill a house full of children and there’d be no guarantee I’d ever have a son anyway. I’m happy with what I’ve been given. I’d rather spend my time helping others and knowing that gift is what makes me live on. Not my name or my blood line. People that can’t see beyond their own selfish desires are not happy people, Claire. I don’t want to live my life lamenting with what I can’t do or don’t have. I want to enjoy what I do and spread that joy to others who need it.”

  Claire was silent again for a few moments. “You really are an earthly angel.”

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her fingers. “So you’ll let me replace your mother’s rings with a set of your own? No more doubts?”

  “No more doubts…”

  “But?” he asked. He could hear the hesitation in her voice.

  “Where’s Chloe’s mom, Garrett?”

  He shook his head. Claire wasn’t sure if that meant he didn’t know or he wasn’t going to answer her. Then he began to talk.

  “Elaine and I had been married for five years when she got pregnant with Chloe. She’d finished her education, my practice was just starting to really take off… She loved the society life of the city having grown up a mid-western country girl. Life seemed golden. The timing perfect, so I thought. She was sick a lot during the pregnancy and, of course, the constant barrage of parties and activities practically ceased all together. I knew she was depressed but I also knew it would pass. I tried to cheer her up with talk of how grand it would be once the baby came.” He laughed, a low hollow sound, and shook his head. “One day she yelled at me to shut up about the stupid baby, telling me how the baby was ruining her life and would continue to do so. All her hopes and dreams were over. She’d be saddled with taking care of my brat for the rest of her life.”

  “Oh Garrett…how…hadn’t you discussed children? Wasn’t Chloe planned?”

  “Yes, she’d talked the talk of wanting a house full of children. And maybe if she’d gotten her fill of social climbing before she’d gotten pregnant it would have been different. Chloe wasn’t planned. But five years…the timing seemed right.” He shrugged.

  “Where’s Elaine now? Doesn’t she ever want to see Chloe?” Claire dared to ask.

  Garrett was again quiet for a few moments before he began. “When Chloe was three weeks old she asked me to take the baby to my parents’ for the weekend. She said she was tired and needed the rest. It seemed reasonable. My parents were elated to have us and Chloe responded amazingly under my mother’s care. It was then that I realized how lifeless she’d been. I didn’t know much about newborns. I’d figured her lack of interaction was normal until I saw her with my mom. I was suddenly concerned about Elaine. I knew I’d buried my head and all was not well.” He rubbed his face as he looked out the window. “I tried to put down my fears. I fought them all through the night. Then, when I couldn’t reach her by phone the next morning, I told my mom I needed to go.”

  He breathed deeply, trying to retain control over his emotions. The tension on his face told Claire this memory was one he’d worked hard to suppress. “Our unit was still quiet when I entered and I full well expected to find it empty with a Dear John note propped against my pillow just like you see in the movies.”

  “But you didn’t?” Claire asked when he didn’t go on.

  He shook his head. Tears welled in his eyes. “Claire, when I walked into your apartment this morning and saw you laying on your bed with the wine glass on the night stand and the pill bottles on the bed… I felt as if I’d walked back in time.”

  “Oh my dear God,” Claire whispered feeling as if she’d been punched in the heart and needed the strength of a higher being.

  “Only the scene was not pristine and pretty. She looked a mess, her hair was snarled, her face sunken. She’d put on ratty old pajamas, thrown up all over the bed, and died. There was no happy ending for her and I blamed myself. I should have known.”

  Quiet tears ran freely down Claire’s cheeks. ”I’m sorry, Garrett. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry it all came back to you this morning.” He nodded, not expecting her to continue, though she did. “But I’m not sorry you found me and that you firmly stood up and made me go with you to your parents’. You’ve saved my life twice, Garrett. Did you know that?”

  He looked at her with great surprise.

  “The night I took your table at the restaurant… that was to be my last meal. I’d planned to indulge then go home and end it all, because I hated who I’d become. But you made me give my word that we’d share Sunday brunch.”

  “I remember. I asked if you were truly a woman of your word. I’d been afraid to let you go that night…” Realization l
it his face. “Claire, when I talked to Chloe that evening before leaving for my date she said the strangest thing. She told me to say hi to her mommy for her. I laughed and brushed it off as silly kid talk. Boy! I really need to quit brushing things off.”

  Quiet laughter echoed from them both as each retreated into reflective thought.

  “What is this place?” Claire asked as they again passed by a grand gated entrance with a big for sale sign on it. It had caught her attention on the way up as well though her anger had made her refuse to ask.

  “It’s an old boarding stable. It needs some work but it’s a great place with solid bones. My dad had dreams of buying it and running it after retirement.”

  “Why didn’t he?” Claire wondered aloud.

  “He gave up his dream for a new one. They knew I’d need help with Chloe, so he took early retirement and put their investment into the farm and living so they could take care of her. He’s told me time and again she’s the joy of their old age and the sacrifice has been well worth it.”

  “What will they do once you take her? Do you think he’ll buy it then?” she pressed.

  Garrett shook his head. “I don’t think they have the means now. Early retirement took its toll. Then the purchase of the farm. He’s figured everything out to where they’ll live okay, though not extravagantly. Perhaps a trip or two. But certainly no horse ranches.”

  “Hmmm,” was all she answered as they lapsed into easy silence, each again with inner thoughts.

  “Garrett? Are you tied to having your practice in the city? I mean, I assume you want to continue working in some capacity, although you do realize you wouldn’t have to.”

  He didn’t know what she was saying, but it was obvious the wheels were turning in her pretty head. “What are you saying, Claire? I’m not sure I’m following at all… ”

  She laughed. Her eyes were filled with excitement and anticipation.

  “Something tells me you’re hatching a plan. I’m also pretty sure life with you is going to keep me on my toes.” They both laughed as she ran her idea by him. His eyes were shining as brightly as hers when she finished.