Decision and Destiny

by DeVa Gantt

  “Easier for you,” John replied. “I refuse to participate in this—this evil charade any longer. You keep your children close not by giving them what they need, but by withholding it.” He snorted in disgust when his father didn’t respond. “Obviously, your answer is ‘no.’ I knew it would be. I come to claim what is mine—the courage you don’t believe I have—and still I am denied!” Not waiting for a reply, he retreated.

  But Frederic called after him, “Not all of it is yours to claim,” and then to the empty doorway, “I cannot release my daughters…certainly not forever.”

  “I’m listening, John,” Paul said, annoyed when his brother quietly took a seat. “Surely you didn’t summon me here to watch you recline—”

  “Sit down, Paul,” John interrupted mildly. “I have a number of things to discuss with you. I’m not kindling a row, I would like to speak civilly.”

  Paul indulged him. “What is it?”

  “I’d like to talk to you about Charmaine.”

  “What about her?” Paul queried cautiously, warily.

  “Charmaine is a decent woman, good and kind.”

  “You don’t have to tell me that, John. Remember, it was I who knew her first, I who informed you of her integrity. It took you long enough to recognize it, the noble attributes you sought to scorn and scandalize.”

  John concurred. “But I did recognize them. I admit I misjudged her at first. Likewise, you must agree few women can match Charmaine in worth.”

  “I don’t discredit that observation,” Paul replied, his brow a study of a mind working. “But where is all of this leading?”

  “Have you considered marriage?”

  “Marriage?” Paul sputtered. “Are you suggesting I marry her?”

  “In a word, yes. Is it so revolting an idea?”

  Severely suspicious now, Paul pressed his chin into the palm of his hand and considered the man. “What is this about, John? What is this really about?”

  “I’m fond of Charmaine. I don’t want to see her hurt.”

  “And you think marriage to me will prevent that?”

  “Yes, I do. She loves you, you know, more deeply than I think even you realize. The night I came home, she kissed you with all the passion and love a woman can give a man. I didn’t comprehend how neatly her heart was sewn into the bargain until I came to know her better, heard her speak about you. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt—not by me, and not by you.”

  “Then why don’t you marry her?” Paul baited, suddenly angry the man was placing them on the same level.

  “Like I said, Paul, she doesn’t deserve to be hurt,” John returned, his voice dead serious. “I confess to my little games, but they’re over now. George tells me the Raven pulled back into port at dawn, something about a ripped spanker and a splintered mast. When she sets sail again, probably tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be going with her.”

  “What? Just like that?”

  “Yes, Paul, just like that. I plan on telling Charmaine and the children later, but I wanted to speak with you first.”

  “I can’t believe it,” Paul muttered.

  “But you must, for it’s true. And it is for the best.”

  “Is that so? You come back here, upset the children’s lives, make certain they’re attached to you all over again, and then you just pull up and leave. Why? To punish Father for what happened last night? To make him look like the fiend you believe him to be?”

  John’s eyes narrowed, but he marshaled his anger and forced himself to answer calmly. “No, Paul, believe it or not, this has nothing to do with Father. But it has everything to do with the children. I, too, have become ‘attached’ as you put it, and such a relationship cannot be, can it? So, what I can’t take with me, I relinquish altogether.” He bowed his head momentarily, then met Paul’s intense regard with one of his own. “For that reason alone, I will be aboard the Raven tomorrow afternoon, and I won’t be back.”

  Disconcerted, Paul turned to safer ground, more comfortable with anger than misery. “And what does all this have to do with Charmaine and me?”

  John didn’t answer, but Paul puzzled over the question until all the pieces fell in place. “You’re worried Father will dismiss her, aren’t you? Aren’t you?”

  “No, Paulie.”

  “Yes, Johnny! And what better way to prevent that from happening than to see her married to me, wife to the children’s brother? That would certainly insure her position in the household, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it, goddamn you!” When John refused to respond, Paul pressed on. “You amaze me, you really do! Banking on me to fix this atrocity!”

  John’s eyes hardened. “You’re a fine one to sit in judgment, Paul—you, who’ve conquered woman after woman without a care in the world.”

  “Really? Well, unlike you, John, I haven’t maliciously seduced a woman who didn’t belong to me, just to get revenge!”

  “Is that how you see it?” John muttered, the blood running cold in his veins. “All these years—and that’s what you think happened? No wonder you sided with Father.”

  Momentarily deflated, Paul drew himself up. “Don’t play me for the village idiot, John. We both know how you hate him. You’ve made that abundantly clear. And don’t point a finger at me because I refuse to be drawn into it. You know what? You’re pathetic!”

  “Pathetic?” John rejoined ferociously. “You call me pathetic? Look at yourself, Paul. There isn’t anyone in this house more pathetic than you! That’s right, brother. Take a good look at yourself—sitting next to Father at the table like a loyal dog, anxiously awaiting the scraps of gristle he might throw your way. And like a loyal dog, you’re blind to how he abuses you! Instead, you defend him to the end, hoping if you just show him how capable you are, how diligently you can work, maybe one day he will acknowledge you and your exceptional efforts. Work! Work! Work! Oh yes, Paul, you’re good enough to get the job done. You go above and beyond! But where has it gotten you? John can shirk his responsibilities. John can shame his father with the ultimate affront, but John is still first on the will! And what about you? After all your toil, dedication, and loyalty, you’re not even legitimate yet, are you? If you were my son, you would be! But be my guest, Paul—keep blaming me for all the evil in this house. It’s all very tidy that way, isn’t it? By placing everything on my shoulders, you don’t have to examine the truth.” John pointed at him emphatically. “You’re the pathetic one, Paul, and damn you for not claiming Charmaine while you have the chance. You would rather chase after Father’s unrequited love than return her love, freely given. Mark my words: you will rue the day you were so blind as to throw away happiness with both hands!”

  Charmaine studied the pacing man apprehensively. John had said he had something important to speak to them about, and now she and the children waited for him to find the words to begin. He finally came to a standstill, as if immobility would help him overcome his impasse. He faced the twins who sat on their beds, his back to her and Pierre.

  “I’ll be leaving tomorrow,” he said, his trembling voice belying the ease with which he delivered the simple statement.

  “Leaving?” The single gasp fell from everyone’s lips.

  “Charmantes?” Yvette added, horrified. “You’re leaving Charmantes?”

  “That’s right. I’ll be aboard the Raven when she sets sail for the States. It’s time I head home and get some work done there.”

  “But this is your home!” the girl objected. “Here, with us!”

  “No, Yvette, not anymore. I have another home, you know that, one I’ve neglected for too long now.”

  “So you’ll neglect us instead? Virginia is more important than us?”

  “Yvette, you know that is not true,” he answered softly. “But I do have other responsibilities that—”

  “Responsibilities?” his sister countered. “What responsibilities? What could be more important than your family—taking care of us?”

  “Yvette, you were fine before I arrived two mo
nths ago, and you will be fine after I’ve departed.”

  “No, I won’t! And you’re wrong about two months ago, very wrong! I wasn’t fine, none of us were, not until you came back and made everything right! We were so unhappy, but you made us laugh again! You can’t leave now! You just can’t! I won’t let you!”

  “You are making this very difficult for me, Yvette, but I must leave, and no matter how much you beg, I won’t change my mind.”

  “But why? Why?”

  “I’ve told you, I have business to attend to in Virginia and New York. I cannot postpone it any longer.” He inhaled and drew strength from a new thought, infusing his voice with a note of excitement. “What if I promised to invite you, Jeannette, and Pierre for a visit? Perhaps next spring, when the weather warms. By then, the work I’ve ignored will be behind me, and I’ll have plenty of time to spend with the three of you. How does that sound?”

  “It sounds like a lie!” she spat back, “a lousy lie!”

  “Yvette!” Charmaine scolded, her heart pounding with the climaxing scene.

  “It’s true!” the girl retaliated, her blue-gray eyes widened more in pain than anger, riveted first on her brother and then her governess. “He’s lying, just like before. Right after we turned five, he left, promising we could visit, promising to write, promising to send passage in the springtime. But that passage never came and neither did the letters, and no one would even let me speak about it! And then, when I was finally allowed to write, I begged him to send for me, but do you think he answered? No! He just ignored that part of my letters, as if he didn’t care! His letters talked about everything but a visit to Virginia.”

  She faced him again, her anguish masked by her rage. “I won’t listen to your lies anymore! Father is right. All you bring to this family is pain and sorrow! You don’t care about anybody but yourself! Go back to Richmond. See if I care. I swear I won’t!”

  “Yvette! That’s enough!” Charmaine reprimanded.

  John swallowed hard, the agony he experienced more for the child’s woe than his own. “It’s all right, Charmaine, she doesn’t know what she’s saying. I know she doesn’t really mean it.”

  “I do mean it!” she protested, twisting away from him when he tried to embrace her. “Don’t touch me! Just leave me alone!”

  Having exhausted all avenues of reasoning, John dropped his arms to his sides, bowed his head, and left the misery-ridden room.

  The evening meal, long in arriving, commenced in silence, an indication the wretched tableau had yet to come to an end. Whether gladdened or disheartened, one sweep of the room revealed that each member of the family, from adult to child, contemplated John’s sudden decision to depart the island, speechless, heads bent to plates.

  Best to hold quiet as well, Charmaine thought. No need to make pleasant conversation and pretend at happiness, to deal with the situation the way Yvette was. The nine-year-old was demonstrating a hearty appetite, a punishment intended for John, though he did not seem to notice. The child didn’t comprehend her brother’s pain, the vile situation that forced his hand. But Charmaine understood, understood enough to know the big family secret was bigger and more terrible than she had been prepared to believe.

  A familiar click, followed by a retarded thud, punctured the dismal silence, awakening everyone to the realization the master of the house intended to preside over the unhappy table. Charmaine held her breath. No one said a word as Frederic approached his family. Mercifully, he didn’t stop near John, but made his way toward the foot of the table and the wife who threw him a curious look before surrendering her chair and slipping into the one to his left. Anna moved Agatha’s plate and quickly laid a new place setting. As the minutes gathered, so, too, did the tension.

  Pierre’s candid voice shattered the uneasy calm. “Johnny?”

  John looked up for the first time, his gaze locking on Frederic before traveling to the boy. “Yes, Pierre,” he asked, clearing his throat, “what is it?”

  “I’ve decided somethin’.”

  “Have you now?”

  “Uh-huh,” he stated with a resolute nod. “I’ve decided I’m gonna go with you tomorrow to that place…Vir-gin-ni-a.”

  John paled, but his response was chillingly unemotional. “I’m afraid you can’t. You’d have to leave too many of the things you treasure behind.”

  “No, I don’t,” the lad refuted ingenuously. “I got me a trunk. I can put all my stuff in there.”

  John didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “The type of trunk you’d need would be entirely too big. It wouldn’t fit in our cabin.”

  “That’s silly,” Pierre giggled. His older brother was just teasing him, as he’d so often done in the past. “I’ve seen that ship, ’member? It’s tremenjus!”

  “And what about the people you’d have to leave behind? Your sisters, Mainie? You love them very much, don’t you? Wouldn’t you miss them?”

  “They can come, too! Jeannie wants to come. She tol’ me so.” Pierre looked toward his sister, who nodded with a weak, yet hopeful smile. “See?”

  “What about Yvette? She’s extremely angry with me.”

  “She’d come. Wouldn’t you, Yvie?” he asked, his eyes imploring the girl for a similar response. But she was guarding a severe silence and refused to look his way. “Well, she would anyway…if you asked her.”

  “Even so, I still can’t take you with me.”

  “Why not? You asked me before.”

  Involuntarily, John’s eyes traveled to his father again, and Charmaine’s regard followed. Was it sadness or turmoil on the elder’s face? Perhaps both.

  “That was before,” John choked out, “not now.”

  “Why? Don’t you love me anymore?”

  “Yes, I love you!” John barked, belatedly leashing his strife. “It has nothing to do with that. I’d be far too busy in Virginia to take care of you properly.”

  “I can take care of myself. I won’t get in no trouble. I promise.”

  “No.”

  “But I wanna go!”

  “I said ‘no’!”

  With bottom lip quivering, Pierre blinked back his tears. “If you don’t take me, I’ll go anyway. I’ll get in my boat and I’ll row there all by myself!”

  “You’d never last the trip,” John muttered.

  “I will! You’ll see. And once I’m there, you can’t send me back!” He turned his attention back to his plate and said one last time, “You’ll see.”

  John propped an elbow on the arm of his chair and pressed his forehead into the palm of his hand. Frederic did the same, looking up only when his son pushed away from the table. He started to speak, but John was gone before the words were out. The moment was lost.

  Charmaine quietly closed the door to the children’s bedroom. They were finally settled for the night, a difficult chore in the face of all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Rose said “goodnight” and hobbled toward her rooms in the north wing. But Charmaine had no intention of retiring. She’d never fall asleep now; her mind was too full, the hour too early.

  She descended the staircase, coming up short as John appeared on the landing. His gaze swept upward until his clouded eyes locked on her, turning keen and holding her captive. Thus they stood, neither one speaking.

  “Will I see you before you leave?” she asked.

  “The Raven doesn’t set sail until late afternoon. So, yes, you’ll see me.”

  “The Raven…It was the ship that brought me to Charmantes. Now it takes you away.”

  “You sound displeased, my Charm,” he attempted to quip. “Could it be you, too, will miss me?”

  “Yes, I shall miss you,” she whispered, struggling to contain her burning emotions, disturbed by his soft chuckle. “Is that so inconceivable?”

  “Somewhat, considering you’ve awaited this date for two months now.”

  She ignored the comment that held some truth not two weeks ago. “You’ll write?” she asked instead.

/>   “Yes, I’ll write.”

  With his portion of the dialog exhausted, John turned toward the opposite staircase to place some distance between them. Despite his valiant effort, she refused to release him. “Why are you leaving?”

  He faced her slowly. “Don’t you know?”

  “No,” she lied, wanting only to hold him to the spot.

  “Sweet, innocent Charmaine,” he murmured reverently. “Better that you don’t know or you would despise me as well.”

  “I no longer despise you…I could never despise you.”

  His eyes caressed every feature of her face. “I will carry you with me, my Charm. You’ve provided me with a perfect two months, a time that will have to suffice, memories to hold dear.”

  The scraping of wood on wood interrupted them. Pierre appeared at the crest of the stairs, struggling to push Charmaine’s trunk across the floorboards.

  “Pierre, whatever are you doing?”

  The boy swiftly straightened, his face a mask of guilt. “I’m goin’,” he admitted, expelling one exhausted breath, his determined eyes traveling from Charmaine to John.

  “Going where?”

  “To Johnny’s other house just like I said I was.”

  “Oh no, you’re not!” she argued, marching up the stairs with John close behind her. “Come,” she said, grabbing his hand, “back to bed with you.”

  “No!” he objected, pulling away. “I don’t wanna go to sleep! I wanna go with Johnny!”

  Before the boy could sidestep her, Charmaine lifted him up, allowing John to take charge of the trunk. “Johnny is not leaving until tomorrow afternoon.”

  “I don’t believe him,” Pierre protested, struggling to get down.

  “You must, because it’s true,” Charmaine said, holding him tightly and returning him to the nursery, where she found Yvette and Jeannette wide awake. “You are to stay in bed and go to sleep, and if you’re a good boy you will see John first thing in the morning before we go to Mass.”