Mom sat back in her chair, quiet… smiling, understanding shining in her eyes. “Of course you did, Emmy. Of course…”
“It’s not why the wedding is so soon…” I offered.
“For god’s sake, do you think I’d care if it was?” she said suddenly, putting her arms around me. “I’m so happy for you, honey. I’m so happy for both of you. I know how much you’ve both wanted this, and for so long. Your whole life has changed so fast… it’s going to change so much more before you know it.” She kissed my cheek and held my hands in hers. “You have everything you ever wanted.”
We kissed and chattered about the wedding, how I was feeling… doctor visits and baby clothes…
But I felt like I was in a haze. I knew I was excited, happier than I’d ever been… but it felt like I was looking at my emotions from a distance, rather than truly feeling them. Something felt off, wrong somehow.
“Well,” Mom said, pushing her chair back, “I’ve got shoes to buy, and you two had better get to the bakery before they close.” She leaned down and put her arms around my neck. “Call me when you get home?”
“I love you, Mom,” I said. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have your love and support. The only thing that could make this day more perfect was if Daddy was here.” I swallowed hard. “And Jason…”
As bad as the connection was, there was no mistaking the sound of his voice, no denying its effect on me.
“... go back… … cabin…”
“Jason, oh my god. Jason, I’ve been trying to call you for so long,” I said, feeling dizzying waves of relief wash over me. There was so much noise on the line, made worse by the sound of the truck’s tires on the road. The bakery had closed early, so I was dropping Connie off before I’d head back home. “Where are you? Is everything okay?”
“Ember… bad… … go back…”
I jerked the wheel and hit the brakes, stopping fast on the shoulder. “Are you all right? Are you and Randy all right? I have to tell you something…” I shouted, praying the words would make it through.
“... love you… … Randy… find you when it’s all over…”
“I love you too, Jason,” I said, feeling a wave of heat surge through me. No matter how far apart, we had a bond between us that nothing could break. “I’m on my way home right now and I can’t wait to tell you… We’re going to have a baby, Jason.” Connie reached over and took my hand as the tears streamed down my face. “Can you hear me?”
“... can’t… … go back…”
“Jason? Jason…?” But it was no use. The line was dead.
“Are they okay? What did he say?” Connie’s voice seemed to come from a long way off as I sat, afraid to take the phone away from my ear. Somehow the whole day, fun and exciting just a moment before, felt utterly meaningless now. I was numb.
“I don’t know,” I said, stunned. “He was breaking up and it was mostly static. I heard him say Randy’s name and something about home. I don’t know if he heard me at all.”
Connie offered a dozen times to come back to the cabin with me.
But I dropped her at her door before the sun started to set, and drove home alone. She’d reassured me over and over, that there wasn’t anything unusual about the call, that she and Randy had gone for weeks at a time with nothing but a few broken words. All I knew was that I needed to go home. To be in the one place where Jason could find me. And to be waiting when he got there. All the plans were made, and I’d paid for everything but the cake. I’d brought the dresses along with me. I carried the bag with my wedding gown with me, unwilling to part with it even for a second, and unlocked the front door,
“You poor thing,” I said, struggling with the house key in my gloved hand, “I didn’t think I’d be gone this long.” Reilly was whining loudly, scratching at the door. He burst through in a flurry when it opened, barking noisily and spinning frantic circles around me. “You go pee, and I’ll get your supper.”
But instead of heading for his favorite tree, he ran for the cliffs instead, stopping to take a few steps back toward me before turning and running again. The hair along his back was bristling and the whites of his eyes showed. He looked back again, whining in distress, unsure which direction to go. It was behavior I’d never seen before. And I couldn’t explain why… but a chill that had nothing to do with the cold ran through me. I draped my precious gown over the back of a chair.
“Come on, Rye,” I called, bending down and holding out my hand. “Come back inside where it’s warm,” I soothed, “it’s okay, boy… come on…”
He trotted back, stopping to turn his head and look into the distance. The sun was gone, the last of the light fading quickly. He whined, but he came with me and I closed the door to the cold. Reilly continued to pace as I built a fire in the stove and filled his supper dish. He sniffed, but wouldn’t eat. The sound of his nails on the floor was setting my teeth on edge.
“Come here, Rye,” I said, sitting down on the couch and patting the cushion next to me. But he stood by my legs instead, letting me pet him, but unwilling to sit still.
I switched on the radio and stroked his thick fur, trying to use the slow movements to calm us both. All the way home, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong in spite of what Connie had said. I leaned forward, reaching for the matches and lit the kindling in the fireplace. “You’re cold, that’s all,” I said, as much to myself as to him. “We’ll both feel better once we’ve had something to eat and get some sleep…”
Except that neither of those things happened that night. My heart, racing all day, dropped to my stomach as the music was cut short and an emergency announcement came over the radio. A few short life-shattering sentences later, I understood…
33
Jason
“Jerry…! I want you and Carl on the west side. Now! Randy and I’ll take the trees on the crest. Forget the underbrush… If we don’t tear out the timber from here up, we’ve lost the whole fucking thing…”
Every one of us was working on pure adrenaline now, leaning heavily on whatever reserves we had left. No one would stop now, not for food, not for anything. Not until we’d won,
Or until we’d lost…
The lights mounted to our helmets formed eerie beams through the smoky haze around us. The sound of a dozen chainsaws mixed with the roar of the encroaching flames, drowning the powers of communication. We were mostly left to read each other’s movements, anticipate each other’s actions out of instinct and habit. The smoke in the air caught what little light there was and illuminated the darkness, turning the mouth of the gorge into the glowing gates of hell itself.
While the others worked below, Randy and I headed for the top. We didn’t need to talk, we’d been a team for too long. We just needed to clear the top before the crowns caught fire. A shower of sparks flew over our heads as we bent our aching backs into our work. Success hinged on endurance and time now. I spit a mouthful of dry grit and leaned into my saw, praying we had enough of both. But all I could see was Ember’s face, all I could feel was my need to outrace the fire and keep her safe. The only future I’d ever imagined was one with her, raising a family in Cradle Creek. My gut twisted in sickening acknowledgement; that the only way to protect our future had been to leave her, and to put my own life and her brother’s in jeopardy. Yet now, Cradle Creek and Ember’s cabin were directly in the fire’s path…
Tree after tree came crashing down as we worked. The ground behind us was littered with broken limbs and jagged stumps, the living forest reduced to a shattered graveyard. I took a lungful of air and smoke. I lifted my head, listening… waiting. The air thrummed like a heartbeat, and a breath lifted the hairs on the back of my neck… Randy and I were facing each other when it happened.
One enormous gust lit the sky with a brilliant burst of showering sparks, and we both knew in the same instant, that in spite of our best efforts the worst had happened. The canopy above us burst into flames, blinding and deafening us
both with its fury. We fell to the forest floor, gasping in the vacuum it left behind. I saw Randy’s mouth moving… and recognized the words…
“The bitch is gonna win…”
I climbed to my feet, dragging him up with me. “Like fucking hell it is,” I ground out viciously.
“It’s crowned, goddamn it,” he shouted. “We need to pull the crew back while we still have a chance. It’s gonna race through that gorge with the fucking wind at its back.”
“And it’ll take the whole range,” I yelled back. “North to south,” I gripped his arm and ran, half dragging him along with me, “and the whole valley on the other side.”
“The women,” he shouted.
“They won’t be there,” I yelled back, “but I’ll be damned if I’m letting it take the valley and the cabin.”
We ran, half sliding, half falling down the side of the cliff as burning debris fell from above. Through the smoke, I could see some of our men and a chopper on the ground. It was loaded with retardant, but useless as long as the winds held. But it could still carry men.
“That gorge is three miles long,” I shouted to Frank. “Randy’s in the lead.” I turned to face him, my blood brother and soon-to-be brother-in-law. “You outrun it. Drop down where you can get the crew safely on land, where the brush is thinnest and far enough ahead you’ve got a chance. If it stays in the canopy, keep it there. Kill it there if you can… just don’t let it escape on the other side…”
I headed for one of the trucks, but he jerked me by the arm. “What the hell are you going to do…?”
“There’s a back road through these mountains,” I shouted over the chaos around us, “Ember showed me. It comes out on the other side about five miles from Cradle Creek. If I can get there before it does and burn a line…”
“Go! Go… go!” he shouted. His fingers bit into my shoulder in goodbye before he turned and ran for the helicopter. He disappeared in the roiling smoke as I twisted the key in the ignition and stomped the engine to life.
The dirt road was rocky, almost completely washed out in places. The glow from the headlights bounced and jerked dizzily, but at least the haze had thinned. The wind was carrying the smoke and the fire-front to the southeast… closer to the valley. I leaned into the gas harder and the truck bucked. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the orange glow creep forward with all the stealth of an enemy in the night.
“So fucking help me, Ember,” I said out loud. “I’m not giving up our home… and I’m not letting this steal our future.” I shifted hard and the engine roared. “Not without giving it the fight of my life.”
Almost in response, a swarm of sparks flew overhead and a golden glow flared in the distance. A sickening wave ran through me as I sped up and the road fought back. I crashed into the door, the steering wheel, intent only on outrunning the fire. Oncoming headlights jerked and bobbed, angling high into the sky before blinding me entirely…
“Goddammit…
“Ember!” I cried, slamming the brakes on in time to avoid crashing into her truck. It twisted, fishtailing, and slid off the road. A fast second later, I had her in my arms, cursing her, kissing her, crushing her sweet, soft flesh into mine. I enveloped her with my whole body, my whole heart, my entire being… losing myself in the love that swept through us both. In that moment, we were truly one being, no less than when our bodies were joined in ecstasy. We were one breath, one heartbeat… one spirit.
“What in god’s name are you doing here?” I gasped out. “I told you to stay away…”
“I didn’t know,” she gasped, “not until it was too late.”
Reilly came flying out of the cab, jumping and barking as I kissed her. Precious seconds later, I had them both in my truck. I dragged her shoulder belt across with one hand and snapped it tight. Even belted in, we were tossed cruelly as the heavy truck lurched and bolted over the road. She wrapped her arms around Reilly’s body, struggling to keep him on the seat between us.
“Christ, Em… you could have been killed out here,” I bellowed. “Why in god’s name…”
“I heard it on the radio,” she said. “But it was too late… I was already back at the cabin by then.” We hit a bump and came crashing down on the other side. “All I knew was that I needed to find you. And this road was the only way.”
“Goddammit, babygirl…” I swore under my breath, shooting a sidelong glance at the glow in the sky. “We’re in this together now.” I took her hand in mine and held it tight, feeling the fineness of the bones, the softness of her skin. All I’d wanted was to keep her safe, and now she was facing down the same danger as the rest of us. I held the back of her hand to my mouth, kissing it, catching a sweeter scent than the smoke that filled my nostrils. She was my home, my only home.
“I’ll protect you with my life, Ember, but I can’t save either one of us from the truth. It’s a crown fire now,” I said bitterly, feeling her hand tighten in mine. “You’ve grown up in these mountains, lived your whole life here…
“You know what it means as well as I do.”
34
Ember
And I did.
I watched out the window as we tore up the road, trying to gauge the speed of the fire we were flanking. I knew the lay of this land, and the path that the fire would follow. The whole valley was thick with dry grass, the height of a grown man. And log cabins just like mine were separated by enormous groves of thirsty pines. It all drew a straight line to the east, to the south… and home.
“When we reach the mouth of the valley, we’ll dump the gear,” Jason said as he wrenched the wheel. “I need you take the rig and head to the old Hanson place. It’s the closest cabin, only a couple of miles away and it’s facing the most immediate risk. Stop at each cabin, but for seconds only. Yell, use the horn.” He hit the brakes and climbed out, coming around to take me in his arms. The glow in the distance formed a smoky halo around him. “They’ll have called for evacuation by now, but there could still be people left behind.” He kissed me hard, crushing my body to his. He tasted of smoke and salt, his muscled body towered over mine. “One minute at each house. No more. Do you hear me? You won’t be completely safe until you reach Copperton,” he said fast. He let go of me long enough to drag his gear from the back as the headlight beams illuminated the haze around us. For a second, it reminded me of the hot spring…
“I don’t want to go without you,” I said. But I climbed into the driver’s seat, knowing neither one of us had any choice. Reilly sat beside me whining, panting in spite of the cold.
Jason grasped my face between his hands, putting everything into that kiss that we didn’t have time to express. “You don’t have a choice. Go, Ember, right now and don’t look back.
“I’ll find you… just go!”
“Chuck… Trudy?” I called out, pounding on the door. The Hanson’s truck was parked out front, but no one answered. I turned the doorknob, calling out, but it was clear they were already gone and their dogs with them. They’d been moving fast. The television was still on, volume all the way up and the fire warnings were blaring. I closed the door and headed back for my own truck.
“One down,” I said to Reilly, slamming into reverse. “With any luck, the whole valley’s cleared out by now.” I cast a glance at him as he sniffed the air. I could smell it too. And the gusts buffeting the truck confirmed it. The wind was shifting… the valley was beginning to fill with smoke. Where the wind blew, the fire would follow.
I raced through the valley, knowing every mile took me closer to safety and farther away from Jason. I checked cabin after cabin, but they were all abandoned. Word had spread, and there was no one left behind. There was only my own cabin, my childhood home a few miles farther, with Copperton and safety just beyond. But I couldn’t shake the image of Jason out there alone, buying time until the rest of the crew could reach him. He would be fighting fire with fire, felling trees on his own. And all on the front lines. It was the most dangerous work a firefighter could
do and he was already pushed to his limits. I hadn’t even asked him about Randy…
Or told him about the baby.
The awareness hit with the power of a punch, leaving me open-mouthed, airless. The one thing beyond his safety, the only thing that mattered, was to tell him we were having a child. And I hadn’t. The truck lurched under me and a wave of nausea rolled through me. My hands were icy cold, stiff as I clutched the wheel. For the first time, I faced the real possibility that I might never get the chance to tell him. The life I’d dreamed of flashed in front of my eyes: the perfect wedding I’d planned and wanted so much, our idyllic life together in our beautiful valley… my husband in bed beside me in the mornings and our baby in my arms…
I jerked the wheel hard, barely touching the brakes and shooting out an arm to keep Reilly from sliding onto the floorboards as I hauled the truck around and hit the gas. I was done with thinking, done with fear. Jason was out there, risking everything to save this valley and the people who called it home. And all the while, I’d been choosing flowers and appetizers…
All I knew was that I had to find him again. No matter what we had to face, we’d be facing it together and no matter the outcome, Jason was going to know he was a father.
The sky grew brighter as I raced back. Behind me, it was from the rising sun. Ahead of me… it was from the rising flames.
I caught sight of him through the haze that filled the air, tall and lean, backlit from the glow of the barrier fire. Thank god… The crew was there along with him, the helicopter just taking off. I hit the brakes too hard and slid a few yards before stopping. Then I was out and running.
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