I stayed until the sun was long gone and the stars had started to sparkle in the darkness. Then I carried her slowly up to the house, careful not to wake her. I would tuck her into her little bed and make sure she was settled for the night. Then I had to do find a way to do the hardest thing I'd ever done.
I just kept telling myself that it was right.
And that in the end, what mattered to me most was that Jack would have his dream.
35
Jack
I decided not to wait any longer. Fuck going back in the morning. I was flying back tonight. I'd already talked to Davis and he said he could get me there before dawn. My whole body anticipated climbing into bed with Libby as she slept. Waking her with my hands on her body, my mouth on her sweet pussy…
I'd said my goodbyes to the others, then India had followed me up to the rooftop garden, to wait with me for the helicopter. I hadn't taken the time to read the report on Libby's birth mother. I'd just shoved it into my bag unopened. It had been a hell of a day. A hell of a month, really. So many of my priorities were shifting. And my mind was clearer than it had ever been.
"So…?" I asked.
India looked at me over her mineral water. Her eyes were so much like our mother's. And they were full of questions…
"So we've got Warner. Just like you wanted. It's a hell of a coup…" She shook her head. "I ran into your ex the other day… she was talking with Spencer. And even she seemed pleased for us…
But Christ, Jack. This's me… remember?" She leaned in. "I want to know what's happened between you and Libby. There's something… something that's different…"
For a second, I considered trying to bluff my way through. And then she laughed at me. "I know that look, Jackie," she said. "You're either in love, or the sex is really, really great." She looked a little closer. "Maybe both…?"
I leaned back and released the breath I was holding. What the hell was the point in denying it?
"I fucking love her more than I knew was even possible. She's all I think about… Even a day away from her is more than I can bear… When it was all supposed to be just another fucking deal." It felt so good to let it pour out. "A way to get what I wanted.... Or at least what I'd always thought that I wanted… The wedding was just for convention's sake, and for the baby's… It wasn't meant to be real. And then, somehow it just was…"
"The magic of the island?" she asked, watching me, then looking up at the stars.
"I thought so, at first. There we were… creating a new life together. Living like a couple. It seemed natural enough… there'd been such an enormous attraction from the start." I ran a hand through my hair and scratched the stubble on my jaw. "I knew better than to cross the line. Hell, we both did.
I need her, India. And I'm not used to needing anything. I want her… I want it all…"
"It's not so easy to keep things simple, is it Jack?" India's voice was gentle. "I know it's not so easy to accept, but life is messy. Love even more so." She sighed. "It's messy and complicated… and sometimes it hurts like hell. But what's any of it for, if there isn't someone there to share it with." She leaned forward, still looking off into night sky. "Every woman deserves to be loved… simply for herself…
Libby's strong, Jack. Stronger than any woman I know. She's more than good enough for you, for any man… just the way she is. But she can still be hurt."
She turned and eyed me hard, though her voice stayed gentle. "The big question is… Can you be the man who's truly good enough for her?"
For most of the flight, I couldn't get India's words out of my head. I knew exactly what she meant. And knowing her, all this might have been her intention from the very beginning… when she'd first brought Libby to me at the lake house… My sister was unconventional in her way, but also wise beyond her years…
The report on Libby's mother was still in my bag. I'd intended to read it during the flight, but not now. It felt wrong even to open it. Whatever it said, it no longer mattered. Not to me.
"How much longer?" I asked over the noise of the blades.
"Fifteen, maybe twenty," Davis replied. "Sun'll be up in an hour. We're making good time." He turned to me and grinned. "Top right pocket, my phone" he said, beaming. "Check out the pictures. My new baby girl. Eight pounds, two ounces, born right after I left you and your wife on your honeymoon."
He leaned toward me so I could reach under the flap of his shirt pocket. I pulled out his phone and flipped through the dozens of shots. In every picture, he was next to his wife, his arm wrapped protectively around her.
"This was our third… little Emma… And Anna was in labor for twenty-six hours," Davis shook his head and let out a big breath. "Every time, it's just as wonderful… and scary as hell. And Anna is just so strong and amazing." He pointed with his chin at a shot of the two older boys holding their new sister. "She never even wanted a big family. Neither did I." He laughed. "But when you fall in love, really in love… somehow you just find a way through. And it all turns out better than you ever imagined…" He tipped the helicopter toward the landing pad as it came into view.
"Life just always seems to have plans of its own, you know?"
"Libby, sweetheart…?" I'd planned to slide into bed alongside her, to tell her how I felt, what I wanted for us… and then to show her… for hour after fucking delicious hour…
But my bed was empty. I checked her room, then the bathroom. "Libby? Are you here?" Libby… Mokita…?"
I headed out the front of the house to scan the beach. It was early, way too early for her to be out here… My heart started to pound. What if she'd gone out for a swim in the dark… all alone? I'd been there at the lake that day, but I'd been too far away to protect her this time… Why the fuck hadn't I stayed, or at least insisted she'd come with me…?
"Libby! Libby…" My mind was racing with possibilities I couldn't even begin to accept. That's when I turned, to look back up at the house. There, in the darkness, was a single bright light. The attic studio.
I ran up, taking the stairs two and three at a time. "Libby, sweetheart. I'm back, baby." I was breathless by the time I reached the top. The door was open. "Oh, god…, Sweetheart."
Moki flew to me, tail wagging, yipping excitedly until I picked her up. She licked my face, wriggling in my arms. Libby sat at her work table, clay drying to a grey powder on her hands and arms. Her face was smudged, her eyes tired. She looked from the sculpture to me.
"I finished it, Jack. I couldn't sleep, so we spent the night up here." She dragged the back of her hand across her forehead. "It was the right time… and it needed to be finished before…," She broke off. "It's yours. I want you to have it."
"My god." I put the puppy down and walked to her slowly. "It's fucking amazing, Libby." I circled the table. "I've never seen anything like it… It's lovely… so beautiful…"
I reached out, wanting to touch it, not daring to risk marring its utter perfection. The surface was as smooth as marble, the lines, cool and flowing. I could feel the image as much as I could take it in with my eyes. It was passion, as much as it was shape. And sight alone wasn't enough to experience it. Not half enough.
Before me was the love of a mother, holding her child in her arms. It was shaped with emotion, creating the image with feeling, even more than form. But it was there, nonetheless. As clear and beautiful as my love for Libby. As perfect as the woman herself…
I reached down to pull her up into my arms. She felt so small, as if all the strength had left her body. As if she'd poured it directly from herself into her art. My heart swelled, everything in me wanting to hold her forever, to do nothing but keep her safe. "I had to come back, sweetheart. There's so much I need to say… things that have changed for me… things you need to know…"
I turned her in my arms, pulling her close, kissing her full, soft mouth. For a few moments, she felt warm and liquid in my hands. I growled low in my throat and pulled her in tighter.
"No, Jack," she pushed against my chest.
"Just stop… please… just stop…"
I released her enough to pull back, but didn't let her go. An alarm went off deep inside…
"Things have changed, Jack. I'm so fucking sorry… I should have said something sooner… before we… before things got complicated…" She pushed harder and I dropped my arms.
"There are things you need to know too. I should have told you… and I'm sorry." She turned from me, and for the first time I saw her suitcases were sitting by the door.
"You don't have anything to apologize for, sweetheart. Nothing to be sorry for…" I could feel my heart beginning to pound. "Tell me… You have to know, you can tell me anything…"
She walked to the tall windows and looked out over the water. The sky was a wash of peach and pink. After a long, long silence, she turned to face me.
"I love you, Libby." The words broke out of their own accord. "I love you as much as I love our baby. I want you both." I took a step toward her, my eyes pleading with hers. "Forget the contract, forget that your mother gave you up. Believe in yourself… believe in us, sweetheart. We can be a family, all three of us. I know we can… if you can trust me. If you can love me back…"
"I do love you." She met my eyes. Hers were glistening with unshed tears. "It's why I have to tell you the truth…
I took the test almost a week ago. I brought one of my own… I wanted to surprise you… after you gave me Mokita." She smiled weakly and shook her head. "It was negative, Jack. I should have told you… but you were so sure. We both were. I just couldn't tell you there wasn't a baby after all." She spread her arms. "You married me and brought me here… It was all for the baby… but I failed you…"
I took another step and she stopped me with a shake of her head. "No. We tried and it didn't work. We got too close… This just isn't right anymore."
She reached down and slipped the ring off her finger and held it out. "You should find someone else. Not a surrogate. Not with a contract…" The tears broke free.
"But a real woman who can give you everything you deserve… who can be a real mother, a real wife…
Not me."
36
Libby
He caught me in time, just before I hit the floor. I remembered that… And the look on his face as I went down…
"You're okay, sweetheart. You're fine… we're both going to be just fine." I felt his hand against the side of my face. I squinted, looking up from the bed. He was there, right there beside me. Warm…, safe… I struggled to sit up. "You fainted, Libby." His eyes were so kind. He smiled.
"And you don't strike me as the fainting kind… How about laying back down now, and hearing what I have to say?" He stroked my cheek as I eased myself back. It was so good, just to have him with me, even if it was only for a little while longer…
"I heard what you said," he started gently. "I just wish you'd come to me. I can't imagine how you must have been feeling, keeping all that bottled up… and with me gone." His fingers kept moving, caressing. "But how I feel about you… it's not about the baby… any baby. If it didn't happen this time, it always can the next. Hell, sweetheart, it doesn't matter if it never happens. It's you that I want." He leaned down and kissed me. "A baby would be wonderful, but only if it's what we both want. Together, as a family. You and me, Libby. That's the only thing I can't live without."
I squeezed my eyes shut, biting down on my lip. "But I do want it. I want it so much." I opened my eyes, the tears streaming down my temples, into my hair. "I… I talked to her… I named her, Jack. When I thought she was really there… she was my Little Speck…"
He held me until I was finally quiet, all cried out. "My darling girl," he crooned softly, stroking my hair, my face. "We have all the time in the world now, as long as we're together. We'll try again one day, if you're ready. But right now, I just want you all to myself. If you'll have me."
"I don't know how to do this, Jack. Relationships… let alone being anyone's mother… What if I just… can't…?
What if loving me means you never get to have a baby at all?"
He reached down to take my hand, uncurling my fist with his fingers. He took the emerald ring from my palm… I'd been holding it tight ever since I'd tried to give it back to him. There was a smile in his eyes as he gave it a kiss and slipped it back onto my finger.
"I already have what I want, right here in my arms. Here, now. This is what I need, Libby." He kissed me deeply, proving his point. "But I think we should find out for sure…
We could fly back home today. Have Dr. Tiller do the test herself. If it's still negative… well, at least we'll know… And we could try again someday, if you want to. Or never. It's you I want. This, that's real. I love you, Libby."
I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying myself in the feel of him, the comfort of his scent. ‘I love you too, Jack. I've never felt it… never said it to anyone before. But I love you, with all my heart…"
He kissed me again, holding me to him, his hands warm on my body. He pulled me in, holding me tight, kissing me like he didn't dare let go… Then he paused, still so close, searching my face. He sat up beside me.
"There's something I have to tell you too… something you have a right to know." He took both my hands in his and the look on his face made me struggle to sit up beside him. For a moment, the room seemed to swim. "What…? Tell me…" I felt my stomach tighten.
"It was early in the process when I asked my lawyers to look into it… they only finished it after we were married… I never read it, Libby. I wanted to… but I didn't."
"What, Jack? You never read what?"
He got up, rummaging in his bag before he came back to me. He held out a thin yellow envelope.
"This belongs to you," he said quietly. "I'm sorry if I had no right…" I took it and turned it over in my hands.
"I'd thought maybe knowing who she was might help…," he said. "You can read it, or just burn it if you want." He sat back down beside me. "It's all the information that could be found… about your mother, sweetheart. Who she was. And maybe… why she left."
I read the name typed on the envelope. Dorothy Jones. I fingered the locket at my throat. The only thing I had of her, the initials D.J. engraved on its back. Her name had been Dorothy.
"Why, Jack… why… did you do this…?" My heart was pounding, my stomach in my throat.
"Because I wanted you to have the choice," he held the side of my face tenderly. "Because I love you…
And because sometimes the truth has more than a single face."
37
Jack
"Something's wrong, Jack. I don't know what the fuck… But I had Wyler on the phone this morning and he said he never signed." I could hear rustling and then a slam. Blake's voice was clipped, tense. "He said he had every intention to, but that he never got the chance before he left for London."
"But the contract I signed had his signature on it…" My mind was racing. Fuck…. Fuck…
"I know. It was the same one Spencer showed all of us," Blake replied. "So you tell me, Jack.
What the fuck is going on?"
The rest of the flight back to Asheville had been nothing but phone calls. Every member of the board had seen and approved the contract Spence had prepared. Ed Wyler and Bill Jackson had both given me verbal confirmation of their intention to sign. But I'd known Ed for more than a decade. If he said he never actually did sign it, then he didn't. So the question was… just who the hell had? So far, I had more questions than answers, and Spencer wasn't taking his calls.
Even so, my first priority had been getting Libby back home to the lake house She hadn't slept during the flight. She'd stayed close to my side instead, and kept a watchful eye on Moki's little carrier. The puppy was still snoring soundly as I carried it into the house.
"I'm fine," Libby protested. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You should go, find out what's happened…
"I'm not going anywhere until I know you're taken care of." I nodded toward the stairs.
"Up, young lady. And into bed with you."
I followed her up and put the puppy's carrier down in the corner of the bedroom. Then I pulled the covers back… "You should sleep," I said, undoing the tiny row of buttons between her breasts. I pushed the fabric over the curve of her shoulders. "No matter what's happening at Mason, I'm coming home to my wife tonight… And I promise neither one of us will be getting any sleep at all…" I unzipped her jeans and tugged them down, leaving her in nothing but a pale pink bra and panties. I pulled her against me, letting my hands run down the easy curves of her hips. Her eyes were brilliant, shining.
"If I kiss you, I'll never leave…"
"Then I guess you'd better not…"
"You need to sleep…"
"... But I don't feel tired anymore…"
I lifted her face to mine, and bent down… taking the fullness of her bottom lip. I ran my lips over it… my tongue. She was warm… sweet… delicious… I picked her up and laid her in bed. I left her bra where it was, her hard pink nipples pressed flat by the tight, sheer fabric. But I peeled her little panties down and ran my fingers lightly up the insides of her thighs.
"I don't believe in taking chances," I said, making sure my breath touched her before my mouth did.
"Because you're so conventional…?" Her words came out a whisper.
"Because it's my job to take good care of you, sweetheart," I answered back, trailing the tip of my tongue upwards… closer… closer still… "Because you need to lay back and rest… like I told you…
And let me take care of everything else."
As fucking hard as it was… as I was… I left her sleeping soundly, a contented smile lifting the corner of her mouth. God, she was beautiful.
I made her promise to eat something when she woke up. And I told her I loved her. Then I headed out for the car.
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