Why start now?
If Josh wanted to be with her, he would. If he wanted someone else—he’d have them.
She just had to keep telling herself that.
Everyone eventually left. Most had to work the next day. Kelly stuck around, as did her sister and brother-in-law. J.T. and Josh were talking easily as they finished pulling down the last of the wallpaper in the small bathroom on the first floor.
It reminded her of how they had looked arguing over her father’s grill the first time she’d seen them. Two handsome men, sun right behind them… they had been beautiful. And J.T. had been hopelessly inept at barbecuing. But Josh had known what he was doing that day.
He always had.
She’d hated them on sight. But Emma—Emma had taken one look at J.T. and decided he was the man she’d marry and spend the rest of her life with. Kelly had always envied Emma the certainty with which she’d done everything in life. She said she’d known they were supposed to go to St. Louis the day she’d shown up at PAVAD with Gracie.
And she’d been right. Kelly had walked right into PAVAD and right into her father on day one of this new assignment. He’d been searching for them for fifteen years, and she walked right into him. Then Emma and Gracie had shown up, and Ally had driven them to her father’s house.
And that had been all that was needed to truly get their mother out of their lives forever. More—Emma was happy, Gracie was happy, Ally and Ally’s children were happy. Her father was happy.
And Kelly. She was happy, wasn’t she?
Yes. She was.
Why hadn't she realized that before? Had she ever been truly happy before? Kelly honestly didn't know. Finally, J.T. and Emma left. J.T. had to work the next day. And Emma was meeting with the aunt that she was assisting in building the company that specialized in finding lost children. It had taken her time to admit she had actually she had been abused, and it wasn't something she would ever be able to get over, but now? Now she was happy, and that meant something.
“You okay?” Josh came up behind her the second her sister had left. Kelly appreciated the fact that he had respected her enough not to push the issue of their being together in front of their friends. She assumed J.T. knew, and so did Emma. Probably Paige. Paige had a way of seeing right through Kelly, she always had. Probably because they were so much alike.
“Yeah, I'm okay. I'm happy.” She didn't know why she'd said that. Maybe because it was Josh, and she’d never been afraid to say anything to him before. “In St. Louis. I'm happy here. Everything that has happened, getting shot, the lab explosion, even Tennessee. I'm happy. That surprises me so much. Does that mean I am crazy?”
He wrapped long arms around her from behind and pulled her against his chest. “No, I don't think it does it all. By coming to St. Louis, you found your family. People need family. Sociological aspect of humanity.”
A pang of hurt went through her. Not for herself, but for him. She knew the story; his father died when he was a toddler, his mother dying of cancer when he was in college. “I'm sorry, I know that has to upset you.”
He was quiet for a long moment, and Kelly started tense. But he ran a hand over her chest intimately. “It hurts, I can't lie to you about that. My mother and I were very close. And she's responsible for the man I am today. I will always hurt over missing her. She was a good mother, Kel. One of the best and I was blessed to have her. I think she would like you, would've enjoyed how you give me hell now and then. She probably would have thought you were too good for me, though.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you're the kindest hearted person that I know. Thank you for organizing this today.”
“I know you said it didn't bother you, the damage that was done to this place. But it did bother me. This is your place, and someone violated that. And I know you're too proud to ask for help. And I get that. Kind of the same way.”
“Just a bit.”
“This is a beautiful house, Josh. You can do so much with it. Like you have with your other places. We can make it a home for someone. Even if that someone is just you. I know Ryan will be riding his bike here all the time. It could be a good place. And don't you need a good place now and then, with everything that we see? I just don't want you to miss that. But PAVAD can be a good thing, as well. I think we saw that today. Look at the people who were here—the way they loved each other, yet were still able to give PAVAD what it deserved.”
Chapter 45
She was right, everything she said echoed what had been in Josh’s heart. PAVAD didn't have to be his entire life; that was not healthy for anyone. There was always the foreclosure business, which was more than just a hobby for him. It was a different kind of life for him. Just the knowledge that he could make a living that he could have a different kind of future—knowing that he had other alternatives to PAVAD was what mattered. He could walk away from the division tomorrow and be just fine.
But that was not what he wanted, was it? He did make a difference in doing what he did. He knew that. Just because the Tyler kid—just because Josh couldn't make a difference in that case didn't mean he hadn’t made differences for others.
That was something he had to consider.
And if he hadn’t been there with her in Tennessee, who would have? What would have happened to her? Something else to think about. “This place could be that. For me, maybe even both of us.” He didn't know what he was doing, but going with instinct felt like the right thing to do, so he went with it. “You can stay here with me.”
She stared at him, obvious shock on her face. “Are you insane?”
“Sometimes I wonder. I'm serious, Kel. I can't think of anything that I want more than to have you here with me. Get your things. Move your ass into my bedroom. Help me pick out a bed long enough for the two of us. Let’s do it.”
“I — I… I don't know what to think. I don't even know what's happening between us. And I don't think I'm ready for anything more than that. Do you understand?”
A part of him wanted to yell that hell no he didn’t understand. That the way he was feeling in that moment was that she should just agree to what he wanted and they’d go back to her father’s house, pack up that tiny apartment, and move her in with him. Where she belonged. Where he wanted her every single night he was home. Where he wanted to see her picking out paint chips and rocking a little red headed son of theirs.
He knew what he was feeling was rushing the gun, but who the hell cared? They were both old enough to have made up their own minds, and they both knew how quickly someone could be lost. Why shouldn’t they seize the time they had together?
But the rational part of him knew that Kelly didn’t move that fast. She was a little turtle about everything. That was just the way she was. And he would have to respect that—and make plans according to that. He wasn’t an idiot, and he had enough experience to know how people worked. Why should this be any different? “Anytime you decide you are ready, we’ll take my truck to your father’s and get your things. I mean that. I want you here. With me. Just like the people we saw today. Mick and Paige. Al and Seth. All of them. I want that…for us. And I think you need to know that up front. Deserve to. Because I will not hide how I am feeling. Not about you. I want you to remember that.”
He did the only thing he could think of next. He turned her and kissed her. Sometimes with Kelly actions worked a bit better than words.
Chapter 46
Kelly didn’t know how it happened, but life went on. Or rather, everything went back to normal. With the one main exception—in the four nights after everyone had gathered to repair the damage done by the break-in she hadn’t slept at home even one night since. The first night they’d picked up an air mattress and camped in what would be the master bedroom—once he had it painted, the floor sanded and refinished and a bed put in place. The next morning they’d picked out his bed, and the paint for the walls, together. She’d had fun. And the feeling that he intended her to sleep in tha
t bed with him didn’t bother her at all.
She’d tried to leave a few times, but every time she did he’d kissed her and distracted her. Until the next two days were over and he was driving her to work on the third. And picking her up after her shift. And after her shift the next day, as well.
She'd end up going home. She had no doubt about that. In the meantime, she would enjoy the days and the nights she spent with him.
She wouldn’t think about the other things. Wouldn’t worry if what they had experienced was just a brief interlude plus everything had been through together? Tennessee, everything else. How would she feel if he turned around and suddenly said that he didn't want to be together anymore? That was her only fear.
***
He was ready to go back. After that first week with her with him every night, he was ready to go back to the life he’d had before—with one exception.
Josh wanted Kelly to remain in her new role in his life—forever.
He’d done his soul-searching, came to terms with what he wanted both personally and professionally. And he was ready. But that meant one thing first—he needed to get cleared to return to work.
Which meant a heart-to-heart with someone higher up the command post. Either Hell—or Kelly’s father.
He dropped Kelly off at the side entrance to the lab—Ed Dennis had added it after the lab explosion had nearly claimed so many lives—and then he parked in the lower level of the garage.
He had to fight the urge to whistle as he walked past the other cars.
There was a team that he recognized from St. Louis Metro. Probably there for a forensics consult. Team Two—J.T.’s team—was just coming in, as well. Josh waved at J.T. but he didn’t stop to talk. He had too much to accomplish that morning before the Monday morning briefing started.
Beginning with Hell or Dan.
Chapter 47
Dan was seated behind his big cherry desk when Josh pushed open the door. The older man, definitely a male version of his daughter, looked up. “Kelly make it in ok?”
“She’s fine. Working the early shift.” Why did Josh feel so awkward? Dan knew he was sleeping with his daughter. Knew exactly where Kelly had been the last four nights.
Dan laughed. “Sit down, son. You can relax. Now is not the time or place for reminding you that Kelly is my sweet little baby girl, and I do carry a gun. No, now's not the time to remind you of that. To make it known that if you hurt her, I am capable of crushing you. But no, I wouldn't do that to you.”
“I understand. And I am not going to hurt her. I’m too terrified of you and Ally. Ally more, though. Those blue eyes are a bit more terrifying.”
Dan smiled, Josh was certain he was joking. Wasn't he? “What can I help with today, Josh?”
“I’m ready to come back.”
“I see. Well, it’ll please you to know I spoke with Hellbrook and Director Dennis yesterday. And we've agreed that the Rebecca Silvio case has to be a priority for this division. However, we can't pull teams off of their current cases to cover. So we've come up with a solution.”
“And what is that?”
“You. Hellbrook and I both agree that you are more than capable of taking the case yourself. And Ed Dennis wants this to do a trial for all of us. At its inception, PAVAD was designed to allow the Bureau to cherry pick the best agents for every case. For team leaders to know everyone's skill set, to best match them to the known parameters of each incoming case. It's not like we are using this case as a training exercise. You’re more than capable of taking any team and running with it. We both know that. And honestly, I see that in your future. But first…You need to face this case. Because it's your Armageddon case. And we both know that if you can see it through to the end, then you'll have earned your stripes. More than that, you’ll have faced your demons. Understand something, Josh, don't hold back on this, don't worry about expenses. This woman has killed enough. Do what you have to do, use the resources of PAVAD as a whole, and the CCU in general; do what you have to do. Within the bounds of the law. After the briefing gets started. I'm here if you need anything. And Josh? One more thing…I asked Hellbrook if I could be the one to give this to you. I was going to make a wisecrack about still being able to find and take you down if you did anything to my little girl, but I don’t think that’s necessary. Congratulations. You’ve earned this.”
He slipped a wallet across the desk. Josh opened it up to check the credentials. Supervisory Special Agent.
He’d been promoted. How? He definitely hadn’t expected that. “Dan? This for real?”
“It’s been in the works since before the Tyler case. We were just waiting to make sure you were ready to take it. Turn your old ID in to admin, ok? Now, let’s go. If we hurry, we can sit at the same table as the lab team. I always like that table best myself.”
Josh headed back to his desk first. The time to grab his notes and his laptop. He'd have just enough time to get to the main conference room before the briefing began. What Dan had told him was a lot to chew on. A lot of responsibility.
Why? What if he failed? What if the next body was on him? All of those thoughts ran through his mind.
It rather pushed aside everything going on between him and Kelly, didn't it? All of a sudden all he could think about was seeing her. Telling her what was happening. Getting her opinion. It wasn't that he needed her validation, or her to help him be successful. He knew that. But the emotional support, the emotional connection that existed between them was more than he ever expected it could be.
The first time he ever seen her processing a scene had been the Silvio case. The one and only time the killer had taken two victims, instead of the usual one. They had never definitively figured out why the extra victim had been included. There’s never been any connection between any of the other victims. It had been obvious that they had been out together that evening before they had been killed. But even that lead had gone nowhere. Like every other one they had had.
He felt like a man on a road. One that veered off into different directions. At the end of one of those directions was Kelly, a beautiful, wonderful light. At the other was this Silvio case, dark and never-ending. He wanted to go toward Kelly, to just forget the Silvio case and move on with his life. But that wasn't something he could do, professionally or personally. Someone had to stop the woman. And for whatever reason, they had decided that Josh be the one to do it. He couldn't fail. He wouldn't.
Chapter 48
The Monday morning briefing was just a basic rundown of what every case needed and what every team was currently working on. And any other PAVAD news that Ed Dennis thought they needed to know. The rest of Kelly’s day was spent working closely with Ally and Cody on a series of automotive forensics. Which definitely wasn't Kelly’s strong suit. She was better with the biological sciences; DNA and blood were her forte.
Her current case was about to wrap up, with help from Cody. CCU Team Two--Mal Brockman's team, of which her brother-in-law was a member—had been on the trail of a serial killer. He used cars as his weapon and as his means of picking his victims. Once it was finished, her task would be to go over everything and make sure the killer’s DNA was found—or not found—on all the vehicles. It was a long and tedious process. Biological samples weren’t like what they were on TV; you might get lucky and get one in every hundred samples you took.
But it was the details that had always drawn her. Kelly found comfort in details and finding the little pieces of puzzles that made up one big picture. She loved her job, and she knew she was good at what she did. Even though she had had offers to teach at several different universities after graduation this was her calling, her passion, and nothing was going to change that. And why should it?
Her father and her brother-in-law were upstairs somewhere. All hard at work. Her stepmother-slash-best friend was ten feet away, and she had friends—people who genuinely cared about her—scattered throughout the building.
And then there was him. She hadn’t real
ized he was coming back until he’d sat down beside her during the briefing. They hadn’t gotten a chance to talk then, though. Something was different about him, just in the hours since she’d snuggled against him.
And she hadn't had a chance to ask him what it was. Would it always be like that? Seeing him, wondering, worrying about him? When they had been friends it was one thing; she’d been able to put him out of her mind for days at a time, mostly. But now it seemed like a third of her thoughts were not related to the job, but were about him. Kelly wasn't sure how she felt about that. She definitely wasn't sure whether she liked it or not. She wasn’t accustomed to being distracted on the job. It took her a little bit longer than she thought it should to push him out of her mind and focus on what needed to be done. Definitely not something she liked. Would it always be like that if they continued to be together?
She looked at the one person who would know. Ally, who had much better handwriting than Kelly, was handling labeling after Kelly would take the samples. They worked well together; she thought her father and Ally did, too.
Ally was pretty easy to get along with and easy to work with. The same hadn't always been true about Kelly. She knew what a lot of people thought about her. She hadn't exactly made a good impression when she first arrived in St. Louis. She'd been angry and snarky with everyone while she had tried to adjust after finding her father, after so long. The lab explosion had changed her, and she would be the first to admit it. She'd almost lost her best friend that day. Her stepmother, and the babies; Kelly would never forget that.
“Something on your mind? You’ve been staring at me for almost five minutes now. Something I can help you with?” Ally tone hadn’t changed, calm and even like it usually was.
Ghosting (PAVAD: FBI Romantic Suspense Book 10) Page 14