Fun With a Fireman

by Daniella Divine

  By seven, I was all pimped up and ready to rock and roll. I tried to strike a note somewhere between sexy and slutty, and when I looked in the mirror, I was quite happy with what I saw. Heck, Duke would have to be gay not to be interested. My editor back in the States is always telling me that feature articles should be like a woman’s skirt – long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to be interesting. That pretty much sums up the skirt I was wearing. The skirt was topped by a blouse that had one too many buttons undone, revealing enough cleavage to park your bike in. I was wearing sufficient perfume to anesthetize a small army.

  The shoes I had lost outside Ben’s flat never showed up. So earlier in the day, I had gone out and bought the tallest pair of stilettos I had ever seen. They were just what I needed to impress Duke – the kind of shoes designed to fell a man from fifty paces.

  In other words, I was dressed to kill.

  I grabbed the leather jacket, took a cab round to Battersea, and spilled out onto the pavement outside Duke’s address. I adjusted my hair, plumped up my boobs and strutted up to the flat with his number on it. I pressed the bell and waited expectantly with a smile plastered all over my face.

  There was no answer.

  I pressed the bell again.

  Still nothing. I double-checked the address to make sure I was in the right place. Yup, this was it. We did say eight o’clock, didn’t we? Yes, we sure did. Hmmm. I was about to press the bell again when I heard sounds behind the door. There was the rattle of a lock being undone, and then the door opened.

  Duke stood there in the doorway, looking at me open-mouthed.

  ‘Oh, it’s you,’ he said. ‘I’d forgotten you were coming.’

  Well, that sure made me feel good. Here I was, dressed up like I was going to the Ritz, while Duke was standing in front of me in an old T-shirt and shorts. His hair was ruffled and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked a real mess.

  ‘I’m so…so sorry’ he stuttered. ‘Something important came up, and everything else went clean out of my mind. You’d better come in.’

  So there I was with my tits sticking out like fresh melons on a fruit stand, and Duke didn’t even notice. Hmmph. I knew where I wasn’t wanted.

  ‘Oh, no…I don’t want to interrupt. I just came to return the jacket. Here take it, and I’ll be on my way…’

  Duke raised a hand to interrupt. ‘No, please – don’t go. I could use the company, to be honest. I’ve had rather a bad day. Come on in.’

  A few moments later I found myself sitting on a sofa in a small but pleasant living room. Duke excused himself to go and get tidied up, which left me with nothing to do but try to figure out what was going on. Something had clearly upset Duke, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I had no idea whether I was intruding by being here, or helping.

  I looked around the room and realized that it was surprisingly feminine. The sofa and armchairs were covered in a pink, floral pattern, and there were scatter cushions everywhere. Even the carpet was a dusky pink. The conclusion was inevitable – there must be a woman on the scene somewhere. My heart sank. I couldn’t seem to take a step these days without falling over a married man.

  Duke came back into the room looking a whole lot better. He had ditched the T-shirt and shorts in favor of a crisp-white shirt and blue jeans. The shirt didn’t do that much to hide the muscles beneath, and I had to remind myself that he was already spoken for.

  There was an awkward silence for a moment, and to fill it, I said the first thing that came into my mind.

  ‘Your wife has very good taste.’

  Duke looked at me as if I was stupid.

  ‘Wife?’

  ‘I mean the choice of furnishings. Very feminine, and very tasteful.’

  ‘Oh, I see.’ Duke ran his hands through his hair as if he was embarrassed. ‘Actually, I don’t have a wife.’

  ‘Your girlfriend, then.’

  ‘No, I don’t have a girlfriend, either.’

  ‘Fiancé?’

  ‘Nope. No woman of any kind.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Before I could add anything else, Duke sat down on the sofa next to me. ‘Angel, I’m so sorry I forgot you were coming. That was very rude of me. But you see, today I got some bad news about someone who is very close to me.’

  ‘Really? I’m sorry to hear that.’

  ‘It’s Charles, you see.’ He was clearly on the verge of tears. ‘He’s lived here with me for nearly three years. He means more to me than anything. Apart from my sister, he’s all I’ve got in this world. And today, he got rushed to the hospital for emergency treatment.’

  ‘Oh, gosh…that’s terrible!’

  And it was terrible, too. Here was me thinking I was going to spend the evening sliding down the fireman’s pole, as it were, and instead he turns out to have a male lover. Now I remembered what I had thought when I looked at myself in the mirror earlier…

  Heck, Duke would have to be gay not to be interested.

  That had turned out to be much more prophetic than I expected. No wonder he didn’t notice my boobs…maybe if I had been able to flash a pair of testicles at him he would have been more interested. It explained the flowery furnishings and pink carpet, too.

  Bummer. For a moment, I thought Charles might be his gay brother, or some kind of relative. But that glimmer of hope was crushed as Duke continued.

  ‘I can’t stop worrying about him,’ he said, fidgeting with his fingers as he spoke. ‘Tonight will be the first time for a thousand nights that I will go to bed without him. It will be so strange not to have the big guy cuddling up beside me. I’ll really miss him.’

  Too much information, Duke, too much information. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, of course, but I didn’t feel the need to know the intimate details of how he and Charles cuddled up together. I was a loss to know what to say. I had this vision in my head of Duke and Charles prancing down Oxford Street hand in hand, picking out floral scatter cushions for their pretty new sofa. So as all this rattled through my mind, there was another awkward silence. But this time it was broken by the sound of Duke’s tummy rumbling.

  ‘Oops!’ he said apologetically. ‘Sorry about that. I haven’t eaten since breakfast…I’ve been too worried.’

  ‘Duke, it’s gone eight in the evening. You must be starving.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll eat tomorrow probably.’

  ‘No way – you have to eat now, or you’ll get ill. Come on, show me your kitchen. Let’s see what we can fix up.’

  I was glad to have something useful to do, and to be able to switch the conversation away from Duke and Charles’ private sex activities. Duke protested politely, but there was no way I was going to let him just sink into depression. He was still my hero after all, even if he wasn’t quite the lady-killing hunk I had imagined. If I couldn’t impress him with my body, maybe I could impress him with my cooking. I scoured the contents of his fridge and found enough to make a Spanish omelet. At least it started out as a Spanish omelet, but by the time I had finished, it was more like Spanish scrambled eggs.

  Duke found a bottle of white wine and poured us a glass each. Then we sat at the tiny table in the kitchenette and scoffed the lot between us. It all went very well. I made sure that we kept away from the topic of Charles and his hospital stay. Instead, we talked about Duke’s job, my career, his sister, my parents …all the usual kind of stuff.

  The trouble is, I’m not that good with wine. One glass and I’m OK. Two glasses and I get tipsy. Three glasses and I fall asleep.

  And that’s exactly what happened.

  Usually, I’m more careful about how much wine I drink. But seeing as the evening of passionate sex I had envisaged was no longer on the menu, I cheered myself up by having rather more of a tipple than I should have done. The last thing I remember of the evening is slipping to the floor in a state of semi-consciousness.

  I woke up the next morning and found myself in what I guessed to be Duke’s spare room. Like the r
est of the flat, it was decorated in delicate pastel shades, and the bed was covered with a bright, pink bedspread. At least Duke and Charles weren’t shy about coming out. The whole flat shouted GAY in capital letters. Good for them, I thought. They were obviously very comfortable with who they were.

  The sun was already well up in the sky. Duke had apparently carried me into the room when I fell asleep, and covered me with a blanket. I forced myself off the bed and was rewarded with a thumping in my head.

  Wine gives me crap hangovers.

  I was still dressed, so I staggered into the kitchen and ransacked Duke’s cupboards until I found some painkillers. They were called Anadin, but they sure looked like Anacin to me. I took a couple with a glass of water, and began to feel a little better. There was no sign of Duke, but there was a Post-It note stuck to the kettle. It said:

  Gone to the park. Back soon.

  Duke.

  Gone to the park? Well, I didn’t fancy hanging around the flat on my own, and I thought I could use some fresh air to clear my head, too. So I found my shoes and staggered down the road to the park entrance. I did up a couple of buttons on my blouse as I went. No point in trying to impress Duke with my assets.

  Battersea Park is a beautiful spot – like a big chunk of the English countryside landed in the middle of London. I took a path that led towards the lake, figuring that there was a reasonable chance I would bump into Duke somewhere along the way. There were a few people around the park - walking their dogs, jogging, skateboarding and so on. But I was the only idiot tottering around on stilettos. And these were no ordinary heels. Like I said, they were the tallest pair I had ever seen. I felt like I was walking around on stilts, and I had to focus to stop myself falling head first into the rhododendrons. I was so busy concentrating that I didn’t see Duke. The first I knew he was there was when I heard his voice behind me.

  ‘Hey, Angel - you’ve woken up at last!’

  I turned to see Duke walking towards me, looking sexy and handsome in his blue jeans and a gray shirt. Charles was a lucky guy. I could imagine why he would want to cuddle up to Duke. But what surprised me was the big grin plastered all over Duke’s face. This wasn’t the depressed and tearful Duke of yesterday. This was the happy-go-lucky fireman who had rescued the damsel in distress.

  ‘Duke…you look so happy! What’s happened?’

  ‘Wonderful news!’ Duke grinned back at me. ‘Charles is fine, and he’s out of hospital. It turned out to be something of nothing.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so glad to hear it.’ And I was pleased, too. Duke was positively beaming. I beamed back at him. ‘I’m very happy for you. So will I get to meet Charles?’

  Duke laughed. ‘Of course! In fact, you can meet him right now. Look out…he’s coming up behind you…’

  I turned, but not quickly enough. I was vaguely aware of a large grey shape accelerating towards me at a rapid rate, and the next second something crashed into me. I tried to keep my balance, but I didn’t have a hope in my skyscraper heels. I just keeled over and landed flat on my back on the grass. The fall knocked all of the wind out of me. I gasped and opened my eyes to see an enormous dog’s face staring at me and panting. Then the head descended and I felt a huge tongue licking all over my face.

  I screamed.

  Duke was shouting, too. ‘Charles!...Sit…naughty boy. Leave her alone, she doesn’t need a wash. Sit Charles…SIT!’

  Eventually, the monster dog relented and did as he was told. I sat up and looked at Charles – a big, healthy hearty Great Dane who sat and panted with his tail wagging like crazy. His head was about twice the size of mine, and even sat on his haunches he towered over me as I sat up.

  Duke looked at me with concern written all over his face. ‘Are you OK? I’m afraid Charles gets a bit boisterous when he meets a new friend. He’s big, but he’s harmless, honest.’

  I turned to Duke and blinked.

  ‘Are you telling me this is Charles?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. He’s my best buddy.’

  ‘But…but you said he was rushed to hospital?’

  Duke nodded as if I was the most stupid person he had ever met. ‘Yes, the veterinary hospital in Balham. Yesterday he started getting convulsions, so I rushed him to the vet. She couldn’t find anything wrong, but she decided to keep him in overnight for observation. Then first thing this morning, Charles sneezed out a giant grass seed that had been stuck up his nose.’

  ‘You mean that was the cause of the problem…just a grass seed?’

  ‘Yes. The convulsions were basically him trying to sneeze it out. Now that it’s gone, he’s fine. Isn’t it wonderful?’

  ‘Yes, it is.’ Now I had a hundred different thoughts spinning round in my head. I was only just beginning to catch up. ‘So wait a moment…are you telling me you’re not gay?’

  That wiped the smile off Duke’s face in a second. He sat down on the grass beside me. ‘Gay? Why on earth would you think I’m gay?’

  ‘Dude…you put out all the signals!’ Duke just looked at me in total confusion, so I had to explain. ‘I showed up last night dressed to kill, and you didn’t so much glance at my boobs. I’m not vain or anything, but when I dress to impress, heterosexual guys usually can’t keep their eyes off my chest.’

  Duke’s eyes opened wide. ‘Angel, believe me, I am very interested in your chest, and the rest of your body. But yesterday I was so worried about Charles I couldn’t think of anything else except him. You could have shown up stark naked with pom-poms on your nipples and I still wouldn’t have noticed.’

  Pom-poms on my nipples? I had never tried that. I made a mental note to give it a go some time. But now I had more pressing things to worry about.

  ‘OK. But then you said you had been living with someone called Charles who meant the world to you…and that you and he always cuddled up in bed at night.’

  Duke was blushing a little now. ‘Oh, I get it. That did sound a bit weird, I suppose. Charles always sleeps on my bed. He has ever since he was a puppy. Bloody hell, I can see now what you must have thought.’

  ‘Then there’s your apartment. It looks so…feminine.’

  Duke was almost laughing now. ‘It’s not really my flat. It belongs to my sister, but she’s letting me use it while she works overseas. It’s a good arrangement. She gets a tenant she can trust to look after the place, and I get a flat in London at a cheap rent. We both win. But heck, this is crazy. Angel, I really can’t believe you thought I was gay. I’m a regular heterosexual guy, honest.’

  Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather. Especially if I was wearing those stupid shoes. But I wasn’t about to let Duke off the hook just yet. I wanted to play him a little.

  I pretended to pout. ‘Hmmm. I’m not sure I believe you.’

  Duke looked puzzled. ‘Really…I’m into girls, honest.’

  ‘So…if I did this…you would find that interesting?’ I slowly undid the top button of my blouse and was delighted to see that I got a typical guy reaction from Duke. That is to say, his eyes started popping out on stalks.

  I undid another button. ‘And what about this? Do you find this interesting?

  ‘Bloody hell, yes!’

  I pretended to be a little coy. ‘Hmmm. I’m still not entirely convinced, Duke. Telling me you’re not gay just won’t cut it. I think you might have to prove it, before I believe you. You know…actions speak louder than words, and all that.’

  Duke gave me another one of his winning smiles.

  ‘You know what, I think you’re right. I wouldn’t want there to be any misunderstanding on this important subject, so let’s clear the whole thing up for once and for all.’

  With that comment, Duke leaned over and kissed me. It was a long, slow kiss that made me shudder involuntarily. I responded immediately, my body twitching with delight at his touch.

  Duke’s arms were around me now, and his tongue was pushing gently into my mouth. In return, I started exploring him with my tongue, and I liked what
I found. Tasty. I’ve heard of people having English muffins for breakfast, but not English firemen. I highly recommend it, though. They’re hot and delicious. And I wanted second helpings. When we came up for air a little later, Duke looked me in the eyes, his expression serious.

  ‘Do you believe me now?’

  I shrugged my shoulders. ‘I get the impression you may have kissed a girl once or twice before. But I’m still not entirely convinced. I don’t think you have proven your case yet. Some further evidence is required.’

  ‘OK, your honor, how about this for proof?’

  Duke pushed me gently back on the grass and rolled on top of me. I could feel the dampness of the ground on my back, and smell the scent of freshly-cut grass in the air. All that was combined with the earthy feel of a young, fit man pressing down on me. It was all so natural, so intense. Such a turn on. I managed to grab a mouthful of the sweet, fresh air before Duke’s lips clamped over mine once more. His hand slid along my leg, pushing my skirt up to my waist and exploring the naked flesh of my thighs.

  Oh boy, I was so glad that Duke wasn’t gay after all. You know that feeling when you look in the pocket of an old pair of jeans and find a lost twenty-dollar bill? Yeah, well this felt just like that. I thought had lost Duke, and then he had unexpectedly come back to me. This was excellent, truly excellent, and I was loving every moment.

  My breasts were heaving now and pushing into Duke’s chest. His mouth was greedily exploring mine, and I responded with all my female hormones pumping on overdrive. I let out a little moan. And then I heard a voice a few feet away.