by Scott, Tori
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Megan waited while Jean and Nancy discussed whether or not to rent the apartment they'd just looked at. She refused to give her opinion because she knew she wouldn't live there long. It was small, only two bedrooms, but it was off the street, over a garage in a nice area of town. Best of all, they could move in right away.
"We'll take it." Jean smiled at the elderly woman, now their new landlady.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Nancy asked Megan for the third time. "It's fine with me, but I still think you should tell Logan we're moving out."
Megan shook her head and stared out the window. "Carol will tell him. She said he'd signed the farm over to her and will be home by next week. I want to be gone before he returns."
Jean put her signature on the bottom of the paper and handed the pen to Nancy. "I sure hope you know what you're doing."
Megan murmured, "So do I."
***
Logan knocked on the door of the apartment, hoping Megan might still be there. Hoping she hadn't found another place to live yet. When no one answered, he took his keys out of his pocket and opened the door. Katie brushed past him and went inside, her chin in the air, reminding him of Megan.
He sighed and closed the door behind him. Everything looked just like he'd left it. He knew immediately that Megan and her friends had moved out. There was nothing left to indicate they'd ever lived there at all.
He still didn't understand why she'd left without telling him goodbye. He thought they'd grown close enough that she would care about his feelings. Her leaving had hurt, but he hadn't expected to miss her so much.
It went beyond disappointment. His chest hurt when he thought about her. His head ached from trying to figure out what he'd done to make her leave. His stomach hurt when he wondered if he'd ever see her again.
As he watched Katie stare mournfully out of the window, he decided he needed to concentrate on his relationship with his daughter first. Everything else would have to wait. The custody hearing was fast approaching and Sue Ann's lawyer was pulling every dirty trick she could think of.
"Katie, I want you to come sit down. We need to talk."
She continued to stare out the window as though he didn't exist.
"Katherine Elizabeth Tanner, get over here right now!" Darn it! Now she had him so frustrated he was yelling, and that would get them nowhere.
To his surprise, Katie walked across the room and sat stiffly on the couch, her hands folded in her lap, a sullen look on her face.
Logan sat on the coffee table in front of her and took one of her hands in his. She yanked it back. "Talk to me, Katydid. I know you're angry with me, but I love you and I want to set things right."
She maintained her stiff posture, but he could see tears gathering in her eyes.
"You know I wouldn't purposely hurt you for anything in the world. But you have to talk to me, tell me what you need."
Katie sniffed and wiped her nose on her shirt sleeve. The tears began to fall and she wiped them away until there were so many she couldn't stop the flow. Then she fell into his arms and cried, her sobs breaking his heart.
"Shhh. It's okay. Tell me what's wrong. I'll fix it, whatever it takes."
"I want Megan. I want Blue back. I want to live on Grampa's farm," she cried, her voice catching between broken sentences."
Oh, God. The three things he couldn't give her. He'd signed the farm over to Carol, given Blue to Jake, and he had no idea where to find Megan. And though he'd always tried to fix things for the ones he loved, this time he had no idea how to make it right.
***
"Are you sure Logan doesn't know about this?" Megan sat in a red leather wing chair next to Carol in the title company's conference room.
"He never asked who I sold the farm to. I offered to give him half of the money, but he refused to take it. He sounded a little strange when I told him, though, like he might regret giving it up, after all."
Megan leaned forward and caught Carol's gaze. "You know I'd sell it back to you at any time, right? Or to Logan if he changes his mind. I can find another place to live, but the farm is your inheritance."
Carol nodded and put a hand on Megan's. "I know. And I appreciate it. But it's yours now. I don't ever want you to feel like it isn't really your home."
Megan grinned and hugged Carol. "I can't believe it's almost mine. And you can come stay with me anytime you want to."
"I'd be careful extending an invitation like that. If taking care of Logan and Katie gets to be too much, I may take you up on it." Carol's dark eyes clouded. "I can't believe Sue Ann made the kind of accusations she did against Logan. If I hadn't agreed to move in with him and Katie, his chances of getting custody wouldn't be good."
Guilt, ugly and choking, threatened to steal Megan's joy over the purchase of the farm. She could have made things easier for everyone if she hadn't run away, if she'd stayed and agreed to Logan's plan for a sham marriage. But for the first time in her life, she'd put her own needs and dreams first.
When she married, it would be for love. Nothing less.
If it wasn't with Logan, then there would be someone else. She had to believe that or the pain would knock her down until she couldn't get up again. "What happened with you and Jake? I thought for a while that we might be hearing wedding bells soon."
Carol bit her lip and looked at her clasped hands. "No. I couldn't be in two places at once and Logan needed me. Jake didn't understand why I couldn't say no."
"Can't you come back once Logan has full custody? Maybe you and Jake can pick up where you left off."
Carol shook her head, sadness clouding her eyes. "I don't think so. He was engaged once before and the woman left him to pursue an acting career. He doesn't think it's possible to be committed to someone and still have wants and needs and dreams of your own. What he wants is a perfect little ranch wife who will cook his meals and clean up after him, and be there every night when he comes home."
"What about you? What do you want?" Megan asked gently.
Carol bit her lip and didn't answer. Before Megan could press her further, the title clerk walked in with a stack of papers in one hand and a smile on his face.
He shook Megan's hand and said, "That's it. It's all yours."
***
Before he knew it, Logan had returned to his old routine of working late at the office, then burying himself in more work when he finally got home late at night. Thank goodness Carol had agreed to live with him and take care of Katie. At least he didn't have to worry about his daughter staying alone after dark.
The tension in the apartment was thick and heavy at times, and he was aware that neither Katie nor Carol was truly happy. He'd hoped they would adjust to the change in lifestyle, but every day his daughter seemed less active, less animated. And every day Carol seemed to go through the motions of living, with none of the joy he'd seen in Morris Springs.
Katie was watching television and studiously ignoring him, so Logan walked into the kitchen where Carol was washing dishes. He picked up a dishtowel and dried a cup, rubbing absently as he thought about how to fix their current dilemma. "You're leaving in the morning, right? And you'll be home by Tuesday night?"
Carol nodded and rinsed a plate under the spray of water before she handed it to him to dry. "I think I can pack up all of Dad's things in three days. What I don't think you or Katie might want, I'll give away. Then you and Katie can go out one weekend and decide what you want to keep out of the things I put in storage."
"Okay. Once this game is released, I'll have more time. I'm still behind from being gone so long, but it will get better."
Carol laid the dishrag on the counter and turned to look at him, her arms crossed. "You really believe that, don't you? I'm beginning to think that not everything Sue Ann said was a lie. You're married to your job, and nothing and no one comes between you and your computer. Not even your daughter."
Logan felt as though he'd been punched. How could she
think that? He would spend more time with Katie as soon as he caught up at work. But when he was at the office, he lost track of time and there were so many things that needed his attention.
He had a capable manager who had done an excellent job while he was away, but now that he was back everyone brought their problems to the boss just like they had before. "That's not true. I love Katie more than anything."
"Then why do you work until midnight almost every night? Why are you back at the office before the sun comes up? Why is everything else more important than Katie's happiness?"
"Dammit! It's not. But at work I don't have time to think, I don't have time to remember, I don't have time to feel guilty…oh, hell." He slapped the towel down onto the counter and walked away without a backward glance.
How did she do that? Get him to spill his guts when he tried so hard to keep everything inside? Now she'd never leave him alone until she learned the truth. Then she'd hate him as much as he hated himself.
***
Megan sat crossed legged on the floor of the living room, sorting through a box of books, while Carol worked her way through an old cedar chest. "Carol, what kind of books do you want to keep? Just the old ones?"
"I think so. Anything that isn't out of print, you can put in the giveaway stack. Logan has his own tastes in books and most of those would be too old for Katie. I read romance novels, and I doubt you'll find any of those in there." Carol pulled a paper-wrapped dress from the chest. "Look at this. Mom's wedding dress. It's simple, but still pretty."
As Carol stroked the yellowed fabric, Megan smiled and reached for another book. She pulled an old, worn volume from the box. The cover was faded, the edges of the pages dingy with age, only one word on the front to indicate what it was--Diary. Without opening it, she handed it to Carol. "I think this is something you should look at."
Carol took the book and read the cover, then opened it. "It's Mom's. I vaguely remember her writing something after supper and sometimes in the morning after breakfast. I'd forgotten about it, though."
She read the inscription on the first page aloud. "To my dearest Leona, on the day of our marriage, from your proud husband, Charles Tanner." She closed the cover and hugged the book to her chest. "I'm almost afraid to read it."
Megan thought for a moment, then decided it wasn't betraying Logan's confidence--he hadn't actually told her not to tell anyone, after all. "Did you know Logan believes he's responsible for your mother's death?"
Carol's head snapped up. "What? Why on earth would he think something like that? He was only twelve years old--Katie's age."
Megan related what Logan had told her in the chapel the day Charlie passed away. Just the thought of his pain and anguish that day still had the power to break her heart. She missed him more with each day that passed. Each day she felt herself weakening, more willing to accept a marriage for all the wrong reasons if it meant having him by her side.
She resolutely pushed those thoughts aside and reached for another book. She looked up in surprise when Carol cursed. "What?"
Carol set the diary aside and stood, pacing back and forth across the living room, skirting the boxes and stacks of paper that littered the floor. "That's what this has been about all these years. Damn him." She kicked a box and it skittered across the floor. "Damn him for keeping that stupid notion to himself. Damn him for letting it affect his whole life." She sent papers flying with another well-placed kick. "Damn him for letting it affect mine!"
Megan watched in fascination as Carol fumed and stomped until she finally ran out of steam. Tears dripped from her chin and she wiped them away with the back of her hand.
She looked at Megan, a sheepish grin on her face. "It's a good thing you're such a good friend, because I just made a first class fool of myself."
"No, you didn't. I think you just got rid of a lifetime of frustration." Megan stood and brushed the bottom of her jeans. "You might want to read that diary, though, and see if it gives any clue as to what really happened that day."
Carol nodded, her face solemn again. "Yes, I will. I was only eight when Mom died, so it will be like getting to know her again."
***
Sunday morning dawned bright and clear. Megan lay in the bed she'd found second hand at the This and That store in Morris Springs and watched the rays of sunshine creep across the windowsill, highlighting the dancing dust particles in the air. Her very first morning in her very own home.
A week at the local motel had given her a deep appreciation for comfort, so she'd bought the best mattress she could find to fit the king-sized four poster bed. As soon as it was delivered, she'd checked out of the motel and moved into the house.
Charlie's things were safely stored at the Lock and Key, Carol had returned to Dallas, and Megan was alone. It felt strange to know she couldn't walk out of her room and find Jean or Nancy making coffee or bustling around getting ready for work. She had only herself and a couple of calves she'd bought from Carol for company.
Then she remembered. This was her last week of total freedom. Next week she would start to work full-time as Doc's partner at the veterinary clinic. So, if she wanted to be settled in before her hectic new life started, she'd better get busy.
She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, slightly disoriented when her feet didn't touch the floor. The bed was several inches higher than she was accustomed to. She grinned and slid off the edge. She loved the feel of the smooth hardwood floor on her bare feet, so she stood there for a moment, taking in the room.
She hadn't felt right about sleeping in Charlie's room with him so recently gone, so she'd moved into Logan's room instead. She could almost feel his presence, could almost smell his scent in the early morning air. She felt like crying. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea.
Shaking her head, she pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean tee shirt. She carried her boots and socks to the kitchen and set them on the table. While the coffee maker worked its magic, she slipped the boots on her feet. She'd just filled her cup when she heard barking outside.
She walked through the living room and opened the front door. When she pushed the screen open, Blue barreled inside and jumped up on her, sloshing coffee over her hand.
Megan quickly set the cup on the television and wrapped her arms around Blue, letting him lick her cheek. "What are you doing here, boy? I've sure missed having you around."
She heard the scuff of booted footsteps on the porch and looked up. Jake stopped on the top step and shook his head. "I give up. That dog belongs here. He doesn't want to stay at my place. Would you like to have him?"
Megan's breath caught. She loved the dog more than she'd been willing to admit. "Are you sure? Carol and I found his papers yesterday in Charlie's desk. He comes from championship stock."
Jake's face closed at the mention of Carol's name, but he nodded. "I'm sure. He hasn't been happy since the day Logan dropped him off." He started to say something else, then seemed to decide against it.
Megan stepped back out of the doorway. "Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?"
Jake hesitated for a moment, then stepped inside and removed his hat. "You said Carol was here yesterday? Is she gone now?"
Megan started for the kitchen, keeping her tone casual and her voice light. "Yes, she left yesterday afternoon. We finished moving Charlie's things out more quickly than we'd thought, so she went back early."
Jake settled his long, lean body on a ladder-back chair at the table and stretched his legs out. He set his hat on the chair next to him. "Did she say anything about coming back?"
Megan felt sorry for him. His eyes looked tired, like he wasn't sleeping well. She could understand that, since last night was the first full night's sleep she'd had in weeks. "No, she didn't. But I wouldn't be too surprised if she returned. That's one reason I only bought twenty acres from her, so she'd have a place to come back to."
Jake snorted. "I doubt a couple hundred acres of dirt would be enough to lure her bac
k here. Unless someone struck oil on it, maybe."
Megan smiled gently and touched his hand, bringing his gaze up to meet hers. "I wasn't thinking of the land as the incentive, just an excuse. If you can give her time to sort out her confusion over Charlie's death and her obligation to Logan, I think she'll be back. She left something behind that's she's going to need."
Jake raised a brow and cocked his head, confusion etched on his rugged face. "What's that?"
Holding her gaze steady on his gray-green eyes, Megan said, "Her heart."
Jake's shoulders slumped. "I don't think so. If she cared about me, she wouldn't have left me again. She listened to Logan once before and left me behind." He frowned and crossed his muscular arms across his chest. "I don't think I can forgive her for doing that a second time."
"You're going to see her at the trial, you know. How are you going to handle that?"
"All I have to do is get up on the stand and answer questions. As soon as I'm through, I'll come back home. I won't need to talk to her, so it shouldn't be a problem."
"You aren't even going to try to work things out with her?"
Jake shook his head, his jaw set.
Megan sighed and poured two cups of coffee, then carried them to the table. "Are all men as stubborn as you and Logan, or is it something in the air out here?"
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
"What are you doing back so early?" Logan took Carol's suitcase and carried it into her bedroom, then waited as she dug through it.
Carol pulled a thin, old book from her bag and turned to study him for a moment. "I found something I thought you needed to see and I couldn't wait to get back here." She placed the book in his hand and curled his fingers around the edge. "Read it. All of it. You know I don't often ask you to do things for me. Well, except for this summer. But this is important. For you, for me, for Katie. Even for Megan."
Wary, he turned the book over to read the cover. When he saw the one word written in a fancy blue script, a chill raced through him. He remembered this book. How many times had he seen his mother sitting at the kitchen table, writing while he and Carol watched television or got ready for school?