Wild Wastes Omnibus

by Randi Darren

“Of course not, Red. I’ve always enjoyed servicing him for you to get your meals,” the Dryad said, sitting down lightly in his lap.

  He’d been on the road for so long with Red, Mouth, Leila, and Ramona that he wondered what it’d be like to be home with everyone else.

  “See? Red should feed and—”

  “No,” Leila said, holding up a finger. “Don’t you want to break your curse?

  “Yes…” Red said, her tone morose. “Red does. Red just… really enjoys her meals.”

  “We talked about that. Don’t you want more than that?”

  “Red does.”

  “Then we have to control everything.”

  Red sighed and flopped down on Vince’s bed. Her tail swished wildly above her rear end.

  She was pouting.

  Mouth leaned her head in close to him and kissed his ear.

  “She’s acting spoiled because you haven’t walked her in a while,” said the Dryad. “Take her out for a few days. Hike, hunt, camp.

  “Let the diplomats cool their heads while you take a jaunt. Leila and I will remain here and keep everything together for now.”

  Vince nodded his head slowly.

  “Not a terrible idea. It’d be nice to get out and about.”

  “Besides, it’s about time for Ramona to be in heat. I’m sure she’ll make an attempt on your life, and then you can smash her down and have your way with her,” Mouth whispered in his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. “Then again, you could just stay here with me. We could retire to the bed and I’ll show you how much I love you all day. Stay here and play with me? I’ll never say no to your attention.

  “I love you, desperately so, husband.”

  “You get almost all my attention, you silly thing,” Vince said, grinning and running a hand along Mouth’s side.

  It was true, too. When his other wives were busy or tied up in whatever they were doing, they all sent Mouth in their place.

  She’d become their surrogate emotions for him. Which meant that more often than not, Mouth spent more time with Vince than anyone else did.

  The only time she hadn’t was when she’d given birth to twins—one Dryad, one human.

  “Doesn’t mean I don’t want more. You spoil me wonderfully, but I’m afraid I’m an ever-empty well. You need to fill me up constantly,” Mouth said, then sighed dramatically. “Go. Take your pets for their walk. Just spare a thought for me when you get back.”

  Maybe I can catch Ramona today after all.

  He turned his thoughts to pinning the Dragonnewt and having her.

  At some point in the past—and he couldn’t even remember how it had started anymore—Ramona had tried to sexually assault him. Only to end up being the one on the bottom when she couldn’t overpower him.

  Meliae had explained it to him later on when he’d asked; Dragonnewts were more Dragon than human. She’d gone through a mating phase—during which she could have lain a clutch of eggs if she’d chosen—and sought out a mate.

  That entailed killing and eating an unworthy male or being dominated and going through a nesting phase.

  Once a month since then, she’d tried to kill and eat him. Almost always when he was out in the wild with Red.

  Every time so far had ended with Ramona being conquered and then mounted.

  Usually while Red watched.

  Smiling at Mouth, Vince gave her a tender kiss.

  “Thank you. Meliae was right to wife you so long ago. You’re exactly what I need at my side.”

  Mouth blushed furiously, smiling at him.

  ***

  “Are you sure about this?” Ramona yelled over the sound of the wind.

  “Positive. It’s supposed to be right there,” Vince said, pointing down to the ground beneath them.

  “If you weren’t so damn heavy, we could fly further each day,” Ramona groused, peering at the ground as her heavy wings beat at the air. “I can’t see anything.”

  “Let’s check out the clearing we saw earlier then. We can hook up with Red and see if she found anything,” Vince offered.

  Ramona grunted, then turned to one side and banked hard.

  Her tail tightened around Vince’s middle, the leather harness that went around his shoulders to her belt creaking.

  She does this just to piss me off.

  Gritting his teeth, Vince battled internally against the sense that his stomach was about to punch its way out of his mouth as Ramona dove toward the ground.

  Her wings snapped out and flapped hard as they neared the earth.

  Vince felt her tail uncurl moments before she detached his harness.

  After falling ten feet, Vince hit the grass and rolled forward. He tumbled twice, then came up standing and started to brush himself off.

  He and Ramona had worked out how to land long ago. It wasn’t even a thought anymore.

  It was just how they did it.

  Reaching up, he buckled the loose harness straps into the joints in his armor they belonged to.

  Admiring the draconic woman’s form as she landed, he couldn’t help but smile.

  She turned her head to one side and watched him.

  Bright blue eyes and short silver hair gave her a unique look. Tiny blue scales lined her cheekbones, and brows faded up towards her horns and elongated ears.

  They practically shimmered in the morning light.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Nothing, just admiring the view,” Vince said immediately.

  Ramona gave him a feral grin before it slowly faltered.

  “I’m not in my egg-phase,” she said, reaching up to touch one of her horns.

  “And? I’m pretty sure we don’t need to wait for that, you know.”

  “You’ve said before you don’t want any more wives,” Ramona said, her wings closing and collapsing to her back. “You were complaining about Fes pushing more on you.”

  He had indeed confided in Ramona about that, he realized now that he thought about it.

  Then his brain caught up to what he’d been saying.

  Did he want to turn Ramona into one of his wives? He’d been dragging his feet for years now… What was different with Ramona?

  You’re already sleeping with her, and you spend most of your time with her and the others when on road trips. At this point, it’s more a title than anything, isn’t it?

  Am I just being stubborn? Is there no reason not to take more wives?

  It isn’t such a chore, after all.

  “Maybe I’m tired of only getting to share a bed with you after you try to murder me.

  “Actually, if we were officially married—or mated, as you tend to call it—would you stop trying to murder me?”

  She grinned at him, turning to face him fully.

  “No. I’d try harder, if anything,” she said. Her fingers flexed as if she were contemplating leaping at him.

  Vince rolled his eyes, recognizing her joke for what it was. Ramona was a strange woman, but at least he understood her now.

  “Uh huh. So yes, you would. Well, how about—”

  “Bringer!” Red called, running into view at a full sprint. “You said you were looking for something.

  “Was it metal? Rusty? Red thinks she found it if it is.”

  That got his attention completely.

  “You did? Show me,” Vince said, turning toward Red.

  “Red thinks so. Come, will show you. Bringer can play with Ramona later,” Red said. “She reeks of desire, and you do too.”

  Vince looked to Ramona as Red turned around and started back the way she came.

  He shrugged at the Dragonnewt with a grin.

  “She’s not wrong. But you? I’m surprised.”

  Ramona grinned at him, displaying her teeth.

  “You clearly never asked her prior to this point, then. It shouldn’t be a surprise.

  “Ask her about the Gnome sometime.”

  Vince looked back to Red rather than respond.

  He didn’t want to
ask about Leila. Honestly, he already knew. It was hard not to know. She was almost as obvious as Felicity had been.

  The difference was Leila never put herself in a position where Vince could deny her.

  That and he was actually interested in her a bit. Felicity didn’t hold any attraction for him.

  Weaving through trees and rotten logs, Red led them to what looked like had once been a trail.

  A paved walkway, in fact, judging by the broken stones here and there. They had the look of paved concrete. Except it seemed as if the walkway had been broken up on purpose, rather than through time.

  Well, definitely feels like someone wanted to make it harder to find this place. Seems kind of extreme, though.

  Red abruptly stopped and then bent down. With a grunt of effort, she flung something aside.

  With a clang, a rusty door settled into place against what looked like a cement foundation.

  It was a near-identical entrance to the one out in Groom lake.

  It’d taken him five years, but he’d finally gotten a chance to check out the circle on the map from Groom lake.

  A facility where his father had been brought from another plane and met by his mother.

  This was another site similar to that, Vince believed.

  And this place was likely where they’d vanished as well. Either on their way here, here itself, or on the way back.

  “Red smells no life,” said the Beastkin, sniffing the entry. “It does not smell like a tomb either.”

  Vince leaned forward and peered down into the shaft. If it was like the last one, this would go all the way down to another level.

  Ramona stepped beyond him and vanished into the opening before he could even argue about it.

  There was an audible thump as Ramona hit the bottom of the shaft.

  “It’s clear down here,” she said while coughing, her voice echoing. “But it seems like no one has been here in a number of years.”

  Vince nodded his head at that. He’d have been surprised if anyone had been here, really. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that, if they could have, his parents would have returned to him.

  “Red will go next,” Red said. “Red is coming!” she shouted down the shaft.

  Then she jumped down it and vanished.

  Grumbling about normality, Vince grabbed the top rungs of the ladder and started to climb down.

  There was the thump of Red hitting the bottom, and then he could hear the two women moving about, but they said nothing more.

  Reaching the bottom floor, Vince immediately had a strong sensation of déjà vu.

  It looked like a mirror of the previous facility.

  Moving through the archway he knew would be there, Vince didn’t stop.

  Lights began turning on as he walked—bright white lights that seemed odd.

  “Magic lights?” Ramona said.

  “No. Red has seen this before. It’s not magic. Machines.”

  Vince kept moving, marching straight towards where he knew the portal machine would be.

  He was hoping to find an open portal. One he could use to find more clues to locating his parents.

  The heavy vault door that locked off the portal console was open.

  Stepping into the experimentation area, Vince found the portal machine turned off. There were no footprints in the dust, and everything looked as if it had been untouched for years.

  Moving over to the portal console, Vince activated it, then looked expectantly to where the portal would open.

  A blue oval came to life, and Vince looked out into a world of green grass. Green grass and trees.

  And nothing that could tell him about where it went.

  “Red memorized the controls previously; these are the same,” Red said, waving a hand at the controls.

  “Memorized?” Vince asked, looking at her.

  “Yes. Red memorized the last portal setting as well, where we saw the man, and woman that was like Red.”

  “Really?” Vince asked doubtfully.

  “Yes, watch.”

  Red immediately started adjusting knobs and switches before Vince could do anything or stop her.

  The portal in front of them swapped away from what it’d been set to and became something else entirely.

  Looking through it, Vince saw the same room from last time.

  Where the man had sat, he was no longer.

  Though a woman was there. In fact, it was the same woman he’d seen last time.

  The Beastkin.

  She had similar ears to Red, though more canine like in their shape. Her tail was considerably more like a wolf’s as well.

  She had darker blond hair, with one blue eye and one brown. She wasn’t bad looking, but Vince would only call her cute.

  She was dressed in very casual clothes that Vince couldn’t place.

  “Ooooi. Hi there,” the woman said, waving a hand at them. “Do you speak English?

  “English?”

  Vince opened his mouth, then closed it again.

  “Red thinks she should close the portal. The woman looks like a tamed animal. A house cat,” Red said.

  “I’m not a house cat, I’m a wolf,” the woman said. “My name’s Andrea.”

  She stamped her foot in a child-like way, then stuck her head through the portal and peered around the room.

  “Annooo… Felix said I should have someone here just in case you opened the gate again,” Andrea said.

  Then she looked at Vince and stared at him.

  “You look a lot like Felix.” She wrinkled her nose and sniffed twice. “You smell like him, too.”

  “Andrea, come in,” said a voice from nowhere. “There was a power fluctuation. Did the portal open again? Are there people?”

  “Hi dear!” Andrea said excitedly into a strange, slim metal box she had pulled out of a pocket. “Yup! They opened the gate and they’re staring at me.”

  “Wait, they can see you right now?”

  “Yes. I wanted to say hi. I thought if I did, they wouldn’t close it again.

  “They look interesting. Though one of them looks a lot like you. A lot,” Andrea said.

  “Really? Huh. Uhm… what do they want?”

  “I don’t know! Let me ask,” Andrea said. Then she looked to them and smiled. “What do you want?”

  Vince had no idea how to respond. Or even what to do.

  “Andrea, I swear to god… Did you put me on speaker phone?”

  “Yes?” said the Beastkin, looking embarrassed.

  “Ok… I’ll just… why don’t… ok. Hello, my name is Felix. Would you be interested in having a chat? I’d like to discuss an opportunity with you.”

  Vince looked at Red, then Ramona.

  “I’ll stay here,” Ramona said, tapping the console. “Make sure it remains open.”

  “Red will go with you. Red wants to spar with the house cat, if possible.”

  Vince turned to the Beastkin named Andrea.

  “My name is Vince, and I’d be willing.”

  Andrea clapped her hands together happily.

  “I’ll make pancakes!”

  Chapter 2

  Vince hadn’t even gotten through the portal when what sounded like an explosion came through the little box Andrea held.

  “What the… shit,” said Felix. “Andrea, Vince, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cut this one short. I have to deal with something.

  “Andrea, give him the pack?

  “Vince, I truly look forward to meeting you in the future. Please don’t be a stranger!”

  There was a beep, and then a strange, unceasing tone.

  Andrea looked at the box and then poked it with a finger.

  She seemed rather disappointed.

  “I wanted to make pancakes…” she murmured.

  Moving out of view, she continued talking.

  “Felix said to give you the pack. It’s something he put together just in case you ever came back through the portal.”

  “
He planned for this?” Vince asked, curious and cautious at the same time.

  “Yes. He wanted you to open the portal so he could try to work out a trade deal with you. Felix is very interested in other planes,” Andrea said. “Uuun. It’s a bit heavy.”

  “Give it to Red, house cat,” Red said, stepping up to the portal.

  “I’m not a house cat!” Andrea said, coming back into view. “If we had time, I’d give you a lesson in hand-to-hand combat you, you, you… feral cat!”

  Red grinned at the other Beastkin, showing her fangs.

  “Red is indeed feral. Red likes you, house cat. We should be friends.”

  Andrea made a face at the other Beastkin, then smiled.

  “Sure! You seem like an angrier Felicia. Here,” Andrea said, holding out a large backpack.

  Vince had never seen the like of it. The fabric alone looked alien to him.

  “Okie dokie,” Andrea said, waving a hand at them. “I hope we can talk more. It’d be fun to have more friends. Until next time then.”

  Ramona gave the Beastkin a tight smile and flicked a finger against a switch.

  The portal shut down immediately and winked out of existence.

  “That was different,” Vince said. “And entirely unexpected.”

  “Red doesn’t mind the house cat. Red thinks it’ll be fun to play with her,” Red said. She carried the pack over to Ramona and Vince, then set it down on the ground beside them.

  Vince bent down and pulled at the zipper.

  Inside was what looked to him like a large metal disc with a note attached to it.

  Taking the note, Vince began to read it aloud.

  “Dear portal traveler,

  “The disc enclosed in this package will open a conduit to my world, and my location.

  “I welcome you in the spirit of cooperation and adventure. Should you decide to visit, or wish to speak with me, simply put the disc down somewhere safe and press the button on the top.

  “A portal will activate; no additional power is required. To close the portal, merely press the button again.

  “I look forward to seeing you soon, Felix,” Vince said, then folded the note up.

  “This… Felix… seems intent to have you visit,” Ramona said, her tone indicating overtones of the same paranoia Vince felt.

  “Red saw no lie in the house cat’s words.”

  Red reached further into the pack and pulled out a strange crinkling bag.