Wild Wastes Omnibus

by Randi Darren

“Though we were unable to accomplish our mission completely.”

  “I’d say you completed it to the best of your ability, given that the conditions changed. When I told you to capture or put them out of action, that was based on the idea that they were all on the cliffs,” Thera said.

  Her voice sounded amused to Vince. Amused but sincere.

  I wonder what she thinks of picking up after Petra.

  Petra.

  Suddenly standing up instead of sitting there thinking of the soldier ant, Vince felt like his legs were made of rubber.

  “Vince, what are you doing?” Ramona asked, appearing at his side.

  “Needed to stand up,” he said, turning to face Thera.

  Ramona stepped in close, her tail coming up to wrap around his middle as one of her arms slid around his shoulders.

  With a gentle tug, she pulled him into her side.

  “Hm. Well, good work. Take some time for yourselves.

  “If this battle goes the way I expect, we’ll be heading south after this. There’s a rather large city I think they’ll make a break for. I think it’s either Arandas or Leon. One is a ruin, the other isn’t. I can’t remember right now which is which.

  “We’ll be pushing our lead elements in that direction to try and turn them away from it, but otherwise, I think it’ll be a skirmish-and-flank set of maneuvers for a while,” Thera said.

  Vince and Ramona stood unmoving.

  “Perhaps you two best go sit down, or I’ll inform Mouth on her return of just how poorly you’re doing. Then you can be mothered to death before she beds you,” Thera said with a wide smile. “Unless you’d prefer that?”

  “Going now,” Ramona said, dragging Vince off to the side. “Besides, we need to go see Taylor. I saw her on our way in.”

  “You saw her?”

  “Yeah. I can kinda understand why she didn’t come back now, too.

  “Don’t bother to ask, I’ll not spoil it.”

  Vince hadn’t even considered asking what it was.

  Tired. I want to sleep.

  Before it felt like he’d even finished that thought, they were standing in front of Taylor.

  Kneeling in front of her was a young woman with red horns coming out of her head.

  Vince couldn’t really focus on her face and couldn’t make out the details too well. She looked like she had blond hair and blue eyes, but that was as far as his mind could manage.

  “Another for our wing,” Taylor said. “This one is Vivian. Now give your word to him, or we can pull your soul and heart out and you can be on your way to death.”

  “I give myself entirely to you and your wing! On my Dragon’s Word!” the woman said loudly, immediately.

  “Great, welcome. Don’t fuck up,” Vince said, feeling the strange tingling that Dragon oaths gave him. “Going to bed now. Bye.”

  Turning his head, he pushed his forehead up to Ramona’s.

  “Ramona, put me to bed.”

  “Ah… of course.”

  ***

  Thera sighed and scratched at her head in a very non-Petra-like way.

  Maybe she’s finally getting more comfortable with herself not being Petra.

  “They asked for you personally, Vince. I don’t like it, but I need you to do it. If we can secure Arandas, we can secure a second lifeline for ourselves and put a garrison in it.

  “That’d close up any type of problem I’d have with leaving them behind us as we march onward,” she said.

  “Yeah, I get it. I just don’t really like it,” Vince said with a shrug. Turning to face his team, he mentally sorted them out into those who would survive an ambush and those who wouldn’t

  “Red, Taylor, Ramona, Yaris, Caroline, you’re all with me. Everyone else, just get some rest or go help the wounded if you feel like you want to contribute,” he said.

  The team separated into two without much in the way of conversation. Those remaining left to go about whatever it was they had originally planned to do before Thera had called them in urgently.

  “Can we fly in?” Taylor asked, coming to stand next to him.

  “No. I don’t think they’d like that very much,” Vince said. Looking to Thera, he nodded. “Unless you have anything else to add, General, we’ll be setting off.”

  “Nothing of any import,” Thera said with a smirk. “Just be careful. The main body of their army kept moving south, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have agents in the city.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve got a few of the shields on me,” Vince said, his hand moving to his belt. “See ya later then.”

  Turning toward the road, Vince settled into a decent pace.

  An hour later, they could see the city up ahead.

  It looked very similar to Vegas. A wall around the city proper, with what looked like buildings squished in on top of much older ones.

  Everything just had a thrown-together quality that Vince couldn’t shake no matter which way he looked at it.

  “Strange city,” Taylor said. “It looks like Yosemite, if one were to look at it from a species point of view, but it isn’t.

  “Or so it looked from the air.”

  “We felt the same about Vegas when we first took control of it,” Vince admitted. “They’re going for most of the same goals we are, but they seem to have a problem with corruption.”

  “It’s how far out they are,” Yaris said with a head shake. “The further they get from their seat of power, the worse it gets. I spoke with Duke Heint about it. I was curious about the Tri-lliance when I first joined you all.

  “Apparently it’s the Dragons themselves. They have a tendency to want to create their own seats of power in the cities they run.”

  Taylor snorted at that. “Stupid reds. Always pushing for more power.”

  “Now if it were only something so much easier, like hoarding gold,” Vince said in a dry tone.

  “Exactly! Gold is so much easier to rule over than people or other Dragons,” Taylor said enthusiastically.

  Ramona sighed and pressed a hand to her temple.

  “Why did you ask me and Taylor to join you on this? It’s a political mission. We could just as easily remain outside the walls.

  “Red could stay with us, too.”

  “Red would like that. Red will stay outside the walls with the Dragons and—”

  “No. You’re all coming with me because I honestly need you three in case this goes sideways.”

  “And us?” Caroline asked, indicating the Royal Elf next to her.

  “You’re better diplomats than I am,” Vince said honestly.

  “A favor couched in a compliment,” Yaris said dismissively.

  “Very,” Caroline agreed.

  Vince shrugged. At the same time, he looked up at the top of the wall and came to a stop.

  “Ho, the gate. Are you going to let us in or should we just turn around and head back the other way?” Vince called.

  Yaris sighed and covered her eyes with a hand. Caroline immediately looked to the ground in front of her.

  “Red thinks you should let the Elves talk from here on out,” Red said.

  Before Vince could respond, the gate made a loud, cracking noise and then began to swing inward.

  “Ah, yes, Vince, Lord of Yosemite,” said an excitable Lizardman running up to him.

  It was probably the thinnest and smallest Lizardman Vince had ever seen.

  Different species, maybe?

  “I am Hit. I’m on the council for Arandas. I’m afraid the local Dragon has been missing for a bit now, and the human councilor fled!” said the Lizardman.

  “Uh, would she have been traveling north towards the battlefield?” Vince asked.

  “Ah, yes! Her name is Vivian,” Hit said. “Did you perhaps encounter her?”

  “If we did, it’s probable we killed her. We’ve killed a number of red Dragons. Anyways,” Vince said, trying to clear the subject quickly. He was no good at lying. “You asked for me, I’m here. What do you want?”<
br />
  “To hold a feast in your honor, of course! I’ve also taken the liberty of finding the prettiest of the humans in the city and bringing them into the castle for you!

  “Come, come. This way,” Hit said, practically hopping back toward the gate.

  Vince wanted to sigh.

  More than that, he wanted to leave and just go back to his tent.

  “We’d be delighted to accept your offer,” Yaris said, moving after the Lizardman. “I’m Yaris, Queen of Yosemite.

  “And this is one of my sisters, Caroline.”

  Huh. Guess they formally took in Caroline. Unsurprising, since they took in Yaris, too.

  Vince forced one foot in front of the other and followed the Elves and the Lizardman.

  “Red thinks this is going to be stupid. Stupid and a bad idea,” Red muttered.

  “Ha. Taylor agrees,” said the Dragon, staring at Red with a wide grin.

  “You mock Red?”

  “A little. Why?”

  Red stared back at Taylor, then gave her a feral grin, her canines showing. “Red likes you. Dragons taste good, too.”

  “So do Beastkin,” Taylor said back, smiling in return.

  Then they both started laughing.

  “I once wondered if I would have been better off as a full Dragon,” Ramona said softly at his side. “I no longer wonder about that.

  “At all.

  “And I’m quite happy to have a human’s soul.”

  ***

  Sitting at a too-large table surrounded by women he had no need or wish for, Vince was the center of a feast he wanted no part in.

  Caroline and Yaris had managed to corner Hit and were working him over for everything Thera needed. Both Elves had sacrificed Vince in a heartbeat so they could get Hit to themselves.

  Red, Taylor, and Ramona were posted up throughout the hall, but were more or less remaining out of his immediate sight.

  Leaning forward, Vince put his elbows on the table and rested his chin in his palms.

  The most he’d done this evening was eat everything put in front of him.

  One dish after another.

  So far he hadn’t been poisoned, which was a plus.

  The women around him nattered on about one thing or the other, and the men nearby attempted to tell him stories about whatever it was they did.

  All in all, Vince was bored and didn’t bother to hide it.

  “Ah, here you are, Lord. We made this special, just for you. It’s a delicacy down here in the south. Very expensive to make, and never more than a bowl or so,” said a waitress, setting down a soup bowl in between Vince’s elbows. “It’s best eaten hot, so I recommend trying it now before it cools at all.”

  “Oh?” Vince said, looking down at the soup.

  Eating is at least something to do.

  Picking up his spoon, Vince was about to take a sip when he paused.

  They finally going to try and poison me? I wonder if it’s something I’ve eaten before.

  After all the poisons mom fed me, though, I can’t imagine there being a single one out there that’d work.

  With a mental shrug, and almost too bored to care, Vince dipped his spoon in and immediately upended it into his mouth.

  There was a slight tingle on his tongue that reminded him of his mother’s cooking.

  A distinct taste he had almost forgotten.

  Oh, so it’s poisoned after all. Huh.

  Better roll with it for now. They’ll expect me to drop dead later tonight, I bet.

  At least it tastes alright otherwise.

  As gently as he could, Vince slipped a forced thought into Caroline and Yaris.

  It was a simple one.

  Poisoned food.

  Both Elves froze for a second.

  Yaris was the first to respond, gently dabbing a napkin to her lips and laying it down beside her plate, then turning fully in her chair towards Hit.

  A beat later and Caroline nearly did the exact same thing.

  Methodically, Vince worked his way to the bottom of the bowl and then let his spoon clank into it.

  “Ah. That was delicious, but I feel as if I might have eaten too much tonight on the whole,” he said, standing up. “I do hope you’ll excuse me, but I think I’d like to go lay down and sleep some of this off. It’s a terrible misfortune to be a lightweight eater.”

  Not bothering to wait for them to respond, Vince made his way to the nearest exit.

  Taylor and Red fell in beside him, flanking him as he went. Ramona moved over to stand behind the two Elves, taking up that duty.

  No sooner had they’d cleared the feast into an adjoining hallway than Red turned to look at him.

  “Red wants to know what you’re doing. That was obvious and strange,” said the Beastkin.

  “Really?” Vince asked.

  “Yes. Even to me, who is unfamiliar with all the courtesies humans seem to enjoy, that felt odd.”

  “Oh, that’s probably a good thing, then. Pretty sure that last course they dropped on me was poisoned,” Vince said after checking to make sure they were alone.

  Turning on his heel, he marched off to the rear of the small keep. Their rooms had been put there for them to rest in, and he planned to keep his enemies guessing.

  “Poison? Really?” Taylor asked.

  “I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure. I suppose we’ll find out in the morning. They’ll either be surprised when I show up, or not,” Vince said idly.

  “Vince, wait,” came a hiss from behind.

  Looking over his shoulder, he saw Caroline, Yaris, and Red chasing after him.

  Huh?

  Before they managed to reach him, several men and women came out of a suddenly opened door with weapons in hand.

  The group of people, dressed in Tri-lliance colors, looked at Vince as he looked back at him.

  They seemed as surprised to find him here as he did them.

  What the hell?

  Caroline stepped forward and then doused them all in a wave of fire. She’d laid it out at head level, the thick flames washing over faces and shoulders as it went.

  Splashing through the doorway as well, it vanished into the area beyond it.

  After the roaring inferno cleared, Red moved forward and stomped her booted foot down on a man’s head, cracking it open.

  “Suppose that answers that question. Poison was more than likely used, but they used something quick and were hoping to catch you all as I died.

  “Or so the thought goes,” Vince said as Red systematically killed the others in the hall.

  Screams coming from the area the soldiers had come from made it clear there were more of them out there.

  Red looked like she wanted to go and finish them off as well.

  “Let’s find a wall that’s on the perimeter of the keep. We’ll smash it down and just get the hell out of here,” Vince said.

  “This wall, then,” Yaris said, pointing at one at the end of the hallway. “It runs along the western side.”

  “Great. After me, then,” Vince said.

  Settling into a jog, then a run, and finally a sprint, Vince was on a crash course with said stone wall.

  Wrapping himself up in his magic, forcing the rage to flare up from the pit of his soul, he imagined crashing straight through the wall.

  Only did this with a door back in Vegas. That was something like three Dragon hearts ago though.

  I wonder if this is a bad idea or a—

  Tucking his shoulder at the last second, Vince tried to smash a doorway into the wall.

  It wasn’t until he tripped over the rubble and went skidding through the debris and grass that he realized he’d succeeded.

  Coughing, he fanned at his face as bits of stone, mortar, and dirt stuck to him.

  “Goodness,” Yaris said, peering at him from the broken stone wall.

  “Move it, Elf,” Taylor said, shoving the woman out of the way.

  Bouncing through the hole, Taylor pulled her jacket off a
nd flicked it off towards where Vince lay on the ground.

  Immediately, she started to transform into her Dragon.

  “Going to be a rough flight without a saddle,” Caroline said.

  “Won’t work,” Ramona said, helping Yaris to her feet.

  “What?” Taylor asked, sounding rather annoyed.

  Vince managed to stop coughing and got to his feet, picking up Taylor’s jacket as he did so.

  “She’s right, it won’t. You’ll just get ripped off her back.

  “Taylor, you and Ramona get out of here and head back to Thera. Tell her what happened.

  “Yaris, Caroline, and I will find another way out,” Vince said.

  “That’s easier than you think,” Yaris said, pointing over his shoulder. “We’ll rush the gate over there. We can get out quicker than they’ll realize we’re escaping.”

  “Perfect. We’ll do that. Go,” Vince said as he started moving to the gate.

  Taylor and Ramona audibly took off behind him as he and the Elves made their own move.

  Yaris passed him at a rapid sprint, her braided hair flapping out behind her as she went.

  Turning sideways, she made a strange gesture with her hand and then lobbed what looked like a blue ball of fire ahead of herself.

  Sailing through the air, it smashed into the door, coating it in blue flame.

  Then it exploded. Bright blue and angry, the entire gate was enveloped in the cloud.

  So powerful was the blast, it sent bits of body parts, stone, and wood in every direction.

  Shielding his face, Vince looked away.

  “Gods be damned, Yaris!” he cried.

  Looking back at the city, he saw Ramona and Taylor rapidly heading towards the Yosemite encampment.

  The bell tower in the town center flung open its doors as they passed it and a ballista bolt flew out.

  Two more ballistas were revealed as the gate tower doors opened as well.

  Damn. Of course Dragons would prepare a city for a Dragon attack.

  Didn’t even think about it. We just assumed they didn’t have any because we didn’t see it.

  Taylor dodged the first one by sheer luck.

  Ramona pumped her wings hard and simply went skyward. As a Dragonnewt, she was much more agile than Taylor.

  The second ballista fired and the bolt went high, sailing over Ramona’s shoulder.