“Well, for someone who doesn’t care much for the things girls like, you sure dress up a lot like one.”
She smiled at the teasing tone in his voice. “My mother insists I look as pretty as possible whenever I go out.” With a shrug, she added, “I don’t mind the dresses, really. I just don’t like to spend all my time making them or worrying about how I style my hair.”
“You don’t need to worry about any of that. You look good without even trying.”
“That is why I’ve kept you as a friend since we started school. You tell me things I want to hear.”
He laughed. “I only tell you the truth. Just be who you are. Don’t change who you are to please someone else. Those who deserve to be your friends will understand.”
“Thank you, Richard. Of all the people we know, you don’t try to make me into someone I’m not. It’s why I feel like I can talk to you about anything.”
“There’s nothing you can tell me that will make me think any less of you.”
He should have asked if he could court her right then and there, but he’d lost his nerve. He’d figured he had enough time to ask, but the longer he’d waited, the harder it was. Then her parents died, and she stopped going to school. His parents weren’t close to her sister or brother-in-law, and from the sound of it, the brother-in-law let his wife have very little contact with her parents.
The last time he saw Amanda’s sister and brother-in-law was at the funeral. Richard’s parents had asked that they keep in touch, especially because Amanda was going to be living with them. Though Amanda’s brother-in-law promised they would, he soon moved without telling them where he was taking his wife and Amanda.
Never once did Richard think the missive wouldn’t come. Amanda never spoke much about her sister and brother-in-law. It seemed to be one of those things she didn’t want to think about, and considering what happened to her with Mr. Price, he couldn’t blame her.
Gunfire rang through the air, breaking him out of his thoughts. His pa let out a frustrated sigh. “Either you’re a better shot, or my gun isn’t as good as yours,” he said with smile. “Let’s get that buck of yours to the group while it’s still fresh.”
Nodding, Richard stood up and headed for the buck with his father.
Chapter Eight
Richard set out his bedroll next to Amanda’s. Earlier in the day, he thought it’d be easy enough to sleep next to her. There had been some nights he’d done so in the past, though more often than not, he had helped Joe with the watch. But tonight seemed different.
He released an uncertain breath. He never should have told her he loved her. It’d been a mistake. Now it would change everything. He knew the thought had never occurred to her, and that had made it easy when he asked her to marry him.
Given everything that had happened to her, he hadn’t risked her saying no, not when she had no other option. He’d doubted she would have married him otherwise. He’d always been a friend, someone steadfast and loyal. But he’d never been more than that. It’d been easy enough to keep up the charade.
If she hadn’t seemed as if the entire world was crashing in around her earlier that day, he wouldn’t have blurted it out. All he’d wanted to do was give her a reason to want to live, to let her know she was just as important to him as Elsie had been to Jesse. He couldn’t deny the unfairness of it all. Why did Jesse have to lose Elsie?
But what had been fair about Mr. Price taking advantage of Amanda and her brother-in-law forcing her out on the street, claiming she was a loose woman who wasn’t fit to live in his apartment? So many things were unfair in this life. So many things didn’t make sense. Bad things happened all the time.
Maybe that was why it was important to enjoy the good when it came along. And Amanda was a good thing in his life. He only hoped, in time, she could say the same about him.
“You aren’t helping me keep watch tonight?” Joe asked.
Richard turned from his bedroll. “My pa said he was going to help you tonight. Hasn’t he been by to talk to you?”
“Not yet, but Richard,” Joe paused, “is it a good idea to ask someone who has all those youngsters riding with him to keep watch with me? He has a lot more responsibilities than you do.”
“If you feel that way, then find someone else to help you tonight. Mr. Carmichael has no children. Mr. Benson has two sons who are sixteen and eighteen. Then there’s Chad Reed who’s twenty-five. His wife only has the four-year-old.”
After a moment, Joe said, “You and I have a system down. I don’t have to tell you what to do.”
Richard frowned, sensing he wasn’t telling him the truth, but without knowing him better, he didn’t feel comfortable asking him why he was so insistent he help him keep watch. Finally, he settled for shaking his head and saying, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to find someone else tonight.”
“It’s been a long day. It would make things easier if you’d do it with me.”
“Why?”
“I already told you. You know what to do.”
“It’s not complicated. All you do is look out for danger. Anyone can do it.”
Joe wasn’t at all happy about the answer, but after a long sigh, he turned and left.
Richard forced aside his frustration. Maybe it was the long day everyone had dealt with. Jesse’s wife had just died, and they buried her body in a place no one would ever return to so they could pay their respects. Then most of the women were crying. It was bound to be hard on everyone. Perhaps Richard was reading too much into Joe’s reluctance to let him off the hook for the night’s watch.
There was probably nothing more to it than being exhausted. When people were exhausted, they tended to get snippy with others. It was one of the reasons his ma had insisted everyone get a good night’s sleep. “A well-rested mind is a happy mind,” his ma often said.
And Richard was just as tired as everyone else. The only saving grace he had was that it hadn’t been Amanda who died, though he couldn’t help feeling bad for Jesse. No one should have to lose his wife, especially not when they’d only been married for a year.
He didn’t envy the pain Jesse would have to go through. Undoubtedly, the path before him would be a rough one, and from what little Richard had heard, that mother-in-law of Jesse’s wouldn’t make it much easier. Nope. He didn’t envy Jesse one bit. He could only hope someone would come along and make things easier for him.
“You took our bedrolls out further from where you usually do.”
He turned to face Amanda. “I thought since I’ll be with you tonight, we don’t have to stick so close to the wagon.” With a shrug, he added, “I’m used to keeping watch, so if anything gets nearby, it’ll wake me up.”
He’d chosen to take their bedrolls a good distance away from the camp, offering them more privacy than they’d been able to acquire for most of the trip. One thing he wasn’t going to miss once they got to Omaha was the lack of privacy. It was often a struggle to even find as much time as they’d had earlier that day to talk without anyone potentially overhearing them.
“Do you mind that the bedrolls are this far out?” he asked.
“No. I have you here, and I know you won’t let anything bad happen to me.”
Touched, he smiled. “At least some good came out of all the evenings I helped Joe keep watch.” When she didn’t say anything, he folded back the top of her bedroll. “Are you ready, or do you need to take care of personal business first?”
“I’m ready.”
He expected her to get into the bedroll, especially since the evening wind had cooled things off considerably after the long, hot day. “Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No.” She crossed her arms in a protective gesture then shifted from one foot to another. “You and Joe spend a lot of nights taking turns keeping watch.”
Surprised, he asked, “Did that upset you?”
He had thought after everything she’d gone through, she might feel safer being closer to his mother and sisters
than being alone with him. Sure, he hadn’t ever given her a reason to be afraid of him, but since it’d been a man who’d raped her, he assumed she’d want to be near other women as much as possible.
“No,” she said. “I know Joe made it hard for you to say no to helping him.”
She did? Why hadn’t he been aware she’d picked up on that?
She cleared her throat and lowered her voice so he had to strain to hear her. “I just wondered what you two talk about.”
He knew her inquiry wasn’t funny, but he ended up chuckling anyway. “I’m not laughing at your question. I’m laughing because men don’t usually spend their time sitting and talking like women do.”
Her lips turned up into a tentative smile that was a hint of the person she used to be. “I didn’t think men noticed anything women did.”
“My mother and sisters are the most talkative people I’ve ever met. I couldn’t wait to move out of the apartment, so I could get some peace and quiet.”
She gasped, but he caught the humor in it. She sat on her bedroll. “You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed Tom and Joel. Those two are always bickering at one another. They’re worse than women.”
He sat next to her on his bedroll. “But they’re children. Children are expected to do that kind of thing.”
“Dave’s quiet.”
“You can’t count Dave. He’s not normal.”
“But he’s still a child.”
Realizing she was insistent on being right, he decided to relent. “Alright, I suppose men can be just as talkative as women. But Joe and I don’t talk like you’re thinking. Our conversations are about the watch. Sometimes we talk about what’s in Omaha, but we’re not gossiping.”
After a moment, she asked, “Do you consider him to be a friend?”
“No. He’s someone I help out when I need to.” Surprised she seemed so concerned about his relationship to Joe, he asked, “Is there something bothering you about him?”
“No,” she quickly said.
A little too quickly. Had he not grown up with her, he would have missed the subtle cue she was hiding something. He debated whether to press her, but in the end, he decided to let the matter go. The day had enough problems in itself. Whatever bothered her about Joe could wait.
“We should get to sleep,” he finally said, his voice gentle as he gestured to the opening of her bedroll.
She slid into her bedroll, and he took off his boots before scooting into his. It was a far cry from the bed he used to sleep in. Soon enough, he’d be back in a bed. He wasn’t sure if it’d be one they would share or not. With everything happening as fast as it had, there hadn’t been time to think of such things.
Even now, he was so tired it was hard to keep his eyes open, but his mind unwittingly went to how things might—or might not—change when they got to Omaha. It was easier not to think of such things during the day when there was so much going on. And, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, helping Joe keep watch also provided a good distraction. Perhaps if he hadn’t spent so many years pining for her, it’d be easier to put aside such thoughts altogether.
After everything she went through, the last thing she probably wanted was for him to be thinking of what it’d be like to have her in his bed. Who knew if Mr. Price had ruined that possibility for them? Richard had never been through anything traumatic like Amanda had. He’d grown up with parents who loved each other, and as much as it had embarrassed him at the time, they would often hug and kiss, though they were careful not to do so in public.
When he moved to his own place, he was glad he didn’t have to watch them anymore. But now, as he looked up at the stars, he couldn’t help but hope he and Amanda might eventually enjoy the kind of freedom to exchange hugs and kisses like his parents had.
“Richard?” Amanda whispered.
Turning his attention to her, he asked, “Yes?”
“Are you angry with me?”
Curious she should even think such a thing, he studied her worried expression in the moonlight. “No. I just figure whatever is bothering you about Joe, you can tell me when you’re ready.”
She rolled up to his side, settling her head on his shoulder. “Will you hold me?”
“Of course.” He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him, noting the way she relaxed against him. He hadn’t realized she was so tense.
A long moment passed between them before she whispered, “Why are you so good to me?”
After he’d told her he loved her, she had to ask that question? “I think you know why.” Yes, he’d said it once, but he wasn’t brave enough to say it again, not now anyway.
From there, they fell into a silence that held a hint of discomfort in it. There was too much unsaid and unknown for them to share the same comfortable silence they had while growing up. But they had this moment together, and he was grateful for it. She was with him. That was what mattered.
They would have to take things one day at a time and face each problem as it came. In the meantime, he would enjoy each day he had with her. He closed his eyes and thought of how nice it was to have her in his arms.
Chapter Nine
Amanda lifted the hem of her skirt so she wouldn’t trip as she came back to the wagons after relieving her bladder. The sunlight was breaking through the darkness, announcing the start of another day. But this evening, Joe said they would all be in town. She tried not to get too excited about the prospect of staying at a hotel, but it was hard not to after sleeping on the ground. She’d sleep in the wagon if it wasn’t full of items they’d need in Omaha. On nights it rained, she had no choice, and it was just about impossible to sleep on top of the lumpy items.
So a room at a hotel with a bed sounded like heaven. Then there was the chance she’d get a hot bath. The quick washing up at a stream or lake with cold water hadn’t done much to make her feel clean, though it was much better than sleeping in an alley. But still, the idea of soaking in a hot bath then sleeping in a clean bed made her pick up her pace as the others got ready for the day’s trek.
She tried not to eavesdrop while she passed Jesse Palmer’s wagon, but it was hard not to overhear his mother-in-law since the woman insisted on screaming at him.
“You don’t know anything about taking care of a baby,” his mother-in-law snapped at him.
Amanda willed herself not to look over at them, but a movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Jesse was holding his son who was crying. He was pacing back and forth, either trying to soothe the infant or because his mother-in-law seemed to be chasing him.
“I can’t learn if I don’t try to take care of him,” he told the irritated woman. By the looks of it, he didn’t look any happier than she did. “He’s my son.”
She put her hands on her hips. “He’s my grandson.” When he shook his head, she added, “How are you going to lead your wagon while holding him?”
His jaw tensed. “When it’s time for us to go, I’ll let you take care of him.”
“Like you are now?” She gestured to the crying infant.
Before they noticed her, Amanda forced her feet forward. It’d been a week since Elsie’s funeral. Wounds were still fresh. Unfortunately, the baby was stuck in the middle of a battle she had no wish to be a part of. Her own problems were difficult enough.
She looked back and saw that Jesse’s mother-in-law was still harping at him. He happened to glance over at her, and Amanda quickly averted her gaze, her face growing hot from having been caught snooping where she had no right to be looking.
She bumped into someone and would have fallen back had someone not grabbed her arm to steady her. When she turned her attention to the person, she stiffened. Joe. After all this time, why was he coming up to her? And when others could see them? She scanned the area for Richard and saw him taking care of the oxen that would soon pull their wagon for the day.
“We’re getting into town tonight,” Joe said.
“Yes, I know.”
&
nbsp; She started to pass him, but he stepped in front of her. “This town we’re coming to has a train that can take us far from here. I know a man who can take over and lead everyone the rest of the way to their destination. You remember me writing to you about Travis while I was working on the railroad? That’s the one who lives in the next town.”
“I can’t,” she blurted out. “I’m married to Richard Larson.”
“You said if I quit working on the rails, you’d marry me, and I did what you asked.”
She shook her head. “Something happened that changed everything.”
“Did Richard hurt you?”
“No. He’d never hurt me. He’s a good person.” She took a deep breath and exhaled, willing the past back where it belonged. “I’m sorry, Joe. I didn’t have time to wait for you to return to New York.” Noting Richard glancing in their direction, she quickly added, “Please don’t talk to me again. There’s no going back and changing anything.”
Heart pounding, she hurried away from him, praying he wouldn’t follow her and press the issue. It was hard not to look over her shoulder to see if he was on her heels, but she managed to avoid it. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to detect the truth, that at one time he’d been the object of her schoolgirl’s fancy.
Laura called out her name as she passed the young woman’s wagon, and for once, she was glad for the interruption. She made a beeline straight for Laura, ignoring the heat of both Richard’s and Joe’s stares. Both were watching her. She was sure of it. But she had a much-needed reprieve in being able to talk to Laura, and she was going to take it.
“What is it?” she asked Laura.
Laura put down a pail of water and brushed back a few wisps of blonde hair the wind blew in her eyes. “Did you see poor Jesse as you went by his wagon?”
Recalling her embarrassment over being caught eavesdropping, Amanda said, “I don’t think we should be minding his business. He’s going through enough as it is.”
“But if we don’t pay attention to what’s going on, how can we help him?”
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