“How young?”
“Fourteen,” Jenny said, and was sorry as soon as she said it. She didn’t want to blow the deal by violating their agreement. Lucy’s father was capable of anything and didn’t care about his daughter’s baby. Gretchen didn’t comment, or ask any further questions. Something told her she shouldn’t, and Jenny was relieved.
And for the next several days all anyone talked about was Debbie, and Tony being arrested for murder. They took him to Jackson Hole for arraignment, and kept him in jail there. Jenny and Bill went to her funeral with Gretchen and Eddy, and everyone who knew her or had grown up with her, or had ever gone to school with her, was there. Her children weren’t there at least, but her mother and sisters were crying in the front pew. It was the most depressing funeral Jenny had ever been to, and she and Bill were quiet when they went home afterward. It was such a waste.
Things had just begun to calm down a week before Lucy’s due date. Jenny was trying to visit her every day. But there were flash floods in the mountains just as she was about to leave the house one morning to see her, and she was surprised to see Bill saddling up Clay’s horse.
“Where are you going?”
“Out to see Harvey Adams. He’s got pneumonia, and I promised I’d visit.” Bill smiled at her. He was loving his work, and they both agreed that their destiny had led them here. It felt like it was a million miles from New York, and it was hard to imagine living there anymore. In nine months, this had become home.
“Why don’t you wait till the weather clears?”
“I told Doc Smith I’d take a look at him, and see if he needs to go up there today too. His kids want him to move closer to town, but he’s a stubborn old coot.”
“So are you,” she said as she kissed Bill. He was so dedicated to his congregation and loved the people here. He had said he would go out to visit Harvey, and he never broke a promise.
“I’ll be fine,” he assured her. Clay’s horse was solid and sure-footed and used to the terrain. She didn’t worry about Bill riding up the paths into the mountains, except in bad weather. But he had even done it in the snows that winter. And between showers, it was a beautiful day. “I’ll be back in a few hours. What are you doing today?”
“I was going to see Lucy, but I think I’ll stick around. I have to call some of my clients, and Azaya and I need to go over some things. I haven’t talked to her in a week.” Jenny was finding it harder and harder to focus on her clients in New York. Her life was here now, with Bill, his congregation, and their baby in a few weeks. She didn’t want to let her clients down, but it just wasn’t the same, now that she was in Wyoming. And Nelson’s business was taking off, and he had less time to help Azaya. Jenny was thinking of telling her clients that she was closing her business when she went back for Fashion Week in September, and then winding up her business in New York by the end of the year. It was time. Her life had changed too much. She had moved on. She had never thought that would happen, but it had.
Bill smiled at her before he walked out the door, and then he turned back and walked over to kiss her again. “Don’t forget how much I love you,” he said to her, wishing he could stay home and make love to her. She was more beautiful than ever, and he was more in love with her every day.
“Until the end of time, right?” She smiled at him, teasing him a little. He was so loving to her, and she knew how lucky she was to share her life with him. “And if the weather looks too lousy, come back. You can go see Harvey tomorrow.” He nodded, and a few minutes later she saw him ride away on Navajo, and she went to call Azaya and spread a stack of fabric samples and photos out on her desk. Suddenly whether they used a print or a stripe, an organza or a gazar, just didn’t seem to matter. Her heart wasn’t in it anymore.
As Bill rode up the foothills toward where Harvey Adams lived, the weather cleared, and the sun came out in a bright blue sky. And the sure-footed horse led him up the familiar path. He was thinking about Jenny as he rode, about how happy he was with her, and how right it had been to come here. He was thinking about their baby too, and how different their life would be now. Lucy’s baby would give even deeper meaning to everything they felt for each other.
He rode easily in the saddle, looking at the wildflowers on the hills around him, and down at the valley, as a flash flood came over the mountains. He never saw it coming, and it swept him and the horse to the edge of a ravine. He grabbed a low-hanging branch as the horse went over the edge and fell into a deep crevasse below them. The water kept coming in a torrent as Bill hung on, struggling to keep his grip. He was hanging over the edge of the cliff, as he felt his hands slipping. He never wore his gloves in the warm weather, and as he felt his grip going, he looked up at the sky, felt a wave of peace wash over him, and shouted at the sun as loud as he could, “I love you, Jenny!” He wanted her to hear him, and for those to be the last words he said. He felt himself falling with the water rushing below him. He wasn’t afraid. All he felt was his deep love for her, more powerful than any ocean, as he fell to the floor of the ravine below.
Chapter 10
After Jenny spoke to Azaya, she went upstairs to the nursery, and put away some things she’d bought and hadn’t had time to put in the drawers yet. Everything was ready. All they needed now was the baby. She could hardly wait. She was smiling to herself as she bustled around and was surprised when, three hours later, Bill wasn’t home yet. Sometimes he spent hours with his congregants when he visited them, particularly Harvey Adams, who liked to tell stories, or any of the older ones who were lonely and sick. Bill had the proverbial patience of a saint. She knew there was no point worrying about him. Eventually, he’d wander home, apologizing for taking so long.
At five o’clock she took out some lettuce and tossed a salad for dinner. Bill was going to barbecue steak. And it was five-thirty when she heard a car drive up and looked out the kitchen window. It was the sheriff. It was the second time he’d been there that week, to question her about Tony Blackman and what she knew about his abusing Debbie. They were still investigating their history and the persistence of his abuse. It didn’t surprise her to see the sheriff again, and he looked serious when she opened the door and invited him in.
“Hi, Clark,” she said easily. “Bill isn’t home yet. He should be here any minute. He went up to see Harvey Adams—he’s been sick.” The sheriff nodded and took off his hat when he walked in.
“Jenny, I have to talk to you,” he said.
“I know. It’s about Tony again.” She hated going over it again, and hoped he would go to prison for a long time for what he’d done.
“It’s Bill,” he said quietly. He wanted to get this over with quickly and not draw out the agony. It was bad enough. “He got caught in a flash flood today, going up to Harvey’s. He and his horse fell into the ravine.” It was as simple as he could make it, as Jenny stared at him in disbelief.
“What are you saying?” Her mind refused to understand.
“He died, Jenny. He fell. We found him at the bottom of the ravine. They got swept away.” For a moment he thought she was going to faint as she clutched his arm. The look on her face was one he knew he’d never forget. He just hoped someone felt that way about him when he died. She looked as though someone had just ripped her heart out through her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. He was a wonderful man.” He helped her into a chair as she stared at him.
“That’s not right,” she said, wanting to argue with him and roll back the film. “It can’t be. You made a mistake. Are you sure?” She was talking quickly and shaking her head. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I’m sure. We brought him back.” He didn’t want to tell her that his broken, lacerated body was at the morgue. And the strangest part of it was how peaceful he had looked when they found him, almost as though he were asleep. He really was a holy man. Clark wondered if he’d been praying when he fell, to look like that. “I’m really sorry. Is there anyone you want me to call?” She couldn’t think. Sh
e knew there were people she had to tell. And as soon as he left, she phoned Gretchen and told her in a shaken tone to come right away. She didn’t say why. Gretchen thought maybe the birth mother had changed her mind. It never dawned on her for an instant that Bill had died. And the moment she saw Jenny’s face, she knew. She had never seen anyone look like that, as though part of her had died at the same time.
“They’re wrong. I know they are,” Jenny kept saying as Gretchen sat with her and held her hand. “Bill wouldn’t leave me like this.” But he had. Life had intervened, despite their love and their plans. As Gretchen sat with her, she was terrified that she would come unglued. But she didn’t. She just sat there for hours. And then she called Tom, to tell him, and he burst into tears. He asked when the funeral was, and she didn’t know. She called her mother, who sobbed uncontrollably for her daughter’s loss and grief. It reminded her of when her own husband had died when Jenny was a child.
Gretchen went with her to make the arrangements the next day. They set the date for three days later, at Sts. Peter and Paul. A minister from Jackson Hole was coming to do the service. Jenny called Tom and her mother to tell them, and Gretchen called Azaya, and she said she would let everyone else know. Gretchen never left her side for three days, and Jenny said she could feel him with her, that he would never leave her. He had promised he wouldn’t.
Jenny called Maggie to tell her herself, and she said she still wanted the baby. Nothing had changed. The only difference was that she’d be alone. And Maggie sounded relieved that there had been no change of plan about the baby. And she told Lucy that night, and she cried.
Her mother came from Philadelphia and stayed at her house with her, and Gretchen continued to come and go too. Jenny looked like a ghost and was still dazed by what had happened. Bill’s family arrived the night before the funeral and stayed at a hotel in Jackson Hole. Tom came out to see her at the house, and they both cried. He hugged Jenny as though she were his own sister. He had come to love her at last for how good she’d been to Bill. He was going to give the eulogy at the funeral service, and Clay Roberts had agreed to say a few words. Jenny didn’t really care. There was nothing they could say about him that she didn’t already know. She couldn’t imagine a life without him, and she spent hours that night, sitting in a chair outside, looking up at the sky, wondering where he was. He had always said to her that people who love each other find each other again. First they went up to the sky and became stars, and then they came back in other lives, and they knew each other when they met and went on. She had thought it was silly when he said it, but now she liked the idea, that they would share a life again. Hers had no meaning without him.
She had told Azaya not to come to the funeral. It was too complicated to get there, and dealing with Bill’s family was hard enough. His parents looked devastated when she saw them the next day, and they said not a word to her. Both his brothers had come, but not their wives, and Tom and Gretchen stood on either side of her, and her mother right behind her, as Jenny stared at his coffin and looked shell-shocked, and they all felt helpless in the face of Jenny’s overwhelming grief. His parents had wanted to take him back to New York for burial, and she had refused. She wanted him buried here. He had said that this was where they were meant to be, and she believed him. She knew it too.
Tom’s eulogy was beautiful, about their childhood and the man Bill had become. Timmie and his aunt and sister were there. And all of the congregants he’d touched. Eddy cried like a baby, and afterward people drifted in and out of the house, talking to her, saying things she didn’t care about or understand, and telling her how sorry they were for her loss. But how could they know? How could they possibly know how much he meant to her? She kept thinking about the day they met, in front of the Plaza in New York, and then when they saw each other again at the gas station in Massachusetts. It had been their destiny. But now none of it made sense with him gone. She felt like an empty shell without him.
Gretchen put her to bed that night after Tom said goodbye. Jenny’s mother stayed at the house with her. Bill’s family was leaving in the morning, and Jenny knew she’d never see them again and didn’t care. But Tom had promised to visit her. And she convinced her mother to leave the day after. She wanted to be left alone with her grief, and Gretchen had promised to stay with her, so Helene reluctantly agreed to leave. All that mattered to Jenny was Bill. He was a part of her now, and always had been since the day they met. She didn’t want anyone else around, not even her mother. And Gretchen was a discreet presence, like a guardian angel. She spoke little and was just there.
Jenny drove to see Lucy the next day. Lucy had been worried about Jenny—she hadn’t seen her in four days. When Lucy saw Jenny’s glazed eyes, she started to cry, and Jenny held her in her arms and told her that everything would be all right. It would all be better when the baby came. Her due date was two days away, and she was huge. Lucy cried all the time now, she was so afraid, and Jenny promised her that she’d be right there, with her mother, and it would be fine. When Jenny went back home, Timmie and his sister came to see her and brought her flowers. And Gretchen came back and brought her dinner, and she stayed late into the night with Jenny, sitting outside again, looking up at the stars. Jenny didn’t say it, but Gretchen had the feeling she was looking for him, as though she would see him there, up in the heavens, waiting for her. They were like two people with one soul. Gretchen had no idea how Jenny was going to live without him now. But she had to. She had no choice.
At Jenny’s insistence, Gretchen went home to her own family that night. She knew that Eddy and her children needed her too, so she agreed.
“How is she?” Eddy asked when Gretchen came home, looking drained.
“I don’t know. She looks like she died with him. I don’t know what’s going to happen to her now. She’s so lost without him.” Gretchen had talked to Azaya, who thought she should come back to New York and go back to work again, but Gretchen wasn’t sure. They had made a life here, and she thought Jenny wanted to stay, although she’d have to give up the house when they found a new minister, but that would take time. And the baby was coming any day.
Jenny got the call from the hospital at four A.M., hours after Gretchen left. And she had promised Lucy she’d be there. She got up, and she could hear Bill in her head, telling her he was right there with her. He would never leave her. She felt peaceful as soon as she remembered the words. And it started to rain when she went out to the truck. She drove her own, instead of his. It was a half-hour drive to St. Mary’s, and the nurse had said the baby was coming quickly, so she picked up speed. There were several sharp turns on the road, but the old Chevy truck held the road well. She was just nearing the last turn, when she turned and saw Bill sitting beside her, and smiling at her. He was right there with her in the truck.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him, as she smiled too.
“I told you I’d never leave you, silly.” She remembered it perfectly. And she was still smiling at him, as her truck slid out of control on the last turn, in the rain, and she saw lights coming toward her. She turned to see what Bill would say, and he looked peaceful, as she reached a hand out to him, and the truck coming at her hit her head on, going at full speed, and the yellow truck disappeared under its wheels, as she and Bill quietly walked away.
Chapter 11
Maggie had gotten the call from St. Mary’s at the same time Jenny did, that the baby was coming. She jumped into her clothes and grabbed her purse, as Frank woke up and looked at her.
“Where are you going? It’s the middle of the night.” He sounded as disagreeable as he always did when he drank too much.
“Lucy’s having the baby,” she said quietly.
“I don’t want to hear about it. Give it to them and forget about it,” he said, as though a life could be given up and forgotten as easily as that. She wondered if he felt the same way about her. She said nothing and walked out of the room. She went outside and got in her car in a light
rain and wondered if she should have offered to pick Jenny up, but she hadn’t thought of it. She was glad she still wanted the baby, in spite of losing Bill. It would give her something to live for now, Maggie thought as she drove, praying that Lucy would come through it all right. She was so young to endure so much. Her own delivery had been traumatic, and she’d been ten years older than Lucy was now. At fourteen, Lucy just wasn’t ready for what was in store for her.
The rain slowed Maggie down, and an accident as she approached the hospital blocked the road. There were police standing by and an ambulance. A truck had overturned, and she explained to the officer, when he stopped her, that her daughter was having a baby and she had to get to the hospital, so they escorted her through, and she drove on. And as soon as she got there, they handed her surgical pajamas to change into and rushed her to the delivery room. It had all happened so quickly, and Lucy was ready to push. She was screaming piteously when her mother walked into the room, and Lucy grabbed her arm and clawed at her, as her mother tried to calm her down.
“Where’s Jenny?” she shouted as they held her down so she didn’t fall off the table, and finally they strapped her down which made her scream more. They were going to use forceps if she wouldn’t push, which would only make it worse. But they couldn’t reason with her, she was in too much pain. “I want her here too!” she screamed. “She said she’d be here!” Lucy said, terrified.
“She’s coming,” Maggie said with a calm she didn’t feel. It was ghastly watching her child in so much pain, it made her feel sick. “They called her when they called me. It’s raining and the road is blocked, so it may take her a while.” But Lucy’s baby wasn’t willing to wait. It was ripping its way through Lucy’s young body, and she felt like she was drowning as she screamed.
Until the End of Time: A Novel Page 14