Calico Girl

by Jerdine Nolen

  Mrs. Peake sat with Callie, holding her until her tears stopped. She turned Callie’s face to look at her.

  “Sometimes that is all that can be expected of us, to do our best. If this is your best, Callie, then that is good enough for me. Understand? We all have some things in our life that we have lost that tear us apart, that make us feel we cannot go on. But you must go on. There are things that make us sad. Still, you must rise above these things and have the life you are intended to have. Life and the ones we love expect and require this of us.”

  Callie lay back down and said nothing. Hot, fresh tears ran into her ears.

  “I would like very much to have you back in the schoolroom with me. You are a good and eager learner. You can learn to be a wonderful teacher,” she said, brushing her hair back from her face. “Calico Girl,” Mrs. Peake called her. “Don’t rush out of your grief, but do hurry to feel better so that you can come back to the school and start your life again. We need you.”

  Then Mrs. Peake was quiet for a very long time before she spoke again.

  “But now I must be on my way. I must greet the young adult scholars who will be arriving later this afternoon. Your parents attended the adult session last night. I like your parents very much, Callie, very much indeed.”

  She patted and hugged Callie one last time before she walked to the door. Callie lay very still. She felt sad, but she did not feel much like crying.

  Callie listened to the sound of Mrs. Peake’s footsteps as she walked to the door until she could no longer hear them. The scent of the orange made Callie realize how hungry she was. She sat up and put a section of the orange in her mouth. It reminded her of the first time she shared an orange with her teacher. It left a sweet taste with her. And times after that, the two often shared an orange from the big bowl Mrs. Peake kept supplied in the classroom.

  This time Callie wanted to say something. Finally, she found the words she wanted to say. And she knew to whom she wanted to say them. She spoke out loud.

  “There are so many things in the world that are hard to bear. There is still so much about this world that I do not like, but there are some things I do love: Papa and Mama, Joseph and Little Charlie.” Callie hesitated.

  “And that Little Charlie is in heaven with You roaming around with my brave stars.” She hesitated again. “Oh, and calico, and oranges, and of course, Mrs. Peake.”

  Callie drifted to sleep and she rested much easier this time. She felt better when she woke. When she got out of bed, she went to wash up and get dressed. But her linsey-woolsey dress was not hanging by the washbasin. In its place was a shirtwaist dress made of blue calico. It did not have a pattern of flowers on it. It was a deep blue, as blue as the color of a cloudless sky. Around its collar was a thin strip of cream-colored ribbon. It was the most beautiful dress Callie ever saw. It was hard to think that it belonged to her. Looking at it carefully, she could see that it was Mama’s stitchwork and no one else’s.

  Callie wanted to put on the dress right away, but she paused, just for a moment. When she put the dress on, she did it slowly and deliberately. Putting on the dress she felt transformed. And she remembered what Mrs. Peak had told her the day when they first met: “It is an unwritten rule, but most of us teachers wear calico.”

  Callie smiled inside her brand-new self.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Mrs. Mary S. Peake

  June 16, 1861

  After Little Charlie was buried, Ruth and Hampton were very quiet in their sadness. Hampton was often called away for scouting excursions that had him gone from the fort for days at a time. Ruth used her sewing skills and was always busy mending for the soldiers. Callie felt grateful to have a place like Mrs. Peake’s schoolroom to go every day. She studied hard, learned quickly. She wanted to do her best and, most of all, to help Mrs. Peake with the big job she had in front of her.

  Callie got to know Mrs. Peake very well. And she decided there was no finer person she had met at the fortress than Mrs. Mary S. Peake. Callie seemed to light up in her company. She was a free woman. Her freedom was not like the kind Papa was given. Mrs. Peake was born free.

  The two talked often. Mrs. Peake told Callie of her life. Callie thought she spoke to her of these things so that in a way she could use them to help her live for herself. And though there were many things about Mrs. Peake’s life Callie would like to have happened to her, the teacher’s life was not without pain, sadness, and great strife.

  “I was born in Norfolk, Virginia, in 1823. My mother was a free colored woman. My father was an Englishman. I was sent to Alexandria, Virginia, where my aunt lived. There, I attended school. I remained there for ten years of my life.

  “I have attended a colored school taught by a colored woman. And I have attended colored schools taught by white teachers. My last teacher was an Englishman named Mister Nuthall. He taught me until our United States Congress passed a law that closed all colored schools in the city. I was forced to leave the school and return home to my mother in Norfolk, Virginia.

  “But while I was at school I did my best to learn everything I could learn, Callie. I was happy to learn and study, learning new things every day. I also learned to sew. This is something your mother and I have in common.

  “My belief is that there are many great books. But there is no book greater than the Bible. Learning Scripture truths that are committed to memory should be part of every educated mind. This, coupled with learning the academics, awakens and develops the heart and mind at once.

  “You see, Callie, one never knows how long a time on this beautiful earth we have to live, and we must do the best we can with what we have, and to give to others.

  “There is a great difference between the present and the past.

  “Just a short year ago, only white children were being educated, but now, look at our roomful of colored children and their beautiful and eager faces soaking up all that they can learn. Times have changed, Callie. And they will continue to change for our people and for the better.”

  One day Callie asked Mrs. Peake something that she could not find in any of the schoolbooks she read. It had been on her mind since before they came into the fort. Callie was not sure how to ask what she wanted to know in the form of a question. Finally, she found the words and said them to her.

  “What does it mean to live and be free?” Callie asked her. “More than just being servant to a master or another person?”

  “Come and sit, Callie,” Mrs. Peake said, patting the seat beside her. “This is a big question. And it means many things to many different people. Each day, you will find out for yourself in your heart and your mind what it means to you. You will see that you are less of that person who served another, and you are more of yourself who determines her life for herself.

  “It may happen gradually, but when it comes, you cannot help but to know it. No one can tell you you are free. You will feel it and know it. You will walk through your life in a way that you never knew you could, and as you do, it will feel right and good for you.”

  Callie thought she understood only some of what Mrs. Peake was speaking about. Sometimes at night her mind was full of memories that took her back to the days at Belle Hill Farm. It seemed so far away and long ago, but in truth, it was not so. Even now, inside the impenetrable fortress, Callie still thought of life as waiting for her freedom. And she remembered the fear she felt for Mama and Papa and Joseph and Little Charlie that lived inside of her.

  These conversations with Mrs. Peake were good. It seemed that often when she spoke of these things with her teacher, it was as if the world and all of its moving parts had stopped or slowed down for a moment so that she could put things right, inside of her, inside of her head.

  Mrs. Peake and Callie talked often and much. Callie did most of the listening. And then one day, Callie began sharing her thoughts with Mrs. Peake.

  “I had been given to Suse. For all of my life, I thought of myself as Suse’s property. It was as if she owned the v
ery skin I was in and could do what she wanted with it.

  “Now I see I am not that girl anymore. It is as if that skin that covered me had grown too small. I feel I have stepped right out of that skin.

  “It was like—like stepping out of linsey-woolsey cloth and putting on my calico dress,” Callie said, and sighed as Mrs. Peake listened intently.

  “I am a brand-new girl,” Callie said. “I am a brave huntress who roams the night and the stars, wearing calico.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Susanna Wilcomb Warren

  July 2, 1861

  Lieutenant Gaines, one of the sentry soldiers, stood in the doorway of the schoolroom. Mrs. Peake cleared her throat to get Callie’s attention as she motioned toward the door. The soldier beckoned for Callie to follow him. She had been in such high spirits to see the faces of the children eager to learn, she didn’t notice him. This day, she was reading with the primer class. There were seventeen children who showed up this morning.

  Lieutenant Gaines was friendly with Callie’s family now after Papa doctored his sick horse, Flyer. Papa said Flyer had eaten too much hay and had colic. When Papa saw that the horse was about to lie down in his stall, Papa stopped him. Papa stayed awake all through the night with Flyer to keep him walking until the colic passed. Lieutenant Gaines was very grateful and beholden to Papa after that.

  “That man saved my horse,” he had told another soldier.

  Callie looked to Mrs. Peake. “Go ahead,” the teacher whispered across the room. “I can spare you a while.”

  Mrs. Peake called to the primers, “Children, come and sit with us.”

  Callie could only wonder what was wrong now. But the lieutenant seemed to have a chuckle at the corner of his mouth.

  “There is someone at the entry gate asking for you, Callie,” the lieutenant began. “She seemed harmless enough, I waved her to come on through, but she flatly refused,” he whispered to her.

  Callie could not imagine anyone asking for her by name. She ran her hand down alongside her dress to straighten out the hem and looked up at the sky. It was growing cloudy. There would be rain for sure. Callie walked alongside the lieutenant as best as she could, to keep up with his long strides.

  “I’d say she has a temper. She said she would not set one foot on this enemy soil, and she would not leave until I fetched you. She is insistent,” he said, chuckling.

  Lieutenant Gaines laughed, but Callie could not join him in the joke, for the awful, sinking feeling in her stomach. She could not say directly who this could be, but only one person came to her mind.

  “Callie?” Suse queried, “is that you? You look so different than the last time I saw you. Your clothes . . .”

  Callie smiled, smoothing down the hem of her dress again.

  “Well, you come over here to me, Callie.”

  It was Suse. She motioned for Callie to step through to her side of the entry walkway.

  “You come nearer to me,” Callie said. Suse came closer but stayed outside the walls of the fort.

  “Callie!” Suse cried, reaching out to her. “Mother said you would be here at this awful place. I am so happy to find you,” she said, taking Callie’s hand.

  “How did you get here, Suse? Is there something wrong?” Callie asked, looking around to see who was with her. “Is Miss . . .”—she hesitated—“. . . your mother here?”

  “Old Ben brought me here in the wagon,” she said, pointing. “It’s tied up on the other side of the river. He’s waiting for me . . . for us. “Oh, Callie.” Suse began, trying to fight back tears.

  “What’s wrong? What has happened?” Callie asked out of concern for the girl.

  Suse stared at Callie, whimpering.

  Now she must look up at me; her forehead only reaches my nose, Callie thought to herself.

  “Won’t you come in, Suse? I know the soldiers will let you pass,” Callie said, looking at Lieutenant Gaines for confirmation.

  “I-I had to come to see you, Callie, is all,” she stammered. “I had to come to see you before we leave tonight.”

  “Leaving? Tonight? Where will you go?”

  “Mama and I can’t stay here any longer, we won’t! We are heading to Kentucky. Papa has family there. Mama wants to go, but leaving will just be so awful!”

  “I remember that your father had family there,” Callie said, not knowing what else to say.

  “Oh, Callie, everything is so mixed up. I have felt so alone. I miss Daddy. Mama misses him too. And I have missed you so much. I miss the way we would sometimes talk all through the night. I wish you would come back with me.”

  “Oh, Suse,” Callie began. “I could never . . .”

  “Things happened so fast,” Callie said. “And without much warning. It’s the war.”

  “The war,” Suse repeated. “It is changing everything. Callie, why did you all leave? You heard Daddy tell Hampton he was supposed to take care of us—and his farm. He wasn’t supposed to run off like that!”

  “Suse, for many reasons Papa didn’t run off. You know Papa is not that kind of man—but he is only responsible to his family. He talked with Miss . . . your mama about his plans. Besides, your papa did not have the right to give such an order to a freedman.”

  For a moment, Suse’s temper flared again.

  “Now, you do what I say! Get your things—no, forget your things. Come with me as you are. Old Ben is waiting,” she said, reaching for Callie’s hand.

  Callie stepped back into the covered walls away from her.

  “Suse, we are no longer slaves or property,” she said firmly. “We are freedmen and freedwomen. Because General Butler has taken us into his fort as contraband, I am free to have my own will and determine my own life.”

  “Contraband!” Suse spat out. “I am sick to death of hearing that word. I know what you call yourself,” she sobbed.

  “I know what I am, Suse.”

  “I own you!”

  “I’m sorry, Suse” was all Callie could think to say.

  “Oh, Callie, Callie, Callie. What can we do? Callie, I don’t . . . Mama and I . . . we just do not know which way to turn. You know our neighbor Mister Howard, well, his slaves walked off the plantation yesterday, just as big and proud as you please. They gathered up their children and their clothes and walked off.

  “Then they called Mrs. Howard to the front porch. Mister Howard isn’t there anymore. Like Daddy, he went to help our war effort. Those slaves never would have behaved that way in front of him. They would have never behaved like that.

  “They called poor Mrs. Howard out to the front porch as big as you please and simply said, ‘We are leaving and you cannot stop us.’

  “There are some on the Howard place who stayed behind. But they are still declaring themselves free! They proclaimed they will leave only when they are good and ready.”

  Neither girl knew what to say. Callie looked at Suse. It felt as if she was someone she hardly knew.

  “We,” Suse began, choking on her words. “We have heard no word about Daddy as of yet.” Then she burst into tears again. Callie held on to her while she cried. Callie comforted her as best as she could. Callie knew too well what it felt like to lose someone you love.

  The wind was swirling around the two girls both in war and change. It tumbled around them and inside them.

  “Come on, Suse.” Callie extended her hand. “Won’t you at least come inside the covered walkway until the storm passes?”

  Suse lost her footing and both girls fell to the ground.

  The wind began to blow in large, sweeping gusts. Callie thought it might blow them away. Rain clouds were forming, growing thicker, heavier, and darker.

  “It’s dark in there,” she said.

  “It’s only the storm,” Callie told her. They huddled under the covered area to wait out the storm.

  “This is like the night we went to Calper’s Cave, without the storm,” Suse said, trying to smile.

  Callie listened to her. Her mind w
as moving fast.

  “Callie, remember when we went into Calper’s Cave together?”

  “Yes,” Callie said. “But we didn’t go in together. You made me go into that cave alone.”

  Then Callie recounted the painful story to Suse as she lived and remembered it.

  “We weren’t expecting to be gone for very long, but the dark sneaked up on us. At the beginning, we weren’t set on going into the cave at all. We only wanted to holler into the mouth of the cave and run. The plan was to wait long enough to see if what they said was true: If you holler loud enough into the cave, you could wake Old Man Calper’s sleeping bones and listen to them rattle. And we said if we did, we would run back home. I knew we would one day talk about this adventure for times to come. I didn’t know it would be like this,” she told Suse.

  “But that is not the way things happened,” Callie continued. “Mama Ruth says since Mister Calper died such an awful death there, no one has ever tried to live on the land or farm it. The people around here say the land is cursed and the black-and-white tree proves it.

  “I remember that black-and-white tree,” Suse added.

  “Some folks say that tree is there to teach a lesson about living. But Mama Ruth says she cannot figure out for the life of her exactly what that lesson could be. Sometimes folks like to hide their ignorance by pretending to be wise.

  “When we finally remembered it was the cave we wanted to explore, it was already getting dark. We wondered if we should just turn back home.

  “Then you said, ‘When will we ever get this chance again?’

  “So together we decided to go quickly to the mouth of the cave, holler, and run on home.

  “By the time we got to the cave, it didn’t seem like such a good idea to me anymore. But we both said we had to see it through. I reached for your hand, but you moved it away from me.”

  Suse shifted her weight.

  “No, Callie,” Suse said.