Dead Ringer

by Jessie Rosen

  Sarah continued working wonders, acting the part of Sass—a bold, quick-witted, and bubbly girl who somehow managed to be independent, but still adoring. On the very last night of camp, Andrew planned a special date in the woods for them to watch the sunrise together. They met in the clearing between both their cabins at five o’clock in the morning, just as the sun was starting to rise. It was riskier that way, but Andrew said he found a spot that was hidden behind the trees, and that the sky changing from night to day would be too incredible to miss. Sarah couldn’t believe what she was seeing when they arrived at the wooded area Andrew picked out—cozy blankets surrounded by pre-lit camp lanterns and a bag of snacks stolen from the cafeteria. It was the sweetest surprise she’d ever received.

  That’s why she was so confused at Andrew’s sudden anger when she pushed his hands away from her inner thighs when he touched her.

  “I thought you wanted this,” he said.

  At first Sarah didn’t even know what “this” meant. She thought they were on a romantic date, not sneaking away to sleep together. Sarah was too young at the time to know how what to do when Andrew protested, especially since she was still playing Sass. Sass wouldn’t be afraid, she thought. She would just go with the flow—be agreeable, be wild. She let Andrew go a little further, taking her shirt and pants off and kissing her absolutely everywhere. Then she tried to stop him again. It didn’t feel right. That’s when Andrew really put on the pressure.

  “Just relax. You’re safe with me. This is how it should be. I promise it will feel so good that you won’t regret a thing,” he said. Then he forced his body on top of her before she could say no. In the end it wasn’t so terrible, but the whole thing changed how Sarah felt about Andrew forever. He had gotten away with something hurtful and wrong that summer. He was far from perfect, she thought, frowning over the camp yearbook photo.

  Still, being Sass had changed Sarah’s life in every way, and her new plan was to use all those newfound acting skills to transform herself in the eyes of Englewood—specifically in the eyes of the boy she’d been pining after since he arrived to town: Charlie Sanders. Sarah couldn’t explain why she loved Charlie quite so much. A crush on the single most popular boy in school was so typical, and Charlie’s whole social scene was the opposite of Sarah in every way. But she saw something inside the new boy from the moment he arrived in Englewood. She knew that he didn’t really belong with Amanda Hunter. She believed that he could be truly perfect if he gave up trying to be the version of perfection that the whole world expected.

  But for some reason Charlie did not see that in her, even when she came back after her summer away as Sass. A haircut and wardrobe overhaul couldn’t fool people who had known her as “Sad Sarah” since she was in kindergarten, and it didn’t fool Charlie either. That’s why she invented Chelsea. Chelsea was Sass in almost every way, and she worked just as well on Charlie as she had on Andrew. Even though things between them ended awkwardly, to say the least, Sarah had to thank Andrew for being an excellent guinea pig.

  But the real gift that Andrew gave Sarah wasn’t realized until just after she “died.” Becoming Laura would require an incredible amount of money that she did not have time to earn. She needed to steal it from someone—or, she quickly realized—convince someone to give it to her willingly. And who better than the eighteen-year-old who took her young, innocent virginity essentially against her will? Sarah knew that recording portions of their time in the woods was creepy, but she originally did it because she wanted to have something to remember from the most important night of her life. And after everything that happened with Charlie and his friends, that somewhat strange decision turned out to be genius. She had proof that Andrew slept with a minor.

  Sarah rubbed her fingers along the picture of Andrew’s face on the yearbook page. She wondered what he was doing right now in California with his adorable fiancée, living in the apartment his super-rich father bought. Was he thinking of her just like she was thinking of him? Sarah had a feeling that Andrew spent most nights trying not to think about her, which was really such a shame. Andrew Craig was making all of her dreams come true. She never understood why he couldn’t see it that way.

  Charlie

  The last thing Charlie expected to see at eleven o’clock on a Wednesday night was Sean Miller walking up to his apartment building.

  “I should have come here the minute I heard the news about you getting cut from the team,” he said after he walked through Charlie’s door. “I’m sorry.” Then he reached his hand out for their typical handshake-and-hug combo.

  * * *

  “I get it,” Charlie said as they picked at the leftover mac and cheese his mom made for dinner. “I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near me after everything that’s happened. I’m toxic, but it still hurt to be abandoned.”

  “I know.” Miller said. “I was just trying to protect Kit.”

  Charlie knew he shouldn’t blame Kit and Miller for practically vanishing from his life—especially because he’d seen Kit unraveling over the past months—but he didn’t have to be friendly about the situation either. They were all involved, and now they were all terrified. They could spend less time together to draw attention away from the group, but they didn’t have to pretend like nothing was happening. After all, they could have been there for each other in secret to make this whole thing a little more bearable.

  “It’s been…hard for Kit, you know. And I have to stand by her.”

  “I see what’s going on with her, Miller. How bad is it?”

  In their almost six years of friendship Charlie had only seen Miller express two emotions: happy and mad. Even when everything happened with Sarah, he never cracked or showed stress like the rest of the group. He was mad about the way things turned out, and then it was like a wall went up and all the feelings were shut down. Charlie was convinced that he was a robot, and Kit even called him that jokingly from time to time. That’s why Charlie felt his own heart clench when he looked over and found Miller with tears in his eyes. The sight of the strongest one of them all finally losing it was too much to bear.

  “She’s bad,” Miller finally said. He quickly wiped his face on the sleeve of his varsity jacket, but it was clear he was using every muscle in his very strong body to hold back more tears. “Her parents want to take her to get meds or something because she’s bitten her fingers to shreds, and she won’t stop pulling at her hair, and now she started picking at her skin all over, making herself bleed. She keeps telling them it’s school stress, but I’m afraid they’re not going to believe that for much longer. I’m afraid that if they send her to a doctor she’s going to tell, Charlie. And I don’t know what do to. What am I supposed to do?”

  Charlie didn’t have an answer. It was no mystery to anyone in the group that Kit fully opposed everything that happened with Sarah that night. She went along with it because that was Kit, but she took it the hardest after Sarah died, just like she was right now. Kit was not cut out for this like the rest of them, and Charlie could not blame her. But he also couldn’t let her ruin them.

  “What if I could get her some meds to calm her down?” Charlie asked.

  “Like what?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ll go visit my mom at work and see if I can chat with the lady who runs the overnight pharmacy enough to let her leave me in there. They must have Xanax or something to calm her down.”

  “Yeah. I don’t know. I guess that might help.”

  “It’s worth trying. I’ll see what I can do. Can you just tell her to hold on until then?”

  “I’ll try,” Miller said. “I just want her to be okay, though, Charlie. Don’t hate me for saying this, but I’d rather go to jail than have Kit hurt herself.”

  Charlie understood the feeling, even though it terrified him to hear that Miller might stand aside and let Kit confess. “She’s going to be okay,” he said. “This might all be over soon. We just don’t know.”

  “Yeah,” Miller said. “That’s th
e real reason I came over tonight. Remember how my mom was doing some temp work over at the Englewood PD awhile back? Well, she’s back now, helping out with some filing stuff, and she found some papers starting the process of closing the investigation around all of us.”

  Charlie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had been bracing himself for another terrifying interaction with Detective Pierson for the past week. He’d figured that the suicide note would only fuel the detective’s fire to find out whether or not Charlie and his friends made Sarah kill herself, but apparently it had the opposite effect.

  “Why?” Charlie asked. “Nothing changed with the suicide note.”

  “I know, but I heard my mom tell my dad that she thinks they were only after us as a murder case, not a bullying case or whatever that means. I guess Sarah’s parents would have to press charges for it to go in that direction, and maybe they’re not willing?”

  “Are you sure about all this?”

  “That’s everything I know, but it’s been almost a month since we all talked to that detective guy. Don’t you think we would have heard something if there was more still going on?”

  Charlie didn’t want to let himself believe that they could possibly be safe. Every time he’d felt like he had control over the situation in the past, something blew up in his face. First the pranks from CO, then the contact from Sasha, who may or may not have been the same person as CO—Charlie still had no idea. After that came the letter to the police, then the note from Sarah to Hayden. It had been a total onslaught since September. The idea that it could all slowly start to fade away was unimaginable.

  “I thought there was no way out,” he said to Miller. “I was going to ask my mom to transfer schools.” Then he said something that he never expected to confess to anyone. “I thought about killing myself, Mill.”

  “I know,” Miller said soberly. “Kit was talking about that, too, at first, but then she said we deserved to suffer like Sarah suffered.”

  Charlie had thought that same thing lately. Maybe that’s why it felt strange to be excited about the investigation ending—because there was a chance they were going to get away with everything, and that still felt wrong.

  But he still couldn’t stop himself from dreaming of the possibility that all the fear and anxiety might go away. Maybe everyone with information had said all that they knew and it wasn’t enough to frame Charlie and the group? Maybe they really were safe? It would be months, if not way longer, before Charlie felt comfortable in the community, and he still had sessions with Dr. Walter to complete before he could go back to school, but for the first time since that initial VidBit, Charlie felt like there was hope.

  Then, just after Miller left, Charlie’s phone buzzed. His heart immediately sank. It had to be another chat from CO, an email from Sasha, or a message from Detective Pierson—a moment of karma reminding him that he was still in the wrong. He had allowed himself two seconds of relief, but now the truth was coming back to haunt him.

  Charlie held his breath as he grabbed his phone off the couch and turned it over to see what flashed across the screen.

  Come over for Friendsgiving this Fri? Would be fun to have you there. –L

  Charlie breathed out. Maybe it was okay to hope. Maybe the worst was over.

  Sasha

  Sasha’s grades had taken a serious dive since all the activity around Sarah’s story erupted, and her guidance counselors were concerned. They threatened a meeting with her parents for the Monday morning after winter break if things didn’t improve. Sasha had four weeks to get her act together, one of which was technically vacation. And yet all she could think about as she sat through the chemistry lecture of the day was the latest contact from CO.

  Hi, Sasha–

  I understand if you don’t want to meet after I stood you up the first time, and it’s probably for the best anyway. I just wanted to tell you that I am a concerned friend of Sarah’s who thought there might be something more to her death, but now that the suicide note was released, I’m ready to move on. It feels too risky to keep digging into things where I have no business. If you ever want to get together to talk about Sarah, let me know. Otherwise, best of luck to you.

  –CO

  Why would someone put so much effort into terrorizing Charlie and then just give up? If this was a friend, who was it? Sasha didn’t spend much time with Sarah in the year before she died, but she figured she would have at least heard of a person who cared enough to do what CO had done. Could it have been someone from camp? Maybe that boy whose name Sarah wrote all over every single one of her notebooks when she got home—Andrew, wasn’t it? Sasha didn’t even have his last name, and she certainly couldn’t ask Sarah for details. And what did CO mean by “it feels too risky?” Was he or she hacking, too?

  It seemed like the goal of that email was to stop Sasha from making any contact, but, if anything, it just fueled her fire.

  That afternoon Sasha was scheduled to babysit at the Hunter house until five o’clock. The week prior she’d heard Amanda pick up a cellphone call from Charlie, and from the sounds of it, they were being friendly again. Then a few days later Kit and Sean showed up with Italian ices to help Amanda’s sore throat, and the three of them watched a movie together in the den. Apparently all it took was Sarah’s suicide note for the gang to get right back together. None of them seemed fully back to normal, especially not Kit, who looked much skinnier than Sasha remembered, but they were hanging out together, which was bad enough. It sickened Sasha, but it also motivated her to figure out how to break them all apart again.

  After work at the Hunters’, Sasha rushed straight home to her computer. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t gone through this process yet, but the first logical place to start in terms of figuring out who CO could be was inside the Englewood High system. The most obvious connection would be someone with the initials C-O. Sasha ran a search on all those letters within the hundreds of real names and usernames, but only three came up: Courtney Orleans—a senior who had transferred from a neighboring town the year prior; Chad Ochsman—a foreign exchange student from Sweden; and Candace Orsinsky—a freshman who was two years younger than Sarah. Technically there was also Owen Cleary and Olivia Crespew—in case C-O was someone’s reversed initials—but they were also both younger than Sarah and hadn’t once alerted Sasha’s system with a single mention of Laura-the-look-alike’s arrival. None of these were likely candidates, but Sasha enhanced the system to account for extra tracking around those five names just in case.

  Then Sasha stopped and allowed herself to think through something she’d pushed back many times before during this process. This time it felt too risky to just hope without knowing. She typed one more name into the system with a flag for enhanced screening: Becca Asher.

  Sasha could still bring herself to tears at the mere thought of what she’d done to Becca. Theirs’ wasn’t just a first love. Becca was the person who helped Sasha truly understand all the confusing feelings going on inside her brain and body. Becca accepted her for who she was and kept her safe from people who wouldn’t understand. Becca tried to help her after everything that happened with Sarah, and Sasha thanked her by vanishing because life was too hard in that moment. But maybe Becca never forgot about what happened to Sasha’s sister. Maybe she was trying to help as a way to get Sasha back. Sasha felt a sense of relief as she finished typing Becca’s name and closed her computer, though she feared that was not the answer to the mystery.

  Sasha’s next task was to try and figure out if CO could be someone from Sarah’s past outside of Englewood high. The camp her sister went to was called Mackinack, Sasha remembered, so the C and O weren’t specifically a reference to that, but maybe there was a bunk name or summer activity that played a part in the handle?

  Sasha decided that her next best option was to go through the box of things her parents had saved from Sarah’s room right before they moved, even though it was the last thing in the world that she wanted to experience.
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br />   It was only the second time since Sarah died that she’d opened the plastic Costco bin and dug through the clothes, books, and memories. The first time was on the first anniversary, almost one year earlier. All she could remember from that moment was the smell. She hadn’t ever thought about Sarah having a distinct scent until she opened that box, but the second she did, it filled her nose and brain. It was like Sarah was sitting right there next to her. The scent was a little sweet, like the deodorant she wore, and a little dusty-smelling because Sarah lived in old sweaters that she bought at vintage stores. Sasha had to breathe through her mouth as she sifted through all Sarah’s things that day. The smell made it too hard.

  She started to do the same thing today even before she pulled the bin down from the closet in her parent’s room where it was stowed away, probably forgotten by them. Sasha started with a few things from camp—some T-shirts, a lanyard, the program for the camp play—but apparently they hadn’t saved the Mackinack yearbook for her to check the names.

  She took the stack of VHS tapes that her parents had saved from recordings of when she and Sarah were growing up. They never watched them as a family after Sarah died, but Sasha knew what was on them from earlier viewings: Sarah’s first birthday party, Sarah’s first swim lesson, the first time she and Sarah put on a dance recital in the backyard… They were all taken in happier times, before her sister’s behavior problems set in and their parents started the miserable cycle of trying to figure out what was wrong. Sasha doubted there was anything on the videos that would reference CO, but she decided she’d try to watch them later if she didn’t find anything else.