Elizabeth listened with fascination. She was stunned he was speaking to her about himself in a manner that wasn’t completely complimentary. She said nothing, hoping he would continue.
He leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. He clasped his hands together and bumped them against his lips. “I have never been married before and, as I said, never expected to be.”
“I have never been married either,” Elizabeth replied, softly.
He nodded. “I know. But you led a very different life before you met me. You were seeking marriage. I never was.”
“Surely there were ladies who interested you.”
He looked sheepish and shook his head. “There were. Of course, there were.”
“Then how can you say you never thought of marriage?”
He met her eyes and tilted his head slightly to the side. “I didn’t say I never thought of marriage. I said I was never seeking it. All the ladies I was attracted to had something wrong that prevented me from seeking any kind of relationship with them.”
“Oh?”
He nodded. “I admit, I’ve behaved in a shallow manner in the past. But… I’m very observant of you, Lizzie. I pay attention to how you react to events that affect your life. You’re a very strong woman. I admire that about you.”
“You didn’t care to find out when we first met,” Elizabeth replied, but in a gentle voice. “You only thought of me as a poor girl well below your class.”
A pained look crossed over Darcy’s face, making Elizabeth feel bad that she had even brought up the past. She instantly realized she shouldn’t throw his past in his face. She didn’t want to cause him pain. She leaned forward, reaching out to him. “I am sorry, Darcy. I shouldn’t have said such a rude thing.”
It was a few moments before Darcy spoke again. Elizabeth felt grateful that he was willing to continue after she’d said something so impolite.
“I believe that being here with you for this past year has made me realize a few things about myself.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. I was unwilling to give anyone a chance to show me who they were before I judged them. That was unfair of me. I regret that now. I hope you can understand that life taught me no other way to be.”
Elizabeth was reminded of conversations she’d had with those who had known Darcy’s father. The elder Mr. Darcy had been a friendly man, with a positive yet business-minded attitude. He was well-liked. Darcy was the opposite. Elizabeth could only wonder if that was a trait he shared with his mother, whom she had never heard anything about.
“What are you trying to tell me, Darcy?” Elizabeth asked softly.
“I’m trying to tell you that my feelings about you and your family have changed significantly. I’m now happy that I married you and accepted your father’s arrangement.”
“My father’s arrangement?” Elizabeth frowned. “Wasn’t the marriage the agreement?”
Darcy smiled automatically. “My dear, you can’t expect that I agreed to this for nothing.” As soon as he said it, Elizabeth could tell he regretted it. She frowned deeply, anger rising in her.
“What did my father give you in exchange for my hand?” she asked in a harsh voice.
“Elizabeth, in all cases of marriage there’s a dowry to be considered,” Darcy replied, sitting back, completely aware of his mistake.
Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, setting her book aside with a thump and sitting forward. “You make a hefty sum per annum, Darcy, and you know my family’s struggling. What did you take from my family in exchange for my hand in marriage?”
Darcy stared at her in silence. His face had become stone-like. She couldn’t read his expression to mean anything at all. She no longer saw regret. She didn’t see sorrow. She saw nothing.
Suddenly he stood up, making her sit back in surprise.
“I won’t discuss business with you,” he said in a cold voice. The Darcy she married seemed to have taken over. She narrowed her eyes and stood up.
“I think this is business that I have a right to ask about. After all, it’s my life we’re talking about here.” Elizabeth felt as though she had been bought and sold.
“And it’s not my life, as well?” Darcy spit out the words. “Marriage isn’t to be taken lightly. Had you not been such a beautiful woman, I would never have considered this. But…”
Elizabeth cried out in frustration, balling up her fists and placing them on her hips. “You married me for financial reasons only? And because of the way I look? Did you consider who I am as a person?”
Darcy frowned down at her. “You’re overreacting. Your father and I had several long discussions about you. I’ve already told you this. What you like. What you don’t like. What kind of person you are. And, yes, there’s always some business when it comes to arrangements like this. But haven’t I told you that my feelings have changed, and that I see things differently now?”
“I’m more than an object to be bought and sold,” Elizabeth huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and refusing to listen to what he was saying. “I should have known you wouldn’t have done something so profound just out of the kindness of your heart.”
Darcy snickered. “What in heaven’s name gave you the impression there was ever any kindness in my heart?”
Elizabeth stared at him, stunned by his arrogance.
“But that was nearly a year ago, Lizzie.” Darcy’s voice had softened, but she didn’t hear it. “I’ve changed. For the better. Surely you’ve seen it.”
Elizabeth’s emotions were all over the map. Her mind whirled with different feelings about what he was saying. She was angry that she had been treated like a piece of meat. She was proud that he had changed. She doubted that it was true. She stood speechless in front of him.
He shook his head. “Elizabeth, I’m trying to get through to you that I’ll change the agreement with your father so that it’s not a burden to them in any way.”
“Change the agreement?” Again, Elizabeth was completely confused, and it frustrated her to feel that way.
Darcy’s face colored and she had a realization.
“The dowry settlement was ongoing? You aren’t helping my family! You’re taking from them!”
Darcy shook his head again. “No, Elizabeth, you don’t understand. You can’t understand business.”
“I deserve to be told what’s going on here!” Elizabeth cried.
He continued shaking his head. “I won’t discuss it with you. I’m simply trying to tell you that I’m going to change things so that your family is more likely to prosper than stumble. I’m doing this for you, Elizabeth, and if you refuse to see that it’s because you’re a stubborn woman who won’t listen.”
“Oh!” Elizabeth focused on the insult he had ended his words with rather than the context of what he was saying. She grabbed the skirt of her dress and balled it up in her hands. She moved around him, stomping to the door to leave the room.
Chapter 23
Elizabeth decided to visit her family the next day, taking a carriage early in the morning so as to be at Longbourn for breakfast. She was unsure how to feel about her relationship with Darcy, and desired the advice and opinion of her family. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the barbs that Lydia or Kitty might throw her way, but they knew nothing about life and love. They were taken with the officers in town, and hardly ever bothered to talk sense about anything else.
She had originally considered a trip to Meryton; perhaps she could see Charlotte or her Aunt Gardiner. But she wanted to speak to Jane, as she missed her older sister more than she thought she would. She had always been Elizabeth’s first confidante as they grew up. Mary was less sociable and seemed destined to be a spinster. Jane, with her beauty and charm, would make a magnificent wife, and Elizabeth shared those traits. They had similar characteristics, but were different enough to have their own opinions. As sisters, they were a wonderful match. Sometimes Elizabeth felt for her sister, Mary, who seemed to be the odd man ou
t. Lydia and Kitty shared personality traits that made them both seem so much younger than their ages. Mary, with her bookish nature and somber attitude, was alone in her attributes, causing her to clash with all her sisters at some point in time, even if it was a silent rebuke of something she didn’t agree with.
The dawn air was crisp for late spring. Elizabeth drew her coat in closer around her neck and tucked her face down in the fur at the top of it to keep it warm. She knew she wouldn’t need that coat in an hour or so but she was grateful to have it right then. She had, in fact, gone back in the house to retrieve it from the coat closet. As soon as she stepped out onto the porch of Pemberley House, she felt a cold wind slap her cheeks.
She looked out over the horizon, watching as the sun came up over the distant mountains. It was rising slowly, casting many colors across the sky in streaks that moved along the mountains like crashing waves. Fluffy white clouds streamed through the colors. Elizabeth pulled in a deep breath, taking in the majestic beauty of the sky.
She wondered if Darcy was noticing the sky from wherever he was. He had risen early and left Pemberley House, even before the dawn. She didn’t ask why. She didn’t care to know. She was still miffed at the idea that he was so cold-hearted he had taken from her family something they had very little of—money. From the moment of her marriage she was under the impression he had been giving of his money, not selfish with it. Especially not to the point that he would take it from her family.
Her mother was currently worried about the owner of Longbourn house, or at least he who would become the owner when Mr. Bennet passed away: Mr. Collins. Mr. Collins had paid a few visits to Longbourn, according to her mother’s correspondence. She knew that he had been initially interested in being her husband, and considered her marriage to Darcy—though complicated—a blessing because it relieved her of having to say “no” to such a union. She considered Mr. Collins a pompous clergyman, and not suitable to keep her even the slightest bit happy. Not that Darcy was faring any better. But at least Darcy was completely aware of his arrogance, while Mr. Collins seemed to feel it was everyone else who had a problem.
Elizabeth felt sorry for any of her sisters who might be considered for marriage to him.
She planned to catch up on all the events of the day in person this time, as her last letter of correspondence from her mother had been short and some time in the past. At least a fortnight.
She felt a warm sensation run through her when she saw Longbourn in the distance. She instinctively sat forward, as if the motion would get her there sooner. She gazed curiously at a carriage that was sitting out front. She didn’t recognize whose it was and wondered who could have been here sooner than she, as it was very early in the morning. She had arrived well before the usual breakfast time of ten o’clock.
She stepped down from the carriage with the help of her driver, and held her skirts in her hands as she moved up the steps to the front door. She didn’t bother to knock or wait for the housekeeper. She simply opened the door and went in.
She heard beautiful sounds coming from the pianoforte in the parlor and went curiously toward them. She knew her sisters couldn’t be playing. None of them could play so beautifully.
She pushed open the door to see her sister, Mary, and her sister-in-law, Georgiana, sitting side by side on the piano bench. Georgiana was playing a piece, her eyes closed, her long, slender fingers playing the keys like it came naturally to her.
Elizabeth stood watching until the song was over and then clapped softly, entering the room. The women looked up at her in surprise. A smile filled Mary’s face and she stood up from the bench.
“Lizzie! I wasn’t expecting you this morning! I trust you’re well?” She held out her arms and the two women hugged briefly, planting a soft kiss on each other’s cheeks.
“I decided last night to ride out this morning. I was in need of time with my beautiful sisters. And Mother and Father, of course.”
The two girls laughed. Elizabeth looked at Georgiana, who had also stood up with a large smile on her face.
“Georgiana! I didn’t expect you to be here! Come, give me a hug!” Elizabeth held out her arms and the young woman came to return her kind gesture.
“I’m teaching Mary to play the pianoforte,” Georgiana replied. She moved her eyes beyond Elizabeth over her shoulder, causing Elizabeth to turn around. She was surprised to see a gentleman sitting there, his hands folded over his knees. She searched her mind briefly but couldn’t place him. He had been at her wedding, and she assumed he was a relative of Darcy’s. She looked back to Georgiana, hoping the young woman would reintroduce her to the gentleman.
“I’m sure you remember Colonel Fitzwilliam, my cousin,” Georgiana said helpfully, holding out one hand in the man’s direction. Relief swept through Elizabeth and she turned back to the colonel.
“Of course! How do you do?”
The colonel stood up and bowed to her. “It’s lovely to see you again, Mrs. Darcy. How is life with my venerable cousin?”
“Quite well, thank you for asking,” Elizabeth answered promptly. She detested lying, but it wasn’t the colonel’s business how she was feeling. A memory from the day of her wedding flooded her mind, and she hoped the look on her face didn’t reflect that. She had overheard Darcy and the colonel talking about the relationship between Bingley and Jane. At the time it seemed a solid thing, something that couldn’t be denied. Both Darcy and Fitzwilliam were against the union, though Darcy seemed more respectful about it. She suspected he was only respectful because he knew that Elizabeth was in hearing distance. Fitzwilliam, not realizing he was speaking about her sister, expressed in no uncertain terms his distaste for the union, and encouraged Darcy to do whatever he could to dissolve it before it went too far. Darcy had replied that it wasn’t his place to make decisions for Mr. Bingley, but that he hadn’t been encouraging it.
The conversation still made Elizabeth bristle. She turned back to the women. “I don’t wish to interrupt your lesson. I’ve come to see Jane, if she’s here.”
Georgiana laughed her sweet, tinkling laugh. “Of course, she’s here. Where else would she be?”
“That’s true. She hasn’t been going anywhere of note lately, has she?”
“She’ll come out of her bubble,” Mary said. “We must be encouraging, and create the desire in her to seek companionship.”
“It’s been months since the dissolution of her relationship with Bingley,” the colonel spoke up from behind Elizabeth. She didn’t want to turn around, as the sound of his voice irritated her. “Surely, she’s not still mourning the loss?”
Elizabeth felt like asking him why he would care about it at all. She kept her mouth shut, however, knowing that she could never be so disrespectful of her cousin-in-law, no matter how she felt about him. Before she overheard the conversation, she found him to be quite charming, though not handsome in the least. He was a good conversationalist and highly intelligent. Unfortunately, her opinion was soured after she heard him and Darcy chatting about matters that weren’t their business.
Instead of responding the way she wanted to, she just turned and looked at him for a moment. Then she said, “She’s a sensitive woman whose heart is hurting. We’ll give her as much time as she needs to move on.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam nodded, his face scarlet and sheepish. “Yes, of course. Poor girl.”
Elizabeth wondered if he’d had a change of heart or if he was being catty. Either way, she didn’t want to spend another moment in the room. She turned to go to the door.
“I’ll go to her room and talk with her. Enjoy your afternoon.” She looked at each of them in turn, letting her eyes linger just a bit longer on the colonel.
Chapter 24
Jane was sitting quietly on her window seat, her legs drawn up under her. She was staring out the window at the horizon when Elizabeth knocked lightly on her open door and came into the room. Jane turned to look at her. A smile lit up her somber face and she reached out so El
izabeth could give her a hug.
“How are you feeling, sister dear?” Elizabeth asked, hugging Jane and then sitting in front of her on the window seat.
“I’m well,” Jane replied. “I only woke a few moments ago and decided to sit here and think until breakfast is ready. You’re here very early. I wasn’t expecting a visit from you.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I decided last night that I wanted to see my family.”
“How’s your husband?”
Elizabeth tried not to hear the tension in the question, but knew her sister was wounded and couldn’t help it. She had thought for the longest time that she would be wed by now, and perhaps even pregnant with Bingley’s child. But it wasn’t to happen. Elizabeth was the one who had married and moved out of Longbourn. She chose her words carefully.
“He’s well. But he’s Darcy. His health doesn’t waver. It’s his behavior that is often deplorable.”
“He’s still boorish and self-righteous?” Jane’s voice didn’t rise in pitch or volume. She returned her eyes to the horizon.
“At times. I was surprised to see Colonel Fitzwilliam here.”
Jane lifted her eyebrows. “Is he?”
“Don’t you hear the pianoforte down in the parlor?”
“I do hear it. And I heard when Georgiana greeted Mary and Kitty. But I didn’t hear the voice of a man.”
“I didn’t see Kitty. But yes, he came with Georgiana, I’m assuming to pay a visit to Father or just to get out and socialize.”
“He’s a charming man. I met him at your wedding. He was very kind to me.”
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