Elizabeth was somewhat surprised by that, as she had distinctly heard his words with Darcy that very same day discouraging a relationship with Bingley. “It was nice for him to be kind to you. He wasn’t in favor of your relationship with Mr. Bingley, though.”
Jane turned her eyes back to her sister. “Oh? How do you know?”
“I heard him talking with Darcy. Neither was in favor of the relationship.”
Jane shook her head, a look of sadness covering her face. Elizabeth silently chided herself for being so blunt with Jane. But the colonel had been right that she needed to move on from the pain. She couldn’t let it consume her.
“Jane, you must realize that it’s been months since Bingley left. Many months. You’re a beautiful, charming woman. Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife. Blessed, I might say. You must put this pain aside and move on from it. Our sisters and I can’t bear to see you still in so much despair. Please, Jane, don’t you agree?”
Jane continued looking out the window. She didn’t respond right away and Elizabeth sighed quietly.
“You know I only say this because I love you, sister. I’m not trying to hurt you further.”
Jane nodded. “I know, Lizzie. I know you wouldn’t try to hurt me. I’m… I’m trying. But it’s difficult for me, as I truly gave him my whole heart. I had my life planned, I was happy. Now I can’t seem to find that happiness again.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Well, you won’t find it sitting here in your room by yourself. You must find a way to get out, force yourself if you must. Open your heart to more possibilities.”
“Mother has been saying the same. And I truly believe Papa couldn’t be more disappointed in me.”
Elizabeth snorted in an unladylike fashion, making Jane’s lips twitch with a near-smile. “Papa isn’t disappointed in you, Jane. He is disappointed, perhaps, in Mr. Bingley and that entire family. Leaving the way they did, without so much as a word to you about what was happening.” She shook her head again. “It’s quite disgusting behavior. You’re not to blame. You’re letting Bingley have too much power over your mind. It’s time to let it go and see what other opportunities God might have in store for you.”
Jane sighed. “I suppose you’re right, Lizzie. But how can I create motivation where there’s none?”
“It’s up to you, sister, that’s true. You must change your thoughts. The way you’re thinking is what holds you back from advancing. You can’t take steps forward if you don’t know where you’re going.”
Jane stared at her. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
“You have to make plans for your future. You have to look for opportunities to make yourself better. Concentrate on being the woman you want to be.”
“I want to be a wife and mother.”
“You won’t ever become those things sitting back and watching the world pass you by because you were once in love and it didn’t work out. You have to take chances!”
Jane moved her eyes to the window again. “I’m not like you, Elizabeth. I don’t jump forward in leaps and bounds like you do.”
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean? I didn’t get where I am, living at Pemberley House as a married woman, because I took a chance and jumped forward. I was told what I needed to do and I did it.”
“And is Darcy a good husband to you?”
Elizabeth hesitated before saying, “He’s trying. And that’s all I can ask.”
“Why did he agree to the marriage, Lizzie? Especially when he was so against my marriage to Bingley? I know he only discouraged it because I don’t come from a wealthy family. Why would he agree to take on such a thing when he didn’t want that for his friend?”
Elizabeth shrugged, taking one of her sister’s hands in both of hers and patting it softly. “My husband is an enigma. But he’s changing. He’s progressing. He’s trying. I can tell.”
“He’s not the man he used to be?”
“He will always be Fitzwilliam Darcy. But he’s not as crass as he used to be. He’s learned respect. As for why he agreed to marry me, I’m still unsure. I don’t know the details, but apparently the exchange was satisfactory to both him and Papa.”
“It seems strange to me. But do you love him, Lizzie? Have you learned to love him?”
“I’ve learned to love many things about him, Jane. But I’m not in love with him.”
“Does it seem strange to be married to someone you don’t love?”
“I agreed to do this because I love my family, that is you, Papa, Mother, and our sisters. I had hoped that he would help us financially.”
“Have you learned different?” Jane frowned. “He’s been helping Papa, hasn’t he?”
Elizabeth didn’t respond immediately. She wasn’t sure about the arrangement and didn’t want to give Jane any details she was unsure about. It would be too much like lying or gossiping without all the facts. She didn’t want to do that to Darcy or to Jane. “I’m not sure about the financial situation, Jane. But I know that Darcy is changing for the better, and learning to respect other people’s feelings. He’s been more considerate in the past few months. It’s a good thing to see.”
“Do you think you’ll fall in love with him?”
Again, Elizabeth took a moment before responding. She looked out over the fields through the window and thought about it. “I do believe eventually I will.”
“It will either happen or you’ll begin to resent and dislike him,” Jane said. “I do hope that it’s love that fills your heart instead of resentment. It would be very difficult to be married to a man you dislike intensely.”
“Yes, that’s true. But he’s a gentleman who demands respect and admiration, regardless of his callous behavior at times.”
“Oh, yes, I agree with you.” Jane seemed more energetic now than she had been when Elizabeth entered the room. She hoped that she had given her sister a reason to be energetic.
“Are you ready to get dressed and come face the world?” Elizabeth asked with a smile.
“Will you help me get dressed this morning? Perhaps you can brush my hair for me and put it up in the pins?”
“If you wish. I would be glad to help. It would be my pleasure.”
“Thank you, Lizzie. I’m glad you came over this morning.”
Elizabeth leaned over to hug her sister. “Me too, Jane. Me, too.”
Chapter 25
“Did you enjoy your visit with your family?” Darcy asked as he and Elizabeth walked down the path in the park. The summer heat had kicked in and it was a bright and beautiful Saturday afternoon, the day after Elizabeth’s trip to Longbourn.
“I did, very much.”
“I’m sure they were pleased to see you.”
“Yes, they were.”
After a few moments, Elizabeth continued. “I saw your cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam. He was there with Georgiana.”
“Oh?” Darcy sounded surprised. He looked down at Elizabeth curiously. “What in heaven’s name were they doing at Longbourn?”
“I must assume that Georgiana is teaching Mary to play the pianoforte. That’s what they were doing when I arrived.”
“Hmm, that’s interesting,” Darcy replied. “I haven’t seen the colonel since the wedding. What was he doing?”
“He was listening to them play. And drinking tea. He probably had a biscuit or two. I didn’t stay to talk to him very long.”
“Why not?”
“I wanted to speak to Jane and she wasn’t in the room. I wanted to speak to her privately anyway, so it was all right that she wasn’t in the room with them.”
“You don’t like my cousin?”
Elizabeth looked up at him. “What makes you say that?”
“You didn’t speak very kindly when you said his name. Your voice has turned harsh.”
“I didn’t think it did.” Elizabeth was embarrassed. Darcy was getting to know her too well.
He chuckled. “It did. What’s the issue you have with him?”
Elizabeth thought about it for a moment before answering. She didn’t want to bring up more drama, but the truth was the truth. “I’m unhappy with the way he spoke of Bingley and Jane. He expressed some very discouraging opinions about it.”
Darcy raised his eyebrows. “So did I. Do you still hold those opinions against me?”
Elizabeth suppressed a giggle. “Perhaps I do. That’s why we argue, isn’t it? You have very harsh opinions of those who’re lower in class and society than you. I find that behavior appalling.”
“I haven’t behaved in such a way for months,” Darcy protested. “Marrying you has made me look at it in a different light.”
“I had hoped you would say something like that, Darcy.”
“I still don’t believe it would have been a successful union,” Darcy hurried to continue, seeing Elizabeth’s immediate frown. “But for different reasons now. Before, I felt that it wouldn’t work because of the financial difference, that Bingley was much too high class for Jane. Now, I don’t feel she would have been very happy. She may have thought she would be, but it’s doubtful Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst would have continued their charade of being charitable and kind. They were very much against the entire courtship, and warned Bingley several times when Jane wasn’t around that they wouldn’t put up with such a blight to the family name for long. He truly battled for her. But it wouldn’t have been a good union for many reasons. His sisters were just one of them. He wouldn’t have been able to make Jane happy, Lizzie. I hope you understand that.”
Elizabeth nodded, slipping her arm around her husband’s elbow. He looked down at it and grinned, placing one hand on her arm. “I do understand it, Darcy. I do now. But she’s still so heartbroken. I wish she would open back up to the possibilities before her.”
“She will eventually. She’s grieving in her own time.”
Elizabeth agreed. She had seen a new spark in Jane’s eye the day before, especially when she met and spoke with Colonel Fitzwilliam. The colonel was surprisingly charming and kind to her. His behavior seemed very genuine. Elizabeth reminded herself that it had been almost a year since the wedding and many things had changed. Perhaps he had changed his mind about class distinction.
“For a long time, I didn’t believe I would ever marry,” Darcy said. “I have high standards for a woman in my life.”
“Do I meet hose standards?”
He grinned at her. “You’re my wife. It doesn’t matter now whether you do or not.”
She slapped his arm lightly and giggled. “No, you won’t get away with making a statement like that and not clarifying yourself, my dear husband. Do I meet them?”
“You’re an honest woman,” he replied seriously. “You’re loyal, faithful, and trustworthy. You’re intelligent and beautiful. The only thing you lack is family wealth and title. Fortunately, I no longer concern myself with that. I believe I got the best part of the bargain.”
Elizabeth felt a warm sensation spread over her body. Her breath caught in her throat. “I believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Darcy.”
“I have strong feelings for you, my dear. Dare I say the word ‘love’? I didn’t expect it to be this way when we married. I could only hope that what I saw in you and what your father told me about you was true, and that you wouldn’t be someone different after marriage.”
“What do you mean?”
Darcy pulled in a breath. “I’ve met many women, as you know, and there have been many who wished to marry me. I was never sure of their intentions. I didn’t want to love and marry a woman who wasn’t as beautiful inside as she was on the outside. I didn’t want to marry a shrew who only uncovered her true character after the marriage had taken place.”
Elizabeth nodded. “That’s understandable.”
They were quiet for a moment. A soft breeze blew through Elizabeth’s hair, lifting it from her shoulders. She closed her eyes and sighed.
“I hope you understand that I feel I made the right decision.” Darcy’s voice was low and filled with emotion, something Elizabeth wasn’t used to. She looked up at his handsome profile.
“I’m glad you feel that way, Darcy. I truly am.”
“I don’t want you to think I mean you harm when I warn you about the characters of others. There are some people you think you know, but you don’t really know them. I say this because you… I can tell you have a good heart and you’re the kind of woman who sees the good in others.”
“I do try to. I’m observant of bad behavior, though. I do feel I know who I can trust and who I can’t. I’m not like Jane, who only sees the good. I see the bad, as well.”
“What you must understand is that perhaps we shouldn’t judge others by the mistakes of their past, but we must keep those things in mind. A snake may shed its skin but it’s still a snake.”
“People can change.”
“People rarely change, Lizzie.”
She looked up at him again. He returned the look and their eyes met. Elizabeth’s heart skipped a beat. “You’ve changed, Darcy. Haven’t you?”
Darcy gave her a small, closed-lip smile. “It’s not so much that I’ve changed, Lizzie, as it is I’ve changed my opinions about certain things. Inside, I’m still the man I have always been and it’s unlikely I will ever be any different.”
“What’s the difference?”
Darcy stopped at a bench placed a few feet away from the shore of the small stream that wound its way through the park. “Let’s sit for a moment.”
Elizabeth settled herself next to him on the bench and looked out over the water, wondering if he was going to clarify himself to her. She was surprised when he took one of her hands in his and squeezed it gently.
“I’ll attempt to make you understand, my dear,” he said. “My father was a good-hearted man all his life. He had a lot of friends. He was an open, caring person. I tried to emulate that when I was young but it’s not in my nature, nor my character, to be who he was. I concentrate on what will make my life easier and prosperous. I have no time for other people, their drama, or their emotions. Shall I once again bring up the problem with Bingley and Jane? Don’t be offended.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I won’t be offended.”
“I knew from the beginning that Charles wasn’t using his brain when he began to court her. At the time, I was thinking it would not be good for him because your family isn’t wealthy. I suspected Jane was only vying for his affection because she wanted his money.” He held up one hand. “I don’t mean to be insulting to her or your family. I didn’t know any of you at the time. I suspected her and I was against it because of that. Now that I know your family and Jane personally, I know she’s not that way. It turns out I was right about the relationship, but for a different reason. Now, I’m under the impression that Jane is too good for him. And I’m glad they didn’t marry because she would have been miserable.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I do agree with you about that.”
“My opinions may change but I’m still the same man. I still don’t trust people easily, and I have strong opinions about certain topics that I’m not afraid to express.”
Elizabeth realized that he had explained himself to her in a very understandable way. She was glad he was holding her hand so she could squeeze it back. How long would it be before he would truly tell her he loved her? She longed for those words. The moment she heard them, she would say it back.
Chapter 26
That evening Elizabeth was relaxing in her room in front of a fire, remembering their conversation. She had built a small fire in the fireplace, not for warmth as much as for comfort. The house was chilly, even though it was the beginning of summer. She held the same book on her lap that she had been reading for the past week. It seemed every time she picked it up, her mind would wander to different things and she would sit with it open without reading a word.
At that moment, the book was sitting open on her lap and she was staring into the fire, thinkin
g about the day. She could hear Darcy downstairs with a few of his friends. They were talking and laughing. She enjoyed hearing Darcy laugh, and wondered what they were joking about.
After another burst of laughter brought a smile to her face, she set the book aside and got up to close her door. She had enjoyed her day and felt secure in her room, with her book and her fire.
On a whim, she decided to sit at her writing desk and write a letter to her mother. She hadn’t had a chance to sit with Mrs. Bennet the day before, as it was an active day for the woman. She attended a bible study and had both her book club and sewing group on that day. They had only spoken for a few minutes during breakfast before Mrs. Bennet went about her day.
Dearest Mother, she wrote. I do wish we’d had more time to speak yesterday but I understand your need to oblige others with your presence. How lucky they are to have you as friend! I find I’m much happier than I have been for some time. My relationship with Darcy evolves into something more comfortable every day. I believe I’m finally beginning to understand him in a way I never thought possible.
She stopped writing for a moment and looked down at the words she had written. They were true and she was happy she was able to write them. She dipped her pen and continued.
You would be shocked to know the changes Darcy has made in his callous behavior. He shows much more respect for others than he did when we first met. Yesterday when I arrived, Mary was learning piano from Georgiana—I found this very surprising and delightful! I didn’t know they had ever corresponded or talked other than at family events. And to my great surprise, there was my cousin-in-law, Colonel Fitzwilliam. I don’t know if you observed what I observed, but it did seem to me that the colonel was somewhat taken with Jane. He made her smile on more than one occasion. I believe she may have even laughed! Oh, Mother, how wonderful it would be to see Jane come out of her depression and into the warmth of happiness! I know that’s not easy, especially for someone as sensitive as she!
I must find time to see Papa and to tell him that I’m happy with the arrangement he has made for me.
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