Combatting Fear

by Sandy Vaile

  Her nightmares had been replaced by new ones, where murky water swallowed Rowan whole. She rubbed her nose to banish the stench of mud that just wouldn’t leave her. Her whole body ached with the need to see Rowan and Micah, to wrap her arms around them and feel them safe and vital.

  And to think, all of this trauma had been caused by the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Well, she couldn’t be entirely ungrateful, because it also brought Micah to Turner’s Gully, and he’d be back soon.

  There was one thing that clarified in her mind during that first long, bleak night without him. Only the absence of someone she loved could hurt her that much. She just had to last a few days.

  A single, large raindrop hit the middle of her nose, and she looked up at the dark sky. She had no idea how long she’d been sitting in the garden. The weak sun had moved across the sky—that much she knew. The thrum of a helicopter passed overhead as one of the news crews made its regular pass.

  It was difficult to believe that a few days ago, she had been hiding on a dark hillside with Micah, weighing up the best course of action to save Rowan. It seemed like an eternity. It was important for everyone to get their lives back on track though: Rowan needed to be around family, Micah needed the distraction of work, and she needed . . .She needed … no, she deserved to make some changes in her life too, so she wouldn’t remain stagnant.

  Something touched her shoulder, and she leapt to her feet, hand on heart.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Bron looked as elegant as always, proffering two mugs of tea. “Can I share your seat?”

  Neve shrugged at the granite boulder and sat back down. “Sure.”

  Bron settled beside her and nestled the mugs between them. The hot ceramic was the only sliver of warmth on Neve’s body.

  “Are the reporters all gone?” she asked.

  “No. They’re difficult to extract, like ticks,” Bron said bitterly, “but I kept the car windows up and didn’t look at them.”

  “You shouldn’t have bothered coming. I’m not much company.”

  Neve picked up her tea and let the warm steam waft across her face. Plump yellow-and-black-striped bees buzzed sluggishly through the chaos of flowers interspersed amongst the herbs and vegetables. The strong scent of jasmine carried on the breeze, from the back of the chicken coop. This had been a place where she used to sit with Bron and solve the world’s problems through their teenage and university years, and here they were as adults.

  Bron bumped her shoulder against Neve’s. “Well, at least you’re out of bed.”

  “I plan on returning to work next Tuesday.”

  “That could be good. We’ll get through this together.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be okay. Eventually.”

  “I’m sorry he left, Neve. I really thought you two suited one another.”

  “He’s coming back!”

  “Oh, of course.”

  Neve turned to look Bron in the eye. “We might be from different worlds, but there’s something special between us. That will be enough for us to find a way to make it work, won’t it?”

  It had taken Neve far too long to realise that, despite all the money and trimmings, Micah was just a man, who needed love and acceptance like anyone else. Something she’d denied herself.

  Bron sighed. “I only hope he realises how special he is to be trusted with your heart.”

  “Yeah, I think he does.”

  No matter how well Neve had tried to keep the walls of caution up, Micah’s chivalry and quiet strength had wormed their way under her defences. He’d seen the way she lived, understood that her values were different to his, and yet still he loved her. Would it be enough?

  You didn’t get any say about who you loved or were related to. This was her life, in Turners Gully, taking care of Tony. It didn’t seem too much to ask for someone to share her secrets with, and even her own children one day. But the trouble with loving someone was that it left her vulnerable.

  Micah wasn’t suited to the life she’d built here, nor she to his. Who am I kidding? No man is suited to this. He had enough of his own problems without buying into her complicated life.

  “I’ve never felt like this before,” she said, “and I don’t want to lose it, but I’m not sure what to do about Tony.”

  Bron patted her knee. “What exactly is it you think he needs help with?”

  For the first time in days, a smile crept across Neve’s lips. “I guess he is trained to survive in the wilderness . . .but the only way I can see this working is if I move to Sydney, and he’ll get lonely.”

  “He has Jack, and flights are cheap.”

  “I’ll get lonely.”

  “If it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out in the end.”

  “Thanks, Bron.” She picked a stalk of English lavender and crushed it between her fingers to release the perfume. “So did you come over for a reason or just to chat?”

  “Actually, Tony was worried about you seeing the newspaper.”

  The blood thundered through her veins as Bron passed a folded paper over.

  What the hell kind of bad news do they have that needs them both to be here? Oh, please don’t tell me something has happened to Rowan after everything he’s been through.

  On the front page was a huge colour photo of a solemn-faced Micah surrounded by black-clad supporters, but it was the sight of Rowan perched on his lap, tears trickling down pale cheeks, that crushed her. There was nothing she wanted in the world more right now than to comfort them, but she hadn’t been invited.

  “Other woman at wife’s funeral” would probably cause a scandal. Not good for a business magnate’s reputation.

  No, that wasn’t fair. Micah had never been a snob. She might never have realised it if they hadn’t been thrown together in such odd circumstances, because she wouldn’t have given a man like him a chance. And yet he was now integral to her happiness.

  Her gaze skimmed the columns of news text, and it blurred. “I want to give them time to grieve, to be with family, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait before I go after them Bron.” It sounded like a plea. Bron handed her a tissue, so she swiped her watery eyes and got to her feet.

  “They need me.” It didn’t matter that she wouldn’t fit into the lifestyle of the rich and famous. They were meant to be together. If Micah was in too much pain to think about her right now, then she would be the one to make it happen. Tomorrow she’d be on a flight to her future.

  Chapter 41

  Micah stood in front of the little shack he’d called home for a week, and breathed in the crisp eucalyptus scent in the morning air. He pulled a motorbike helmet on and cinched the strap.

  “If she went for a walk, she could be anywhere,” he said. And if she didn’t want to be found, he was shit out of luck. “Do you have any ideas about where I should start looking?”

  Tony rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, she does have a favourite gum tree that she does her thinking under.”

  “I know the one.” He swung a leg over the 250cc trail bike and nodded at Tony.

  The lightweight bike bounced over rocks and ruts as Micah made his way down into the valley, over the creek, and back up the other side. He scouted every bush and rock overhang to no avail. It had crossed his mind—about a million times—that she might not let him explain. He had no intention of forcing her into a situation she wasn’t ready for, but neither did he want to live without her. The past few days had been long enough. Now it was time to put his multipart plan into action.

  At the crest of the trail, he had to go bush to get around a fallen tree, but as soon as he was clear of the greenery, he spotted the enormous gnarled gum tree at the back of the property, and there she was, hugging her knees, back against the trunk.

  Her forehead was resting on her knees, but as he got close, her head snapped up and their gazes met. She jumped to her feet and took a tense stance.

  Micah skidded to a halt and kicked down the bike stand. He pulled the helmet of
f quickly and then slowed his movements so as not to startle her. With her eyes wide and muscles taut, she reminded him of a skittish horse, ready to take flight. He placed the helmet on the ground and took unhurried steps towards his destiny.

  • • •

  When the familiar blue-and-white motorbike lurched from between the trees, Neve had just been thinking about Micah—who was she kidding, she hadn’t stopped thinking about him since the day he stormed into the kindy—but this couldn’t really be him.

  Great, he’s in my dreams and every thought, and now I’m imagining him here while I’m awake.

  Her hungry gaze raked up and down his lean body and scrutinised his round, boyish face. He was far more handsome than her carefully preserved memories recalled. The helmet had flattened his gel-spiked hair to one side and a couple of day’s growth darkened his jaw, but it only added a slightly untamed edge to his image. His skin looked soft enough to stroke, but it was the intensity of his burnt-sugar eyes that held her captive.

  “You aren’t real,” she told the apparition. In her dreams—the really good ones—he didn’t just stand there; he took her in his arms and kissed her until she couldn’t remember her own name.

  He smiled, and his eyes lit up in the sun. “Well that’s one I haven’t been accused of before. I can assure you I am real, and we need to talk.”

  The sound of his voice was a balm to her raw soul. The breeze ruffled his shirt, and the scent of the exotic aftershave that was his unique blend, curled up her nostrils and infused her brain. Emotion swamped her like an equatorial tide.

  “I tried to call, but your mobile was switched off,” he said. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk before I went back to Sydney, but Rowan needed me. Tony says you haven’t left the property.”

  “The media has been camped out, and . . .How’s Rowan?”

  “He’s doing all right. I can never repay you for saving him.”

  “Anyone would have.”

  “You’re selling yourself short. He would have died if it weren’t you there.”

  He stepped closer and held her hand in his long, warm fingers. He really was here.

  “You know, you’re lucky you caught me at home,” she said. “If you’d come tomorrow, I would have been gone.”

  “Oh?” The pucker between his brows squeezed tighter.

  Life was too short for regrets. It was all in time. “I didn’t tell Dad, but I have a red-eye flight booked. To Sydney.”

  “To see me?” His mouth curled into an uncertain smile, and the lines at the corners of his eyes softened.

  She gave a measured nod, tucked her hands under her armpits and stared at a higgledy-piggledy line of ants on the ground.

  Dry grass and leaves crunched, and his boots came into view. Heat radiated from his body; drawing her towards it and making her head spin. His hand rose slowly until one finger touched her chin and lifted her face to his. Her pulse accelerated.

  “We belong together, and you know it, too, don’t you?” he said.

  If a single look could convey emotion, his would be pleading her to believe him.

  She held her breath as waves of passion and grief and confusion rolled through her. A tremble started in her knees, and she swayed.

  “The last three days have been the longest in my life,” she whispered. “I couldn’t wait another day to see you.”

  His large, hot palm rested at the nape of her neck, and the weight urged her to lean into him. Just her forehead touched his broad chest, but it was enough for her to soak in his scent and feel the power of his body. God she’d missed it.

  “I didn’t want to subject you to all the media hype,” he said, “but it’s part and parcel of my life. I realise I come with a lot of baggage.”

  “The newspapers said stuff … about the kindergarten teacher you left behind.”

  “That’s the very reason I didn’t want you exposed to this shit. They insinuate when they don’t have facts and twist innocent situations into scandals. I’ve developed a thick skin over the years, but you are going to have to look inside your heart and feel the truth, Neve.”

  She lifted her head and looked him square in the eyes. “I do feel it. Sydney is your home, and my home is with—”

  “Home is where the heart is,” he said. “I have a proposition that might work for us.”

  She looked up, and there was nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

  “Most of my work can be done from anywhere with Internet access and it’s no big deal for me to travel regularly, but I would need someone around whom I trusted, to take care of Rowan if I was going to commute to Sydney.”

  What the—? “Are you asking me to be an au pair?”

  “Of course not. You’ll be more like Rowan’s step mum if you’re living with us.”

  Her mouth popped open and closed again. She shook her head. “But your whole life is in Sydney.”

  “Neve, I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted in the business world. I have more than enough money to take care of my family, and that’s all I ever wanted. Without them, there’s no purpose in my life. But there’s one dream I haven’t realised, and I can’t do it alone. It’s being with a woman who loves me just as fiercely as I love her.”

  There was a flutter of hope deep in her belly. He stroked a palm down the side of her face, and she couldn’t help but lean into the comfort of it.

  “Neve, you are that woman. I want to be with you, always.”

  She took several deep breaths, and was ready to voice the question she didn’t want to hear the answer to. “What if things don’t work out between us?”

  “If you make that decision, then I’ll abide by it. I won’t make a nuisance of myself, but I hope it won’t be too weird for you if I stay in Turners Gully. It’s a nice place to raise a child.”

  “What?” Neve’s brows pulled together. “You’d stay here, even if we weren’t together?”

  “I can’t keep uprooting Rowan, and I hear there’s a great kindergarten in the area.” He chuckled.

  Could he really want to live in Turners Gully? Could he value her choices so much that he’d be willing to sacrifice to be with her? Then she remembered the other important people in his life.

  “What about your mum?”

  “Oh, don’t worry, she’s already planning on staying every other week, and I think Matt and Sarah are looking forward to a holiday destination. Come to think of it, it might get kind of crowded.”

  “What do you mean your mum’s already making plans?”

  “Rowan and I moved into a rental place yesterday. It’s a bit ostentatious, but the view of Adelaide city is amazing. You might know the place, it’s on Sugarloaf Road.” He grinned.

  “You rented Chelsea’s house?”

  He shrugged. “I heard it was available, and I figured I’d need room for all the visitors. Not to mention Rowan is already comfortable there. I thought it would be one less change for him to deal with.”

  “Wow.” She rubbed a kink in the back of her neck. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Neve Botticelli, kindergarten teacher extraordinaire, combat expert, and self-appointed martyr is lost for words? Well, I can tell you that I’ve never been surer of what I want.”

  He took her face between his hands and gazed into her eyes with wonder. “I’m a flawed individual in so many ways, but I would walk across hot coals for you. I’m so in love that I can’t breathe when you’re not in my sight.”

  Her lower lip trembled. He was offering her all of her dreams on a silver platter. “I was ready to move to Sydney. It’s too much for you to give up.”

  Micah stroked her hair as he continued. “Your life is no less important than mine, and I’m not saying that anyone has to give their life up. This is important enough to find a way to make it work. I want you as you are right now, with everything and everyone that comes with you.”

  “Tony?” Her voice was a soft squeak.

  “You’re kind of a package deal,” he said. �
��Anyway, it’s your choice. I know I’m not your ideal man, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to work on that.”

  Neve pulled back so she could look at his face. Surely he didn’t believe that, but the uncertainty was plain in his eyes. For the first time since he’d come into view, her chest relaxed and she took a deep breath. He felt her pain. Her arms wriggled up, and she touched a fresh cut on his lower lip.

  “I had a chat with Tony before I came to find you,” he explained.

  This time she grinned and laced her fingers behind his neck. “You’re wrong, you know. You are my ideal man. I trust you and want you with everything that comes with you,” she quoted him back.

  There was no more thinking as the energy between them swelled to engulf them in a scorching current. Neve pulled his face down and brushed her lips across his. Her heart thumped a hopeful rhythm as Micah melded to her. Joined heart and soul, as family should be.

  Acknowledgments

  The art of imagining a story and turning it into a saleable manuscript is a process that not only involves the creator but a collection of support people. It is these people who generously impart life wisdom, inspire me, provide moral and technical support, participate in brainstorming sessions over cups of tea, and encourage me to never give up that I wish to thank here.

  First and foremost, I have to thank my family for their unwavering belief in me. My beautiful sons keep me on my toes by sharing their spirit of inquiry and discovery, and my husband does his best to play it cool when I’m researching the best way to poison someone or testing fight moves on him. Most of all I appreciate his firm confidence in my success and acceptance of the peculiarities that come with living with an author. It sustains me when I reach the inevitable point of self-doubt.

  I rely on multiple technical guides, with the most prominent being the esteemed Senior Sergeant Steve Hammond. He generously explains police procedures in layman’s terms and helps bring into focus the indistinct line between realism and artistic licence. You can be sure this story is fictional, and where I have strayed from the path of accuracy, the culpability lies with me alone.