Club Scars

by Mara McBain

  “What’s bothering you?” he asked.

  She jumped, a startled curse exploding from her lips as the heavy brush thudded audibly against the side of her head. He winced and pushed off the door frame.

  “You’re awfully quiet.”

  Kat’s shoulder lifted in a slight shrug. “Just a long day I guess. Cam and I spent most of it at the club house getting things ready.”

  “Just because the kid is here doesn’t mean you don’t need to take care of yourself,” he said, frowning again. He searched her face, looking for signs of exhaustion or stress.

  Tossing the brush on her nightstand, Kat shifted on the bed and patted the mattress in invitation. Not bothering to hide a yawn, Crux flopped down beside her. She ran her fingers through his hair and leaned down for a kiss.

  “I’m fine.”

  He pulled her back down for another kiss, savoring the soft moan that vibrated between them as his tongue swept into her mouth to duel with hers.

  “I’ve been missing this,” she mumbled against his lips when he paused for breath.

  “Three more weeks,” he groaned, cupping the back of her skull to tip her forehead against his.

  “What if I said we don’t have to wait?”

  His hands shifted to her shoulders to push her up. His eyes narrowed as they slid over the hopeful expression on his wife’s face.

  “You have my attention,” he said, trying to keep his face and tone neutral.

  She shook her head with a self-conscious little laugh. “I’ve been horny as hell and I asked Gin tonight if she and Zeke waited six weeks after their boys and she laughed at me. She said that they waited four after Rhys, but barely made it two after Garrett.”

  Crux frowned, mulling over her words. The last damn thing he wanted to do was rush things and hurt her. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  She pulled back, anger and hurt flashing in her eyes before a mask he hadn’t seen in years dropped into place. She nodded and slid to her side of the bed.

  “You’re probably right. I’m going to grab some left-over peach cobbler and ice-cream. Do you want some?”

  “Maybe that didn’t come out right.”

  “It’s fine. I understand,” she said, moving to the door. She paused, her hand dangling inside the basinet. Her voice hummed with a tension her body didn’t show. “Did you want some cobbler?”

  “Don’t do this, Kat,” he said flatly. “Don’t close yourself off.”

  She looked up, her face emotionless in the dim light. His fists clenched.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  She wet her lips. “I know.”

  His eyes narrowed. There was something in her voice, something he didn’t like. It hit him like a mule kick to the gut. She was staring at his fists.

  “No!” he said, his disgust at himself making the word come out with more force than he’d intended. He extended his hands, spread wide in entreaty. “You know that isn’t what I meant. I’m not going to hit you. Don’t twist my words. As much as I want you right now, and you know I do, I was saying that I don’t want to rush things and risk hurting you just to get my rocks off.”

  Some of the tension left her body and her shoulders slumped. “Why didn’t you just say that?”

  Her voice sounded small and lost. She didn’t look at him. Closing his eyes for a moment to rein in his temper, Crux rolled from the bed. She tensed and he forced himself to slow his step.

  “You’re being defensive and reading shit into things. You know that there isn’t a woman alive that lights my fire like you do, baby,” he said softly.

  “I miss you so much,” she whispered. She looked up and there was raw longing in her eyes.

  He cupped the side of her face, wiping a runaway tear off her cheekbone with a swipe of his thumb. “I’m ri--” His voice came out strangled with the emotions coursing through him and he had to clear his throat awkwardly. “I’m right here. We’re more than fucking and you know that.”

  She shook her head. “Say what you want, but it’s a part of our relationship, of us. Shit, we didn’t know one another twelve hours before we jumped in the sack. Before these last three weeks or so we’ve rarely went forty-eight hours without jumping one another if we were in the same zip code. Only twice in fifteen years have we gone longer than that. Once when I had the flu so damn bad I thought I was going to die, and the other time was when you fucked up your back. Even then I blew you despite muscle spasms. Lately I just don’t feel…” Her hands opened and closed in the front of his shirt and she visibly fought to find the words to express herself. “Connected! I don’t feel connected. I feel vulnerable, alone, and scared.”

  Crux cupped her face on both sides and leaned his forehead down to press against hers. “You’re never alone. I promise you that. Since that first fucked up night when we spilled shit to each other that we’d never shared with anyone, we’ve had a crazy bond. I know Cam changes things, but not that.”

  She searched his eyes and finally her body slumped, all the tension fleeing her. “You know that feeling that everything is going too well?” she whispered. “You and Cam are more than I ever dreamed of. I thought you and I had it all and then you gave me him. Sometimes I stare at you both and wonder what I ever did to deserve you both. Then in the same thought, I’m so afraid that it’s all going to be ripped away.”

  “I warned you when we got together that I was never going to let you go. Cam just doubly sealed the deal, baby. You two belong to me and I protect what’s mine. That abusive prick is playing a dangerous game. Look at me.” He waited until their eyes locked. “I will see that son-of-a-bitch dead before I allow him to hurt you or Cam.”

  “I don’t want to lose you either.”

  “I need you to believe me.”

  “I believe you.”

  Crux enfolded her in his arms, hugging her tight. “Remember, brotherhood is better than a legal piece of paper. If anything happens to me the club will take care of you and Cam. You know that.”

  She nodded into his chest and hugged him tighter. “I know. But they won’t keep me warm at night or make my toes curl like you do.”

  “They better hope I’m dead if they decide to try,” he growled. “And you don’t get a free fucking pass if I’m locked up either.”

  “It’s too late now. I had a little fantasy about making Mox my boy toy and now he’s engaged. Do you think Gin would’ve objected?”

  Pushing her out away from him, Crux looked at her incredulously. The innocent shrug she gave him was adorable.

  “You’re so damn lucky I love you.”

  Genuine amusement and mischief sparkled in her eyes, lifting the last of the sadness. He breathed a little easier. Jokes and hilarity were Kat’s way of dealing with fear. The crushing fist around his heart let up a little. He needed his strong old lady.

  “Do you think we should move the basinet out of the bedroom if we’re going to do it? He’s little. He can’t see over the edge. The lights will be out,” she mused, playing with Cam’s tiny sock.

  “If we were going to traumatize the kid I think we’ve already done it. As often as we did it while you were prego I’m surprised he didn’t come out with a blowhole.”

  Kat snorted and then started to laugh, burying her face into his shirt again.

  “You’re awful,” she muttered and laughed harder.

  Crux smiled into her hair and rocked her slightly, her laughter soothing his tattered nerves. He took a deep breath and tightened his hold. They were going to get through this if it was the last damn thing he did.

  Thirteen

  “The restaurant owner had a sawed-off shotgun. Your daughter and grandson were standing right behind her. As I explained the other day, sir, I thought it best to leave and defuse the situation.”

  “So in answer to my question, you never actually saw Katrina pick up the envelope?” John asked again, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers.

  “I placed her keys on top of the
letter. While I didn’t see her retrieve either, she was quite adamant in her desire for her keys.”

  “And yet it has been a week and not only have I not heard from my daughter, but the check remains uncashed.”

  “Unfounded or not, your daughter was also quite resolute in her disdain and distrust for you, sir. She made it clear she wanted nothing from you. It would be reasonable to surmise that she stuck to her convictions and destroyed the check despite your generosity,” the private investigator said dryly.

  “Surmise,” John repeated, tapping his upper lip with his tented fingers. “Interesting choice of words, Mr. Carson. Do you make it a habit to suggest that your employers infer, assume, or guess the outcome and success of your assignments?”

  The retired Army Ranger’s lips pressed into a thin line at the derision in his voice, but when he spoke, his tone was even.

  “No, sir.”

  “Then I believe a return trip to Trinity Falls is in order, and this time, it would be in your best interest to see the mission through to the end. I’ve tried to be nice. I want you to visit with Katrina and make her understand that we can do this the easy way or the hard way and that decision is completely in her hands.”

  “And if she asks me to clarify your threat?”

  “I don’t need to school you in the type of tactics that will break a person and make them see reason. Everyone has their weaknesses,” John said softly. “But do ask my daughter how she would enjoy another stay at Oakwood.”

  Carson blinked at him and then his eyes narrowed in question but he wisely kept his mouth shut. John dismissed the man with a tilt of his head. It was good that even the mercenary wondered what he was capable of. He waited for the door to click shut before turning to pour a drink.

  Swirling the rich liquor in the cut-crystal glass he contemplated his next move. Why did Katrina fight the inevitable so hard? A sneer twisted his thin lips. She reminded him of her mother. Kassandra hadn’t shown her true mettle until she’d become a mother. His submissive trophy wife had grown a spine and claws where her child was concerned. It had been amusing to tempt those claws and a joy to pull them out one by one. Katrina was no different. She would come to heel. It was just a matter of time.

  Fourteen

  Crux put his arm around Kat’s shoulders as they stepped from the lawyer’s office, pulling her close to shield her from the wind.

  “I don’t know if it’s safe to go to sleep tonight as excited as you got over the life insurance,” he muttered into her hair and chuckled when she punched him in the ribs.

  “Twenty-five thousand isn’t going to replace you. We better get more,” she said with a laugh.

  “I’ll have to tell Bowie you said to pony-up for better benefits.”

  “He probably keeps it low so taking his grease monkeys out doesn’t look so inviting to their old ladies.”

  “How about I take my old lady out for dinner?”

  She looked up at him, uncertainty in her eyes. It ate at him. She sure as hell shouldn’t have to worry if they could afford to grab a burger.

  “I have stuff at home to throw together a homemade pizza, but if you want to grab a bite before we pick up Cam we can do that,” she said with a little shrug. “I’ll make the pizza tomorrow night.”

  He gave her ass a loving pat before opening the Navigator’s passenger side door. She smiled at him as he stood there holding the door while she got situated. He didn’t try to hide his attraction. Kat was as sexy as they came. Even with a little remaining baby weight, his wife was smoking. Leaning in, he planted a kiss on her smiling lips.

  “Love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she whispered, her head tilting to the side in a way that let him know he’d surprised her.

  Shutting the door, he walked around the front of the SUV. His eyes scanned the street, his mind still on Kat. He wasn’t big on verbal displays of affection. It was something that he’d tried to work on over the years, but it didn’t come natural. Lucky for him Kat seemed to enjoy his physical demonstrations. That wasn’t going to cut it with Cam though. The sudden thought made him frown. With all the worries he’d mulled over during impending fatherhood, that hadn’t been one of them.

  Crux fished his keys out of his pocket and slid into the driver’s seat. The Lincoln turned over smoothly and he checked his mirrors as he pulled out into traffic. Leaving Kat to mess with the heater, he continued to chase the thought around in his head. He’d never known his father, so he had nothing to draw on there. Kat’s father was a sadistic fuck. Bowie had girls. Only Zeke had boys.

  Ever the lead dog, the prez had three of them. Rhys and Mox were men now, but Zeke had always treated them with the same gruff, absentminded affection. Garrett was the same. It wasn’t much different than the way Zeke treated his brothers. Gin was the only one that brought out a softness in Zeke. Crux glanced at Kat. Until a month ago, he would’ve said the same of them, but he couldn’t deny the feelings that welled up in him when he looked down at his son. He flinched as Kat’s hand snaked across his thigh.

  “What’re you thinking about?”

  He thought about shrugging it off but the intensity of her stare warned that wouldn’t fly.

  “I was just thinking that I don’t tell you I love you nearly enough and wondering how the hell I’m going to handle it with the little guy.” He turned his eyes back to the road, squinting against the sun’s glare. “At least with you I can show you.”

  “There are ways you will show him too.”

  He wished he shared the confidence in her voice.

  “Like what?” he asked, stealing another glance at her. “Our parents are gone, shit, or both. The only person I could think to look to for a role model is Zeke and well, he’s –”

  “Zeke,” Kat finished for him with a nod. “But actually he’s a good choice. You and Zeke are alike in that yours is a gruff love. You’re always the tough guys. No one messes with what’s yours though. Do you remember that ass clown that stuck the rake handle in the spokes of Rhys’ bicycle because he was riding through the pile of leaves in front of his house?”

  Crux snorted but nodded. That had been a long time ago. “The pretty boy had enough road-rash on him he looked like he’d laid down a Harley.”

  “Rhys was hurting when he got home. Zeke stood there and told him to man up while Ginny cleaned him up, but then he took Rhys back over to the guy’s house and ended up beating an apology out of that asshole. Zeke loves his boys.”

  “Even the pretty one,” Crux said with a lopsided grin.

  “Even Rhys,” Kat agreed with a little laugh. “As close as the club is there are still things that happen behind closed doors. Here’s one that I wouldn’t have imagined, Eva told me that Mox went to Zeke for woman advice when he and Eva got together.”

  Crux raised his eyebrows. “I would’ve liked to be a fly on the wall for that conversation,” he said with a shake of his head.

  “She told me that some of the stuff Zeke told Mox was blunt, but it made sense and it’s helped them so far.”

  “So if anyone messes with my kid I should beat the shit out of them and when he hits puberty I need to have the talk with him. Anything else?” he asked as he pulled into the parking lot behind The Lantern.

  Kat smacked his thigh. “Showing our son you love him will sometimes be as simple as throwing a ball in the yard with him, asking him about his day, or showing him how to wrench on his bike.”

  “Zeke was always outside doing something with the boys which I thought was cool after working all day.”

  “He went to their ballgames, still does with Garrett, and helps coach. You can’t judge Zeke solely on what comes out of his mouth. You know how dry his sense of humor is. I’m telling you, cop or not, you two are more alike than you realize. Gin and I laugh about it all the time.”

  He shot her a disgusted look and she winked.

  “You’re going to be a fantastic father. You love him already. Besides, Cam’s yours and you take really g
ood care of those that belong to you,” she said, leaning over to give him a quick kiss. “Trust me.”

  Kat slipped another forkful of cheesecake past her lips and let her eyes drift closed in bliss. The creamy dessert had a hint of lemon to it and black raspberries drizzled over the top.

  “This is sinful, Eva.”

  The brunette’s cheeks dimpled as she smiled in shy pride.

  “You know I like to try things out before we put them on the Lantern’s menu. Mox is my guinea pig.”

  “Such a hardship, eh Moxie?” Crux asked shoving the last bite of his dessert in his mouth.

  Mox grinned, opening his hands in acceptance. “I’m willing to sacrifice for her craft.”

  The back of Eva’s dainty hand connected with her fiancée’s abs. “Such a martyr. I don’t think I’ve made you suffer too much.”

  “I’m a lucky man,” he said, looping an arm around Eva and tugging her close.

  Kat smiled at the pure adoration that lit the young woman’s face as she cuddled against her behemoth of a beau. They were such a cute couple. Kat leaned back into the cushions, stuffed. With Gin working, Eva had offered to watch Cam for them while they’d gone to talk to the lawyer. She’d hesitated, but the girl had been so eager Kat hadn’t had the heart to say no. With Ginny downstairs in the pub and Mox at home, Cam had been well protected. Nonetheless, she had been eager to get back to her little man. When they’d popped upstairs to check on him, Eva had been pulling dinner from the oven. One whiff of the baked manicotti and cheesy garlic bread, and there hadn’t been much question if Crux would accept Mox’s invitation to eat with them.

  “Everything was great, Eva. Thank you,” Crux said, adding his plate to the stack on the coffee table.

  Eva blushed and beamed at the simple praise.

  “I’ve wanted to have you guys over forever now.”