Club Scars

by Mara McBain

Kat sighed and wordlessly handed Cam off to Ginny. Stepping up behind Crux, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek between his shoulder blades.

  “It’s going to be okay, baby,” she whispered.

  “That’s supposed to be my line,” Crux grumbled, turning from the window to pull Kat close again and burrow his nose in her hair.

  “We’ll get through this, brother,” Zeke said.

  Crux nodded. There was an awkward moment of silence as everyone wrestled with their own thoughts. Cam broke the spell with a pissed off wail.

  “My thoughts exactly, little man,” Zeke said and gave Gin’s ass a groping swat. “Where’s my dinner, woman?”

  “I was waiting for everyone to get here before I put the bread in,” Ginny said with an eye roll, and pressed Cam into her husband’s arms. “Make yourself useful and dinner will be on the table in fifteen.”

  Zeke turned the baby carefully, draping Cam up on his broad shoulder. His movements were rusty, but confident as he soothed the cranky infant. “Hey, little man. It’s okay.”

  Zeke’s huge paw spanned most of Cam’s back and bottom as he patted gently. Kat couldn’t help but smile. Their burly prez didn’t show his soft side often. On impulse she grabbed up Gin’s phone and snapped a couple of pictures. Zeke caught her on the second one and gave a lazy grin.

  “Collecting blackmail material?”

  “It will be a good shot to break out when he patches into the Lords of Mayhem someday.”

  Zeke’s grin widened at her confession and he stroked the back of Cam’s head. “Between my boys and Cam, the Lords will be in good hands. For years I thought I was going to have to do it by myself. The rest of the club should kick it in gear.”

  “The way the girls have been gushing over Cam, some of the guys should be counting birth control pills,” Crux said with a chuckle.

  Kat worried her bottom lip as she tried to help Ginny with last minute preparations. She felt guilty piling extra work on Gin. Tension still hovered in the room and the men’s banter sounded a little forced. Despite his reassurances, Zeke seemed as concerned as Crux. Her father’s return was a fresh pall over their MC family. She really needed to ask who had broken a mirror or disturbed the mummy’s tomb. Sighing, she traced the lines in the granite countertop. Whatever the reason, the family had rolled from one crisis to the next over the past year. The fact that they were all still standing was both a testament to the way they stuck together and some good old-fashioned luck.

  Giving in to the ache of her breasts and Cam’s hungry whimpers, she fished a receiving blanket out of the diaper bag. She tossed the shield over her arm and reached to retrieve her son, offering a smile of thanks as she eased Cam off the big man’s shoulder. Cam nuzzled against her boob immediately, his impatience making her smile. Cradling him close, Kat slipped into the quiet living room as she unbuttoned her shirt. His lips parted eagerly at the first touch of the nipple.

  The heat from the Brawer’s gas fireplace felt good, easing some of the chill the day’s events had left behind. Nudging a large ottoman closer to the flickering flames, Kat settled down with a sigh. After today she would be lucky if she were allowed to leave the house. Crux was about to go into uber protective mode and who could blame him? She hadn’t proved to be real adept at staying out of trouble.

  What was her father’s end game? He’d professed a desire for an heir, but had he really thought they’d just hand Cam over to be raised by him? Wolves would be a better option. She knew he was used to his money buying anything, but he was the one headed for a loony bin if that had been his plan. Her father was many things but stupid wasn’t one of them.

  Lifting Cam onto her shoulder, she patted his back and bottom trying to look at the options. Even if her father could somehow get her committed again, Crux would be there. Was he hoping that her being locked up would goad Crux into doing something stupid? Even that was moot now with the will drawn up and provisions made for Cam’s guardianship. Where did that leave John Merrick? She didn’t have an answer for that and it scared her.

  She nuzzled the side of Cam’s head. It was crazy how fast he had become the most important thing in her world. She loved Tommy beyond reason, but he was a man that could take care of himself. This tiny being needed her, was counting on her. She wanted to give Cam the kind of stable, loving upbringing that both she and Crux had been denied. She feared they weren’t off to the most promising start. It was said that troubles came in threes. Gin and Zeke had dealt with Kramer, and fought through the rest of the skeletons in their past. The club had stood strong against the sadistic mobster, Rocco Soriano. Now Mox and Eva were engaged to be married. Her father was the club’s third trial in a year. All she could do was pray that if they made it through this, they would be allowed the coveted happily-ever-after. She wasn’t the most religious of people, but she hoped God was listening.

  Sixteen

  The smell of cleaning supplies, paint, and varnish mingled heavily in the air. After the expected wait and bullshit, the insurance company had finally paid to have the structural damage professionally repaired. In an effort to put a little money in their pocket for fixing the truck, they had opted to do most of the cleanup and cosmetics themselves. Her sisters had been a godsend. Knowing her bent toward compulsiveness, they’d all pitched in to help scrub, polish and paint. The house gleamed from the crown molding to the scarred hardwood floors. Stepping down off the step-stool, Kat rolled her shoulders and surveyed the kitchen. With the new red stoneware washed and put away, everything but restocking the pantry was done. That would have to wait for Crux to get home.

  Closing the dishwasher she ran her fingers over the shiny façade. With a little destruction and deception her wily old man had even managed to get that replaced. Popping her cold cappuccino in the microwave, Kat leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. As much as she loved Gin, it had been a long couple of weeks and it was good to be back in her own house again. She hoped once all the things were back in place the sense of home and sanctuary would return. The steel security door that had replaced the damaged back door was a taunting reminder of the violation. While she couldn’t argue the practicality, some small part of her missed the charm of the old wood door, not to mention the cheery window.

  She chewed on her thumbnail, the quiet of the house adding to her nerves. She felt jumpy and didn’t feel comfortable with even the distraction of the radio. She shook her head at her raging paranoia, but the radio remained silent. Jumping at the strident buzz of the dryer, she tapped her chest over her pounding heart. Things would get back to normal. She just needed to give it time. Remembering that she had used up the laundry detergent on the last load, she scribbled that and few other things on the growing grocery list before pushing off the counter and heading back to work. No rest for the wicked.

  Kat sighed as she snuggled into the chaise end of the new sectional with Cam to her breast. With the house back to rights, laundry caught up, and incense burning, it was time to relax. She couldn’t help the play of her fingers over the smoky-grey suede fabric on the arm of the couch or the smirk that curved her lips at the irony. Thanks, Dad. Despite all the bullshit with her father, it had resulted in her first brand new living room furniture and it wasn’t brown.

  Her eyes roamed over the room as Cam suckled. Though she’d known it needed freshening, Kat hadn’t realized how cave-like it had been before. With all the old natural wood work in the house, the generic tan walls, overstuffed brown furniture and chunky wood tables had just been too much. Thank God Gin had a flair for decorating. The light taupe paint she’d chosen really brightened things up and looked good with the furnishings and trim. The couch had a modern feel to it and Kat was in love with the wrought iron coffee and end tables with their slate tops. She grinned digging her toes into the plush area rug Gin had insisted on buying. There was nothing like a makeover to cheer a girl up even if it was the house getting a facelift.

  Lifting Cam to her shoulder, she patted his bo
ttom gently and nuzzled his head. The house was done. Big Red had offered to order the Ford’s new engine through the shop, giving it to them at cost. The money they’d saved doing the work on the house themselves had paid for a good chunk of it and Bowie was willing to take payments on the rest. She knew that was a big weight off Crux’s shoulders. If it wasn’t for the pall of her father still looming over them, things were looking up. The thought seemed to darken the room and her mood. She shivered, reaching for one of Cam’s blankets to cover them both. Her father had always seemed to know when she was happy and how to rip it away.

  What had this been? Had the violation and destruction of her home been a temper tantrum because he wasn’t getting his way, or a reminder that she’d never be safe from him? She closed her eyes. Why after all these years? A few things his mercenary had said nagged at her. Was it really Cam he wanted or did he have delusions of renewing their twisted relationship? Her stomach lurched at the images the question dredged from her memories.

  Even at twelve she’d known he wasn’t right but as she’d gotten older their relationship had grown more twisted. The perverted game of house he’d pressed on her had terrified and sickened her. Fighting him had only led to physical pain and being locked away in the dark. When she’d still defied him, he’d shipped her off to the loony bin where a whole new form of horror awaited. The treatments and drugs they plied her with had made her believe their assertions that she was crazy. Endless hours strapped to a bed alone with her nightmares had made her yearn for the safety of her father’s wine cellar.

  When she’d thought it couldn’t get any worse, her uncle had decided his little brother wasn’t handling things appropriately. Connor’s visits had been the darkest time of her life. His soul was a black hole. His taste for sadism was a passion. Her body, mind, and soul carried scars. Kat didn’t know if his sexual deviancy or the lies that dripped like honey from his forked tongue had been more damaging. Time and again he’d promised relief and redemption only to rip them away. He was a natural politician. One could never trust a word that passed his lips and he was the master of the mind fuck. It was amazing she was as sane as she was.

  The sound of a car in the drive yanked her back to the present and she tensed, breath held and ears straining. The noise of the garage door ratcheting up restarted her heart. She took a deep breath and tried to push the past aside. The last thing she wanted to do was spend their evening picking at old scabs.

  “Daddy’s home,” she whispered to her boy a minute later at the sound of a key in the back door. She tracked her husband’s progress through the reassuring slide of the deadbolt, the rustle of leather and finally the heavy thread of his boots on the kitchen floor. “Hey, sexy,” she said when he appeared in the arch between the kitchen and living room.

  “Hey yourself, gorgeous,” he said with a little smile. “The house looks great and dinner smells fantastic.”

  “Thank you, but you can thank Gin for dinner. She sent dried homemade noodles and a jar of her canned beef home with me to throw in the Crock-Pot. Unfortunately we still need to go grocery shopping.”

  “Yippee,” he muttered, but gave her a wink. “Do you want to go when you get done feeding the little man or wait until after we eat?”

  “As good as dinner smells it’s probably best to get the shopping out of the way while he’s fed and sleepy,” she said apologetically.

  Crux nodded and pushed off the door jamb. “I’ll start the Lincoln back up so it’s warm.”

  “Your daddy is a good man,” Kat crooned to Cam and smiled at Crux’s chuckle that drifted back to her ears from the kitchen. Straightening her bra and shirt, she looked down at the little one. Stuffed, he looked drowsy and content. She dabbed at a drop of milk in the corner of his lips and kissed his forehead. “I know it’s been a rough start, but it’s going to get better, little man,” she whispered getting to her feet to find his cozy fleece for their trip to the store. “And I hope your Aunt Gin was right about this whole motherhood thing, because crazy or not, I’m the only mommy you’ve got.”

  Pouring a glass of wine, Kat flipped off the kitchen light and wandered into the living room. It had been a long day and the trip to the grocery store had taken even longer than she’d anticipated. Crux’s muscles had been a God send lugging everything into the house, but at least their cupboards were no longer bare.

  Setting the goblet down on the end table she walked over to the built-in shelves and opened her moon and stars box. Lifting a stick of sandalwood to her nose, she drew the soothing scent in before lighting the end. She watched the flame dance for a moment before blowing it out. What was it about fire that was so hypnotic? Staying at Zeke and Gin’s, their fireplace had spoiled her. She smiled. Maybe she could convince her husband that she wanted a gas fireplace for Christmas. Placing the glowing stick of incense in its holder she settled onto the couch with a sigh.

  Kat jumped as a purple dildo landed in her lap. Her hand flew to her mouth trying to smother her amusement and the drink she’d just taken.

  “The only pecker I’m used to seeing in the shower is mine. Were you perhaps trying to tell me something?” Crux asked dryly.

  Snorting desperately for air, she waved her free hand at Crux as she struggled with the mouthful of wine. He crawled over the arm of the couch and prowled across the cushions until he loomed over her. Somehow she forced a swallow only to have her husband’s lips on her neck steal her breath again.

  “So?” he murmured against her skin, lifting her hair.

  Kat tilted her head, giving him better access. Her voice was husky. “Since you were worried, Gin suggested I start small before jumping back in the saddle.”

  “Mmm,” he hummed in understanding, his hot breath against her nape making gooseflesh crawl across her skin. “And how did your experiment go?”

  “It felt good,” she admitted. “But it left me wanting.”

  “What were you wanting?”

  Her hand slid under his towel to wrap around his already swollen cock. He caught his breath as her fingers flexed around him.

  “You. You’re the only thing I ever want.”

  Letting the towel fall away, he swung a leg over hers, straddling her on the chaise. Cupping the back of her thighs he gave a yank that made her sprawl on her back.

  “It’s a damn good thing, woman.”

  She didn’t have a response for his sexy growl as his probing fingers parted her lower lips. The cool glide of lube startled her. Her old man had thought of everything. Her eyes drifted closed as his fingers slid over her slit. Hips arching up to him, she moaned as one finger slowly worked inside. She rocked with the gentle glide of his finger, gasping when he curved the digit inside her, grazing the sweet spot. The steady thrusts fed the flickering flame of desire. It never took long. Tommy knew how to play her body. A second finger followed and she whimpered, the feeling so good but still not enough.

  Her hands slid down his back, her fingertips digging into his hips as she tugged at him, needing him in her. It was a testament to how much he’d been missing this too that he didn’t make her wait longer than it took to smear a little lube on his cock. Her mouth opened in a breathless O as he filled her.

  “Are you okay,” he asked, his voice harsh with need, but his gaze concerned.

  “Never better,” she sighed, wrapping her legs up around his waist in encouragement. “Make love to me.”

  “You’re getting kind of demanding, woman.”

  “More like desperate and you’ve never minded this part of your honey-do list,” Kat gasped as he pulled out. She held her breath. He teased for long moments, and then stabbed deep making her cry out in bliss. She grabbed a throw pillow to muffle her screams as Crux pulled back and plunged into her over and again.

  He peeked under the pillow. “Doing my honey is no chore,” he said with a sexy growl.

  Robbed of the pillow, her teeth sank into her bottom lip. She’d missed the connection and the sense of belonging Crux gave her. How could the
act be so many different things? It could hurt and degrade as easily as it made her body and heart soar. That first night with Crux had been crucial. Drunk, wrapped up in a flood of emotions and memories, the comfort of his arms had led to more. She couldn’t help wonder what would have happened if they’d waited for the sober glare of daylight? Would they’ve still seen the bond they’d found in the dark?

  She forced her eyes wide open, watching desire and exertion play across her lover’s craggy features as he made love to her. Closing her eyes invited nightmares that she’d thought long forgotten. Even at his roughest, being under Crux was so different than the hell the Merrick men had put her through. It hadn’t taken her long to figure that out, but it was something that she still needed to remind herself of when ghosts of the past threatened.

  Giving her head a hard shake Kat tried to stop thinking and give in to the amazing feelings Crux was coaxing from her heated body. One of his hands crept up to cup her face.

  “Come on. Focus on me,” he rasped.

  Her eyes closed in shame. Fighting the past and the lump swelling in her throat, she clung to him. Crux’s lips brushed over closed lids.

  “Look at me, Kat.”

  Forcing her eyes open again, she blinked rapidly against the tears.

  “Shhh. It’s okay,” Crux panted, wiping away tears that trickled from the corner of her eye.

  “Please don’t sto – ”

  A kiss cut off her words. He lowered his lean body over her, pressing her down into the couch. His lips brushed over her cheek bones.

  “It’s okay. I know there’s been a lot of shit going on, babe, but don’t let that sick fuck get between us.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, hiding her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. “My heads a really fucked up place right now but my body really wants this.”

  He rolled his hips, grinding deeper into her. Her nails bit into his back.

  “What about your heart?”