Club Scars

by Mara McBain

  “It doesn’t sound crazy. Scott is a big kid. He played on the line next to Mox in High School,” Ginny said softly. “With the problems they’ve had with mood swings and his temper since the accident, I can see why your mind would’ve gone there.”

  Kat shook her head with a mocking smile. “And all of that before I even saw the card. God, Gin. It is exactly the way she used to sign all the little notes she left me. She always used those fancy little squiggles and called me her precious darling.” Letting her head fall back against the cushions, she gave a humorless laugh. “The way things don’t like to stay buried in Trinity, I should’ve seen this one coming. I just miss her so much. Even after all these years, twenty-two years, and I think of her all the time. Since I found out I was pregnant I don’t think there’s been a day that I haven’t thought about her.”

  “I think that’s natural.”

  “Maybe my father’s right and I need another trip to the loony bin. It hurt so much. I just shut down. I couldn’t move. The words just kept running through my head. I’m sorry,” she whispered, gesturing helplessly toward her friend. “I know I can’t do that. Not with Cam. I know. I just --. Maybe he’s right and I’m not fit to be a mother.”

  “Stop!” Ginny said forcefully. She leaned closer. “The fact that you were, are, worried about Cam shows that you’re a good mother.”

  “He was crying and I was afraid to pick him up. I finally pulled his carrier down with me so I could rock him, but I couldn’t pick him up.”

  “You did the right thing. A little crying isn’t going to hurt him. The experts preach that if you’re upset or angry when they’re crying you should leave them safe in their cribs and walk away until you calm down. This isn’t much different, Kat. Picking him up when you were like that wouldn’t have helped anyway because he would’ve felt your stress.”

  “I felt so helpless just sitting there on the floor but I was so numb and my mind was buzzing.”

  “When Rhys was little he was colicky and screaming non-stop one night. I thought I was going to go out of my damn mind. We were still living above The Lantern. I left him in his crib screaming and stepped outside the apartment and sat on the stairs with the door closed. I sat out there in the stairwell and cried and chain smoked until Zeke came home because there was nothing I could do and I didn’t trust myself to pick up my son,” Ginny said with a shake of her head. “You’re not alone, Kat. Mothers aren’t perfect.”

  “What am I going to tell Crux?”

  “That you didn’t take your father’s latest jab very well, but you’re going to get through it. Oh, and that your crazy ass friend will pay for the broken window.”

  Kat sputtered into her cappuccino in laughter. “You don’t have to do that and I need to get you copies of the new keys.”

  “That would’ve been very helpful today.”

  They sat in silence for a few minutes, lost in their cappuccino and thoughts.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You have no reason to apologize, little sister.”

  “It seems like you’re always cleaning up my messes.”

  “You’re always the first one there to help a sister in need. You were there to hold my hand when the pub burned down. Who sat with Lee while Reaper was in the hospital?”

  “We all were in the waiting room with Lee.”

  “Yeah, and I suppose that wasn’t you making her tea.”

  “How do you even remember this shit in the chaos?” Kat demanded with a frown.

  “I don’t miss much.”

  “Maybe you should’ve been a cop like your old man.”

  “I have even less tolerance for bureaucratic bullshit than Zeke does,” Ginny said, smirking.

  The sound of a car door made Kat tense. Ginny patted her leg and stood up.

  “It’s probably the handyman, Carl Mynear. I called him when I was cleaning up and asked him to come take a look at the window. Sit tight. I’ll be right back,” she said, disappearing into the kitchen.

  Rolling her eyes at Ginny’s stubbornness, she warmed her hands around the mug. The teeth chattering chill of shock had eased, but left her drained. The murmur of conversation floated from the utility room and she wondered how Ginny was explaining the flying branch she’d used to shatter and clear the window. A tired smile curved her lips. She couldn’t have asked for a better sister than Gin. They simply didn’t exist. There was nothing Ginny wouldn’t do for her family and it seemed like she always knew how to handle any situation. Kat smiled. She wanted to be Ginny when she grew up.

  Crux frowned at the plywood covering the back window. What the fuck now? He hurried his step despite the obvious repairs. Having to mess with the lock and then the dead bolt made him grind his teeth and he had to remind himself that she was following his orders. He was calling her name before he closed the door.

  “Kat?”

  He let out his breath as his wife appeared in the kitchen, but his eyes narrowed on her face. She looked tense and exhausted.

  “What happened?”

  “I had a little mental melt down and my BF got a wee bit over zealous coming to put all the pieces back together again,” she said with a smile that struck him more sad than amused.

  Crux stepped up into the kitchen and pulled her into his arms. She pressed tight, a shudder running through her slender form as he tucked her under his chin.

  “What happened, babe?”

  “I got flowers from my mother,” she whispered.

  He closed his eyes and tightened his arms around her, swaying slightly on his feet. Kat’s shoulders heaved in a sob. Her fingers dug into his back like talons as she tried to burrow into him and hide. He didn’t say a word as she started to cry. Rocking her gently, he just held on.

  When her tears were spent, she hiccupped against his chest but stayed close. As difficult as it was, he waited. She finally pushed back. The pain in her shimmering eyes threatened to bring him to his knees.

  “You’re right. I don’t think. I’m not careful enough. I swear I thought I’d be the last damn person I’d call trusting and naïve, but maybe I am,” she said, shaking her head at herself. “I didn’t see this one coming. I thought they were from you.”

  Crux winced trying to remember the last time he’d sent her flowers other than Cam’s birth. Her favorite or not, he had a feeling the chocolate covered animal crackers he’d picked up at the candy store on the way home paled in comparison on the romantic scale.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” she said with a shrug. “I should’ve known better. They weren’t even your style.”

  “Meaning they were expensive and classy and you absolutely loved them?” Crux asked with a wry smile.

  “Pretty much so. They were gorgeous lilies with pussy willow accents.”

  “I approve of the pussy,” he said, giving her a gentle shake in his arms. The perverted comment at least earned him an amused snort and a light punch to his midsection.

  “You’re such a man.”

  “You know this is just the latest volley by the sick fuck right?”

  Kat leaned her forehead against his chest, but nodded slightly. He cupped her nape, rubbing a thumb along the bow of her neck.

  “There’s a difference between knowing and knowing,” she whispered.

  Crux sighed. He couldn’t really argue that. At least he’d had a body to ID when the bitch that had birthed him OD’d. Kat’s father had taken that mind-fuck to the limit, insisting Kassandra was alive and refusing Kat even the minimal comfort of closure.

  “I wish I could give you that certainty,” he said with a helpless shrug.

  “I know. I just need to get my head on straight,” she mumbled into his chest. “If Scott had been working with my father today I’d be dead.”

  “You think he wants you dead?”

  “Who knows what he wants, but that’s the only way someone’s taking my son from me.”

  Eighteen

  Crux leaned on the bar and swirled
the whiskey in his glass. Around him The Lords of Mayhem clubhouse buzzed with conversation and laughter. Almost the whole crew had showed up at a moment’s notice. Old ladies had ditched dinner plans and they’d all gathered for takeout pizza. It was amazing what a couple of phone calls could do. He wished all of his problems were so easy to solve. He looked up at a nudge. Reaper tilted his head toward the meeting room doors. Shoving off the bar, he snagged the Jameson’s bottle and followed his brothers.

  Stuffing the last of a slice in his mouth, Mox closed the doors behind them and took his seat. Several lighters flared as guys lit up and chairs squeaked as they got comfortable. Zeke caught Crux’s eye and nodded.

  “I’m getting tired of thanking you shitheads,” Crux muttered.

  Laughter rolled through the room.

  “At least this time I’m not asking you to put my damn house back together, but Kat needed her sisters tonight and I need your advice,” he continued. “This bullshit with her dad has got to stop. The bully tactics are stressful enough, but now the sick ass is fucking with her head. Today she got flowers delivered to her and the card was made out like they were from her mother.”

  Guys shuffled in their chairs, looking at one another with disgusted shakes of their heads. Seeing the confusion on Murphy’s face, Crux sighed.

  “When Kat was twelve she woke up to her parents fighting. She went downstairs and her mom had a split lip. I guess things were pretty tense but her mom did what any parent would do and told her that everything was okay and to go back to bed. Kat figures her mother just wanted her safe and away from the asshole. So the next morning Kat gets up and her mom is gone. Merrick’s story was that Kassandra left in the middle of the night. Kat is sure the asshole killed her. No one has heard from Kassandra Merrick since that night. Kat tried getting the police to investigate but she was a kid and when she pushed the issue her father had her locked up in a loony bin.”

  “Jesus,” Murphy muttered.

  Crux nodded, “Yeah, I can’t help wonder what he was doing while a little girl was raped and tortured.”

  Murphy opened his mouth but Zeke waved him off.

  “Now’s not the time for a religious discussion. Ginny said this really messed Kat up.”

  “I guess she told you you’re paying for a window, huh?” Crux asked with a humorless smile. He sighed at Zeke’s answering nod. “You might have a better idea than I do how bad it was. Kat tried like hell to gloss it over with me.”

  “Ginny said Kat was shaking violently and pretty out of it when she got there. She was with it enough that she was worried about Cam, but I guess the best way to put it is she just wasn’t functioning,” Zeke said, keeping his gaze on his cigar as he rolled it around the rim of the ashtray. “She was smart enough to call for help.”

  Crux ground his teeth. “She’s not crazy.”

  Zeke’s head jerked up. “No one said she is, brother. There’s no question Kat’s under a lot of stress right now and women deal with shit differently than men. We look for something to hit and they internalize until they can’t handle it anymore. A little meltdown doesn’t mean she’s crazy.”

  “If it did they’d have locked Ma up a long time ago,” Rhys said, drawing chuckles around the table.

  “What the fuck do I do? If I kill the miserable fuck I risk never seeing my kid grow up. If I don’t—” Crux said tossing his hands in the air in frustration.

  A heavy silence fell over the table, each man pondering what they would do.

  “I’ll do it.”

  Everyone stared at Reaper. He shrugged.

  “What?” he asked. “Who would suspect me? It’s not like asking Sambo to start a fire.”

  There were a few groans at the familiar jab and Sambo flicked his Zippo at the cuff of Reaper’s shirt.

  “It makes sense. Who’s a better shot than Reap?” Taz said, lighting another cigarette.

  “This isn’t a shooting competition at a rally,” Murphy said, disbelief clear on his face. “If they can show prior calculation that’s aggravated murder in the state of Ohio and that means life at best. The brother of our governor is a death sentence.”

  “I know you’re a cop, but the bad guys don’t always get caught,” Reaper said slowly like he was instructing a child.

  “And sometimes they do,” Murphy snapped back. Rubbing his hands over his battered features, he shook his head. “Far be it for me to be the moral compass around here. You all have more experience with this incestuous bastard than I do, but I’m just wondering if we might want to try talking to him before we blow his damn head off.”

  Crux’s fists clenched until they ached. He wanted to beat the fuck out of the stocky Boston boy.

  “Tell you what stubby, when it’s your damn wife’s daddy that raped her and stuck her in a nut farm then you can go have a heart-to-heart with him,” Reaper sneered.

  “It’s not your wife either and yet you’re willing to blow his damn head off!”

  “You’re damn right I am because that’s what you do for a brother. If you don’t get that then maybe you don’t belong at this table.”

  Murphy lunged to his feet, his hand dropping to his hip. Reaper uncoiled from his chair and others surged forward but Zeke beat them to it. Catching Murphy by the throat their president slammed him against the wall.

  “Don’t you even think of pulling a weapon at that table,” he said, his hard stare pinning Murphy as much as his hand.

  Realization washed over Murphy’s face and Zeke let him fall to his feet. Color darkened the smaller man’s cheeks and his voice was sheepish.

  “Sorry. It was instinct.”

  “You didn’t have a problem looking at things outside the box when we were in the Marines and I know you haven’t always toed the line behind the badge. You need to learn to dial the cop back a little and listen like a brother,” Zeke said, his voice low and serious.

  “If you aren’t comfortable with what’s being discussed here tonight then maybe you should step away,” Bowie added.

  Murphy’s eyes narrowed and swept the table. “Are you kicking me out?”

  “I’m saying that if you have any doubt you can live with the decisions being made here tonight, that maybe it would be best if you went home.”

  “You know me. If the team makes a decision I will stand with it.”

  “I know you well, brother, but unfortunately not everyone here does.”

  Sloughing a hand down his face Murphy searched the table. Crux let his rage and distrust show when the man’s eyes landed on his own.

  “I owe you an apology. I swear it was instinct. I had no intention of drawing on you,” he said stretching a hand out to Reaper.

  Reaper’s eyes flickered to Crux. Rolling a shoulder in a negligent shrug Crux left the ball in his court.

  “We’re cool on that,” Reaper said, accepting the hand shake but making his reservations clear.

  “I haven’t known a lot of you long but I know that those I served with will tell you that I take brotherhood seriously. If I sometimes bring a different outlook to the table it’s because I want to be sure that all avenues are exhausted in keeping this club and the family whole. No one here wants Cam to grow up without his daddy, or uncles, beside him,” Murphy said softly. “That said, I will stand with my brothers in what needs to be done.”

  Boots and chairs shuffled as Murphy took his seat again. Everyone looked at Zeke as he dropped into the chair at the head of the table.

  “Sending a goon to offer money and veiled threats isn’t really against the law. Since it hasn’t been Merrick himself, a restraining order would do little good. One thing that worries me is that I still don’t have a clear picture of what he wants. Does he really just want a place in Cam’s life? Even that arrogant ass has to know that’s pretty farfetched. Is he hoping to lure Kat back after all these years?”

  “That isn’t happening,” Crux growled. “Neither of them.”

  Zeke nodded. “Kat knows him better than we do. What does she
think?”

  “She’s confused. If he wants an heir, why not make one. Why come after Kat now? She still doesn’t understand why he gave up fifteen years ago. It was out of character. Kat wrote it off then that Merrick was afraid of me, but I don’t buy that. He’s too confident in his superiority to consider I might be a real threat. I’m a roadblock at best. So why not remove the block? Listening to Kat he was completely obsessed with her mother. How he could love a woman like that and yet torture her for his sadistic pleasure is beyond me.”

  “Obsessed is the key word there. There is a big difference between obsession and love. John Merrick wants to own people the same as possessions,” Zeke said. “He thrives on control.”

  “Toss in sadistic and it’s a Molotov cocktail,” Sambo said rolling his Zippo over his knuckles.

  “So he kills Kat’s mother in a rage, or bedroom games gone bad, whatever, and then turns his fixation on Kat who’s just a kid,” Taz said, his face screwing up in disgust and confusion. “Kat’s right. If he’s as obsessed as you’re saying, why did he back off?”

  “As scary looking as Crux’s mug is, I have to agree that’s not it,” Eddie said, flashing a grin at Crux.

  “Something Kat knows maybe?” Rhys offered.

  “They don’t consider her a credible witness,” Mox argued.

  “Maybe she got too old for him or he didn’t want Crux’s sloppy seconds.”

  Crux kicked Taz under the table, his heavy boot drawing a pained grimace from his brother.

  “I really don’t give a rat’s ass why he decided to leave her alone. It’s his renewed interest that is pissing me off and threatening Kat’s sanity.”