Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

  Two hours later Kelley walked out of the conference room, closing the door behind him. That was a relief. He’d done it. He had finally gotten the vote he needed to present his proposal for the intern program expansion. There had been some not so happy executives with all the work they would have to do to implement his ideas if it got final approval, but they were willing to hear him out.

  It had been a long road to get to that point. So many hoops to jump through, and many more to come, of course. But he had stuck to it, and he was damn proud. Kelley remembered that night at the executive’s dinner where he had brought up the idea to Bret Havelock, the CEO of the firm, however many months ago that was, and the roadblocks he’d encountered since then.

  Jason Garrison, head of the HR department, had made his feelings clear. At first, he tried to make the case against the cost and manpower but Kelley had shut that down as soon as he uttered the words. In the end, the sneer on his face about allowing “kids off the streets” into the program had given away his true motive.

  After that night, Jason had seemed to be on the warpath to stop any part of Kelley’s expansion proposal from even getting to the voting stage. But what the man didn’t realize in his determination to see Kelley fail, was nothing compared to his own to succeed.

  The vote didn’t approve the expansion of the intern program, but he was sure that with his presentation and the numbers his team would give, even those that were on the fence because of all the work involved, would be more open to the idea.

  Kelley moved to unlock his computer, checking his emails for anything that Delilah may have forwarded to him to take care of. Forty-five minutes later he was about halfway through when he finally looked at his clock on his computer and realized he was late for lunch, leaving him only about an hour before his meeting with David that afternoon.

  He grabbed the lunch he had in the small fridge in his office making a much-needed call to his parents, which left him barely enough time to finish his food before David arrived.

  Sitting back at his desk he decided it was finally time to shoot off a quick email to Alex. Kelley had been good all day, ignoring the happy thoughts of the gorgeous man that popped into his head, and getting his work done. Now he just had to figure out what to say. Something that would convince Alex to have coffee or lunch with him. He would even settle for an email that wasn’t work related at that point, he could work his way up from there.

  The knock on his door jarred him from his thoughts. Checking the time, he realized it was probably David since it was almost two and the man was always early.

  “Yeah, come in.” Turning away from the computer, he watched as David walked in with a broad smile on his face. The man had always been the happy type but after meeting and falling for Charlie, that smile of his turned into a big grin more often than not. And Kelley was so happy for him.

  “Hey, Kelley! I was sure a budget meeting could knock that usual smile off your face.” David stayed standing in front of Kelley’s desk practically bouncing on his feet.

  David always made him chuckle and now was no different. “Not likely! You know I love my job. Besides, I was smiling at you. You seem downright giddy today.”

  “Well as you know I love my job. I love my guy. And I happen to be getting married in four weeks!”

  Kelley stood up at that announcement making his way around his desk to shake David’s hand. “Oh, wow, that is fast! When did you guys finally decide to do that? I thought it was going to wait until next year or something.”

  “Yeah, we just decided we didn’t want a long engagement. We’ve been together for three years already, and we just want to be husbands now. So why wait, right?”

  “That’s great! Truly. I guess that’s the reason for the face to face meeting today?”

  “I wanted to deliver the invitation in person since it’s only four weeks away and I see you every day anyway. This way you have more time to decide if you can go or not.”

  He took the invite from David and placed it on his desk as he responded, “Of course, I’m going, David! It’s your wedding, and you’re my best friend. I’ll be there, no worries.”

  “Okay, well just RSVP with the link in the invitation. Charlie wanted to save time and paper with people’s response cards now being emailed via this website. Oh, he told me to tell you to bring a date. Not that you’ll listen, but I can say I passed along the message.”

  “Tell Charlie I will try but not to get his hopes up.” Kelley chuckled. It was one of the things he loved about his friends, trying to push love matches on everyone, but in their own funny way.

  “Alright, I will let you get back to it. Enjoy your weekend, and it’s Friday, Kelley, don’t stay late.”

  Once David left his office Kelley settled back at his desk to finish the email he started to Alex. His stomach felt like it was going to fly away with all the butterflies flying around, which was ridiculous for a man his age over an infatuation. But he still wanted to cross his fingers in the hope that Alex would respond with a yes, even if there was a boyfriend in the picture. He was more than willing just to be his friend.

  After one last read through, the email was done. Clicking send on an email never felt so important.

  “Alex!” Evie yelled as she jumped onto his bed. “Come on. It’s time to get up, old man.”

  Alex could still feel her bouncing up and down. His eyes still closed, he grumbled at his little sister. “Evie. Please stop jumping. Why are you up so early? It’s Saturday.”

  “Um, Alex…it’s Friday, not Saturday.”

  “What?!” That made Alex jackknife in bed, grabbing his phone off his nightstand to check the date. “No way. How did I fu…mess that up?”

  “I’m telling you, dude, you’re getting old.” Evie jumped off the bed as she spoke and now she was too far away for him to grab her. Alex surprised her by jumping out of bed to tackle her, but she moved too fast, squealed loudly, and ran out of the room. He’d given chase finally tackling her onto the couch, tickling her.

  “Alex, st…op…please!” Evie was laughing so hard that her words came out in fits and starts.

  “I’m sorry. What were you saying again? Something about me being…young?”

  “Yes! Yes! You’re…you’re…not old.” He hadn’t let up on the tickling, so her laughter still rang out.

  Finally stopping the tickle torture, she so rightly deserved after two old comments in a five-minute period, he said, “Okay, I’ll stop for now but know that it’ll happen again if you say that crap about me being old again.” Alex got up from the couch making the statement as he made his way back to his room. “And go get your stuff together for school, we’re running late now.”

  “Hey, that wasn’t my fault! You woke up late not me.”

  “Sure, keep telling yourself lies if that’s what gets you through.” He shut his door on her protest, knowing that she’d go do what he asked without any more prodding from him. She hated being late more than he did, which was good for them both since them being late was technically his fault. He was mad at himself for oversleeping. Typically, he was up without an alarm but he’d been up so late the night before stressing about everything under the sun he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

  Finally showered and dressed, he walked out of his room and knocked on her door. “Let’s go, Evie. You still have to brush your teeth and hair before we get out the door.”

  “Alex.”

  Hearing Evie’s voice from behind him made his heart drop to his feet, and he jumped, letting out a muffled “fuck” before he could stop himself. “Jesus, Evie!” He turned to glare at Evie, who was smiling triumphantly at him. He did his best to keep the glare, but he was sure it was lost on her since she seemed to be enjoying it way too much.

  She turned to walk back into the living room and said over her shoulder, “I already did all those things while you were making yourself pretty.”

  “What is up with you today? You seem awfully happy for someone who had to get up extra e
arly to come home.”

  “Yeah, but Mrs. Tran made us go to bed early and stopped at the coffee shop by their house and got me a breakfast sandwich.”

  “Oh, so food made you happy. Nice to know. Okay so are you all ready to go or still more to do?”

  “Nope, I’m all good.” She picked up and shouldered her book bag. They made their way out the door to get her to school.

  An hour later Alex was back at the apartment after getting Evie to school and stopping off at the coffee shop for his own breakfast sandwich, which at the last minute had turned into donuts. He would just have to work out later in the day to make up for it. He already had to do that since he’d had like four hot chocolates that week alone. Three more than his normal.

  Sitting at the kitchen table with his tablet looking over his schedule for the day his phone rang.

  “Ben. It’s just after eight a.m., how are you even awake?”

  “Hey, I’m awake this early everyday, ass. I just don’t want to talk to you before I’ve had my coffee.”

  Alex could hear him smiling. He wondered if the man was ever not smiling. But it was Ben, and it was his natural disposition. Not for the first-time Alex wished he could be like that. “Alright, anyway. What can I do for you this morning? Or did you just call to hear my lovely voice?”

  “I was calling to thank you for coming out last night to meet Kinsley. She liked you even if there were some glimpses of your grumpy nature coming out to play.”

  “I guess that’s good then. Does that mean I can act completely like myself the next time we meet?”

  “No, I wouldn’t go that far. Not many can stand to be in your line of fire, my dear friend.”

  “I am not that bad.” Even though Alex knew he could be.

  “So. What happened last night?”

  “What are you talking about? You were there, and you just told me it went well. Are you off your meds again?”

  “No, ass. I’m talking about with the guy at the bar. Kelley or something, right?”

  “Oh, yeah, that. That was nothing. He was just a guy I sorta kinda used to work with…for.”

  “Which is it, Alex, for or with?”

  “For. He’s the executive in charge of the marketing side of the firm, but because of how they coupled us designers with the marketing guys we had to answer to both executives. He wasn’t my direct boss, but you know indirect or something.”

  “Oh, so the plot thickens. You slept with the boss?” Alex knew Ben was trying to sound shocked, but the laughter gave him away.

  ‘Oh, god, no! What is wrong with you? Kelley wasn’t my direct boss anyway, plus I didn’t sleep with anyone last night. I left not long after you guys, called Evie, and went to bed alone.”

  “You need to get some action, dude. He seemed nice, you should’ve at least hung out and had fun.”

  “I get it, Ben, you want me out in the world, but I’m not ready for dating or stuff like that. I know what I need better than you, so back off.” Alex knew from Ben’s silence his anger had made its way into his voice. He probably went too far but damn the man for pushing so hard all the time.

  “Forgive me for caring about my best friend. And I know you know what is best for you, but sometimes you are blind to what you need, Alex. That worries me.” Ben finished his plea in a near whisper.

  “I know you worry about me, but I’m fine. I think I would know if I wasn’t. But…you don’t know what it’s like, to watch your little sister struggle so much. Give me time. I just need to make sure that this place she’s in is stable, Ben. I can’t…trust…”

  “Okay. I get it. I’ll stop pushing, for now. But I’m not giving up on you.” Ben was the most serious he’d heard in a long time. Alex knew his friend cared for him. He was lucky.

  “Thank you. Now if you’re done pestering me I’ve got a lot of work to do today.” Alex tried to keep his voice light to show he was teasing and not mad at him even if he still was. Ben’s chuckle was the sign that he hit the mark.

  “Alright back to work, old man. I’ll catch you later.” And with a click on the line, Alex was alone again. Opening his email to get that checked off his list for the morning, he saw the one thing he should’ve knew was coming.

  An email from Kelley.

  Alex knew more was going to come of his run in with Kelley the night before. The man was entirely too persistent when he set his mind to something, apparently. Not that Alex knew what was in the email since he refused to open it…right then. Maybe ever. He was pretty sure it was completely unrelated to work.

  Alex just hoped it was not a sign of things to come with Kelley starting back on the path of emailing him about getting together. Now he was stressed all over again. Having to spew all the reasons as to why he couldn’t or wouldn’t get together, even as friends, with Kelley, again, was something he’d hoped was done and over with years ago. And that was the only reason why having to, once again, turn Kelley down was stressing him out.

  Yup, that’s the only reason why it’s bothering me.

  Alex tried. He had a life that just didn’t allow for extra. Every little addition caused that well of alarm to fill and take over his body. Alex thought he had made it clear enough to Kelley the other night that being social, having small talk, was not something that Alex excelled at. Trust wasn’t either, but there was no way to explain that to Kelley. To do that he’d have to trust him. Vicious cycle.

  Alex decided he would open the email that evening after Evie went to bed. He just didn’t want to deal with it, and he didn’t need the distraction. The fact that he thought of the email as a distraction also irritated him. It was just an email.

  It was probably just about another account and Alex was just being paranoid. Just because it came the next day after they ran into each other at Silent Vine didn’t mean anything.

  That was why at ten o’clock on a Friday night, Alex was at his desk staring at the screen trying to talk himself into actually opening the damn—probably nothing—email.

  He could do it. It was no big deal.

  Even if it was what Alex thought it was he would just do what he had done all the other times. Give Kelley his reasons why he couldn’t meet and move on.

  But what if he didn’t want to be wrong? Would becoming friends with the man be a bad idea? According to Evie, Alex needed more friends.

  For so long Ben and Evie had been enough. But now he felt more unstable. Like his foundation, the one Alex relied on for years, was starting to shake like a deep rumbling earthquake. It just made him feel like he needed more of…something.

  No.

  That was nothing. It certainly didn’t mean he needed to add a friend to all the other things in his life. How did he think adding more made things better?

  There was no way he wanted Kelley to ask for them to get together. No way Alex wanted to get together with Kelley. Why would he want that? It wasn’t like he wanted to be alone all the time. Getting close to people sent an uneasy feeling shooting through his body. Like lightning jolting his nerves.

  Alex tried in the past which was why almost all his interactions with people were online through email or social media. He knew it bothered some people like old friends from college or his last job. They all wanted to hang out, but Alex just couldn’t do it.

  Knowing those thoughts were getting him nowhere Alex shut them down and clicked the email opening it up.

  Hey, Alex,

  It was amazing to see you last night. I was hoping we could meet up again, on purpose this time. Maybe for coffee or even lunch if you want. I have some free time this week. Don’t say no right away, just think about it first. I hope to hear from you soon.

  Kelley

  And there it was. Alex had known that was what was going to happen. How could the guy want to be friends with him when he was such as jerk? Even Ben barely tolerated him sometimes.

  Alex was still baffled why Ben had stayed his friend through the years, especially since Alex never made enough of an effort when it ca
me to their friendship, but he knew he was lucky for it. Ben basically had to push his way into Alex’s world. Who wanted someone like him as a friend?

  He was frustrated that with his email, Kelley was pushing him to explain his reasons for saying no. Maybe if he just ignored the email he would get the idea and stop trying. It was a pretty big hint to back off. But then again, Mr. Matthews wasn’t like other people. He was persistent from what Alex remembered from working at the firm. He also wore his heart on his sleeve, always asking after people’s wellbeing. Maybe that was all it was.

  Since the night before, Alex had been flooded with good memories of his time at Vivid. He’d loved working there so much, and most of the people were always so friendly and talkative. It had been a great environment to be in everyday.

  Kelley was very well liked because he was so nice to everyone and always made sure people on both sides of the team, marketing and design, were doing well. That was probably what the email was about. He knew Mr. Matthews was just one of those guys that were friendly and outgoing. He probably had a ton of people in his life, unlike Alex who only had Ben and Evie.

  Alex shook his head knowing he was just fooling himself, he wasn’t going to ignore the damn email. He couldn’t lie to himself about the feelings that had been growing over the last several months. He needed more than what he had in his life.

  Alex had to be the grown-up. He had to be strong like Evie and be more sociable. She would never let him live it down if she found out. Maybe he could keep the friendship at a distance. That could work. A friend, but one that didn’t require his presence. Easier to keep him at somewhat of a distance.

  Kelley,

  It was good to see you too. But in regards to getting together, thank you for the offer, but I just don’t have the time this week. I’m working on a couple new projects, and between that and taking care of my sister, it’s not a convenient time. Maybe when things slow down for me we can do the coffee thing.