Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

  He knocked on her door, then opened it to find her lying on her belly with headphones on watching videos of kids playing with toys. He would never understand why she loved watching others play with the same toys she had.

  He stepped into a surprisingly clean room, kneeled, and tapped on her shoulder. She had startled a little bit and glared at him, but she’d quickly sat up, taking off her headphones as she did. “Yeah?”

  “Can we talk for a minute? There’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Sure. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, sweet girl. Umm, but I have some news that I need to share with you and when I’m done talking you can ask any questions you need then, okay?”

  “Okay, you’re being weird.”

  “You remember my friend Kelley?” When she nodded her head, Alex continued. “Well, he and I decided to be more than friends. So, he’s going to be over here more. And he and I are going to go out on our own to spend time together. Stuff like that, understand?”

  “I think so.” Evie scrunched her nose like she had always done when she was thinking, never one to blurt things out.

  “Are you okay with that? You like Kelley, right?” Alex was sure she did, but he thought asking her would make her feel more included.

  “Oh, yeah, Kelley is really funny. And he doesn’t get mad when I talk fast like some grownups do.” She paused, her smile slipping back onto her face. “Can I ask my questions now?”

  “Oh yeah, sure go ahead,” Alex replied.

  “Are you boyfriends now? Will you be kissing? Because my friend at school says that his older sister kisses her boyfriend so I think that’s what you’re supposed to do. And my other friend, Sarah, she has two mommies, they just had a baby and it was a boy so does that mean you and Kelley are going to get married and have a baby? Can I be the big sister?! I really want to be a big sister, Alex, and I think I would be good at it because you always tell me I’m smart and smart people should be big sisters.”

  Evie had spewed all that in a matter of seconds. Alex had no idea where all that had come from and why the world was torturing him into having to explain to his eight-year-old sister about babies!

  “Let’s slow down and I can answer the best I can. First, yes, people who date kiss. Boyfriends is probably a little more than we are right now. Let’s just call us dating until we see what happens. Okay?” He was hoping upon hope that she just forgot about the baby-marriage-big-sister portion of her questions.

  “Okay, so you aren’t boyfriends, but you are going to kiss?”

  “Right.”

  Evie was smiling now, a real smile. “I’m glad because I really like Kelley and I think you guys should be boyfriends because then you won’t be so lonely and then you can get married and make me a big sister when you have a baby. Wait.” Uh oh, the scrunchy nose thinking face was back. “How do you make babies with Kelley?” Evie stared at him with wide open eyes and he knew there was no way he could look at her and answer that or even be in the same country as her when he had to answer.

  “First, I’m not lonely. Who could be lonely with you around? Secondly, I’m not getting married anytime soon, maybe never. And definitely, no babies. But, Evie, even if someday I had a baby you would be the aunt, not a big sister. Does that make sense?”

  “Oh. Yeah, sorry, I forget that sometimes.” She had a big grin on her face so Alex felt overall it hadn’t been as bad as he thought it might be. Then she jumped up and hugged him super quick and started to run out of the room when his cell rang. As she left the room she started to chant “Alex has a boyfriend!” He groaned out loud, apparently loud enough that she giggled in between her chants.

  Too late he realized that Evie was going to answer his phone all while chanting. “Hi, Ben! Guess what. Alex has a boyfriend!”

  Oh shit!

  Alex quickly made his way into the living room where he heard her speaking. He snatched the phone right out of her hand, putting it up high enough she couldn’t jump to grab it back. “Alright, trouble maker, go get your shower done, while I talk to Ben.” She did as she was told while still doing that annoying chant as she skipped her way back down the hall to her room.

  “Ben?” Alex had put the phone to his ear hoping that Ben had hung up before he said something.

  “Yeah, Alex. I’m here, and a little confused. Was she just being a brat again?”

  At that point, Ben was the last person he wanted to tell. “No, not entirely. I am dating, but don’t have a boyfriend,” Alex replied, clearing his throat.

  “Kelley? The guy from yesterday? Is that who you’re dating?”

  “Yeah, that’s who I’m dating. Evie took it well so we’ll see how it goes.”

  “See, man. I told you! I knew you’d listen if I just persisted enough to break through those walls of yours.” Ben was sounding gleeful.

  “Ben, I didn’t listen to you. My walls as you say are there for a reason. I just happened to find a guy that I get along with and I find attractive. It just happened, it wasn’t planned, and it has nothing to do with you.” Alex was really trying not to get angry, but his friend had made it increasingly more difficult with each word he uttered.

  “Alright, don’t get all upset, man. I’m just happy you’re finally doing what I said. I get to say I told you so when things work out, which they will because you need someone in your life. You should listen to me more often. Life would be smooth sailing for you if you did.” Ben was chuckling and Alex was about to lose his shit over how much of an asshole his friend was being.

  “Yeah. You know what, Ben? You can fuck off. I’m doing this for me. Again, this has nothing to do with you. And what you don’t seem to get is how much you pushing and pushing pisses me off. It’s like you can’t hear anything but what you want. I’m not going to sit and argue with you. I gotta go check on Evie.” And without waiting for another word he hung up the phone before he said something he couldn’t take back. It was becoming apparent that Ben hadn’t ever looked at Alex’s situation from any other point of view than his own. And that made Alex angry beyond words, thinking that the best friend he once cherished could be such an asshole.

  Once again Alex made his way back down the hall to make sure Evie was actually taking her shower and not pulling that move she’d done the week before and waited until he was busy and distracted, telling him she’d taken one when she really hadn’t. When it was clear that she was, in fact doing as she was told, he walked into his room, and over to his desk to plug in his phone.

  As he put it down and turned to walk away it chirped, signaling a new text coming in. He closed his eyes thinking that if it was Ben trying to gloat some more or even call back to apologize he’d reach through the phone and strangle the man. But it wasn’t, it was another one of the punny memes that Kelley loved so much. He had to admit he loved them too since they always made him laugh. He needed the chuckle.

  He sent a quick reply, letting the funny man know he’d made him laugh once again. That time instead of a text reply Kelley had called him.

  “Why are you calling me, Kelley?” Alex knew the grin on his face could probably be heard in his voice, but he was past the point of caring.

  “Hello to you too, Alex.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Are you just calling to bother me or is there a real reason? Evie’s in the shower so I can’t stay on the phone long.”

  “I needed to ask about Monday. You know, our date?”

  “Yes, Kelley, I know. Our date. Are you calling just so you can say that?” He seemed overly happy just saying those words out loud to Alex. And he would never admit to him that he liked that Kelley liked it so much.

  “No, although it is a bonus. I wanted to see if you wanted to go to this Italian place I love to go to. We take clients to it often enough, but it requires a reservation so I would need an answer now to make it.”

  “Sure, who doesn’t love Italian food? But you sure you want garlicky food?” Alex realized what he was insinuating too late.

 
; “Oh, Alex, why wouldn’t we want garlicky food?” He hated that Kelley knew what he’d accidentally let slip out and was now teasing him.

  “No reason. Let’s just go there. It’ll be fine.”

  “You’re right, of course.”

  “Ah, okay. Of course, I’m right.” Kelley let him off without a teasing reply and that made Alex suspicious. It was like dealing with an adult version of mischievous Evie.

  “Because even if we both have garlic breath, Alex, I still get to kiss you. Goodnight.”

  And just like that Kelley had once again put him off balance. At that point, he wasn’t sure he could handle the man with nothing around to stop him from doing more than kissing the hell out of him.

  Monday’s were usually those days that everyone hated. Waking up early, putting on pants—who actually liked putting on real pants?—driving in rush hour traffic to get to a job that, for some, just stressed them out. For him, Monday’s were like any other day. He worked the weekends at home anyway so leaving his house to do it wasn’t the worst thing, except the whole real pants thing. And he got to interact with some of the brightest and most creative people in the field.

  But that night he had a date.

  Kelley knew that he was being a dork but since it was all inside his own head he could do it with no judgment. He wanted to call one of the guys and share the news since they would all be interested in any progress he’d made, especially David, who he now knew did have a vested interest in Alex since they were still friends. But decided against it since he would probably still get teased by River, at the very least, for sounding like a teenage kid.

  Getting through the day wasn’t so bad. He had meeting after meeting to keep his mind busy and off Alex and dating and kissing and…yeah, so maybe not so busy that those thoughts hadn’t slipped in on occasion throughout the day. And if they happened to cause his pants to get tight it was okay since he’d been hidden by a table or desk most of the day anyway.

  Damn the guy for having such an influence over him. Just thoughts of him and what Kelley could do if they were alone sent his libido into overdrive.

  The last meeting of the day had been going on now for well over an hour. Each member of his small marketing team was working on different parts of the intern expansion proposal, getting all the data together, and trying to figure out the rollout. Which departments would go first, how many interns in each department, would every department hire someone from the pool of interns at the end of the cycle, and if so, how many. Lots of questions that needed answers before he was to present it to all the executives at the meeting in the first week of June.

  “Alright, everyone, let’s break this up for now. We can get back to it tomorrow. I want each of you to use the little bit of the time left today to get some of your other work done. Delilah will set up a meeting for us and I’ll be asking all of you for some ideas again. Be prepared, please! We have just over three weeks before this needs to be done. Have a good night.”

  He made it home in record time after he emailed Delilah about the meeting for the next day, his trusty truck not letting him down. Kelley only had about an hour before the reservation time and he still had to pick up Alex. He quickly showered, dressed in dark jeans, his favorite beige sport coat over a white button up leaving it untucked, instead of his usual t-shirt. Thankfully Alex was ready when he arrived, so they made it a little early for the reservation and were seated in one of the back rooms of the restaurant.

  He loved the setup of the floor plan, mainly because it had sectioned off rooms that allowed for smaller, quieter table settings, which obviously helped for business gatherings but also dates as well. Once they were seated they placed their drink orders, both deciding on wine and started chatting about the food.

  Alex seemed a bit tense, so Kelley just kept talking, trying to give him time to relax and know that nothing between them had changed. They could still sit and talk and laugh like any other time they had over the phone. The server came back with their drinks, Alex taking a healthy swallow as soon as it was set down. They gave their orders for appetizers and main course and off the server went. Leaving them alone again, with Alex glancing nervously around.

  “Alex.”

  His head snapped back to Kelley but still had the wide-eyed near panicked look on his face. “Yeah?”

  “You don’t have to be nervous, you know. It’s just us, like always. The fact that we’re on a date doesn’t change anything.” He spoke low and calm, which he’d done before with him and it seemed to help.

  “I know that. I’m not nervous. I’m just…preoccupied.” Kelley raised his eyebrow at him. “Fine. I’m nervous. I don’t even know why, since I agreed to the date and I know logically you’re still just you. So yeah, I’m nervous.” Alex sighed and deflated, looking a smidge more relaxed. It was progress so he’d take it.

  “To be honest, I’m a little nervous. We haven’t often gotten together in the past and I don’t want to screw this up.”

  “You? Nervous? You’re the calm one, the more put together one. I’m sure if one of us is going to mess this up, it’ll be me.”

  “Nah, if things start to go lopsided I’ll just kiss you, that should stop it real quick.” Kelley had to chuckle at the disbelieving look Alex gave him.

  “In a public place that you often frequent for work? I don’t think so.”

  “Oh, Alex. It’s as if you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you again.”

  “Oh, I…umm…wow, you are direct, aren’t you?”

  “No reason not to be. We’re dating so I figure that sorta implies the physical part. Speaking out loud only makes it not an implication, but a known quantity. Of course, we can take things as slow as you want.”

  “No! I mean I’m not some virgin kid. I’ve been in a relationship before. I don’t need to be treated like I’m fragile because I’m not.”

  “Never said you were. But it’s important that we both know what the other wants out of this and when. I was simply putting that out there. Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Sorry to get defensive. Bad habit.”

  Just then the server brought out their starters and they chatted about work and then Alex told him about the conversation with Evie the night before and how she took the news. Kelley wasn’t surprised she had questions, of course, most kids were full of them.

  “I’m glad that she asked you questions and that you didn’t panic about the questions she was asking.”

  “Oh, it was a close thing, believe me. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for the birds and the bees talk when she gets older,” Alex replied with a laugh.

  “I do not envy you on that. Even as a kid, those speeches were brutal.”

  “Oh, you have no idea. My mom was…let’s just say detailed and thorough when it came to that stuff. Brutal I don’t think covered it.”

  “Oh, yeah sorry. I’m glad my parents seemed to hate it as much as I did.” Kelley was happy that they were able to laugh and Alex was finally relaxed and completely like the guy he had been talking to all these weeks. “And of course, that your news had gone over so well with her to include her singing it.”

  “Oh yes, although, that singing turned into Ben finding out. My cell had rung when she was skipping around so she got to it first. She answered singing. Turned into a not so fun conversation for me.”

  “He didn’t take it well? That surprises me.”

  “Oh, no. He took it well. So well, in fact, that he decided to gloat, saying ‘I told you so’ as though us dating was his idea and I should’ve, of course, listened to him earlier. I just don’t get him anymore.” Alex scowled and shook his head.

  “What’s it you don’t get?” Kelley asked with caution.

  “How he can’t see that his pushing what he thinks is best without even considering me in the equation is okay. He’s my best friend and I know I’m not always easy to get along with but he knows me. I’m not stupid. I can take care of myself and only I know what’s best for
me. I had to hang up on him I was so angry.”

  Alex was getting worked up. Maybe that was a good thing. He tended to keep so much locked up inside letting it out was a good thing. But not here. If Kelley knew anything it was that making a scene would only embarrass Alex. Time to try to make his guy smile.

  “You know the truth. You know he had nothing to do with us. That’s completely on me. I will take all the praise for accomplishing that. No need to thank me. Well, unless you want to thank me. I take any, and all sexual favors for payment.” Kelley winked at him, which made Alex shake his head and chuckle.

  “You are dangerous with that voice and saying things like that.”

  “Only to you, Alex,” Kelley replied waggling his eyebrows at him. As much as he wanted Alex to know how much he wanted him, right then he wanted him to smile more.

  The rest of the meal went by quickly, they even ordered dessert, as they talked and laughed about things at Kelley’s job, and Evie. He was glad Alex was having fun and it felt just like all the times they had texted or talked on the phone. And he couldn’t have been happier.

  “Alright, I’m going to use the restroom. You better eat the rest of that dessert while I’m gone.”

  Of course, such as life, bad things and asshole people happen. The restrooms were at the other end of the restaurant, down a long hall. Once he had reached them, about to go in, he’d heard a familiar voice. One he shouldn’t be surprised to have heard since it was a restaurant that lots of the executives frequented, but one he was not happy to hear. Jason Garrison, all around pain in his ass and director of human relations at Vivid, was at the bar talking loudly to his companions. He wasn’t going to stop, definitely had no intention to make it known he was there, he had no reason what so ever to want to speak to Jason outside of when it was required to do so for work. But something in his tone caught Kelley’s attention.