by Zoey Draven
“I am sorry for that, female,” Privanax said. “I told them they could wait, but I did not want them here when you woke. I did not expect you to wake for another span.”
“I—it’s okay,” Erin said, finding her voice. She looked down at her body. She was in a light-colored tunic, her legs bare and strangely pale. There was a heavy ache just over her right breast, and when she peeled the neckline of the tunic back, she saw a white bandage pressed there.
Then she remembered. Po’grak had stabbed her. In the forest. The spaceship, Laccara, the vaccine. And then Jaxor—
She inhaled a sharp breath. “Where’s Jaxor?”
Privanax frowned before he turned his attention back to his glowing screens lining one of the walls of the small room.
“In his cell, I imagine,” Privanax said.
“His…cell?” Erin whispered. Then she remembered the dungeon. The darkness. The vomiting, and then she gasped, pressing her hand to her stomach.
Privanax peered down at her as she struggled to form words.
“Is…” Erin trailed off, wondering how to ask something she hadn’t fully accepted for herself. “Is there a…a baby still?”
Privanax’s lip pressed together and Erin felt a sharp relief, tears stinging her eyes, when he said, “Tev, the offspring is well. Surprising, considering the state that you were in.”
Erin hadn’t even admitted it to herself. That the bouts of her sickness in the dungeon hadn’t had anything to do with the food Kossira had been giving to her. She’d reasoned that surely it would be too soon to have morning sickness if there was a child…then again, she remembered that Luxirians grew quickly—the baby Kate had held in her arms just now was evidence of that.
“You knew you were pregnant,” Privanax said.
“I thought it possible,” Erin whispered. Well, technically speaking, she’d thought it impossible because she hadn’t had a period since arriving on Luxiria. But there she was…pregnant. “Does he know? Did you tell him?”
“I have told no one,” Privanax said.
Erin didn’t know what to make of that. It hurt to swallow and she asked, “Do you have some water?”
Privanax filled her a gobletful and watched as she sipped it. The cool water felt heavenly as it slid down her raw, dry throat.
“I must ask,” Privanax started carefully, “if the child was conceived…willingly.”
Erin stilled, her eyes flashing up to his.
“And whether the sire is Mevirax or Jaxor’an.”
He thought she’d been…
Her voice shook with sudden anger as she said, “I was more than willing. Jaxor would never…”
“I mean no offense, female,” Privanax said softly, his expression neutral. “You were kept in the Mevirax dungeons for some time. I thought that perhaps—”
“How long?”
“Eight spans, we believe.”
“Eight days,” she whispered in disbelief.
It had seemed longer. Much longer. Eight days and nights had seemed like an eternity. She cleared her throat, feeling it tighten.
“I want to see Jaxor,” she said, looking at Privanax. Her heart gave a dull little thud at the thought of seeing him, like it was trying to flutter back to life and failing.
“I do not think that is best right now, female,” he said, his voice gruff and stern. “You are still recovering.”
“I need to know what happened,” she countered. “I need to know—”
Another wave of dizziness made her close her eyes as the room swayed. Now that the memories were returning, she had so many questions they seemed to want to explode from her mind. And yet, she couldn’t form the words.
“Rest,” Privanax said. A sharp pinch came at her arm and when her eyes snapped open and she looked down, she saw that the doctor had injected her with something. “When you wake next, you will feel better.”
Her mind immediately went fuzzy. She closed her eyes and sleep took her again, the jumble of questions dying on her tongue.
When she woke, only Crystal was in the room this time.
“Hi,” Erin whispered, reaching out with slow limbs to grasp her hand. Crystal was sitting close to the bed and the blonde squeezed her hand tight.
“We were so worried about you,” Crystal said, leaning forward. “Ever since we heard…”
Erin struggled to sit up. Her muscles were sore and aching. Her whole body seemed to throb.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“It’s been five days since they brought you back to the Golden City.”
She blew out a long breath and nodded. She might’ve been asleep for that long, but she still felt tired and groggy.
“What happened?” Erin asked.
“From what Cruxan tells me—”
Erin shook her head, “I meant what happened after that night, after Jaxor took us from the Golden City. In the forest. Were you able to get back all right with Cruxan?”
“Well, no, not exactly. We had to take a long detour thanks to that asshole of yours,” Crystal said softly. Then she smiled, a small, secretive little smile that made Erin’s heart speed. “But I’m kind of glad we did because well, I’m, um…I’m kind of hitched, I guess.”
“What?” she breathed. “To who?”
Crystal was mated?
“To Cruxan,” Crystal said, unable to wipe the grin off her face.
“Oh my God. What…how…” Erin trailed off. “His Instinct woke for you?”
“Yes,” Crystal whispered, a little shy.
Now that Erin was studying her with new eyes, she saw it. She was radiating happiness and contentment. Her whole face was glowing with it.
“Oh, Crystal,” Erin whispered, happy for her friend, even though a treacherous little ache threatened to spoil it. Tears welled in her eyes and she struggled to breathe through a tight throat.
“It’s still new, but I’ve decided to stay,” Crystal confessed softly, squeezing her hand.
“You too?” Erin questioned. Only Bianca would be going home now, it seemed. Back to her family on Earth.
Crystal’s lips quirked a bit. “Aren’t you staying too?”
There was a knowing smile in her voice and Erin wondered what she knew. Did Privanax tell her that she was pregnant? Is that why she assumed Erin would stay?
“I’m sure the council will let the charges go,” Crystal continued, her voice soft yet strong. “You don’t have to worry for him.”
Erin’s brow furrowed. “What charges? What are you talking about?”
“Well…Jaxor’an’s charges,” Crystal said, nibbling her lip.
That was when Erin remembered Privanax saying something about a cell. Jaxor was being kept in a cell.
“You…” Erin was breathing a little heavier now. “You think I’m staying because of him?”
Crystal stilled, peering at her, suddenly unsure. “Aren’t you? I thought…I thought you were his mate. I mean, it was obvious when he first saw you in the Golden City. I was there. I saw how he looked at you.”
Erin remembered it well. But she also remembered everything that came after it too.
She recalled Tavar’s mocking voice as he said, “How do you think you are here, female? Jaxor gave you over to us. As he promised he would.”
She remembered Jaxor’s lies. The lies he’d told right to her face. His cutting betrayal. The heartbreak she felt, the numbness that followed. She remembered the darkness, the feel of the earth beneath her fingernails as she retched into the basin Kossira had left for her.
“I’m not staying for Jaxor,” she whispered. “I’m staying for my child.”
Crystal’s face went slack. For a moment, joy sprang up on her features, but when she saw the look in Erin’s eyes, that joy slowly disappeared.
“You know I can’t raise a half-human, half-Luxirian child on Earth,” Erin said, her voice ragged. She tried to lighten the mood with a small, quirked smile she didn’t feel. “I have to stay now.”
She
would never see Jake or Ellora or her mother or her other friends again. She’d never see her students again. She’d never see her home, her town, the little park across the street where she took her morning walks again. All the little things she’d taken for granted…
Erin realized all this with a small, bitter ache, even as she pressed her fingers to her belly.
“Oh honey,” Crystal breathed, swallowing hard. “What…what happened?”
Erin licked her lips. “He betrayed me. He gave me over to the Mevirax, knowing that they had a deal in place with the Jetutians. He was going to knowingly send me back to the Pit.”
Crystal gasped, the color draining from her features even as she shook her head. “No, Erin, he wouldn’t do that. He’s your mate. You should have seen him when he came back here with you. When Privanax tried to keep him from you, they had to sedate him to get him back to his room.”
Erin was shaking her head. Maybe it was guilt that drove him to that. She remembered the hilt of the sword, gleaming from Po’grak’s body in the moonlight, right before she passed out. He’d gotten his revenge, finally. Maybe now that it was done, he was trying to make amends. But his revenge had always come first.
“What happened?” Erin asked, changing the subject, not wanting to think about Jaxor because it hurt too much, like her heart was this shredded thing barely hanging on. “Did…did they get the vaccine?”
“Yes,” Crystal said softly, squeezing her hand. “Thanks to you.”
“There were more vials,” Erin said, a small headache blooming when she pressed herself to remember. “In the medical bay. Did they find those?”
“Cruxan said Po’grak took them. Vaxa’an searched all over the spaceship for them, but Po’grak must’ve gotten rid of them. Or destroyed them. The only vaccine that remained was with you. And because of you, there…there might be hope for the Luxirian females. Privanax is already trying to create more. He’s barely rested at all.”
“And…and Kossira? Laccara? The Mevirax?” Erin asked, faces flashing in her mind.
“The Mevirax warriors that survived the battle were taken into custody. They are here. As are the ones that were at their base. The females too.”
Erin’s eyes closed. “Do you know what will happen to them?”
“No, I don’t,” Crystal confessed. “The council had been deliberating. Endlessly. I’ve hardly seen Cruxan the past few days.”
Erin nodded. She needed to talk to Privanax as soon as she could. She needed to tell him what the vaccine had done to Laccara, the pain she’d felt. Though the vaccine had obviously worked with Kossira, she wondered if it was truly safe.
“And,” she started again, “what about the Jetutians? Their ship?”
“Those that survived have already been shipped off to the Uranian Federation. I think that’s what it’s called. It’s this separate governing body, overseeing politics and war matters for the universe. Can you imagine the headache of working there?” Crystal tried to joke.
Erin conjured a small laugh, though it made the wound over her chest pull sharply.
“Luxiria gets to keep their spaceship though,” Crystal added. “One less spaceship in the universe that can travel to the Fourth Quadrant, at least. That’s a silver lining.”
Erin nodded.
“Bianca will be leaving soon,” Crystal said softly. “If you’re staying, there’s no reason to delay her departure.”
Erin gave her a small smile. “They recovered the Luxirian crystal?”
The blonde nodded. “At the Mevirax base. They were just waiting for your decision.”
A tear escaped, tracking down Erin’s temple. She didn’t think she’d cried so much in her life, much less in front of another. But she couldn’t help it. Knowing that Bianca would be reunited with her family, knowing that she herself would never be reunited with her own, was a bittersweet feeling. It choked her. The pain of it was hard to swallow.
“Tell them to go,” Erin whispered, squeezing Crystal’s hand, looking at her through watery eyes. “She shouldn’t have to wait any longer.”
Bianca had a family of her own, a daughter, a husband she loved dearly. She had waited long enough to see them again.
“I wrote a letter to Lauren, to my sister,” Crystal said softly. “All of us have written letters and given them to Bianca to deliver. I thought you’d want to do the same too.”
A sob rose in Erin’s throat and she nodded. “Y-yes, I’ll do that. I’ll do that now.”
When she struggled to rise, Crystal pressed her back and said, “Bianca won’t leave until she knows you’re fully recovered, that you’re okay. You don’t need to do it now. Give yourself time, Erin. You were kept as a prisoner for over a week and stabbed for God’s sake.”
Erin drew in a long, slow breath.
Crystal stroked her hair, sitting quietly beside her.
Then she said, “Jaxor’an has been asking about you. Almost every moment. I think Vaxa’an is going to have him gagged soon because he’s been driving his guards crazy.”
Erin’s lips pressed together. She wished she didn’t feel the flutter in her belly at the thought that he wanted to see her. She hated that she felt it.
“Do you want me to,” Crystal took in a deep breath, “send for him? So you two can talk?” When she didn’t reply, Crystal bit her lip again, her gaze dropping to her belly. “Does he know you’re pregnant?”
“No,” Erin whispered.
“Do you want to see him?”
Erin huffed out a small laugh, but she felt no amusement. Did she want to see him?
Yes. She wanted to see him so she could look him in the eye and ask why he’d betrayed her, why he’d lied to her at every turn. She wanted to see him to ensure that he was alive and unharmed, even though she wished she could hurt him. She wanted to see him to ask if he’d ever had any feelings for her, or if he’d just been lying about that too.
Mostly, she wanted to see him because she longed to see him and she hated that desperate need inside her. She longed to see those blue eyes, hear that dark voice.
What she needed was the truth, however.
“Yes,” she whispered to Crystal. “I need to see him.”
Chapter Forty-Three
His rixella was watching him as Vaxa’an led him into the room. She was small and observant and beautiful.
And though his wrists were chained, it didn’t stop him from crossing the short distance to her, his heartbeat thrumming in his chest wildly, and dropping his forehead to hers.
Her skin was warm. For spans, he’d been haunted by the memory of her lying on the forest floor, Po’grak on top of her, a blade jutting from her chest. He hadn’t been able to sleep, knowing she was a short distance away, knowing that he could not see her, be near her after so long apart.
“Rixella,” he murmured, peering into her eyes, seeing his own reflected in her dark orbs. “I have been so worried.”
But his words conveyed nothing of what he’d felt since she was taken from his base. Not even close to the fear, the guilt, the horror, the rage.
Her own gaze shuttered closed and Jaxor retreated slowly, unease curling in his belly. With a glance at Vaxa’an, standing with his arms crossed over his chest in the corner of the room, he asked him, in Luxirian, “Can we have a moment in private?”
Vaxa’an blew out a sharp breath, but Jaxor was relieved when he inclined his head in a nod. “I will be outside the door.”
Then he left, leaving Jaxor alone with his mate. His mate, who would not quite meet his eyes.
“Erin,” he said. “Look at me.”
Dread was roiling in his belly like waves against a cliff, violent and cutting. But she did look at him, though it felt like she was far away.
“What is it?” he asked softly, pulling a chair up beside her bed so that their eyes were level. His chains clinked together as he did, drawing her attention to them.
“Did you ever care for me?” she asked, looking at the chains. “Or was it all a
ploy to get me to trust you? I need to know and I need you to tell me the truth. For once.”
A ringing started up in his ears and Jaxor sat, frozen in place, staring at her in disbelief.
“Rebax?” he asked quietly, not entirely sure he’d heard her right.
Finally, her eyes connected with his and he held them fast, afraid she’d retreat again. “Am I really your mate?
Jaxor jerked, as if struck. “Of course you are. How can you even ask that?”
“I don’t have an Instinct. Not like you,” she murmured. “Maybe what I felt was just strong attraction. Nothing more. How could I be certain?”
He stood from the chair, his unease doubling. “What is going on, rixella?” he asked. “Why are you even saying these things?”
Her chin quivered. The first show of emotion from her. Whispering, she said, “Because you lied about everything else, didn’t you?”
Pain struck him in the chest, a desperate ache that spread and spread. He took her hands, gripping them tight, though the icy coolness of his chains made her flinch. At least, that was what he believed. Perhaps it was his touch that made her react.
Tavar.
“What did he tell you?” he rasped.
“Everything you wouldn’t,” she snapped, anger finally rising within her. Jaxor gave a helpless look at the monitors lining the walls, not wanting her to get upset. She was still recovering.
He cupped her cheek but she turned her face away.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “Just—just tell me. Once and for all.”
The truth.
Jaxor sank into the chair again. She wasn’t looking at him anymore. Her jaw was set, though her lips trembled slightly. He didn’t want to see her cry. He didn’t want to be the reason she cried.
“Ask me anything,” he finally said, his shoulders sagging. “Ask me anything and I will tell you the truth, however ugly it might be.”
He’d clearly lost her trust. She could barely look at him, so he guessed whatever Tavar had told her had cut her deeply.
She inhaled a long breath and then asked, “Am I your fated mate?”
“Tev. Of course,” he hissed out—the thought that she doubted that was physically painful. To think that he’d lied about something like that told him how little she thought of him now. What had happened at the Mevirax base?