by Zoey Draven
“Veto power,” he repeated. Then he shook his head. “Matters of justice are handled by the elder council. It is our way. They know my feelings and desires about the trial. I have made that abundantly clear.”
“And what do you want to happen?” she couldn’t help but ask.
“He is my brother,” he told her softly, spearing her with a look that almost made her gasp…because he looked so much like Jaxor in that moment. “Of course I want him pardoned.”
“Even after everything he’s done? To you?” she tested.
He let out a short exhale. “You know Jaxor as well as I. You know his motivations. I told him I have forgiven him for his actions because I understood them, but I fear that he will never be able to extend that same forgiveness to himself.”
Erin stilled.
“He wanted revenge on the male who killed our mother. Our sire. So many Luxirians. He wanted to help the females that survived. Those motivations are just…but what he is truly on trial for are two things. Endangering you and Crystal—”
“But he—”
“And knowing that Jetutians were entering our atmosphere undetected,” Vaxa’an continued. “The council would have been likely to pardon him for this second offense, given that his aid led to the vaccine. But the first…”
“Because of Crystal and me?” she said, shocked. She shook her head. “That’s ridiculous. He didn’t hurt us.”
Well…at least not physically, she amended silently, thinking about the constant ache in her chest.
“The council sees it another way. Crimes against females are not taken likely.”
“Can I talk to them?” Erin asked, her eyes pleading up at Vaxa’an. “And I know that Crystal will offer the same. I mean, because of Jaxor, she has Cruxan now. She doesn’t have any lingering feelings about it. Besides, how is it any different than what Vikan or Kirov did? They both took Taylor and Lainey from the Golden City without your knowledge! But are they on trial for it?”
She didn’t mean to throw her friends’ mates under the bus, but she was trying to make a point.
Vaxa’an’s lips pressed together. “I never said the trial was fair.”
A drop of sweat ran down her back. There was a long stretch of silence between them.
“Kat told me you don’t plan to leave on the vessel for Earth,” Vaxa’an broached quietly.
Erin’s brow furrowed, confused why he was bringing that up now. “No, I don’t.”
“Because you love my brother and you wish to stay here with him?” Vaxa’an asked. Erin looked down at the terrace, at the feather-light slippers protecting her feet from the heated stones. “I must warn you, female, that you might not like the council’s decision. There might not be a life for him here.”
He was telling her to leave? Go back to Earth? Abandon Jaxor?
Erin felt anger rise up in her and it felt good. It felt…surprising.
“I’m pregnant,” she told him, peering up at him.
His brows rose. So, Kate hadn’t told him. Or perhaps Crystal and Lainey hadn’t told anyone after their conversation a couple days ago.
“He doesn’t know,” Erin said, seeing the question form in his mind. “Not yet. I—I haven’t told him.”
Erin had to give Vaxa’an credit. He took things in stride, but she supposed a Prime Leader would have to.
“Then do not fear, female, for your future here,” he said, inclining his head. “Your child will be of the royal bloodline and because of that, you will have—”
“I don’t care about bloodlines,” she said softly, frowning. “And I’m not angling for a secure future because I’m pregnant with your brother’s child.”
“My apologies, I did not mean to imply that. I am just…surprised by the news.”
“I know,” Erin said, feeling a little of her temper melt away. “It’s just…I’m scared. For Jaxor. For the baby. For this damn trial. He might’ve hurt me and lied to me, but that doesn’t mean that I want him…gone.”
Just the thought made her throat close.
“It doesn’t mean…there’s not a future for us,” she whispered, her vision blurring with tears. More tears. She’d never cried this much in her entire life. At least now she could blame it on hormones.
She allowed herself a small cry, all too aware that Vaxa’an was standing helplessly by, probably wishing that Kate was out here to console her. Luxirians weren’t exactly masters of showing emotions and it seemed to make them uncomfortable when others did.
Pull yourself together, she told herself. And slowly, she did, blinking back tears, wiping her face dry.
She turned her gaze towards the Black Desert, remembering when Jaxor had taken her and Crystal across it in his sandcraft. It seemed so long ago now.
“Do you think you could let me see the elder council?” Erin asked quietly, calming. Only after a good cry did she feel this calm. She felt…okay. Like everything might be okay. She turned to look at Vaxa’an. “To speak with them?”
Vaxa’an inclined his head. “I can arrange it, tev. But I do not know if—”
“I just have to try,” Erin said. “I know it might not make a difference, but I won’t give up trying to get him released.”
She took a deep breath and nodded, certain of what she wanted to do.
“Are you going to the command center?” she asked.
“Tev.”
“I’d like to see Jaxor,” she said.
I’ve left this too long, she thought, a little ashamed.
The last two nights, she’d lain in bed and asked herself if she could forgive Jaxor.
After hearing about his motivations, she believed that she could. Especially after knowing that even after everything, he would have still chosen her over the vaccine for his people. That spoke volumes.
So, yes, she had left him too long…and it was time to see her mate.
Vaxa’an studied her, his head tilted to the side. Erin wondered what he made of her. Crying one moment, then demanding to speak to his council and his imprisoned brother in the next.
“Very well,” he said. “I will take you to him.”
“Thank you.”
Chapter Forty-Six
The water ran over him in an endless stream. Jaxor had stood in the shower tube for far too long, as if it would cleanse his soul and not just his body. Because isn’t that what he wanted? To be clean? To be rid of the grime and muck that he’d willingly waded through for all these long rotations?
He slapped at the console and the stream ended. He went from the stall, dried off, but his movements were slow, his thoughts carefully suppressed.
When he walked from the washroom, steam billowing out in his wake, his heart gave a treacherous thump, almost painful and violent, when he saw Erin standing in the middle of the quarters.
And all at once, those carefully dampened thoughts and feelings returned to him in a rush, making him dizzy as he approached her—and then he stopped short, his hands outstretched, reaching for her, when he realized that maybe she didn’t want his touch anymore. That maybe she was repulsed by it.
There was no one else in the room.
“How…” he croaked, fearing for a moment that he was simply imagining her. He used to do that, when he’d been in the Mevirax’s dungeons. Imagined things that weren’t there. He wondered if his isolation was bringing back old habits he’d long thought dead. “Are you…are you real?”
Something pulled in her expression, something tight and painful. When he inhaled, her scent was real enough and he dragged it into his lungs.
“Jaxor,” she whispered, her eyes shimmering.
This was definitely a dream. It made him ache, knowing that when he woke from it, he would hurt even more. And if it was a dream, then she would want his touch…and that was why he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight.
Her cheek pressed into his chest, just beneath his pectoral. He felt warm breath brush across his skin, felt clean, brushed, soft hair trail over his arm.
She waited a moment as he stroked her hair.
“You don’t think I’m real? Right now?”
“I have dreamed things before. Seen people that were not there. Talked to them when they were not there. In the darkness,” he answered easily and he heard her whistled inhale against his skin. “It will pass, but for now, I will savor you.”
“Oh, Jaxor,” she whispered, pulling back, shaking her head. “I am real. I am here.”
He blinked, swallowing.
“I asked Vaxa’an if I could see you,” she continued. “He brought me here. There’s a guard just outside the door. You can check if you don’t believe me.”
“Rebax?” he asked softly.
There were fresh tears in her eyes and certainly, if this were in his mind, he would not be making her cry. Realization pierced his gut and he went still.
“I know perhaps only a fraction of what you experienced in the dungeon, Jaxor,” Erin said quietly and his breaths went short. “You were there a long time and I was there only a week. I cannot imagine…”
Her voice trailed off.
It shamed him that she knew. He had never planned on revisiting that time with her.
“You are real?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied.
He closed his eyes.
“Did you mean it?” she whispered. “That you love me?”
Jaxor swallowed. “Tev.”
Erin sighed and she was out of his arms in the next moment, putting space between them. Jaxor wanted to follow, but he clenched his fists at his sides, feeling the distance like it was a punishment.
He looked down at the sterile white floor of his living quarters, his jaw clenching. He told her he loved her and she pulled away.
Of course she would, he thought.
Water droplets from his hair trailed over his shoulders before dropping to the floor. Distantly, he remembered he was naked. He knew that she might not react well to that, so he pulled on pants as silence stretched between them.
When he glanced over at her, she had her arms wrapped around her midsection, biting her lip. Jaxor felt…numb. A flash of a memory came to him. Of Erin, her cheeks flushed, warmth shining from her eyes, as they whispered into the night, only two spans before she was taken. A part of him believed then that she could love him. That she might stay for him and their future had never seemed so bright.
But those thoughts and dreams shattered in an instant.
“Let me help you,” she said quietly, though her voice sounded so far away.
“Help me?”
His rixella peered at him, her expression suddenly serious. “I’m sure we can get you out of here. Before the trial,” she whispered.
“Rebax?” he asked, shaking his head.
“Your brother will help, won’t he? We can sneak you out from the command center, you can get a hovercraft and just go,” she said, but her lip began to tremble a little and Jaxor saw the fear in her eyes.
Pain was starting to pierce the blanket of numbness. “And what about you?”
She swallowed. “What about me?”
Jaxor clenched his jaw, but he made himself ask the question. “Would you go with me?”
Jaxor felt like his whole future balanced on her answer.
Her eyes closed and he felt like the air was ripped straight from his lungs.
“You…that’s not…” she trailed off, thrown by the question, telling him everything he needed to know. That she wanted him to live, perhaps, but that she didn’t want him. That she didn’t want them. Not anymore. “Don’t ask me to answer that.”
“I will stay,” he informed her, his voice steady. Sure.
“Why?” she cried out, her eyes flashing open, angry and afraid. “So that they can sentence you to death or force you to leave your planet? For what? For nothing!”
“Nothing?” he rasped, shaking his head. “Not nothing, rixella.”
“Yes, nothing. Even Vaxa’an said this trial isn’t fair,” she whispered. Her eyes were getting glassy again. “Please. We can help you. Before it’s too late.”
“I will stay here,” Jaxor rumbled, shaking his head. Determination colored his tone. “I am done running. I am done hiding. I will face the elder council and accept their decision, whatever it may be.”
“Jaxor—”
“I am not above our laws,” he rasped. “And I told you, I am done running. It is past time that I face the judgment of my people. Even if the worst should happen…at least I will know that my sins will go with me. That this will be done. I must do this.”
Whatever she saw in him made the impending argument die in her throat.
Jaxor swallowed and forced himself to say, “You should keep our matehood private, Erin.”
She froze, her gaze flashing. “What?”
“Only Vaxa’an knows for certain. Perhaps the Ambassadors as well, but the council will not know. The public should not know either.”
“Why would I keep it secret?”
Jaxor said, “You will be treated differently if Luxirians know that you are connected to me.”
Erin stared at him, her chest rising and falling.
Jaxor wanted nothing more than to have her accept him. But it was too late. That much was obvious.
“Until you leave, being associated with me could make life difficult for you here,” he said. “I just want you to be safe.”
Her eyes were glassy and she looked down to the floor, breaking their gaze.
“No matter what happens, I am glad the Fates led me to you, rixella,” he said softly. A small breath escaped her. “I want you to know that.”
When she looked up, Jaxor was surprised by the desperation, by the flash of determination and fear in her gaze. But the longer she looked at him, that emotion faded slowly. She looked on the verge of saying something. He’d seen it before…back at his base, when she meant to say a different thing, but decided not to at the last moment.
“I know, Jaxor,” was all she said.
He was left to wonder what went unsaid between them.
Erin was just leaving Jaxor’s room in the command center when she saw Vaxa’an striding towards her. The only guard that stood watch inclined his head to the Prime Leader, keeping his gaze averted to the floor.
Vaxa’an was alone, his gaze flitting to the door his brother was behind.
“How is he?” Vaxa’an asked.
Erin couldn’t quite meet his eyes. Her face felt heated and her belly roiled in nausea. She felt like her heart was breaking all over again…except this time, she was the cause. And it stemmed from knowing that she was causing her mate unfathomable pain.
I’m a coward, she thought. She was nothing but a coward. She’d come there with the purpose of telling Jaxor that she was pregnant, that she would help him at whatever cost.
Instead, she made him think that she didn’t care for him.
Erin didn’t know how to answer Vaxa’an’s question. “I just want to help him,” she finally whispered. “But he…he wants…”
He wanted her to forget him. He wanted her to deny that their bond had ever existed. He wanted her to turn her back on him.
Why?
To make life easier for her.
And she’d said nothing. She’d stood there, frozen like a fool.
What must he think of me? she wondered, ashamed.
“I will take you back to the Ambassador terrace,” Vaxa’an said, leading her through the command center. When they were outside the door, Erin was startled to see that it was already dark. Night and sparkling stars were laid before her, stretching over the Black Desert.
After they boarded the hovercraft, she looked over her shoulder at the doors leading to the command center. She felt the distance stretched between her and Jaxor. It made her ache. It made her want to
vomit.
Vaxa’an said to her, “I had a thought while in a meeting with the council this span. Something that could help Jaxor’an’s trial.”
For the first time, Erin heart thudded not with pain…but with hope. “What is it?”
“Public opinion can sway the council’s decision during trial periods. Not often, but it has happened in our history,” Vaxa’an said quietly, the words quick.
“What…what did you have in mind?”
Vaxa’an piloted the hovercraft, using familiar motions with ease over the silver pad. Only when they left the command center did he say, “The public of the Golden City does not yet know about the vaccine we acquired from the Jetutians. That you acquired.”
Erin went still, her mind racing with that news. She wondered why the city had seemed…quiet. “You didn’t want them to know?”
“Not yet. They do not know about Kossira either. Privanax is running his tests on the vaccine, but I did not want it announced until we were certain. But it could be lunar cycles…rotations even for Privanax to replicate it. Jaxor’an does not have that time.”
They were approaching the Golden City fast. It was beautiful. Erin had never seen it lit up at night from afar, but the whole terraced mountainside glowed in soft yellow lights. Vaxa’an pulled the hovercraft to a stop and they floated in mid-air, the soft rushing of the wind quieting around them.
He turned to her and said, “If the public knew that Jaxor’an had a hand in procuring a treatment from the Jetutians—a treatment that could help restore the fertility of our females—I am certain there would be protests about his trial. He would be seen as a hero, a defender of his people. Not just in the Golden City but throughout the outposts as well.”
Erin reached out a hand and clasped it on the console of the hovercraft. “You…you think that could work?”
“It is worth a try,” Vaxa’an said, his jaw gritting. “Along with your testimony to the elder council, and his help in capturing the Mevirax and leading us to the Jetutians, it could be enough to grant him a pardon. He could be free.”
It sounded almost too good to be true, but it was everything that Erin had been thinking about.