by D. Kelly
“Move in with me,” he says in a rush.
What?
Move in with him?
Is he serious?
As if his Jedi mind tricks are back in action, he answers the unasked question. “I’ve never been more serious in my life. Move in with me, Kate. Move in with us. Let’s be a family. Lucas deserves a family, we deserve a family.”
Holy shit.
“Daniel, stop. Take some time and think about this. You’re just deciding this is what you want because of the letters. You wanted to take this slow two days ago and now you want to move in together?” My ears are ringing and I can barely hear anything over the sound of my beating heart reverberating in them.
He pulls out his phone and punches a few buttons and passes it to me. It’s a reservation for a trip to Hawaii; the date on the email is a few weeks ago. I scroll down and see it’s for two plane tickets and two hotel rooms for the day after my graduation. I’m at a loss for words.
He was going to take me to Hawaii?
“It was your graduation present, but I cancelled the trip when Vanessa died. I wanted to…I wanted to try, Kate. I thought if we could get away that we could hopefully end up only using one of those rooms and that I could get past it. After Marc talked to me the other day, and then you spending the past two nights in my bed, a man can only take so much. And then today, when you introduced me to Lila Hope, whatever lingering anger I had was just…gone.”
There’s not an inkling of sarcasm in his tone, not an ounce of anger or pain in his eyes. The only thing I see when I look at him is that he’s anxious for me to answer him.
Do I want to move in with him?
Uh, yeah, I’d marry him right now if he asked me to.
“Okay.”
Okay, I don’t know where we’re going to live, but I’d go anywhere for him. For them, my family, my boys. Oh my god, I’m really going to be somebody’s mom. Not just any somebody, either. Lucas…the little boy I love already as if he were mine.
“Okay? Really? You’ll move in with me?” He’s so excited and I’m nodding and crying at the same time.
“I miss Vanessa,” I say sadly as he pulls me into his lap.
“I miss her, too, baby. So fucking much. I hate that this happened and Lucas is going to grow up without her. But I’m glad she gave us her blessing to raise him, Kate, because if he can’t have her you’re the next best thing.”
And then he kisses me on the lips, one after another, each one deepening a little, each one lasting a bit longer than the one before. Until finally he pulls back and smiles the first real smile he’s given me in a very long time.
I feel bad for being so happy right now but I think Vanessa had a hand in this from up there. She’s giving us a gift and setting us free. My heart hurts knowing I’ll never have another talk with her or experience her bubbly personality. But I’ll always hold her close and I’ll have a piece of her with me every single day. Whenever I look at Lucas I’ll still have Vanessa with me. I can’t wait to tell him all about his mom.
Kate
All of the extended family has gone home. It’s just our core group and Chad now, but he’s part of the group now, too. It’s been nice hearing stories today from their past. Chad’s parents shared some really nice stories and promised to copy every single picture they have of Vanessa and send it to Lucas. My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude at their gesture. I want as many reminders of Vanessa as we can get. My dad pulled all traces of my mom from our house when I was younger. I’d never do that to Lucas. I want our home to be a place where he can remember his mom and love her openly.
Chad follows me into the kitchen and looks me over. “You seem happier today. Care to share the secret?”
I smile at him and pull him into a gentle hug. “Vanessa is watching over my little girl and Daniel and I are going to move in together.”
His voice cracks a little but he smiles at me as he pulls away from the hug. “That’s great, Kate, really. I’m so happy for you guys and Vanessa would be, too. If you could have heard all the ways she was plotting to get you two back together before she passed away…well, let’s just say you’d be happy you guys worked it out on your own, too.”
“I can only imagine the ideas she was scheming in her head. I’d give anything for her to be here to tell me all about them,” I reply with a sigh, and he nods sadly.
“Chad, don’t pull away from us, okay? We’ll give you some time, but we need to work out some kind of schedule or system for you to spend time with Lucas really soon. It was important to Vanessa but it’s also really important to me.”
He smiles at me and nods. “I’m not going anywhere and I don’t even need time. I’ve had a few days to think and read and re-read her letter. Just don’t move too far away. I’m still in school, you know, so my time is more limited than yours.”
School. That’s something I need to work out. I’m supposed to start Graduate school in the fall. It will all work out, I have no doubt. I’m so happy knowing Chad is in this with us for the long haul. Vanessa may have trusted me with Lucas, but I’m going to need Chad to guide me on things only he’ll understand. I think we’re in dire need of a toast.
After pulling two bottles of champagne out of the refrigerator and getting Chad to help me reach the glasses and open them up, we pass them out. Everyone gathers around and Daniel stands next to me, lightly wrapping his arm around my waist.
“To Vanessa,” I say as I raise my glass in the air. “We’re here today to celebrate her life, and even though I already miss her like crazy, I’m thankful for every single second I had with her. She brought Lucas and Chad into our lives and she’s watching over Lila Hope. I’ll be forever thankful to her for that. This is for you, girl. I love you bigger than the sky.”
There’s a chorus of ‘To Vanessa’ and not a dry eye in the house, but I think from here on out we’re all going to be okay.
A little while later, I feel a familiar pair of arms wrap around me from behind “So you guys finally worked things out? Good job, Katie Grace. I’m happy for you,” Mike whispers in my ear sincerely.
“I love you, Michael Matthews. Bigger than the sky.” It’s something we haven’t said for years, something my mom used to say to us but tonight it just seems right.
“I love you, too, Katie Grace. Bigger than the sky.” For a few minutes, I just let him hug me from behind but I eventually turn around.
“Where’s Misty? I thought she was supposed to come today?”
A troubled look crosses his face but he shakes it off. “Her grandma is in the hospital and it’s not looking good.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Michael Matthews, why aren’t you there? I’m sure she could use a shoulder to cry on.”
He exhales loudly and leans against the counter, crossing his arms. “It’s complicated, Kate. She’s hiding something from me, admittedly so. She has this big secret and she’s afraid I’m going to leave her when I find out about it. I’ve told her I’m the king of fuck ups and there’s nothing she could do to make me leave. I know she’s trying to get the courage to tell me, but her grandma doesn’t like me and I have a feeling it has to do with this secret.”
That’s odd.
“Well, I’m not sure what kind of secret it could be that would make her grandma not like you. Unless you gave her some kind of STD and she’s embarrassed to say.”
He shakes his head vehemently.
“Oh yeah, you guys get tested all the time. You’d know if you had one.”
“Exactly. I’m trying to give her the space she needs but I want to be there for her, too, and I can’t do both.”
I look at him for a minute, really look at him. And I realize I see Michael, not Mike. My Michael, the one who lit up like a Christmas tree whenever I was around, and it hits me like a ton of bricks—it’s finally happened.
“You’re head over heels in love with her, aren’t you?” I ask him in total and complete awe.
Then he does something I haven’
t seen him do in years. He blushes. And I squeal like a little girl in a candy shop while hugging the daylights out of him, crying the happiest of tears.
“You’re crying,” he so kindly points out.
“Only the happiest of tears for my very best friend,” I reply happily. There’s no remorse, or longing, or even sadness for what we lost. I’m just honestly and truly happy for my very best friend.
Wow.
“I’m pretty happy too, Kate. She’s the one.”
Whoa. It seems early but I know they have a past, and who am I to judge early? Hello.
“Does she know that?”
He grins and his gorgeous dimples are on full display. “Yeah, she does, but we’re taking this very slow after what happened last time. I kind of like it, actually. I haven’t dated since you. I never realized how much I missed just being with someone. Do you know what I mean?”
I nod because until Daniel I never really realized how far I had shut myself down.
“The end of our relationship affected us both in different ways, but we both locked other people out. It’s nice to let them back in. I’ll never lock anyone out again and I won’t let you, either. If something happens to me and Daniel, or you and Misty, we’ll look out for each other to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”
A devious look plays out on his face. “But if something happens to them both you’re mine again, no excuses.”
He cracks me up but I nod in agreement. Nothing is ever going to happen. We’ve had enough sadness in our lives. But if it did, I’d be honored to have Mike back in my life.
“Kate! I need your help!” April calls out in distress from the other side of the room. Mike refills my champagne and follows me over. My heart is warmed by the sight of all my friends gathered on the couch and Lucas asleep in his daddy’s arms.
“What’s the problem?” I ask as I take a seat next to Daniel.
“Dress fittings. My family is driving me crazy! Can you come with me instead? Jess said she was game if you are.”
I smile sweetly at her. “I’d be happy to.”
“Well, now we need to plan the bachelor and bachelorette parties,” Connor announces excitedly. Jake and Daniel groan and Mike laughs. “As the best man I get to plan it, so expect plenty of strippers and plenty of booze.”
“Can’t we just play poker?” Daniel asks “I’ve got Lucas now and you know how much I hate stripper dust.”
“Stripper dust?” Jess questions, interested.
“Glitter,” Mike interprets for her.
She must be pretty buzzed because even I got that one. And when she laughs like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard, I realize she’s past buzzed. She’s completely lit.
“Who is planning your party, April?” she asks and I know where this is going.
“My sisters wanted to do it, but I told them my friends were doing it. My sisters are crazy but since some of them are still underage, I don’t want them planning it. They’re planning a family shower, instead.”
“Awesome!” Jess exclaims. “Kate and I are totally throwing you a kick ass bachelorette party. And if they get to have strippers, so do we.”
Jake throws daggers at her and circles the conversation back around. “So about that poker party…it sounds good to me. And Daniel is right, he has a kid now.”
“That kid has grandparents who can take him for the weekend. Who would be thrilled to have him, no less,” Connor says, driving the point home.
“I could take him for the night,” Chad replies.
“Hell no, you can’t. You’re one of us now, for better or worse. I don’t give two fucks if you have an aversion to stripper dust, either. I’m the best man and I plan the party.”
I love how Mike just sits back drinking his water and watches the conversation progress. He knows, just like I do, that both of us are going to be sitting with the strippers in just a few short weeks.
“April doesn’t need strippers and neither do I,” Jake says petulantly.
“Well, duh, no one needs strippers, but when the opportunity arises to have pussy in your face you don’t turn it down.”
“Connor Houston! You can have your stripper party with your stripper dust, but so help me God, if even one of those strippers gets her pussy anywhere near Jake’s face, it’s your ass on the line. I will come after you before I come after him.”
Connor nods his understanding and that actually seems to shut him up. And then Jake says the sweetest thing he can based on the current topic.
“Baby, the only pussy I ever want in my face is yours.”
I know guys are guys and most won’t turn a stripper away, but Jake has an unwavering love for April. I actually believe him when he says that and so does she.
“You two are a perfect match, you know,” Jake says to Jess. “But the same thing goes for you. No stripper dick in my girl’s face.”
“You got it, Jake,” Jess says with a wink. “I’ll keep it all in my face instead.”
Suddenly Connor looks like he ate something rotten.
Interesting twist.
“Fine. If you’re all so against it, I guess we could just have a guys’ poker night. Maybe get some lame girl to jump out of a cake or something.” That’s Connor speak for ‘we’ll play poker and only get two strippers instead of going to a club.’
“Hey, Jess, remember those naughty parties we used to go to? We could do one of those with all the perks.”
We used to go to sex toy parties and the good ones always had strippers. It was a few years back when I was still essentially hiding under a rock. I always thought the strippers were pretty gross, but they were fun parties, and I bet a little bit more up April’s alley than a strip club.
“Yes, that’s exactly what we’ll do! Okay, you guys do your poker night and we’ll have a sex toy party!” Jess exclaims excitedly.
“Do we get to preview the catalog before the party so we can put our orders in, too?” Connor asks but they all perk up when they hear that might be an option.
“Sure, why not?” Jess tells them.
Chad is smiling, but it’s forced. I’m sure he’s missing Vanessa something fierce right now. Mike picks up on it, too.
“Well, I need to go check in with Misty and I’m Chad’s DD for the night. Are you ready to go or do you want me to swing back by later?”
Chad happily takes the out. “I’m ready, thanks. It’s been a long few days and my parents are leaving tomorrow, so I should get back. Thank you, guys, for everything. Vanessa would have loved how today turned into a party and not a cry fest. She really did have some good friends.”
“Well, we’re your friends now, too, so get used to it,” Connor tells him sincerely.
“Thanks. Goodnight, everyone,” Chad says as he and Mike leave.
The atmosphere quickly changes to a somber one.
“I’m going to stay next door with Daniel and Lucas, so if you guys want to spend the night you’re more than welcome to my room,” I tell April and Jake so they don’t feel like they have to leave.
Jake flashes his water bottle at me. “Nah, we’re good. I only had one drink a few hours ago. We’ve both got work in the morning. Thanks for the offer but we’re going to get going, too.”
“You hear that, babe? We can be as loud and naughty as we want to, wherever we want to,” Connor wickedly tells Jess and she squeals in delight. They head upstairs before April and Jake are even completely out the door. God, they’re perfect for each other. I just hope they realize it and get over their insecurities. Life’s too short.
Maryanne pretty much cleaned everything up before she left. All that’s left for me to do is just put the few glasses in the dishwasher and turn it on.
“You almost ready?” Daniel asks as he wraps his arms around me from behind and nibbles on my ear.
I’ve missed this.
“Yeah, just let me run upstairs and grab a few things and I’ll be over. Why don’t you go and start getting Lucas ready for bed?”
“Fine. But don’t bring too many clothes. You won’t need them tonight.”
This man could bring me to my knees with his words alone. My body fills with desire. I hope Lucas is tired from all of the day’s events and sleeps for more than three hours tonight.
“Got it. No clothes required. I’ll see you guys in a few minutes.”
When I get to the top of the stairs, I shield my eyes and shout out a warning when I see Jess’s bedroom door open. “I have to get some stuff from my room so please keep your naked asses out of my line of sight for just a couple of minutes.”
Connor starts cracking up and walks to the doorway, fully clothed.
Thank God.
“Jess is taking a shower, so you don’t need to worry. Even though we both secretly know you love looking at my ass, naked or not.”
I bust up laughing and he follows me into my room and sits down on my bed.
“Seriously. You look happy, Kate. Which is weird considering we buried a friend today, but you’re glowing.”
I place a kiss on his cheek and sit down next to him. “I miss Vanessa like crazy, but I’m trying to honor her wishes by not staying sad.”
“Yeah, I have a million questions about her letter but I’ll start with just one. Lucas. How do you feel about that? It’s a lot of responsibility and if anyone can handle it it’s you, but the question is, do you want to?” He throws his arm over my shoulder and pulls me in close.
I lay my head on his shoulder and nod. “I do. At first I wasn’t sure, you know? I lost my mom and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to come in and try to take her place. But I realized something today. It’s because I knew my mom. We had a relationship for ten years. Lucas won’t have any memories of Vanessa except for the ones we give him through stories. It’s not fair to him to not have a mom at all, so now he’ll have two. Vanessa will always be first and foremost, but I consider myself beyond blessed to be her choice to raise him.”