“I’m fine,” I lie. “I think I just need this coffee.” I lift the mug, but Razor frowns at me.
“I think what you need is more sleep. Why don’t you go lie back down? It’s not like you’re missing anything.” He sweeps his hand toward the blizzard outside.
“No, I want to apologize to Ace first. I’ll wait until he gets back in.” I set my jaw and my stubborn streak keeps me in place.
“So, are you guys happy you moved up here? Don’t you ever miss the lower mainland?” I try to direct his concerned looks another way.
“Nah, we’ve got everything we need here. And now that we’ve finished building the cabin and got Gunnar, this feels more like home now. I remember when I first came up here, I stepped out of the truck and thought…”
His words stop making sense in my ears. I can hear that he’s still talking, but it’s background noise. Everything sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher as my eyelids slide close again and the room swirls into darkness. I feel like I’m flying, like I’m a bird gliding up over the treetops, looking down over the snow-covered fields. I can see Qilaq, what’s left of her I mean. She’s broken beyond repair. It’s amazing I could walk away from that really.
“Whoa, hold on there!” I look up at Razor, he’s holding me tight in his arms. How did I get here? “Okay, no more chatter, it’s time for you to get some sleep before you conk out on the floor. You almost fell off your chair.” He helps me to my feet and holds me until he’s certain I won’t crumple like a ragdoll when he lets go.
“Okay,” I answer reluctantly. He’s right. I am wiped out. It’s hard to believe that after so much sleep I could still be so tired, but my body can’t fight it anymore.
Razor holds my arm and leads me back to the bedroom when the front door flings open and a cold wind whips around us.
“Ace!” I yell, suddenly remembering that I wanted to say something to him. I lunge toward him just as he steps inside and he turns on his heel to avoid smacking into me and the big pile of wood stacked over his arm scatters.
“Shit!” He swings the door closed and starts picking up the pieces.
“Oh, sorry.” I try to help him, lifting a few pieces.
“It’s fine, just go, will ya?” He tries to dismiss me, but I won’t budge.
“No, please, listen. I’m sorry I made you drop the wood, Ace. But I’m really sorry about what I said earlier. You didn’t deserve that. I was just scared and confused and lashed out at you. I shouldn’t have.” I look down. I can’t stand the way he’s glaring at me right now. It cuts through me and makes me feel small.
“Come on, you’ve got to get to bed.” Razor tries to pluck me from the floor.
“No, not until he knows I mean it,” I protest and snatch my hand back from him. “Do you?” I look straight at Ace. “Do you know I mean it?”
“It’s all good. Water under the bridge.” He smirks and his gray eyes slowly glide over my face. I kind of wish he’d just grab me, that he’d pull me close and run his thumb down over my cheek like that. I’d love to feel his lips drag across my skin the same way his gaze does.
“Bed. Now!” Razor demands. This time he grabs my hand tighter and lifts me to my feet. I don’t try to fight him. I know sleep is the best thing for me. Razor guides me into the room and I snuggle in under the warm blanket. He tucks it up under my chin and looks down on me for a second before leaving the room.
I can hear the guys talking again, but not their words. Are they talking about me? Have they had the same naughty thoughts that I’ve been having? I imagine their thick, hard hands on my body. Their burly, hard bodies pressed into my frame. And their big, hard cocks inside me. I gasp at the scandalous thought, but a smile creeps over my lips and my eyes close as I rest into the pillow. Now that’s a dream I can let myself enjoy.
10
Razor
You know that feeling you get when you’re pulled from a deep sleep, but you’re not sure what woke you? Well that’s crawling all over my skin right now. My ears are prickling, straining hard to hear something out of the ordinary. My eyes take a second to adjust to the darkness in the living room. Outside I can hear the wind whipping more snow against the side of the cabin. I took the couch so Caitlin could get a good night’s sleep in the bed.
Caitlin!
My eyes focus and I jump back a little when I see she’s standing over me in her nightgown. She looks down at me, her eyes hooded and her lips curled into a sexy little half smile.
“What’s going on?” I sit up, confused.
She doesn’t answer me. She just sways slightly, like she’s in a trance. Then, before I can stand up or grab her hand, she’s on me.
Holy fuck, she doesn’t waste any time! Her full lips press into mine and she throws her arms over my shoulders and presses against me tight. I’m only in my underwear, so when she grinds against me, the thin fabric of her panties rubbing against my boxer briefs doesn’t leave anything to the imagination.
My cock grows thick and I kiss her deeply. Since I laid eyes on her, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I had no idea she felt this way about me.
“Hey, are you sure you’re feeling good enough for this?” I break our kiss and run my hand up under her gown, laying it flat on her back.
Her skin is like fire! I pull my fingers back and yank my hand out from under her clothes. Immediately I lift her off me and scoot back, putting space between us. I hold the back of my hand against her cheek and then gently across her forehead, there’s no doubt about it, she’s got a fever.
“Hey, can you hear me?” I give her a small shake, but she doesn’t answer. She still has that same half-lidded stare.
Shit.
“Ace? Get up man!” I call out, panic rising in my throat. I thought we were out of the woods, so to speak, with Caitlin and her injuries. The last thing she needs is to be getting really sick. We’re still so far away from any planes making their way out here. “Ace! Get your ass up!” I bellow and I hear him thud across his bedroom floor and the door groan as he opens it.
“What’s up?” He yawns.
“I need help with Caitlin, she’s really hot.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve got eyes, man. Just keep your dick in your pants and you don’t have to worry about it. Good night.” He turns back toward the blackness of his room and starts to shut the door.
“Ace! Get over here. She’s got a fever, like a really high one. Her skin is burning up, we’ve got to do something.”
“What? She’s out here with you? Wait, did you say fever?” The groggy, molasses quality of his voice finally shakes off and his senses seem to sharpen. “Oh, uh, okay, what do you need me to do?” He pads out across the floor to the side of the sofa.
“Help me get her into the bath, we’ve got to get her cooled off,” I instruct him.
Ace leans over Caitlin and lifts her up over his shoulder, fireman style and wordlessly takes her into the bathroom. I hop up and grab some pants, zipping them up over my shrinking erection and wince as I realize she’s not even gonna remember this tomorrow.
I push the thought away. Ace is right, if I just keep my cock in my pants, I don’t have to worry about it. I join them in the bathroom and quickly fill the tub with tepid water while Ace waits, holding Caitlin safe. Once it begins to fill up, I help him lower her into the water, her nightgown and all.
She groans, but doesn’t seem to snap out of her daze. Under the light in the bathroom, it’s easy to see that her half-opened eyes aren’t really seeing anything. She might look awake, but she’s not.
Her pajamas slick down tight to her skin, leaving absolutely nothing to modesty. Her nipples pebble under the nightgown as the fabric clings to her. I look up at Ace and see that he’s noticed the same thing. We both give each other a look and then focus on the rest of the task at hand. Ace moves over and supports Caitlin’s head so her face doesn’t roll into the water. I shut off the taps and grab a face cloth.
Dipping it in the lukewarm w
ater, I hand it off to Ace. “Here, use this to cool down her face,” I tell him.
He gently dabs the cool cloth over her cheeks and forehead, being especially careful around the diminishing bump on her head.
In the meantime, I check her circulation. It looks good. Her breathing is fine. I kneel next to the tub, close to Ace and hold her wrist in my hand, checking her pulse. Nothing is wrong there either.
“Problems?” Ace raises an eyebrow at me.
“No. I’m not sure why she’s got the fever.” I shake my head. “I’ll have to check her scrapes when we change her gown. Make sure nothing is infected.” I stand up and move back, giving Ace some more space.
“Well, she’s feeling a lot cooler now, so that’s good, right?” He lies his hand over her forehead to test her temperature.
“Yeah, that’s what we want.” I frown down at her. I hate that she’s suffering and there’s so little we can do. I travel the curves of her body, from her hip to her head and get lost in the beautiful brown explosion of wisps that her hair is making in the tub. The way the strands slowly twist and twirl under the water is almost hypnotic.
“You gonna get her something to change into?” Ace brings me back to reality and the fact that there’s still more to do.
“Yeah, I’ll see what I can find in her bag.” I head out the door and head to my room.
I flick on my light and yank her small suitcase up onto the bed. She doesn’t have any more clothes in here besides socks and underwear, and those don’t help any. I could go get the clothes I washed for her, but I doubt they’re the most comfortable to sleep in. My gaze lands on my dresser and I shuffle over to it, pulling out the second drawer.
This will do.
Plucking a large T-shirt from the pile, I bump the drawer shut with my hip and go back to the bathroom.
“I’ve got something she can wear, I figure a shirt is more comfy than…” I stop and stare at Ace. He’s holding Caitlin at an arm’s distance, his face is twisted with confusion. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he murmurs, blushing furiously. “She just, I dunno man, she…”
“Kissed you too?” I fill in the blanks.
“Too? You mean she was kissing you out there?” He jerks his head toward the living room.
“Yeah, she woke me up that way, I didn’t know she was feverish though,” I start explaining.
“No, that wouldn’t have been my first thought either,” Ace grins. “Okay, well, we probably should just keep the kissing thing to ourselves. She’s already gonna get all freaked out about being changed again. No need to embarrass her too.” Ace’s tone is uncharacteristically compassionate. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he’s falling for this girl.
“You’re right.” I nod curtly. “Okay, can you avert your eyes but hold her steady while I get this wet gown off her? I’ve gotta check her cuts and get her changed.” I wave the T-shirt in my hand like a flag.
“You got it.” Ace gets a good grip on Caitlin, who looks more like she’s actually sleeping now, and stares at the door as I strip her down. I don’t even glance at any part of her except the bandages. After patting her down with a towel, I take a peek under the tape, but see no signs of infection. That’s all I needed to know. Within seconds, I’ve got her in one of my T-shirts. It’s hard not to notice how it hangs on her like a dress.
“Back to bed?” Ace asks.
“Yep.”
We carry her back to my bed wordlessly, but we don’t need to speak to have a conversation. Our eyes meet and I can see the same worry flickering in his gaze that I feel twisting up in my gut. We’re both nervous, concerned, hell, we’re fucking scared. Scared that she’s about to take a turn for the worse. Scared that she’s going to die.
11
Ace
I lift Caitlin back into my arms, but this time I scoop her up and hold her against me tight. Her head rests against my chest. It reminds me of all those old movies where the guy carries his virgin bride over the threshold, eager to claim what’s his.
Except she ain’t your wife and you’re keeping your dick in your pants, remember?
Yeah, except for that. I force myself to look away from her distracting beauty and walk her into Razor’s room where she’s been camping out since we saved her. The bed has Caitlin’s suitcase on it, so Razor shuffles ahead of me and clears it off so I can lay her down. Placing her head carefully on the pillow, I gently tug my arms out from under her and tuck her under the blankets.
“I’m gonna take a look in the medicine cabinet,” Razor calls over his shoulder as he walks out.
I sit down next to her and test her forehead again with my hand. She’s definitely feeling cooler now, but still running a bit warm. I lean my head back against the headboard and close my eyes. I’m not the praying kind, I gave up on it a long time ago when every time I talked to the big man in the sky my life seemed to just get worse. Still, the idea of losing Caitlin is enough to humble me. I don’t slide off the bed onto my knees or anything, but I do fold my hands together and plead with God.
“Hey, it’s me. Adam.” I clear my throat. Adam Schiffer,” I clarify. I’m not sure how these prayers work, so I want to make sure he knows who the message is from. “Um, I need your help. It’s not for me, so I don’t know if that bumps me up in line, or whatever, but this isn’t some kind of request for winning lotto numbers or anything. We’ve got a situation here.” I keep my eyes squeezed shut and nod toward Caitlin. “This woman crashed into our lives, literally, and now she’s sick. There’s no help coming for almost a week and if we lose her… if she dies…” My voice cracks and even though my eyes are shut, tears fall from them. “Well, please don’t let her die. I know we’ve been through a lot, God. Razor and I, oops, I mean Derek and I, we’ve been through a lot, but if she doesn’t make it, that might just be the thing that breaks us. Please, she’s young, she’s got her whole life ahead of her. Please.”
I hear Razor thumping back down the hall toward the room and I open my eyes, wiping my cheeks off with my fingertips, I give a loud sniff and push the emotions away. I can’t even remember the last time I shed a tear about anything. After we were pushed out of the SEALs I kind of shut everything off. I guess you could say I lost my faith in more ways than one. Not only in prayer, but in humanity, decency, even hope.
Now all those things are flooding back and along with it are the emotions I thought I’d long ago lost. I guess they never really went away after all. They just needed something truly special to bring them back.
They needed her.
“I’ve got some Ibuprofen that should drop her temperature back down. Can you help me try to get her to take them?” Razor walks in with a bottle of pills and a glass of water.
“Sure.” I glance over at Caitlin and she’s out like a light. “How?”
“Well, we’ve got to try to wake her up enough to swallow them. If I just give them to her now, she’ll choke.” He sits on the other side of her. “Hey, Caitlin? You gotta wake up.” He nudges her softly but she doesn’t stir.
“Caitlin! Rise and shine! Time to get your ass up!” I yell like a drill sergeant trying to make the new recruits tremble in their boots.
“Huh?” She props herself up on her elbow. “What’s happening?” She slurs her words like she’s had a few too many.
“Well, that’s one way of doing it.” Razor smiles and holds a couple pills to Caitlin’s lips. “Here, take these. You’ve got a fever, this will help break it.”
“I need more cowbell.” She laughs at her joke but swallows the pills. Razor guides the glass of water to her lips and as soon as she swallows some down, she plops back on the bed and is completely passed out again.
Razor places the glass on the end table and leans back against the headboard. I do the same. Somehow, this feels right. And the exhaustion sweeping over me is making the walk back to my bed feel really far and unnecessary. I blink a few times, each time my eyelids open slower and feel heavier. Until I don’t open them
at all, I just sink back and drift off.
The next thing I know the room isn’t so dark. It’s still storming outside and, even when there’s no snowfall, we don’t get a ton of light this time of year up here, so the room is still shrouded in shadows. However, it’s definitely daytime now.
I look down from where I’m sitting and see my fingers are threaded in with Caitlin’s. We’re holding hands. A quick glance over at Razor and I see she’s holding his hand on the other side of her too. I can’t help but smile. I know how I feel about her, but does he feel that way too? I check out the content, peaceful look on his face as he sleeps and am willing to bet he does.
The real question is: how does she feel about us?
Does it matter?
I know it shouldn’t. These aren’t the kind of things that should be occupying my mind. Yet, it nags at me. Even if she does feel something for us, for both of us, does that change anything?
I’m not sure.
Opening my fingers wide, I free my hand from hers and check her forehead for a fever. It’s passed and she feels “cool as a cucumber” as my gramps would say. I breathe a sigh of relief and watch her for a few moments before deciding it’s time to get out of bed. Sitting here staring at Caitlin isn’t going to do a damned thing for this swirling turmoil in my gut. I need a distraction.
I ease across the floor quietly and Gunnar rushes to my side, happy to see me.
“Hey, boy, how about we get some wood to make a fire?” I scratch him behind the ears and he wags his tail like he’s trying to shake the damned thing off. It only takes a moment to get my outdoor stuff on and we tromp out into the glistening, freshly fallen snow toward the big pile of logs.
The snowfall still hasn’t let up any, but I can feel a change in the air. I feel like maybe my prayers were answered. Caitlin looks like she’s on the mend now, so that’s a big change from where we were last night.
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