Healing Hearts (Roselund Heights Book 1)

by Miranda D Nelson

  He laughed again, folding his paper. “Very well, very well. I will see myself out. I am certain I can find some corner of the house where I’ll not be disturbing anyone.”

  He stopped beside Edith and kissed her forehead. “Do not feel badly if you cannot talk some sense into her, Edith. She is a stubborn one after all.”

  “Good bye, Mr. Colborne,” Joanna said, though she too smiled.

  When he had left, Edith took a seat beside Joanna. “So what is it that brings you to my door this morning?”

  Joanna recounted the details of her meeting with Mrs. Aldridge. As she trusted Edith as her confidant, she left out no details.

  “I have often wondered about his family, but had assumed they had passed on, since he never mentioned them.”

  “Does it bother you that he did not tell you about them?” Edith asked.

  Joanna pondered this. “Perhaps a little. But it bothers me more that he left them.”

  “I can easily imagine why he did though, if his mother was so intent on forcing her way on him.”

  Joanna shook her head. “No Edith, don't you see? If he is capable and willing to run from his family, leaving them all behind, how can one be certain he will not do it again?”

  Edith nodded, finally understanding. “You mean how can you be certain he won’t leave you in the future?” She paused. “That is, if you were to consider a future with him.”

  Joanna too nodded. “Yes, exactly. How can I be certain, Edith?”

  Edith sighed. “You can’t be, Joanna. There is always uncertainty in life, no matter how you might try to avoid it.”

  “There must be a way to be certain. There must.”

  “The only way to be certain he will not hurt you is to close off your heart and pursue a different course.” Edith peered into Joanna’s eyes. “Is that what you want?”

  “No,” Joanna said instantly, surprising herself.

  As she thought on her answer, she knew it was true.

  “No, I do not want to close off my heart, but I do not know that I can continue in this course, either. There is too much fear, too much uncertainty.”

  Edith took Joanna’s hands. “Joanna, you have already taken the first steps. By simply being open with him, you have shown you trust him.”

  Joanna nodded, remembering only a few days before when he’d asked her if she trusted him.

  “I did trust him, completely, but now…” She sighed. “Now I am not so certain.”

  “You have said yourself that he is more open with you than with people in general.”

  Joanna nodded again.

  “That shows his trust in you as well. He’s proven his faith in your future by allowing himself to be more vulnerable with you than with anyone else.”

  While a part of Joanna knew Edith spoke truth, the shadow of worry would not flee. “I just do not know.”

  Edith gave her hands a squeeze. “I know it is difficult, but you have to decide on some course, Joanna. You cannot remain undecided forever.”

  Over the next few days, Joanna spent as much time as she could painting at the beach. More often than not, she only brought a sketch book and water colors, but the result was the same as that first day with Mr. Aldridge. She found herself releasing more and more of her negative emotions into the paper, leaving more room for joy in her heart. She was far from completely healed, but she at last felt she was progressing.

  Her progress felt minute, however, in her predicament regarding Mr. Aldridge. As much as she thought on it, she felt she gained little headway. She was therefore relieved to attend a ball Thursday evening. She looked forward to dancing and mingling with friends, planning to fully put aside her worries and focus solely on enjoying herself.

  The evening did not get off to as pleasant a beginning as Joanna would have hoped. Her anxiety over her feelings left her uneasy, no matter how often she told herself she was not to worry. In addition, the maid began on Mariah’s hair first, yet after nearly an hour, she still had not come to Joanna’s room to assist her.

  Weary of waiting, Joanna strode down the hall to Mariah’s room, not bothering to knock before opening the door. She saw the maid just beginning on Mariah’s hair.

  “Good heavens, Mariah. You have not even begun yet.”

  Mariah met her gaze in the mirror. “She has already done it once, but it was horrible.”

  The maid looked cowed. “I’m sorry, miss. There’s a new style going ‘round. I thought I’d try it.” She pinned a lock of hair into place. “I’ll need more practice, it seems.”

  Joanna sighed. “Hurry it along, then. We do not have all night.”

  She went back to her room and paced the floor. The delay was having a poor effect on her mood. After several irritating minutes, Joanna remembered she wanted tonight to be an evening to enjoy, and she realized her need for control was adding to her distress. Her first instinct was to paint, yet there was no time for such things. Instead, she thought on her experiences at the beach. The peace she found there, brush in hand.

  By the time the maid knocked on her door, she was in a better state of mind, though the time to depart was fast approaching. As the maid began to work, Joanna watched her in the mirror. She was a good servant and a good lady’s maid. Joanna knew her attempts at the latest style were all in an effort to aid herself and Mariah.

  “I’m sorry for earlier,” Joanna said. “I ought not have been so hard on you.”

  The maid blushed. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  At last, both girls were ready, though considerably late. The dance was held in the ballroom at the Crowned Tavern, one of Joanna’s favorite buildings in Roselund Heights. The owner took great care to keep the public rooms in fine condition. The fact that it overlooked the sea only added to its charms in Joanna’s mind. She basked in the beauty of the building as she made her way up to the ballroom.

  As the dancing had already begun, they walked along the side of the room, watching the dancers in the set. Joanna glanced around the room, searching for Mr. Aldridge. She found him on the far side of the room, looking as displeased as he had been the first evening they’d met.

  She watched him for a moment, but when she thought he might look her way, she quickly returned her gaze to the dancers. With her resolve to enjoy herself, she thought she would do better to avoid him. The argument with his mother she had witnessed still left her uneasy.

  Edith and Rose were both dancing, and when the set ended, Edith was left unattended and so joined Joanna. Rose, however, was asked for another dance immediately. She waved jovially when she saw Joanna before returning her full attention to her partner.

  At the next dance, Mr. Colborne asked for Joanna’s hand. She enjoyed her dance with him and was careful not to collide with the other dancers. She was asked for three other dances in succession, during which she spent little time thinking about Mr. Aldridge, only wondering now and again what it might be like to dance with him.

  At length, she removed herself from the set, eager to rest for a time. Before she’d returned to her friends, Miss Marchant appeared at her side.

  “Miss Leighton, I’d hoped to see you here. I wonder if I might speak to you for a moment?” Miss Marchant asked.

  Joanna followed her to a quieter corner of the room. “How is your mother?”

  “Still refusing to see the doctor.” Miss Marchant smiled sadly. “But I try not to dwell on that. Actually, it is my mother I wished to speak to you about.”

  Joanna was not surprised, as the young woman hardly spoke to her about anything else. “Of course.”

  “You see,” Miss Marchant paused, glancing around the room before leaning closer and lowering her voice, “You see, Miss Leighton, I have a bit of a problem. Do you know Mr. Knibbs?”

  “I do not believe I do, no.”

  “Well, he is from the north of England and is here on holiday, but only for another month.” She glanced around again, then went on in a rush. “You see, we have fallen in love and he has asked me to marr
y him.”

  “He has? How wonderful!”

  Miss Marchant blushed. “Yes, it is so very wonderful. I have never been happier. Only…”

  “Only?”

  “Only he and Mother do not get along terribly well. You know how Mother is.”

  Joanna smiled and nodded. “I do. I suppose you want to go north with your new husband?”

  “Oh, yes!” she breathed. “Nothing would please me more. But Mother has refused to go north, and Mr. Knibbs would be more than pleased not to have her live with us. Mother has recently decided she wants to go to Bath and…” She hesitated, watching Joanna carefully. “She has informed me she would like you to accompany her.”

  Joanna felt her mouth fall open, but could not right herself for a moment. “She wishes me to go with her?”

  Miss Marchant nodded fiercely. “Yes. She would not consent to my marrying Mr. Knibbs at first, she was so set against going north. But finally she said if she could not make me stay, she would like to have you to care for her.”

  Joanna did not know what to say, neither to think. She had grown used to the old woman’s ways, but had never considered that Mrs. Marchant liked her enough to make such an offer. She was startled to see Miss Marchant watching her expectantly, as if anticipating her acceptance.

  “Thank you for your trust, but I will of course have to consider this.”

  Miss Marchant looked startled. “Oh! Yes, of course. Let me know when you’ve decided.”

  Joanna nodded. “I will.”

  “Good. Good night then, Miss Leighton.”

  Joanna curtsied in farewell and watched Miss Marchant walk away. Then she hurried away herself to find Edith, but she was dancing so Joanna waited impatiently for the song to end. When it did, Joanna laced her arm through Edith’s arm.

  “Will you rest with me a moment?”

  Edith nodded. “Of course.”

  Joanna led her out of the room and into the hallway, where there were less guests to listen in. She quickly explained what had transpired, feeling more excited as she told the story.

  Edith smiled kindly. “I’m pleased for you, Joanna. It is what you have long desired.”

  Joanna could sense she was not at all pleased, no matter how much she claimed to be.

  “What is it, Edith?”

  “I simply do not think you should accept this offer so rashly.”

  “Why ever not?”

  “There are many things to consider.”

  “You know as well as I this is something I have long desired. I have hoped to find someone who needs my care.”

  “Yes, but Mrs. Marchant? She is not exactly a kindly woman.”

  Joanna considered that. “True, but I have become accustomed to her and I honestly think we could get along quite nicely.”

  “You would have to leave Roselund Heights, your sister, your friends.”

  Joanna frowned for a moment.

  “I would miss those things.” Then she shrugged. “But Mariah would likely move to London, which I do not think she would mind. And you well know that you will all marry and begin your own lives without me.”

  “Unless you were to marry too.”

  Joanna pressed her lips together. The most wonderful piece of this development was that it made her decisions regarding Mr. Aldridge all the simpler. If she went with Mrs. Marchant, there would be no future with Mr. Aldridge. On one hand, it hurt to think of never seeing him again. But on the other, she would never have to worry about the pain of losing him. Or of the more horrible fear of him leaving her.

  Edith pointed her finger at Joanna. “You are running, Joanna. That much is clear.”

  Joanna pushed her friend’s hand away, anger threatening to overcome her. “I am not running. I am considering a course which has long appealed to me. A course which I have intended for myself for many years. Why should I disrupt my plans now?”

  “Because you have a happier alternative before you.”

  “I still do not know that.”

  “Logic is failing you, Joanna, and you are aware of it. You have to rely on your heart and it terrifies you.”

  “If I choose to go with Mrs. Marchant, none of that matters.”

  Edith shook her head. “You are attempting to escape, Joanna. Do not deny it.” She placed a hand on her friend’s arm, her tone gentle now. “Do not deny it to me.”

  Joanna finally nodded. “It is an easier option, Edith, one with less pain. One I know I can manage.”

  “You must decide if it will truly make you happy. If you believe it will, then you have my blessing, no matter what my feelings on the subject.”

  Joanna smiled. “I am fortunate to have you for a friend.”

  Edith gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “That you are.” She sighed. “Shall we go back in?”

  Joanna nodded and they returned to the ballroom where the musicians readied to play the last song of the evening. Mr. Aldridge stood just inside the door and as they entered, he stepped forward.

  “Miss Leighton, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?”

  Joanna was taken aback by his request. Though much had changed between them since their first meeting, she had yet to forget how he’d snubbed her. Edith seemed just as surprised and watched their exchange eagerly. Given all that had come to pass recently, Joanna felt more than a little uncomfortable under his gaze and was certain the dance would be just as awkward. However, she had no real reason to refuse him.

  “Yes, thank you,” she said.

  He extended his arm, which she took, and they made their way to the set. Joanna hoped the dance would be lively giving them less of an opportunity to speak to each other. The music began, a slow moving piece, perfect for conversation. They danced without speaking for the first few moments, the silence heavy around them. Joanna’s movements felt stiff and misplaced, as if she was off by just one step.

  When they came toward each other before a turn, Mr. Aldridge said, “I owe you an apology, Miss Leighton.”

  “Do you?” Joanna asked before stepping away for the turn.

  They came back together and he took her hand in his, leading her down the line.

  “You know I do. My behavior yesterday was uncalled for and I am wholly ashamed you had to witness such a moment of weakness. I would very much like an opportunity to explain, but I feel this is not the appropriate venue.”

  Joanna heard the humility in his voice and as she looked up at him, read the sincerity in his eyes.

  “Be that as it may, I hope you can forgive me.”

  Before she could respond, the steps of the dance took her away from him and partnered her with another man for the next several moments. The sincerity in his eyes filled her with eagerness to ensure Mr. Aldridge of her forgiveness. So much so that when at last they came together again, the words came in a rush.

  “Of course I do.”

  He smiled, relief washing over his features. “Thank you, Miss Leighton. You know not how tortured I have been.”

  The tension between them fled in an instant and, suddenly, dancing with Mr. Aldridge was almost familiar, as if they had rehearsed this very dance many times before. Her hand melted into his as he drew her close, sending her heart racing. The gentle pressure of his hand on her back guiding her through the steps, sent a shiver of pleasure up her spine. The number was over far sooner than Joanna wished it to be.

  Mr. Aldridge extended his arm again before walking her to the side of the room.

  “Thank you again, Miss Leighton. I do hope to see you soon.”

  Joanna curtsied. “I am sure you will.”

  Joanna’s heart twisted as he walked away. Perhaps choosing to assist Mrs. Marchant was not the easier choice after all.

  The events of the evening left Joanna in a haze of pleasure and predicament, resulting in a poor night’s rest. She awoke the next morning feeling anxious and unsteady. She went down to breakfast not particularly hungry, but knowing she ought to eat something. She served herself only a few morsels and
picked at them, more contemplating her food than actually consuming it.

  “Are you unwell, Joanna?” Mariah asked.

  “I am perfectly fine, Mariah.” Even Joanna could hear the curtness of her voice. “I’m sorry Mariah.” She stood. “I need some air.”

  Joanna hurried from the room, knowing exactly what she was in need of.

  Fifteen minutes later, Joanna sat on a large rock on the shore, staring out at the water. The waves rolled in and out in a soothing motion, yet she could not be soothed. A cool salty breeze finally allowed her to relax enough to turn her attention to painting. She worked for half an hour before a voice from behind startled her from her progress.

  “Good morning, Miss Leighton.”

  Joanna could hear the smile in his voice before she even looked at him. Mr. Aldridge stood a few paces away, his cloak blowing in the soft breeze. She smiled at the welcome sight of him.

  “I’d hoped I would find you here. May I join you?” he asked, motioning toward a rock beside her.

  It was only then she noticed the paints in his own hands.

  “Of course. Do you often come here to paint as well?”

  He nodded, sitting down on the rock. “From time to time. A change of scenery often helps my creativity.”

  When he did not take out his paints, Joanna looked at him more closely.

  “I would greatly appreciate a chance to offer an explanation for what you witnessed between myself and my mother.”

  “It really is none of my affair, Mr. Aldridge.”

  “Even so, if you would permit me?”

  “Very well.” Joanna laid down her brush so as to give Mr. Aldridge her undivided attention.

  “From the first moments of my illness, my mother has felt an entirely unnecessary need to assist me. As you know, there is little anyone can do to relieve the pain. She never could understand that, and she felt so guilty that she could do nothing for me.”

  He shook his head, looking at the ground. “It would not be honest to say that I only left because of the guilt I felt too, but it was a large part of it.”

  He met Joanna’s gaze. “I do not regret my decision to leave home, but after speaking to my mother, I do regret not keeping her informed. We have agreed that I will live my life here as I please, but I will write regularly to ensure her I am well.”