Keep Jumping / No Hating

by Stephanie Perry Moore

When I turned, I quickly turned back to Charli, cutting her off. “That’s him! Oh my gosh. That’s the fine guy from earlier today!”

  I did not have the time to tell Charli to let it be because she motioned him to come over. “Hi, I’m Charli. This is my friend Hallie. Well, I’m going to go get something to drink. See y’all!” she said before leaving. But then she turned and asked, “Uh, what’s your name?”

  “I’m Amir.”

  Charli stuck out her hand and shook it. “Hey, Amir. This is Hallie.”

  “It’s you . . .,” I said to him still stunned.

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  “No, it’s just that I was looking for you earlier before I went back out on the field, and you were gone.”

  He teased in a pleasant voice, “You were looking for me, huh?”

  Stumbling I said, “You . . . you said a couple things that were interesting and I just . . .”

  “I said some things I meant,” he said in a serious tone. “You can do all the moves the other girls can do.”

  I shook my head, having no faith. “Me flipping? Seems impossible.”

  Confidently he replied, “I work at a gym. I know I can get you tumbling. You should come by and check it out.”

  I did not say a word, and I could tell he wanted me to accept his invite. His eyes appeared to really want to connect with me—like there was more he wanted to say but didn’t.

  So I asked gently, “Is there something else?”

  “I just don’t understand why you don’t think you’re as cool as your friends. You get all huffed up when they leave. From what I’ve seen, they ought to be glad to hang out with you. You make their crew look good,” Amir said, making my skin tingle.

  “Excuse me?” I blushed.

  “I didn’t stutter. You’ve got it going on in all the right places, flawless chocolate skin, fly hairdo . . . no wonder a brother can’t keep his eyes off you.”

  “And what gym did you say you were at?” I asked, knowing I had to see this dude again.

  Amir answered, “I didn’t, but I’m at Cheertowne.”

  Randal and Ella were giggling as they rushed back over to me. They took my attention for a couple seconds, and I wanted to introduce them to Amir, but when I turned around to do so, he was gone. At least this time I knew he was real, and the things he said to me made me look at myself in a different way. Was I selling myself short? Did I have it going on? Was I all that too?

  I told my father that I was going to spend the night at Charli’s house. However, the girls were having so much fun that when I could not find Amir, my new mystery man, I decided it was time for me to take it in. Maybe my dad could watch a movie with me, and I could feel special being his little girl.

  When I pulled up, I noticed all the lights were off in my house, but his car was there. It wasn’t even eleven, so I hoped he was not asleep. As soon as I opened the door, I heard a whole bunch of breathing, panting, squealing, and kissing. I clutched my chest, hoping that what I wanted so desperately was coming true. What I hoped to see was my parents back together. It seemed impossible when we had not even heard from my mom. But meeting Amir proved that neat things do happen. I wanted to believe that my mom could just come right back into our lives. She’d get cleaned up and be her beautiful self just like before. My parents would get back together, and my life would be normal again. I guess I was naive.

  However, I then heard a lady’s voice that I didn’t recognize. It was high-pitched and absolutely annoying. I knew I had a loud mouth and got on people’s nerves sometimes when I talked, but this woman, whoever she was, sounded screechy. When I flicked on the family room light, I was surprised to see a lady on top of my dad’s lap. Neither of them were wearing shirts.

  “Oh my gosh, Tim, I thought you said your daughter wasn’t coming home tonight!” the stranger said.

  I wanted to cut the lights because though the view was not x-rated, it definitely was not appropriate. Not just for me to view, but for my dad to even be engaged in.

  “What are you doing?” I screamed. “Who is this lady? Why is she here, Dad? Ew!”

  “Tim, you’ve got to talk to her. You have got to tell her about me. She thinks I’m just some lady,” the lady said to my dad, as her eyes watered up.

  I heard what she was saying to my dad, and she was insinuating that they had a relationship. That burned me up like I was a pot of water on the stove turned up high. No way was my father involved with her. There was just no way.

  “Dad, get her out of here! She doesn’t belong here,” I whined.

  “Tim, say something,” the lady fussed.

  “Okay, Greta, okay,” my dad said as he got up. That lady stood behind him, peering at me.

  “Hallie, pumpkin, I didn’t want to introduce you like this, but this is Greta, my girlfriend.”

  I just laughed. “Come on, Dad, please. I’d know if you had a girlfriend, okay? Give me a break. Don’t try to play it off. We all make mistakes, but she needs to go. Bye, Grits, Grass, or whatever your name is.”

  The Greta person put on her shirt while she stood on the other side of my dad and explained, “It’s Greta, and I am his girlfriend. Your father and I have been seeing each other for the last six months. I told him I wanted to meet you so it would not happen like this,” Greta explained.

  “I wasn’t ready for all the awkward intros, okay?” my dad said to the lady who claimed to be his girl. “I knew she wasn’t ready for this.”

  “So you think this is better? For her to just walk in and think I’m just some lady. I love you.”

  “Ew!” I screamed. “Dad!”

  The lady reached out her hand to shake mine, but I stepped back.

  “I don’t want to meet you. I don’t even want to know you. I definitely don’t want you to be my dad’s girlfriend.” I went over to the front door and opened it. “Please leave.”

  My dad came over and quickly shut the door. “Hallie, you don’t pay no bills here, dear. You are not kicking anybody out of my house.”

  “This is our house, Dad. She doesn’t live here.” I opened the door back up.

  He slammed it. “You need to check yourself. I’m trying to ask you to forgive me for keeping Greta a secret from you. Like I said, we’ve been together for a while and . . .”

  When my dad got stuck, Greta chimed in, “And things are pretty serious.”

  “I didn’t ask you. And can I talk to my father alone? Goodness, no wonder he didn’t want me to meet you. You’re real pushy. You have no respect for his relationship with his daughter.”

  Greta looked at my dad and tears fell. He hugged her. I was literally sick.

  “Oh my gosh! I know you are not trying to play on my dad’s emotions. He doesn’t need a girlfriend, and he definitely does not need a wimpy one.”

  “Hallie, that’s enough. You’re being very rude.”

  “I’m being rude?” I said to my dad, as I started to become emotional. “I’m sitting here trying to talk to my father in my house, and I find him making out with some tramp half his age.”

  Before I could even blink, my dad’s palm smacked my face. I was stunned. The anger and sadness in his eyes hurt my heart. It felt like I had been stabbed. He’d chosen to stand up for some chick, and he looked at me like I had let him down. The stinging on my face paled in comparison to the mental anguish he put me through by slapping me in front of this lady. I did not like her, and I would never forgive him. If I thought I could get away with it, I would slap him back. He looked at me like he wanted me to apologize, and I stared back at him and breathed real hard, basically telling him to hold his doggone breath. As a couple tears fell down my face, he turned to Greta. It looked like she thought he was going to slap me again because she pulled him away.

  Though I had lived here with my dad for years, I was the one who felt like a stranger in my own home. My dad was with someone other than my mom, and I felt like I didn’t belong. He made me feel like I was no longer important; I became the outsid
er looking in.

  CHAPTER 2

  Connection Made

  I was frozen like an Arctic block of ice. I could not believe what had just happened. My dad slapped me. I did not deserve that. There’s nothing wrong with speaking the truth. He didn’t like it, so he hauled off and whacked me across the face.

  I was in a trance. I blinked a couple of times, and I started easing back toward the door. I wanted no part of him, which was ironic because he had been my rock for so long. Now it was like someone had suddenly taken a hammer and smashed our relationship. I was not aware that my eyes were puffy and filled with salty tears. I just knew that my vision was blurred and my dad was in another lady’s arms versus apologizing to me.

  As soon as he heard me fidgeting with the door, his focus shifted, but it was too late. “Hallie, Hallie, I’m so sorry. Please forgive Daddy. I don’t know what got in me.”

  I could not open the door fast enough. I could not get out of my dad’s house quick enough. I could not stop replaying that sobering moment.

  “Let go of my arm, Dad. Leave me alone. You hit me! How could you?” I screamed.

  He cried out, “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  Though his eyes had remorse like I’d never seen before on my father’s face, he had severed our connection in a way I could not explain.

  “Tim, just let her go,” this problem-causing Greta lady said. “Let her go.”

  As soon as I was no longer in his grip, I turned around, opened the door, and ran out. I fumbled for my keys and overheard their conversation.

  “Just give her some time,” Greta said, seeming to know she had my dad under her control.

  Surprisingly, my dad argued back, “No, I gotta talk to her now. Hallie and I have never had a blowup like this. Just let me talk to my daughter. Please, stay back.” To me he said, “Hallie, come back.”

  I could not get in my car fast enough. I could not pull out of the driveway quick enough. I could not push the gas pedal hard enough. I had to get away—far away—from the two of them.

  I knew immediately that I could not go to Charli’s or Randal’s house because there would be too many questions from the adults. However, Ella and Eva had more freedom. The twins’ mom worked at night. Mama B was really cool. She would not even mind if I was over. No questions asked. She would not go calling my dad or anything. She was just one of those moms who would just be happy I was safe. Yup, to Ella and Eva’s house I went.

  As I drove, I wondered how my father could betray me like that. Not only did he give me a physical slap in the face, but emotionally he beat me up by putting me in that position in the first place. How come I did not know he had a girlfriend? True, cheerleading had consumed me, practicing all the time, hanging out with my girls all summer, but was I that naive to what was going on in his world?

  When I pulled up to the twins’ apartment complex, it did not surprise me to see Eva passionately kissing up on some boy. It always surprised me how drastically different the twins were. Eva dressed a little bit more provocatively, and she liked wearing her hair down. Ella’s was mostly pulled back, and there’s no way that she’d be kissing anyone, much less just any somebody.

  I wanted to talk to both of them because they had such different perspectives. Eva would keep me tough, and Ella would get in the mud and wallow with me. It was good being with the two of them when I had drama. I needed someone to tell me to suck it up but equally important was having someone who understood and allowed me to vent. However, I knew if Eva had a guy with his hands and lips all into her, there was no way she was going to turn around and see what was up in my world. I could only hope Ella was not into some Lifetime movie that had her glued to the television.

  “Ella’s in there. I’ll be back,” Eva said without a backwards glance.

  Maybe Eva didn’t realize how upset I was. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but who was I fooling? Everyone knew Eva loved being with her flavor of the week more than she loved giving a pep talk.

  My problem was not her problem. So I mouthed, “Be careful” and left her to flirt. When her sister answered the door, she was a godsend because she immediately felt my pain.

  “What is wrong, baby?” she asked. I fell into her outstretched arms and put my head on her shoulder.

  “Oh, Ella, I don’t wanna keep going on. Life is too hard,” I blurted out.

  “That is absolute crazy talk,” she said, sounding like her sister. “I wanna hear all about it, but you gotta calm down. We were talking about you after you left the dance, girl. What is your problem? You were pouting all evening, and I know you are not crying because you couldn’t do a few flips at the game. You’ll get them. We’re gonna see to that. We’re adding extra practices to help all the girls get everything down. So no sweat.”

  “I actually wish that was it. I was upset earlier because it was horrible watching y’all flip from the middle of the football field to the parking lot and back. I just stood there watching because I had no ability,” I explained, reliving my misery.

  Ella moved back from the door so I could enter and huffed, “You’re exaggerating.”

  “I know I’m exaggerating, but that’s how I felt,” I voiced as I plopped on her couch. I wanted a pity party. I did not want to chill.

  Not backing down, she defended, “You wouldn’t be on the team if you didn’t have any skills.”

  “All right, Charli Black,” I said to Ella.

  She went into the kitchen. Leaning my head back, I so wished my woes did not exist. Finally I found a guy who seemed to make my heart leap, and I couldn’t dive into his arms because my father stripped away my dignity.

  “Is it that time of the month? Drink this,” Ella said, handing me a cup of hot tea.

  “No, it’s not that time of the month. Actually, it should be coming. Maybe that is why I’ve been a little extra moody. I don’t know.”

  “Well, here. Drink it. This will calm you down. Tell me, talk to me. What’s going on?”

  “It’s my dad,” I confessed. My friends loved my father, so I knew my dramatic statement would cause an uproar.

  “My buddy? I saw him at the game. What’s the problem? He’s the best,” Ella said, having no reason to think he’d cause me grief.

  “Yeah, he went to the game and left early. Check this out; I came home, girl, and he’s got a squeeze. Some hoochie I have never met and absolutely can’t stand. He was making out with her all hot and heavy in the family room. They were practically doing the do right before I walked in.”

  “You caught him, girl?” Ella said, frowning and chuckling at the same time.

  “See, you think this is funny,” I said, clearly not happy.

  “No, no, I’m just tripping. Your pops? I don’t even want to imagine it. Ew.”

  “Exactly, and he’s not even your dad. It was double ew for me.”

  “Well, you were supposed to spend the night at Charli’s.”

  “He’s just a hypocrite,” I yelled.

  “What do you mean? He’s an adult,” Ella defended.

  “Yeah, but he tells me to save sex until I’m married. Why was he tryna have it? He’s not married to that lady. I don’t even think he and my mom got a divorce.”

  “I didn’t think he and your mom ever got married. How could they get divorced?” Ella asked.

  “The common law stuff applies,” I vented, remembering I told my girlfriends way too much.

  “Can I just talk to you?” Ella said. “ ’Cause you know I love you, right? So if I say anything, it’s coming from a good place. I know you like to hear positive things, but sometimes you gotta hear the truth even though it’s hard to swallow.”

  “Talk to me,” I said to her, believing I was ready to hear some straight talk.

  “Your dad needs to be happy. All he does is fix cars, work all the time, and take care of you. Me and my sister wish we could get my mom somebody. She’s working three jobs and has no social life, while our dad’s got a brand new family and does
n’t even give her the time of day. I don’t know if she’s still caught on him or not, but I’m saying all this to say her life needs to move on, and if your dad’s life is moving on, don’t get in the way of his happiness.”

  I just looked away at that moment. I heard what she was saying, but that wasn’t the place I was at. This was my father, the man who was supposed to love me. He should not have love in his heart for some lady who would tell him to give me space in a time of crisis. What the heck? I was so upset this Greta person would say that and not realize that I could wreck my car in the state I was in.

  “You don’t understand,” I finally said to Ella.

  “I do understand, Hallie. The thing is all of us do. Me, Charli, Eva, and Randal think you are jealous of other people. The crazy thing is, you have no reason to be. We see you squinting and rolling your eyes, not being happy for us. When we are happy for ourselves, it’s like you hate that or something. If you love people, you should love them without conditions. And if you weren’t so busy in everybody else’s Kool-Aid, you would understand your flavor’s sweet enough.” I looked away again. “You can respond so we can talk about it, or we can just watch the TV.”

  She waited for me to respond. I felt like I was unable to breathe much less talk. Ella shrugged her shoulders and threw me a blanket.

  When the commercial came on, Ella said, “I love you, but you need to take in what I’m saying. We called you out, girl. We got your number, and you need to work on that.”

  “Hallie, get up sweetheart,” a soothing female voice said to me.

  I jumped up, unaware of where I was. I didn’t know how long I’d been sleeping. However, I realized all that I had been through with my dad was not a dream. Ms. Blount, Ella and Eva’s mom, was standing right over me.

  “It’s okay, baby, it’s just me. Your dad’s been looking for you.”

  “He doesn’t care about me. Trust me, Mama B. Please, don’t tell him where I am.”

  “Well, honey, I didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to know. Us parents of the five musketeers have a close connection because you girls are growing, and we need to have an alliance so we’ll always know where you are at all times. So when he called me, I was on my way home, and I was happy to report that your car was here. I don’t know everything that’s been going on, so I don’t know what’s got you and him so upset, but I can tell you this,” she said, giving my shoulder a squeeze, “he loves you, and he wants you to come home.”