by Layla Nash
Jess lurched onto the open bridge to hold onto the nearest comms station, and stared at the viewing screen as the cutter headed into open space. “What’s going on? Why are we leaving?”
Trazzak, in the captain’s chair, didn’t answer. “Go back to your quarters.”
Frrar cleared his throat as he looked between them, but turned his attention back to the navigation screen without a word. Jess gritted her teeth as a familiar rage boiled up in her chest. She hated being ignored. Sometimes she had to subsume her ego and accept playing a second-class citizen, if the mission demanded it, but Jess hated when colleagues and equals dismissed her so carelessly. Especially a man she’d thought a lot kinder and more supportive than he’d turned out to be. He made her feel stupid for having misjudged him so badly.
“Where are we going, Frrar?” she demanded. Trazzak didn’t deserve another minute of her time, even if it broke her heart. Regardless of what she’d told Maisy, Jess wished it hadn’t been just one night with him — that they would have had the opportunity to figure out what was between them, if it was more than just lust. She gripped the edges of the comms station to keep from falling apart completely.
The engineer kept his eyes on the viewing screen. “To the clinic that Maisy recommended. They’re ready to admit you and work on an antidote.”
Jess shook her head; that was secondary to saving the rest of the crew. She already knew there wasn’t an antidote and her time was severely limited. Maybe counting in days if she was lucky, and hours if she wasn’t. “Did we get the system? We have to get the system. That’s more important than a damn clinic.”
Trazzak didn’t look at her but instead gave Frrar more directions on how to avoid a few bits of space debris, then the captain glanced back at her. “It was too well-guarded. Impossible to steal and impossible to purchase. So your pals will have to figure out some other way to get the weapon they ordered but didn’t pay for.”
That didn’t sound right at all. Why would the Alliance design the system, not pay for it, and then send her to steal it to make amends? She could grudgingly admit that Trazzak would have figured out a way to steal it if at all possible, so that part had to be the truth. But it only begged more questions about what the hell the Ministry was up to. “That’s impossible. That doesn’t make sense. They wouldn’t send us to steal something like that.”
“They would and they did.” She could hear Trazzak’s teeth grinding from across the bridge. “Now return to your quarters and try not to die before we reach the clinic.”
“No.” Jess’s vision blurred and the bridge tilted, but she kept her feet through sheer force of will. “We have to contact Nathan and figure out if there’s been a mistake. I can’t lose this deal. I can’t. The rest of the crew will —”
“Will be fine.” Frrar offered a strained smile, his scales swirling a pale yellow of discomfort and uneasiness. “We’ll get it all figured out. You concentrate on getting better.”
“What, so he has someone to punish?” Jess jerked her chin at Trazzak’s back, hoping he could feel the weight of her glare. “I’m not going to let the rest of the crew spend their lives fleeing the Alliance when I could change that. We have to get the system and the deal, and the only way to do that is to contact Nathan. Fast.”
Trazzak half-turned in his chair to give her a dark look, his silver eyes flashing. Not a hint of blue or purple colored his scales — just red irritation. “This is no longer your concern. Return to your quarters and we will deliver you to the clinic. Vaant and Isla will determine what happens next.”
The casual dismissal pushed her over the edge. Delivering her like a damn package. Or a prisoner. She wondered if maybe “clinic” just meant “jail.” But all of that rage was enough to give her strength to stride across the bridge and right up to his chair. It even gave her the wherewithal to haul her arm back and slap him as hard as she could across the face. Trazzak stared at her, stunned into silence, while Frrar made a choking noise and appeared to hide under the navigator’s station.
Jess’s hand shook as she pointed a finger in Trazzak’s face, but she didn’t care. She might not have the strength or opportunity to tell him what she wanted to say, so she wasn’t about to let the chance pass her by. “Look at me, you fatherless haugmawt. I felt bad for what I said, that you overheard. But apparently I made the right decision. Just because I told Maisy that it was one night didn’t mean I thought it would always be just one night. I thought it might have meant more, that it could have been more. But if you’re childish enough that you couldn’t even handle that, then obviously I dodged a laser. Get over yourself. Lose the ego.”
“Me? Ego?” Trazzak shoved to his feet and loomed over her. “Look in the mirror, Barnes. You’re not the only one who can save the crew. We were all fine before you Earthers showed up, and despite what Vaant and Vrix seem to believe, all you’ve brought is chaos and trouble.”
“And battleships, and this cutter.” Jess tried to shove him but instead almost fell on her face. The Xaravian was a damn boulder. “And new crew. A new mission. A purpose, if you’ve forgotten. It hasn’t been roses for us. We didn’t get a choice, or have you forgotten that so easily? You can pretend like we transported onto the Galaxos and started fucking up your lives, but you stole us. We were kidnapped. I was perfectly happy doing my job and dealing with all the Alliance bullshit from the inside, and Vaant stole that from me. He ended my career, not me. So all of this drama, all of the trouble and chaos — that’s on him. That’s on him and the rest of your fucking crew for thinking that we needed rescuing.”
Her heart raced until her vision went black and splotchy, and she felt the rising nausea that signaled another spell of unconsciousness. She’d be damned if she fainted in front of him. Again. So Jess staggered back, her lip curling back from her teeth. “I never wanted anything to do with you barbarians, except to use you and throw you away. Until I met you. But clearly my first instincts were right. I don’t ever want to see you again. I’ll go to the clinic and die there, and you can get back to kidnapping and betraying strangers.”
She turned on her heel and almost smashed into Maisy, who stared at her with her jaw hanging open. Jess didn’t even pause. She ignored Trazzak’s growling and Maisy’s hand on her arm, and focused only on making it into the corridor. It wasn’t just splotches blurring her vision all of sudden, but tears as well. She meant every word she said, even if she hadn’t realized it or really felt it. Her life ended the day the Xaravians took them off the Argo, and she hadn’t mourned that. Even if it hadn’t been perfect, she’d worked hard for every shred of respect and skill she earned. She’d thought about leaving her work on her own terms, but not on anyone else’s.
Jess made it within spitting distance of her quarters before she fell to her knees and everything blacked out around her.
Trazzak
Trazzak stared after where Jessalyn disappeared, too stunned to formulate a thought more complex than just growling. He didn’t like the things she said. At all. He didn’t like the accusations or that she reminded him of how the Earthers actually joined them. It was easy to forget that Vaant and the Galaxos crew chose to take the women off their ship. Clearly it was something that still bothered Jessalyn, and maybe the rest of the Earthers as well.
Maisy stood there, staring at him, and Trazzak looked at her as he struggled with his temper and a flood of emotions he couldn’t identify. “Is it true? Is that how you feel?”
She blinked and retreated a few steps, her eyes darting to Frrar and back to him. “Well, it’s not untrue, what she said. We didn’t get a choice. With everything that happened after — the attack on the waystation and the fight with the Argo... It felt like maybe we made the choice to stay, but I don’t know if that’s what it really was. I’d have to think about it. Just… don’t be too hard on her. Please. It’s bad for her heart, and, well, she deserves better.”
With that, the doctor marched off the bridge and headed in the direction where Jessalyn fled.
Trazzak stood next to the captain’s chair and wondered if he deserved to sit in that seat again. It didn’t help that Frrar was smirking like a jackass in the navigator’s station, still piloting them toward the clinic, and the engineer arched an eyebrow when he caught Trazzak scowling at him. “She’s not wrong, you know.”
“I don’t need to hear it.”
“It explains a lot,” Frrar said, musing aloud. “Your hurt feelings are going to get us all killed at this rate. What happens when the Alliance chases us down, looking for that damn system or the Earther herself? You can’t wish them away, like you’re trying to wish away whatever it was you and Barnes shared.”
“I don’t need emotional advice from an engineer.” Trazzak scowled and threw himself into the captain’s chair so he could stare out into the much simpler expanse of space. They never needed to care about bullshit feelings before the Earthers showed up. Being pirates and rebels was so much easier when it was just a crew of males. More boring, for sure, and a lot smellier, true, but still. “Tell me what the hell you’ve accomplished with the relay. Can we use it, make another one, hack into it somehow? The Alliance had to know we couldn’t get the system they wanted, and I don’t want them to surprise us with an ambush when they find out we left Dablon Seven without it.”
Frrar perked right up. “I think I’ve built a new one. I had plenty of time while you were off getting drunk with Yurik to mimic the cryptography and messaging pathways. It’s quite sophisticated, more so than I thought. We might be able to set up the same kind of system for the rebels, or at least for our ships. It’s a hell of a lot more secure than anything we’ve got now.”
“Great.” Trazzak massaged his temples and wondered if there was a ship he could run as a one-man crew. A pirate crew of one could totally work, if he only took over civilian ships. Very small civilian ships. His scales rattled and Trazzak tried to focus, even as half his mind and one of his hearts wondered whether Jessalyn was okay, if she made it back to her quarters. If she would live to reach the clinic. “Maybe we give one back to Barnes so she can signal the Ministry with whatever she wants. We can intercept and figure out what she’s really up to.”
“I don’t think she’s up to anything other than getting free from the Alliance,” Frrar said after the silence stretched. “I looked into the comms logs after I figured out the relay, and the way that it stores and then sends the messages via packets into other communicators, she couldn’t have been the one to originate the data on the Heisenberg’s beacons. I’m almost positive. She had a few outgoing messages to schedule meetings with that Nathan dude, but otherwise... I didn’t see any evidence of traitorous communications.”
Trazzak exhaled in a gusty sigh and some of the anger faded. “Find a way to get that data securely to Vaant and the rest of the crew, so they can cross-reference it to whatever evidence they have. If it’s not Barnes... who is it? Someone is betraying the Heisenberg and the rest of us, and the entire rebellion.”
They sat in silence for a long moment, mulling over the possibility of a whole spy network operating inside the rebellion. Frrar pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, as he sighed. For a moment, Trazzak wondered if the male would get sick all over the bridge. “It almost makes me wish it was Jessalyn. Easier to find and easier to deal with. The unknown is always a great deal more dangerous and scarier besides.”
The unknown. Of course. Trazzak leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling of the ship. And Jessalyn and the others had been running into the complete unknown from the moment the Galaxos crew took them off the Argo. No wonder they were so prickly and unpredictable. That much uncertainty would ruin anyone’s temper. Trazzak set aside the stomach-curdling thought of an apology for Jessalyn, and maybe the others as well, and instead focused on the most pressing issue. He wouldn’t have time to make things right with Jessalyn if the Alliance captured and killed them all.
“Alert the Galaxos immediately so the rebel bases can start narrowing down the potential culprits. We won’t have much time.” Trazzak clenched his jaw and gripped the arms of the captain’s chair until the metal creaked. “Once they’re aware, show me how you’ve got the relays working, and plans for recreating the network for our use. Maybe we can use the relays to pinpoint the traitors and finally get inside the Alliance.”
“We could cause a lot of chaos,” Frrar said. It sounded like a warning, but from the grin on the engineer’s face, Trazzak recognized it as pure excitement and a hint of evil glee. The very methodical engineer hated chaos in almost everything, but lived for pulling pranks. And destroying the Alliance from the inside, using its own technology, was the prank of a lifetime.
“Yes we could. But before any of that, we get Barnes to the clinic, send the information to the Galaxos, and figure out whether the rest of this particular mission is an ambush. Understood?”
“On the double.” Frrar bounced to his feet and put a few more commands in the navigation system. “Should be straightforward to get to the clinic, boss. We should make it there in two hours, if nothing springs up. No debris on the screen and no ships in the vicinity. I’ll be in the workshop if you need anything.”
“Got it. Thanks, Frrar.” And he meant it for more than just handling the navigation. From the way Frrar grinned, the engineer knew it too.
Once the door slid shut behind Frrar, Trazzak was finally alone with his own thoughts. He rubbed his forehead and struggled to reason through the tangle of emotions that Jessalyn left behind. He never worried about feelings before. He loved his sisters and worried about them, but those relationships were established. Easy. He’d always known them, and always protected them, and always knew how to talk to them. His hearts knew he wanted to have always known Jessalyn; the days he’d spent without her seemed gray and dull compared to the time since he’d met her. But it felt so much more difficult to talk to her, to communicate what he meant — and to interpret what she meant.
With what she’d said about none of them having a choice... Trazzak wondered if she’d ever forgive them. If that would forever be between them. He couldn’t imagine having to live every day contrite because of choices Vaant made. After everything, maybe it was too late to resurrect whatever it was he and Jessalyn felt for each other. He couldn’t believe it had been only a day or two since they parted company after their wild night; it felt like an eternity of anger and accusations and guilt and uncertainty.
And part of him certainly hesitated when he compared how exquisite it had been to be with Jessalyn to how very low he felt with just a few words from her. Did he even want to risk feeling that way again? She could gut him with a look, or a hint of tears, or the possibility that she was ill or hurt or scared. She made him vulnerable to a world of pain and uncertainty that he didn’t know how to deal with. He could just give orders to make it go away. He couldn’t follow the rules and keep his life tidy and orderly and expect that everything would be perfect.
He had to invite the chaos in, and live with it. Maybe even love it.
Trazzak got up to pace, though he kept an eye on the viewing screens. It seemed a stunning piece of luck — maybe fate — that in all the universe, he found Jessalyn. Or she found him. Or Vaant found them both. He groaned and wished he had Vrix there to spar with. A good workout might make everything easier to think through. He thought better with his fists, not his brain.
He kept moving as space rushed by and no new threats arose around them. He braced for the call from the Galaxos, some piece of evidence that either cleared Jessalyn or maybe overruled the data Frrar came up with and proved her the traitor. Maybe he could convince her to run away with him, either way. They could start over together in some uncontrolled sector, on a wild planet. They could leave it all behind. Become whomever they wanted, do whatever they wanted.
And then Jessalyn could have her choice for everything. For the first time in what felt like forever, he could take a deep breath. If he could give her anything in the entire universe, Trazz
ak would give Jessalyn choices.
Jess
Jess faded in and out of consciousness after Maisy got her back to the sick bay. Jess couldn’t gather much energy to fight. Without the weapons system — or even trying to get it or its schematics or something to show for their effort — there wasn’t much to fight for. The Ministry wouldn’t do shit to help them without the system, and instead she’d given Nathan a way of tracking her down so terminating her would be that much easier for him. There was probably a locator on the relay, and the Minister knew exactly where they were.
Maisy talked to her, whispering about something Trazzak said, but Jess couldn’t hear her through the storm of fear and regret brewing between her ears. It shouldn’t have taken her so long to confront her feelings about everything that had happened since they left the Argo. Instead of burying those emotions, she should have figured her shit out, like Isla and Griggs managed to do. Maybe like everyone else did, and once more Jess was left behind.
She turned her face to the wall, so Maisy wouldn’t see if a few tears sneaked out, and Jess tried to push down the maelstrom of emotions that threatened to tear her apart. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. Losing her career against her will, being torn away from friends and work and something she’d been really good at, finding some kind of peace with the rebels and then having Nathan reach out once more to open the wound, then discovering something she wanted to explore with Trazzak... so many promises broken or rescinded. So much potential, snatched away. It just wasn’t fair.
Maisy squeezed her hand. “Come on, Barnes. You’ve gotta stick with me. We’re almost to the clinic. Everything will be fine.”