Renegade

by Heather Dahlgren

  I turn my body to face her and rest my arm on the back of the couch. “What’s not fair to him? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  She laughs without humor and looks down at the floor. “Fitz, if you only knew,” she whispers.

  “I’d know if you told me,” I reply.

  “I can’t,” she says and gives me a weak smile.

  “Brooklyn, did the idea of making a video with me turn you on?” Yep, I did it. I just put it out there. It probably isn’t what she’s thinking, but it’s still where my mind is.

  She lifts her head and searches my eyes. “Yes,” she breathlessly replies and my cock springs back to life.

  Fuck, this night is all over the place, but it’s going to end with me watching Brooklyn’s face while she comes undone.

  Shit, why would I admit that to him? It’s like he would know I was lying if I said no. When I walked into his room, I was blown away from what I saw. I’ve never seen a camera in a bedroom before, never mind set up the way they are. The longer I stood there looking around, the more the idea of being in that bed having sex with Fitz, while it was being recorded, turned me on. He was right on point when he made those comments in the bedroom. I had no choice but to run out of there. Now, here we are and I go and tell him that it turned me on.

  He searches my face as his hand lazily trails my arm, making my nipples once again hard. “Brooklyn, what’s your favorite position?” he asks, with lust clear in his eyes.

  “Fitz, I don’t want to talk about that,” I say, feeling the burn in my face. It’s just not me, I don’t just talk about sex like this.

  He smiles and moves a bit closer to my face. “I don’t think you give things enough of a chance. Talking about sex is hot,” he says.

  I can’t disagree, because just listening to him say that turns me on. Making me think things that I shouldn’t be and want things I’ll never have. I’m sure he can see the lust in my eyes as well and it terrifies me, yet I can’t turn away. I’m drawn to what he will say or do next.

  “I’ll be right back,” he says and gets up and walks toward his bedroom.

  My body burns with the need for release. I’m more turned on than I’ve ever been and he’s not even touching me. It’s the thoughts alone that are making this happen. My panties are soaked with my arousal, my breast are heavy with desire and my skin tingles with want. This is not my normal reaction to Hank, at all. Even when we are having sex I don’t feel like this. It confuses me more than anything and I get pissed at myself for letting the thought of Hank enter my mind. Which is absurd.

  Fitz returns and sits next to me and the first thing I see is a DVD in his hand. Part of me wants to run out the door and part of me wants to see everything. “Brooklyn, will you watch this with me?” he asks, holding up the DVD.

  “I don’t know, Fitz,” I say, honestly.

  “Stop overthinking things. For once in your life, let your body tell you what to do,” he whispers, seductively. I look from the DVD to him several times, before I nod my head. He gets a huge smile on his face and rests his strong hand on my bare thigh. “Before I put it in, I want to ask you something. It’s personal and I know at first you are going to want to either slap me or run out of here, but think about what I said about your body telling you what to do.”

  “Alright.” I’m sure it’s something that will make me want to run, but damn it there is something about him that keeps me seated.

  “Do you ever touch yourself?” he asks and, he was right, I’m ready to run.

  I can feel not only my face, but my chest as well burning with embarrassment. The answer is what is most embarrassing and I don’t think I want to answer it. “Fitz, I can’t.”

  He lifts my chin and grins at me. “Tell me Brooklyn. Tell me how you touch yourself to make yourself come,” he demands in a firm, yet soft voice.

  I close my eyes and swallow the embarrassment. “I don’t touch myself,” I whisper so quietly I don’t even know if he’s heard me.

  “That is something that needs to be rectified and I mean right now,” he says and sits back a bit. He pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it behind him.

  The sight of seeing his bare chest for the first time makes me need to squeeze my thighs together. He has a six pack and I want to reach my hands out and touch every inch of his exposed flush. My roaming eyes notice that he has a small tattoo on his chest. It’s simple script that reads ‘Fitzgerald’, his last name and it’s so hot. I can’t pull my eyes away from looking at him that is until he chuckles. I snap my eyes to his face and he winks. “Sorry,” I say, feeling like a complete fool.

  “Hey, don’t apologize. I don’t think anyone’s eye fucked me like that before.” He moves his head so that he looks right at me. “It was hot.” I chew on my lip and he reaches up and releases it. “When you do that, it makes me want to suck it into my mouth.”

  “Fitz, please. You shouldn’t be saying that to me,” I say, but holy shit does it make me wish he’d do it.

  “I shouldn’t do a lot of things. Like tell you that I want to watch you touch yourself while you watch this video,” he says, rubbing my leg.

  “No way. Nothing like that can happen,” I say with arousal in my voice.

  He removes his hand and shakes his head. “I’m sorry Brooklyn. I just got caught up in the moment. I’m crossing a line here and I promised you I wouldn’t do that.” He moves my hair off my shoulder and lets his fingers linger there. “We don’t need to watch this or do anything.”

  I’m so grateful he’s said it, yet full of disappointment at the same time. I know damn well if I wasn’t with Hank, I would probably be half naked already. Which is so unlike me, so unlike the girl that came out here just a few days ago. It’s Fitz, he does these things to me, things I’ve never known and damn it, I like it.

  I stand up and he looks at me with a sadness in his eyes. “I think it’s best if I just go back to Poppy’s,” I say.

  He stands up and grabs his black shirt off the floor pulling it back on. “I totally understand. Let me call my car service to take you. The paparazzi are probably out there, so I’ll take you out the back,” he says, going to get his phone.

  I had all but forgotten about what happened before we got here. I was so scared when I lost Poppy in the crowd and when that guy kept grabbing at me, well I didn’t know what to do. When Fitz came and pulled him away, the relief I felt was unbelievable. It made my heart skip a beat that he would rush out of nowhere to rescue me, kind of like my own knight in shining armor. Except this knight doesn’t have a sword and castle, he has a guitar and stage.

  “Come on, the car is here for you. I’ll walk you out back,” he says and nods to the door. I don’t say anything, what can I say? I feel like a tease, getting him all horny and saying I need to leave. This is just too much for me to process, all of it. I need to just be alone with my thoughts.

  I follow him as he takes me to the stairwell. He just looks back to make sure I am there and continues to walk down. At this point I don’t know if he’s pissed at me or himself. Maybe a little of both, since that is how I feel. I’m pissed that he tried to cross a line, yet pissed that I even allowed myself in that situation to begin with. This whole situation is ridiculous and I leave soon, which makes me wish none of it was happening, for so many reasons.

  We reach the bottom of the stairwell and he stands by the door that I assume will lead me to the back of the building and my ride home. I’m out of breath from all the stairs and I look up at him. “Damn, no wonder you are in shape. If I had to do those stairs all the time I’d look good too,” I say trying to lighten the mood between us.

  He gives me a forced grin and crosses his arms. “You don’t need the stairs.” I smile and dip my head. “Brooklyn,” he says and I look back at him. “I’m sorry for everything tonight.”

  For the first time, I step to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He immediately follows suit and holds me closer. “I’m sorry too.”

  “You h
ave nothing to apologize for. This disaster is my fault. I just hope that we can move past it and still be friends,” he says into my hair.

  I lift my head shaking it. “Is that what we are?”

  “I’m trying Brooklyn,” he says and kisses my forehead. “Come on, I don’t want the car to leave.” We go outside and he helps me into the car. “Please text me when you get there. I need to make sure you are safe.”

  I nod my head and he closes the door. Obviously he’s told the driver where to go because he doesn’t say a word at first, just takes off. After a few minutes he looks into the rearview mirror and smiles at me. “I’ll get you home safe, don’t worry,” he says.

  I look out the side window, watching the city pass by as I say, “Thanks.”

  Nothing else is said the rest of the short drive and I’m so thankful when we pull into the parking garage of Poppy’s building. I hope to hell she is home, because I didn’t call her for a key. He stops the car and before I can open the door, he is right there.

  “Thank you,” I say and he nods his head.

  I walk toward the elevators and look behind to notice he is still watching. It makes me wonder if Fitz told him to do it or if he’s just doing it on his own. Once inside the elevator, I lean against the wall. This night needs to end. I get off when it reaches her floor and cross my fingers walking to the door. I try the handle and I want to scream when it’s unlocked. I’m so relieved.

  “Holy shit Brooklyn,” Poppy yells and comes rushing at me. She grabs me in a hug and is twisting me from side to side. “I’m so fucking sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I thought you were right behind me. Shit, I’m so so sorry.”

  I pull away and cross my arms. “I am pissed Poppy. This vacation has been nothing like you promised. We only had one night with just the two of us, I thought we’d have a lot more. Plus, I’m always put in these situations that I shouldn’t be in and it’s fucking with me.” I say and head toward my room.

  I close the door and lean against it before making my way into bed. Not for the first night since I’ve been here, I don’t even care that I am in the same clothes I wore out. I’m mentally and physically exhausted from this night and sleep cannot pull me under fast enough.

  **

  The next morning, I am woken up to light tapping on my bedroom door. “What?” I manage to squeak out through my cracking morning voice.

  The door opens and Poppy comes in with a tray and sits it on the nightstand. I look at her and then the tray. It’s my favorite coffee and my plain bagel with cream cheese. She takes a deep breath and clears her throat. “I’m sure you want to shower first, since that is your schedule, but it’s here when you get out,” she says and starts to walk away.

  “Poppy wait,” I say and sit up. She turns to look at me and crosses her arms. “I’m sorry I yelled last night, but I’m not sorry for what I said. It’s true.”

  “Brooklyn, I just thought, actually it doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re right and today is all about you. We will go sightseeing, have lunch in the park and whatever else you want to do before you leave. Today is all about you,” she says and walks out of the room.

  I get the feeling she’s pissed at me, but I don’t care anymore. I’m excited to do the things I’ve been wanting to do since I left California. I leave tomorrow and I’m glad my last day will be with just Poppy. I do exactly like I would if I was home, take a shower, get ready and then eat my breakfast. This is how it should be, routine and normalcy.

  I bring the rest of my coffee out into the living room and find Poppy on her phone. She looks at me and smiles. “She’s right here, I swear,” she says and laughs. “Brooklyn, say hi,” she rolls her copper eyes holding out the phone.

  “Hi?” I say, sounding more like a question.

  “See, she’s fine. Now I need to go because we have plans today.” She’s quiet for a minute, but shakes her head the whole time. “Fucking relax, it’s not my first time out in the city alone. I’ll talk to you later,” she says and hangs up.

  “Who was that?” I ask, sitting on the couch and sipping my coffee.

  “That my friend, was Fitz, again. He was not happy that you didn’t text him. He was ready to drive over here when I answered a call from him last night,” she says, laughing.

  I close my eyes and let my head fall back. “Shit, I totally forgot. I feel awful.”

  “Please, you have nothing to feel awful about. You aren’t his, are you?” she asks, wiggling her eye brows.

  I sit up and squeeze my cup. “No, Poppy. I am most definitely not his.”

  She bounces off the couch and smiles. “Just checking.”

  **

  After a long day of exploring, eating, and getting new bras and panties like Poppy suggested, we are on our way back to her place to change for dinner. She said she wanted to take me to an upscale place and I’m pretty excited to get dressed up again. I brought one dress with me, my favorite and I don’t care what Poppy says, I’m wearing it.

  I do my hair, putting in a few lose curls. I apply my makeup, a bit darker than I normally would, but not like Poppy would do it. I slide on a new bra and panties, black satin with pink lace, super sexy. I look at myself in the mirror like this and smile. If only Fitz could see me now. Shit, wait, what? Hank, I meant Hank. Shaking my head, I pull on my red and black dress. It hugs my breasts and flares out at the waist, very fifties.

  Walking into the living room, trying to pretend I didn’t have thoughts of Fitz while in my underwear, I wait for Poppy. I thought for sure she’d be done before me, so I go into the kitchen to get a water. Just as I take a sip, she steps into the kitchen and it’s a good thing I swallowed, because my mouth drops open.

  “Holy shit, you look stunning,” I say, checking her out. Gone is the rocker girl look that I’m so used to and replacing it is a stunning Hollywood starlet. She has her hair up in an elegant French twist, her makeup is heavy, but in a seductive way. The dress she has on is purple with a lace applique. It has an open neck and sits right on her shoulders, falling to the floor.

  She spins around and smiles. “Every once in a while I like to shock people,” she says, laughing.

  “Well, you shocked me, but in a good way.” I pull her in for a hug and suddenly I feel heartbroken that tomorrow at this time I will be back in California. “I wish I didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” I say when we pull apart.

  “Me too, but you could stay you know. I’ll call and get a flight some other time and you can call your work and ask for extended leave,” she says with a hopeful smile.

  I grin and shake my head. “I can’t. I need to get back to my life.”

  “Well, you look beautiful for our last night. So, let me ask you a question,” she says, walking into the living room. I follow behind and wait on her to continue. “Totally up to you, but the guys kind of wanted to have dinner with us too. They want to say goodbye.”

  The thought of saying goodbye to them brings tears to my eyes. I knew I was leaving, but I didn’t think it would affect me like this. I didn’t realize how much I would come to love these people and enjoy the crazy ass lifestyle, even if I cried, bitched and ran most of the time. Smiling I say, “They need to be at dinner.”

  She grabs me and kisses my cheek. “I’m so glad you said that, because they are on their way to the restaurant,” she says, laughing.

  “Such a bitch, but I’m glad you always do the opposite of what you think I’d like,” I say, giggling. Just as she grabs her purse I look at myself in the mirror she has above the table. “Poppy, are you sure I look alright?” Knowing now that Fitz will be there and this will be my lasting impression, I want to look my best.

  She comes to stand next to me and looks at me through the mirror. “You look stunning. Fitz is going to have one hell of a lasting memory of you.” She kisses my cheek again and walks away.

  We get to the restaurant and the cab drops us off right in front. It is incredible from the outside, very classy and I can’t wait to see t
he inside. We walk in and Poppy tells them who we are meeting and we are ushered to a private room. On the way, I am taking in the elegance of this place. Crisp white table cloths, sparkling crystal and high class patrons. The door opens leading to our private room and I’m blown away. It has a window that showcases the bright city lights, one huge table and minimal lighting. The next thing I notice is the guys. They are all dressed up and I mean shirt and tie, dressed up. I can’t believe how different they look. My eyes catch Fitz’s and he is taking in every inch of me, causing my skin to heat up.

  They all stand up and Nate walks over to Poppy, kissing her. Not just any kiss, but a kiss out of a movie. She’s dipped back, leg in the air and holding on to him while he kisses her with all the love he feels.

  “You look absolutely beautiful, Brooklyn,” Fitz says, standing right next to me.

  I look away from Poppy and Nate and smile at him. “Thank you. You look amazing,” I say, reaching out and touching his tie. He has on a white button down shirt, with a black tie and black dress pants. He looks unbelievably sexy.

  “I can clean up sometimes,” he says, winking at me. “I’m so glad you allowed us to spend your last night with you.” This time he pulls me in for a hug and I gladly return it. “After last night, I thought I’d seen the last of you.”

  We break apart and I smile. “Nah, you guys are stuck with me,” I say, smiling as I make my way to my seat. Before I reach it, he is there pulling it out for me. “Thank you.” I sit down and he sits right next to me.

  “You look great tonight Brooklyn,” Ralph says, sipping his beer. Out of a glass of course.

  “I agree,” Ethen says, nodding while checking me out.

  “They both look stunning,” Nate says, pulling out Poppy’s seat.

  “Thank you all,” I say, smiling, loving their kind words.

  Most of dinner has just been talking about the band and what’s next. What I’ll be doing when I get home and how my visit was. It’s all bitter sweet, because listening to the talk about their next tour coming up, makes me wish I was going with them. I’d love to see what they do and what it’s like on tour. When we talk about what I’ll be doing back home, well it’s boring and I just say, the same as usual. What else can I say? That’s how it will be.